Link:
This is me to a T, I hear beeps, alarms, etc. 24 hours a day. I have thought my pump was on when it wasn't.(and vice versa)My life is ruled by technology. (its not just my pump..but my pump IS part of me)
Apparently, I am not alone.(crazy techies of the world, unite!)
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
The Needle and the Damage Done
Today I got my flu shot. Needles do not scare me(except perhaps jugular ones!), be it a hulking 14 gauge large-bore IV or a butterfly. I've had too many, and the repeated exposure to the entire gamut makes one hard, calloused, like a soldier going into battle. You come to expect just how much it will hurt.
Later on, as I stood in line at the pharmacy, requesting my 100 ct. box of 3/10, 29 gauge syringes, I was struck at how easy it was for anyone to get ahold of them.
"And what will you be using these for?" the cashier inquired.
I'm tempted to say "Drugs", but I'm not that stupid.(Regardless of the fact that yes,
they'll be used for a legal drug) I can just envision her shocked look + hasty speed dial to the local drug-busting unit.
"Insulin," I say, like every other Joe Blow that walks in there. I will use them to shoot down highs, rather then spend hours in ketosis waiting on the infusion set.(which has likely gone to pot)
"Sign the book,please."
Name, age, address, medication. It will be tracked, monitered for signs of suspicious activity.(excessive buying) But if someone wanted to buy alot of syringes,all they'd have to do is drugstore hop. Making them all prescription, is that the answer? It just makes it harder for people who can't afford a doc/don't have insurance(syringes + some insulins are over the counter), which is a horrid situation but one that many people are in. It also makes it inconvenient for people like me, who buy syringes OTC because it is cheaper then the copay for the things. Drug abusers abound, alas, + I've heard heroin + insulin sometimes ends up in the same syringe(that's partially why you can't even give your own injections in jail).
Sometimes the needle does as much harm as good.
Later on, as I stood in line at the pharmacy, requesting my 100 ct. box of 3/10, 29 gauge syringes, I was struck at how easy it was for anyone to get ahold of them.
"And what will you be using these for?" the cashier inquired.
I'm tempted to say "Drugs", but I'm not that stupid.(Regardless of the fact that yes,
they'll be used for a legal drug) I can just envision her shocked look + hasty speed dial to the local drug-busting unit.
"Insulin," I say, like every other Joe Blow that walks in there. I will use them to shoot down highs, rather then spend hours in ketosis waiting on the infusion set.(which has likely gone to pot)
"Sign the book,please."
Name, age, address, medication. It will be tracked, monitered for signs of suspicious activity.(excessive buying) But if someone wanted to buy alot of syringes,all they'd have to do is drugstore hop. Making them all prescription, is that the answer? It just makes it harder for people who can't afford a doc/don't have insurance(syringes + some insulins are over the counter), which is a horrid situation but one that many people are in. It also makes it inconvenient for people like me, who buy syringes OTC because it is cheaper then the copay for the things. Drug abusers abound, alas, + I've heard heroin + insulin sometimes ends up in the same syringe(that's partially why you can't even give your own injections in jail).
Sometimes the needle does as much harm as good.
Saturday, October 06, 2007
The Endo Exchange
Endo #1:
So, I've got this patient...
Endo #2:
Yeah- and you can keep them.Good gosh, I've got enough of THOSE types in my own practice.
Endo #1:
Just listen to me for a minute. She's moving to your neighborhood-and might be investigating you(based on my recommendation). Back when you were my resident,you may have run into her.
Endo #2:
I doubt it, the name doesn't look familiar.
Endo #1
Just wanted to give you a heads up. And she isn't that bad, she's just somewhat of a trainwreck who will probably never have an a1c under 7 + die of every complication in the book- but those types need just as much support, maybe more. And I think you could handle her.
Endo #2
Thanks,I'm flattered by the moral support.
Endo #1
Anytime after Nov.10, be on the lookout.
Yesterday's appointment(unlike some previous) was actually productive, I felt like it was worth the $20 copay. My endo recommended someone she knows in that part of the world,(that I'm moving to) and even said she'd talk to her(put in a good word) if she could accept a new patient. As Endo #2 will be in town this weekend, the above verbal exchange is entirely possible. They took alot of blood(as I've been avoiding the place since May),
and I gave her more updated forms for the CGS/Insurance coverage battle. I could have just faxed them, but stuff gets misplaced very easily there + even when it goes to the right place, it takes a good 7+ days for the endo to even look at it. I felt like I needed to reinspire her(and myself) to the cause.
And my blood sugars have been uncharacteristically flat line-several days of 120-140 range, so my endo really didn't even have much to say in terms of insulin adjustments. I usually have a post breakfast spike(low 200's), followed by a severe drop(4 hours of no insulin and still having to eat) so she recommended square waving my meal to avoid that. But the past few days have been amazing, everything I do, works. I eat/bolus, and two hours later I've got a gorgeous blood sugar that stays gorgeous till the next meal.I hardly move 15 points in either direction. Overnight, I'm steady as a rock.(or drop slightly) It's kind of nice. I'm used to things always moving, requiring frequent input + this is pretty bizarre. Maybe my a1c will come back lower too.(helped by the research study's blood letting)
So, I've got this patient...
Endo #2:
Yeah- and you can keep them.Good gosh, I've got enough of THOSE types in my own practice.
Endo #1:
Just listen to me for a minute. She's moving to your neighborhood-and might be investigating you(based on my recommendation). Back when you were my resident,you may have run into her.
Endo #2:
I doubt it, the name doesn't look familiar.
Endo #1
Just wanted to give you a heads up. And she isn't that bad, she's just somewhat of a trainwreck who will probably never have an a1c under 7 + die of every complication in the book- but those types need just as much support, maybe more. And I think you could handle her.
Endo #2
Thanks,I'm flattered by the moral support.
Endo #1
Anytime after Nov.10, be on the lookout.
Yesterday's appointment(unlike some previous) was actually productive, I felt like it was worth the $20 copay. My endo recommended someone she knows in that part of the world,(that I'm moving to) and even said she'd talk to her(put in a good word) if she could accept a new patient. As Endo #2 will be in town this weekend, the above verbal exchange is entirely possible. They took alot of blood(as I've been avoiding the place since May),
and I gave her more updated forms for the CGS/Insurance coverage battle. I could have just faxed them, but stuff gets misplaced very easily there + even when it goes to the right place, it takes a good 7+ days for the endo to even look at it. I felt like I needed to reinspire her(and myself) to the cause.
And my blood sugars have been uncharacteristically flat line-several days of 120-140 range, so my endo really didn't even have much to say in terms of insulin adjustments. I usually have a post breakfast spike(low 200's), followed by a severe drop(4 hours of no insulin and still having to eat) so she recommended square waving my meal to avoid that. But the past few days have been amazing, everything I do, works. I eat/bolus, and two hours later I've got a gorgeous blood sugar that stays gorgeous till the next meal.I hardly move 15 points in either direction. Overnight, I'm steady as a rock.(or drop slightly) It's kind of nice. I'm used to things always moving, requiring frequent input + this is pretty bizarre. Maybe my a1c will come back lower too.(helped by the research study's blood letting)
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
Winter Rush
These are just too cute- I wish they sold such items around here.(instead, they ship them to California, Maine,Florida) They're socks-in case you were wondering. When I go to our stores around here, I rarely find anything that I can't get at Walmart/Target for half the price. Even with my employee discount. But anyway, these made my day just a bit less monotonous!:) We're processing all the Christmas/winter merchandise now,and that sure beats pots,pans, and other cookware.(boring)
Monday, October 01, 2007
Celebrating
Life is good, life is GREAT. 2 months,8 days and too much money later, my computer runs again. Having it fixed, however,was cheaper then buying another computer. I've really missed Ebay sniping,
chats on TuDiabetes(and elsewhere), and knowing what's going on in general.(news,etc.) I've missed it all-it is so good to be connected again.(going to the library 2x a week just doesn't cut it). I don't know if I'll be posting more often, this month and next will the busyiest ever.(40 days till I tie the knot)
I'll take a virtual one of these:
and invite you to do the same!
chats on TuDiabetes(and elsewhere), and knowing what's going on in general.(news,etc.) I've missed it all-it is so good to be connected again.(going to the library 2x a week just doesn't cut it). I don't know if I'll be posting more often, this month and next will the busyiest ever.(40 days till I tie the knot)
I'll take a virtual one of these:
and invite you to do the same!
Thursday, September 27, 2007
The Great Gym Motivator
Oh yeah, I'll be there. Probably doing little more then just sitting on the bicycle but that's at least better then sitting on the couch,scarfing potato chips + getting fatter by the minute,right? I do expect to burn a few calories..
(no cable here-so that's where I gotta go to watch the premiere!!!!)
Monday, September 24, 2007
#1 with a Bullet(A girl, a Guardian, and the GCRC)
"Sorry I'm late," I mumble, as the RC's face lights up and she exclaims,"There she is!"(telephone in hand) It's 6:15, and I'm pushing the limits of having to reschedule the entire thing.
"Well, you are coming from far away-it's ok."
"Traffic was bad..."
"Don't worry about it."
Uncerimoniously dump overnight bag on floor, go off with nurse to have vital signs checked. 10 minutes later, time for blood sugar test(and supper). Sign RC's second consent form and she takes off for 3 weeks of blissful undisturbed solitude somewhere in the country of Spain. Well deserved(I might add), if I had to work nights and weekends I'd be ready for such a vacation too. Nurse puts in IV access #1, draws blood, lets me know my bg(167) and supper arrives.
Lemon pudding
1/2 baked potato
broccoli
steak strips
diet lemon lime soft drink
"I've got to see you bolus for it," the nurse announces, firmly.
"WhaaaTTTT? You mean, all at once? Can't I split it up?"
"No, Dr. A. said you've got to bolus for all of it at one time."
This isn't good, my body isn't going to take to well to 9 units hitting En Masse,Immeadiente. I would do it if the endo were here, but she's not. I don't know if this nurse can handle hypoglycemia-I envision getting low,overeating,and skyrocketing from all the supper carbs catching up. I don't really need that (on the eve of the research study).
But I can't very well refuse. I bolus, she nods her approval, and I proceed to inhale my supper at warp speed. Pudding, potato,broccoli, steak. And juice, because I still think I'm going to get low.
At 9 pm, the resident doc comes in, gives me my black Cozmo, inserts the Guardian sensor into my abdomen, enters the first bg.(124) At 11:15, she enters the 2nd bg(130) and the numbers start appearing on the screen. I watch them march steadily upward till 12(170), and fall asleep.
3 am- "Wake up, you're high. Dr. A. wants you to bolus 2 units."
4 am- Something is shrieking, and I know its not my pump.(or rather, their pump)It sounds very simular to a dead battery alarm(on the Cozmo), but it has to be the Guardian. Flip light switch. Yeah, my sensor is having connectivity problems.(I forget the exact term) Notify nurse, turn off the alarm somehow.Clip the Guardian directly over the abdominal sensor. Sleep well, little one.
6 AM-"Wake up, you're still high.Dr. A wants you take another unit."
I bolus, resume slumber.
6:30 AM- More blood, another IV access put in. Give up on getting any more sleep.
7 AM- BG check(160)
7:15 AM-150
7:30 AM-142
7:45 AM-136
8 AM- Everyone's there by now: the endo,2 vampire nurses, blood runner, person running bg machine, and the graduate student.
"Morning, Heidi.You were sort of high last night- what's your basal?"
"O.6."
"The nurse has got 0.5 on here." She glances down, puzzled. "Are you sure?"
"That's what its supposed to be since 6 AM- 0.6. I haven't checked it on this pump."
"Give me your pump." She reviews the basal profile. "Oh, this is programmed for PM, not AM."
"You mean I've been getting the wrong rates since 9 PM?? No wonder I'm high, 0.2 units/hr is NOT me at 1 AM. I have pretty strong dawn phenomenon."
"She must have got them mixed up."
Great. Thank you, Dr.K.
"You're fine now, 130. We're going to try to keep you at that till exercise. We'll turn off your basal rates, and give you frequent boluses based on the algorithms."
This incites a small pandimonium as everyone has to adjust their timing to the time of the caught mistake. Takes a good 30 minutes to get straight.
Bg stays a nice 120-130 till 9:30, when the breakfast(1/2 bagel,a few scrambled eggs) sends it up to 190(despite an adequate bolus)
The nurse slides the needle into the port, fills a tube, discards that, fills another one-squirts it into small vial,caps it off, and yells "Bullet!" to the runner. That's my blood, headed to the bg machine. A bullet of blood. (Weird what they call some things)Two more tubes, get stuck in a container of ice to test endogenous and exogenous insulin levels. Every five minutes, till 1 am.
Time to calibrate the Guardian.
One Touch Ultra-170
Hospital machine-130
Guardian-80
Lovely, it's at least 50+ points off.I'm not sure what I am, now-I leave it to the endo to decide that. She feels that putting the One Touch bg in the Guardian, will at least get it closer to the actual bg.
The hours pass, and "Top Chef" marathon fills the time. Unfortuantly, my bg isn't going down(stays near 200) and I have the urge to shoot a good 3 units but I'm not allowed to do that. It is stress that keeps at that range, despite frequent small boluses of 0.2-0.4 units.I'm not sure that Dr.A realizes that IOB isn't accurate,I don't think there's any insulin left(based on my bg not going down). I sure won't go low doing this. El Guardian has me in the 110-130 range, I want to shoot the thing.(I know I'm near 200,heck,I'm thirsty) Dr.K.shows up. I try not to think about food, but the food on "Top Chef" looks SO good. When my 4-H group took a tour of the Washington DC Culinary Arts School(and were subsequently cooked an exquisite dinner, I couldn't tell that it was cooked by students(it was all awesome). I know I have an untrained palate, but I think the judges on those shows are pretty rough on the contestants(it doesn't taste like compost,I'm sure).
1 pm- blood draws decrease to every 10 minutes.
1:30 pm-Exercise prep time. Strap on STS polar moniter, chest leads. Go down the hall to exercise room.Exercise physiologists show up.Attach leads to machine.
2 pm-2:45 pm.Ride exercise bike. Somehow survive.(the seat is hard,the moniter tight, and the room is about a million degrees)Definatly the worst part.
3 pm- Just an hour remaining. Graduate student leaves. Bg checks every 10 minutes. We continue watching Hour #6 of "Top Chef", having run out of things to talk about.(Weather, Weddings, and Whatever Else having been discussed Ad Nauseum)
4 pm- Dinner arrives.(salad,fruit salad, rice/mixed veggies, chicken, diet Lemon Lime) Despite being starved, its still way too much food! Food person asks me if I'd like some dessert. I cast a wary glance in the direction of the medical professionals and reply that fruit is a perfectly fine dessert. No one believes me, so they ask again later on, but I don't particurally like pound cake so I decline. Finish dinner, review discharge sheets, remove hardware.(it wasn't so hard giving up a Guardian that wasn't very accurate).
I'm not an expert, but I think if it had be calibrated more often it would have been closer to the actual bg. I also expected to see more numbers, not just a line and one bg on the screen. I think I'd like to try a Dexcom(I have no idea how, though,my D clinic doesn't have any) The Guardian, didn't exactly live up to my expectations.
The amount of blood taken(overall) was as much as a standard blood donation, so I can't give for a couple of months.
"Well, you are coming from far away-it's ok."
"Traffic was bad..."
"Don't worry about it."
Uncerimoniously dump overnight bag on floor, go off with nurse to have vital signs checked. 10 minutes later, time for blood sugar test(and supper). Sign RC's second consent form and she takes off for 3 weeks of blissful undisturbed solitude somewhere in the country of Spain. Well deserved(I might add), if I had to work nights and weekends I'd be ready for such a vacation too. Nurse puts in IV access #1, draws blood, lets me know my bg(167) and supper arrives.
Lemon pudding
1/2 baked potato
broccoli
steak strips
diet lemon lime soft drink
"I've got to see you bolus for it," the nurse announces, firmly.
"WhaaaTTTT? You mean, all at once? Can't I split it up?"
"No, Dr. A. said you've got to bolus for all of it at one time."
This isn't good, my body isn't going to take to well to 9 units hitting En Masse,Immeadiente. I would do it if the endo were here, but she's not. I don't know if this nurse can handle hypoglycemia-I envision getting low,overeating,and skyrocketing from all the supper carbs catching up. I don't really need that (on the eve of the research study).
But I can't very well refuse. I bolus, she nods her approval, and I proceed to inhale my supper at warp speed. Pudding, potato,broccoli, steak. And juice, because I still think I'm going to get low.
At 9 pm, the resident doc comes in, gives me my black Cozmo, inserts the Guardian sensor into my abdomen, enters the first bg.(124) At 11:15, she enters the 2nd bg(130) and the numbers start appearing on the screen. I watch them march steadily upward till 12(170), and fall asleep.
3 am- "Wake up, you're high. Dr. A. wants you to bolus 2 units."
4 am- Something is shrieking, and I know its not my pump.(or rather, their pump)It sounds very simular to a dead battery alarm(on the Cozmo), but it has to be the Guardian. Flip light switch. Yeah, my sensor is having connectivity problems.(I forget the exact term) Notify nurse, turn off the alarm somehow.Clip the Guardian directly over the abdominal sensor. Sleep well, little one.
6 AM-"Wake up, you're still high.Dr. A wants you take another unit."
I bolus, resume slumber.
6:30 AM- More blood, another IV access put in. Give up on getting any more sleep.
7 AM- BG check(160)
7:15 AM-150
7:30 AM-142
7:45 AM-136
8 AM- Everyone's there by now: the endo,2 vampire nurses, blood runner, person running bg machine, and the graduate student.
"Morning, Heidi.You were sort of high last night- what's your basal?"
"O.6."
"The nurse has got 0.5 on here." She glances down, puzzled. "Are you sure?"
"That's what its supposed to be since 6 AM- 0.6. I haven't checked it on this pump."
"Give me your pump." She reviews the basal profile. "Oh, this is programmed for PM, not AM."
"You mean I've been getting the wrong rates since 9 PM?? No wonder I'm high, 0.2 units/hr is NOT me at 1 AM. I have pretty strong dawn phenomenon."
"She must have got them mixed up."
Great. Thank you, Dr.K.
"You're fine now, 130. We're going to try to keep you at that till exercise. We'll turn off your basal rates, and give you frequent boluses based on the algorithms."
This incites a small pandimonium as everyone has to adjust their timing to the time of the caught mistake. Takes a good 30 minutes to get straight.
Bg stays a nice 120-130 till 9:30, when the breakfast(1/2 bagel,a few scrambled eggs) sends it up to 190(despite an adequate bolus)
The nurse slides the needle into the port, fills a tube, discards that, fills another one-squirts it into small vial,caps it off, and yells "Bullet!" to the runner. That's my blood, headed to the bg machine. A bullet of blood. (Weird what they call some things)Two more tubes, get stuck in a container of ice to test endogenous and exogenous insulin levels. Every five minutes, till 1 am.
Time to calibrate the Guardian.
One Touch Ultra-170
Hospital machine-130
Guardian-80
Lovely, it's at least 50+ points off.I'm not sure what I am, now-I leave it to the endo to decide that. She feels that putting the One Touch bg in the Guardian, will at least get it closer to the actual bg.
The hours pass, and "Top Chef" marathon fills the time. Unfortuantly, my bg isn't going down(stays near 200) and I have the urge to shoot a good 3 units but I'm not allowed to do that. It is stress that keeps at that range, despite frequent small boluses of 0.2-0.4 units.I'm not sure that Dr.A realizes that IOB isn't accurate,I don't think there's any insulin left(based on my bg not going down). I sure won't go low doing this. El Guardian has me in the 110-130 range, I want to shoot the thing.(I know I'm near 200,heck,I'm thirsty) Dr.K.shows up. I try not to think about food, but the food on "Top Chef" looks SO good. When my 4-H group took a tour of the Washington DC Culinary Arts School(and were subsequently cooked an exquisite dinner, I couldn't tell that it was cooked by students(it was all awesome). I know I have an untrained palate, but I think the judges on those shows are pretty rough on the contestants(it doesn't taste like compost,I'm sure).
1 pm- blood draws decrease to every 10 minutes.
1:30 pm-Exercise prep time. Strap on STS polar moniter, chest leads. Go down the hall to exercise room.Exercise physiologists show up.Attach leads to machine.
2 pm-2:45 pm.Ride exercise bike. Somehow survive.(the seat is hard,the moniter tight, and the room is about a million degrees)Definatly the worst part.
3 pm- Just an hour remaining. Graduate student leaves. Bg checks every 10 minutes. We continue watching Hour #6 of "Top Chef", having run out of things to talk about.(Weather, Weddings, and Whatever Else having been discussed Ad Nauseum)
4 pm- Dinner arrives.(salad,fruit salad, rice/mixed veggies, chicken, diet Lemon Lime) Despite being starved, its still way too much food! Food person asks me if I'd like some dessert. I cast a wary glance in the direction of the medical professionals and reply that fruit is a perfectly fine dessert. No one believes me, so they ask again later on, but I don't particurally like pound cake so I decline. Finish dinner, review discharge sheets, remove hardware.(it wasn't so hard giving up a Guardian that wasn't very accurate).
I'm not an expert, but I think if it had be calibrated more often it would have been closer to the actual bg. I also expected to see more numbers, not just a line and one bg on the screen. I think I'd like to try a Dexcom(I have no idea how, though,my D clinic doesn't have any) The Guardian, didn't exactly live up to my expectations.
The amount of blood taken(overall) was as much as a standard blood donation, so I can't give for a couple of months.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Youtube(How to test your cat)
I found this to be quite informative-heck, I don't know much about diabetic animals.
The only time I ever anything to do with one was during a brief summer job
stint in a vet's office.(and that was just checking the urine for sugar) I think
that animals,like humans,deserve better then that!
(and what do you feed a hypoing cat,anyway?)
The only time I ever anything to do with one was during a brief summer job
stint in a vet's office.(and that was just checking the urine for sugar) I think
that animals,like humans,deserve better then that!
(and what do you feed a hypoing cat,anyway?)
Friday, September 21, 2007
3,2,1- outta here
It is over.
(Thank God)
That's all I have to say about that for the present, I am exausted. CGMS certainly was nothing like I'd expected.
(Thank God)
That's all I have to say about that for the present, I am exausted. CGMS certainly was nothing like I'd expected.
Monday, September 17, 2007
A Freudian Self- Analysis
I had a dream last night
Dreaming about tomarrow.
And while the needle, jammed into my flesh
Demands that fantasy, mix with pain
I'll still believe in Tomarrow.
Bittersweet, this nightly transendence
Into the mind's eye
Leaving the cares, the sorrows, the tears behind
However briefly.
But dreams don't stop reality from rushing in
Like an icy wave, slapping against the naked chest
Taking your breath away.
Wide awake- the pain now has a name
An infusion set gone south.
Yank cannula from leg,
And as bright red blood spurts against the once-white sheets
(Old Faithful-look at that gusher!!!)
the stress of the dream melts away.
Well, since I'm already awake, might as well check the o'le blood sugar
After changing the bedclothes.
No high, no low, graces that early morning scene.
132 mg/dl- precisely where it should be.
And yet, I marvel at the abilitity of diabetes
To steal shut-eye in another unusual way.
Sometimes, I know I have diabetes (in my dreams)
it manifests itself by frantic eating (lows)
and drinking water (highs)
Some weird form of ESP, no doubt
but this dream was just a sense of un-nameable pain
that I couldn't fix, couldn't help, couldn't wake up from.
I think that dreams,(be they subconsious, or conscious) in general, must cope with
said "thorns in the flesh"
reality bites, but life's like that.
They must coexist- you may never be a millionaire, might not make it to 100.
(statistically speaking,just not likely to happen)
Yin and Yang- pleasure and pain.
Because you can't stop dreaming, even if you wanted to.
Dreaming about tomarrow.
And while the needle, jammed into my flesh
Demands that fantasy, mix with pain
I'll still believe in Tomarrow.
Bittersweet, this nightly transendence
Into the mind's eye
Leaving the cares, the sorrows, the tears behind
However briefly.
But dreams don't stop reality from rushing in
Like an icy wave, slapping against the naked chest
Taking your breath away.
Wide awake- the pain now has a name
An infusion set gone south.
Yank cannula from leg,
And as bright red blood spurts against the once-white sheets
(Old Faithful-look at that gusher!!!)
the stress of the dream melts away.
Well, since I'm already awake, might as well check the o'le blood sugar
After changing the bedclothes.
No high, no low, graces that early morning scene.
132 mg/dl- precisely where it should be.
And yet, I marvel at the abilitity of diabetes
To steal shut-eye in another unusual way.
Sometimes, I know I have diabetes (in my dreams)
it manifests itself by frantic eating (lows)
and drinking water (highs)
Some weird form of ESP, no doubt
but this dream was just a sense of un-nameable pain
that I couldn't fix, couldn't help, couldn't wake up from.
I think that dreams,(be they subconsious, or conscious) in general, must cope with
said "thorns in the flesh"
reality bites, but life's like that.
They must coexist- you may never be a millionaire, might not make it to 100.
(statistically speaking,just not likely to happen)
Yin and Yang- pleasure and pain.
Because you can't stop dreaming, even if you wanted to.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
CGMS & ME ( Part II)
The piece of black leather lies lifeless before me, waiting to be cut, shaped, and sewn into some useful accessory.
"Think of what features you'd like to have, and incorporate those impulses. Experiment, have fun!" the group leader's voice inflects wildly, attempting
to channel her excessive charisma into group spirit.
I sigh heavily- the materials I have aren't sparking any creative genius.(as of yet)
Perhaps I should check out what other people are doing, it may give me a few ideas.
To my left, a teenager has ditched Project #1 entirely and is now meticulously arranging minuscule red and white sequins in an American Flag pattern.(to be applied to Project #2) Cute, but I think I'm a little old for decorations of that nature. And across the table, an engineer dad is building his pre-teen son the best sample pump case I've ever seen-ever bit as good as the real thing.(side packs,able to stand up on the table by itself) None of us can match that, least of all me. This session(in Friends 4 Life,2007) is not exactly the most popular, only about 15 people in the room. We are the ones who chose this class by process of elimination(Carb Counting 101, "Strike the Spike", and Managing Diabetes During Sick Days were not really something we'd wanted to sleep through for the next 2 hours). Few of us have much of an idea of what we're actually supposed to be doing. In the absence of inspiration, I leave Project #1 and go to Project #2(decorating the provided nylon clip-on case) I boldly apply red and green fabric paint, and leave it to dry.5 minutes later, I knock the case on the floor and it smears together into a Impressionalistic, Picasso wanna-be creation. Rather then start over, I just back to Project #1- decorating obviously just isn't my thing.
The teenager, 3/4's done with applying the decorations on her own case, looks over at mine.
"Can I see yours?"
"I dropped it on the floor," I reply, showing it to her."Not going to do it over."
Predictably, she isn't impressed, and returns to her own work.
Now to think of what I want in a pump case...
Material: Leather. Gotta be durable.
Color: Black. I don't like wild stuff.
Style: Waist-pouch. I don't have any, and on certain occasions it would come in
handy.
Other features: Clear plastic over the case, so I can see through to bolus/change
basils.Zippered pull. Monogrammed.
I can't design, and I can't draw, but between the sheet of paper and crudely constructed prototype, I manage to convey my wishes. I include my phone # though(just in case they have questions).
Several months later..
Tues., Sep.4. I return from my holiday travels to find a large package from Pump Wear sitting on my front porch. Rip it open, and there it, the case I designed! Not exactly(no monogram) but I'm pleased that A. they sent it and B. it looks pretty good, for something I created. Just what I want. The case, slides around on the belt. And it will come in really handy for the below scenario.It's functional, and that's precisely what I want.
------------------
Friday, was the initial meeting at the RC(Research Center), about 3:30 pm. Stuff was winding down for the weekend, and I was the last scheduled patient. The nurse took all the standard vital signs and EKG and then, the research coordinator came in to go over the entire consent form. Since they changed the amount of blood drawn from 18, to 19 tablespoons they have to make up an ENTIRELY new consent form(also to be signed). Seems pretty stupid to me,but I don't make the rules. Well, I discovered that graduate students are going to be suggesting my insulin doses based on their algorithmic models-which will either be accepted/rejected by the study physician, I'm still not to enthralled by the whole idea. She'll probably be pressured to accept at least some of their calculations,(part of the point of the study) and I'll go low and have to chug juice. Whereas, last time I was in blissful ignorance of my blood sugars/insulin doses, this time I will not be.(CGMS will tell all) Still, I can't make my own adjustments, the study doc will be doing that(someone else fiddling with the pump, weird concept)based on the grad students calculations. My new case will make it easy for her to access the pump.
Also discovered I have to do another blood draw since I'm not on Humalog.(and have to be on it 24 hours prior. Which means, getting up at an insanely early hour(3:30-4 pm) to be able to get there and back before work begins.(Tues.morning) Ugh.(I'm not a morning person)
The study doc came in, rehashed a few things, checked feet, etc. I don't particularly enjoy peeling off my (usually cotton) socks-weird white fuzzies
always fall out and I'm embarrassed. I'm sure endos don't enjoy the process either.
Then we got down to the #1 concern on both of ours' minds.
"You know, you can't be in it if your magnesium or potassium is to low."
Yeah, I know.Ever since she walked through that door,I've been expecting this.
"How's that been?"
"Ok, I haven't had it checked recently. I do have to take the supplements periodically but I've not had a bad dip in the levels in a long time.You know I've
got that leak, like Bartter's Syndrome.I guess I never told you that officially, since the end of that study."
"Last time, the real problem with the sudden drop in your levels was from the IV insulin clamp-with the pump, that won't be so much of an issue. I want you to really load up on those supplements, to further minimalize those chances. Also, your iron levels were a bit low last month so we need to recheck that, you can't be in the study if those are too low either."
CGMS alarms will be off, so I guess I won't know if I'm low/high from any of the alarms..The bg goal is 130 all morning, and 100 all afternoon. She said their next study will be with the Navigator/Cozmo- a closed loop system.(no time frame on when that would be) I bet that will be interesting.
Levels came back acceptable, so I'm on for Thursday night at 6 pm!
"Think of what features you'd like to have, and incorporate those impulses. Experiment, have fun!" the group leader's voice inflects wildly, attempting
to channel her excessive charisma into group spirit.
I sigh heavily- the materials I have aren't sparking any creative genius.(as of yet)
Perhaps I should check out what other people are doing, it may give me a few ideas.
To my left, a teenager has ditched Project #1 entirely and is now meticulously arranging minuscule red and white sequins in an American Flag pattern.(to be applied to Project #2) Cute, but I think I'm a little old for decorations of that nature. And across the table, an engineer dad is building his pre-teen son the best sample pump case I've ever seen-ever bit as good as the real thing.(side packs,able to stand up on the table by itself) None of us can match that, least of all me. This session(in Friends 4 Life,2007) is not exactly the most popular, only about 15 people in the room. We are the ones who chose this class by process of elimination(Carb Counting 101, "Strike the Spike", and Managing Diabetes During Sick Days were not really something we'd wanted to sleep through for the next 2 hours). Few of us have much of an idea of what we're actually supposed to be doing. In the absence of inspiration, I leave Project #1 and go to Project #2(decorating the provided nylon clip-on case) I boldly apply red and green fabric paint, and leave it to dry.5 minutes later, I knock the case on the floor and it smears together into a Impressionalistic, Picasso wanna-be creation. Rather then start over, I just back to Project #1- decorating obviously just isn't my thing.
The teenager, 3/4's done with applying the decorations on her own case, looks over at mine.
"Can I see yours?"
"I dropped it on the floor," I reply, showing it to her."Not going to do it over."
Predictably, she isn't impressed, and returns to her own work.
Now to think of what I want in a pump case...
Material: Leather. Gotta be durable.
Color: Black. I don't like wild stuff.
Style: Waist-pouch. I don't have any, and on certain occasions it would come in
handy.
Other features: Clear plastic over the case, so I can see through to bolus/change
basils.Zippered pull. Monogrammed.
I can't design, and I can't draw, but between the sheet of paper and crudely constructed prototype, I manage to convey my wishes. I include my phone # though(just in case they have questions).
Several months later..
Tues., Sep.4. I return from my holiday travels to find a large package from Pump Wear sitting on my front porch. Rip it open, and there it, the case I designed! Not exactly(no monogram) but I'm pleased that A. they sent it and B. it looks pretty good, for something I created. Just what I want. The case, slides around on the belt. And it will come in really handy for the below scenario.It's functional, and that's precisely what I want.
------------------
Friday, was the initial meeting at the RC(Research Center), about 3:30 pm. Stuff was winding down for the weekend, and I was the last scheduled patient. The nurse took all the standard vital signs and EKG and then, the research coordinator came in to go over the entire consent form. Since they changed the amount of blood drawn from 18, to 19 tablespoons they have to make up an ENTIRELY new consent form(also to be signed). Seems pretty stupid to me,but I don't make the rules. Well, I discovered that graduate students are going to be suggesting my insulin doses based on their algorithmic models-which will either be accepted/rejected by the study physician, I'm still not to enthralled by the whole idea. She'll probably be pressured to accept at least some of their calculations,(part of the point of the study) and I'll go low and have to chug juice. Whereas, last time I was in blissful ignorance of my blood sugars/insulin doses, this time I will not be.(CGMS will tell all) Still, I can't make my own adjustments, the study doc will be doing that(someone else fiddling with the pump, weird concept)based on the grad students calculations. My new case will make it easy for her to access the pump.
Also discovered I have to do another blood draw since I'm not on Humalog.(and have to be on it 24 hours prior. Which means, getting up at an insanely early hour(3:30-4 pm) to be able to get there and back before work begins.(Tues.morning) Ugh.(I'm not a morning person)
The study doc came in, rehashed a few things, checked feet, etc. I don't particularly enjoy peeling off my (usually cotton) socks-weird white fuzzies
always fall out and I'm embarrassed. I'm sure endos don't enjoy the process either.
Then we got down to the #1 concern on both of ours' minds.
"You know, you can't be in it if your magnesium or potassium is to low."
Yeah, I know.Ever since she walked through that door,I've been expecting this.
"How's that been?"
"Ok, I haven't had it checked recently. I do have to take the supplements periodically but I've not had a bad dip in the levels in a long time.You know I've
got that leak, like Bartter's Syndrome.I guess I never told you that officially, since the end of that study."
"Last time, the real problem with the sudden drop in your levels was from the IV insulin clamp-with the pump, that won't be so much of an issue. I want you to really load up on those supplements, to further minimalize those chances. Also, your iron levels were a bit low last month so we need to recheck that, you can't be in the study if those are too low either."
CGMS alarms will be off, so I guess I won't know if I'm low/high from any of the alarms..The bg goal is 130 all morning, and 100 all afternoon. She said their next study will be with the Navigator/Cozmo- a closed loop system.(no time frame on when that would be) I bet that will be interesting.
Levels came back acceptable, so I'm on for Thursday night at 6 pm!
Thursday, September 13, 2007
The Power of a Low
Last night, I had a low. And it wasn't so much the actual blood sugar number, it was the amount of carbs I had to eat/did eat to feel right again.
Like most lows, there wasn't much of a reason for it-I'd bolused .5 to correct an 188 an hour previously.(Those numbers can go either way) That was the only bolus I'd had since lunch(4 hours before).
Sweats, wake up from nap. Stumble out to kitchen, eat entire (72 carb) bag of cotton candy. I'm aware that I should stop now, I've just overtreated this low by 42 carbs. But my brain says to keep eating, and I figure I can just make this an early supper too.
BG: 70 mg/dl. Some people wouldn't even consider that low..
Get started on monster-sized bag of potato chips, polish off 1/2 of that. Ham sandwich- why not. A tomato-cottage cheese sandwich sounds great as well. And grapes, shoot, can't leave those out. Topped off by a Diet Coke. At some point, I cease to care what the resulting fallout bg will be, I just need to eat.
In the end, I've consumed over 300 carbs(about 1.5 days worth in a single meal) to treat this low. And the final bg...
350. It should have been worse, much worse. I've never in my life eaten that much.(I think the last time was 120 carbs for a 19 mg/dl, 5 years ago)
It was really freaky.(after eating the cotton candy, I didn't even feel low anymore-just hungry!)
Like most lows, there wasn't much of a reason for it-I'd bolused .5 to correct an 188 an hour previously.(Those numbers can go either way) That was the only bolus I'd had since lunch(4 hours before).
Sweats, wake up from nap. Stumble out to kitchen, eat entire (72 carb) bag of cotton candy. I'm aware that I should stop now, I've just overtreated this low by 42 carbs. But my brain says to keep eating, and I figure I can just make this an early supper too.
BG: 70 mg/dl. Some people wouldn't even consider that low..
Get started on monster-sized bag of potato chips, polish off 1/2 of that. Ham sandwich- why not. A tomato-cottage cheese sandwich sounds great as well. And grapes, shoot, can't leave those out. Topped off by a Diet Coke. At some point, I cease to care what the resulting fallout bg will be, I just need to eat.
In the end, I've consumed over 300 carbs(about 1.5 days worth in a single meal) to treat this low. And the final bg...
350. It should have been worse, much worse. I've never in my life eaten that much.(I think the last time was 120 carbs for a 19 mg/dl, 5 years ago)
It was really freaky.(after eating the cotton candy, I didn't even feel low anymore-just hungry!)
Monday, September 10, 2007
The Diabetic Dummy
It is the night of the State Test, and already, the line stretches to the set of double doors.
No, not THAT line. That line has several hundred extremily nervous, nail-biting, coffee-chugging maniacs in it. This is the other one- the volunteer line. And only slightly less nervous then the test takers.
"Come with me, please," one of the instructors, his cold, beady eyes sweeping the assorted mob, snaps out. "Probably can't use you all, but we'll see what we can do."
Heels clatter, shoes stomp, following him down the narrow middle school corridor-and we enter a teacher's lounge,now converted to a makeshift strategy room.
Victim #1 is chosen, receives her instruction sheet and moves off to an adjoining room for makeup. The rest of us stare in nervous fascination at the "gunshot wound with bone protruding" job on her right leg. Bone and blood ooze together in a very realistic representation of the real thing. (We are students, and impress easily)
Victim #2 is in anyphlactic shock.Multiple brown dots adorn his cherry red face.
And I am Victim #3. As I receive my instruction sheet, my eyebrows shoot up(practically to the hairline) and I think it is something more then coincidence that I will be role-acting the hypoing diabetic. (not that I'm not VERY good at it, I've had so much practice) It must be true, I must really look like one..Either that, or its because I'm small(and more easily lifted).
My makeup job is a chalkwhite face, complete with beaded drops of glycerin rolling off the forehead(to simulate sweat). I look very much the part(and am just sorry that Halloween was over two weeks previously, I could have had some fun with this).
As I leave the room with the designated scenario instructor, my EMT teacher looks at me and laughs. "Did you tell him you really are D, Heidi?"
I hadn't quite gotten that far in the intros- I glance over at the instructor, who is standing stock still(a glazed expression spreading across his pained face).
"Really????"
"Yes. I promise I'll do this RIGHT."
"I bet you will, but please don't do it for real!!!!!"
(Cross my heart, hope to die. NOT likely.)
We get to the classroom, finalize certain instructions, and the fun begins.(After confirming that I'm nowhere near hypoglycemia, at 149 mg/dl)
The first two test takers enter the room. They are exceeding nervous, as am I. I'm doing this for the experience, but I don't know what their instructor has(or failed to) taught them.
"Hey, we're Jack and Jill*- what's your name?"
The instructions say I'm allowed to state my name, the last meal of the day, and that I take insulin. Other then that, I'm supposed to act confused/answer the questions wrong.
So I respond, and promptly shut my eyes. Fake reactions are so much easier then real ones. I can moan + thrash around to my heart's content, make these kids really nervous. I can't simulate the shaking though. Jill takes my blood pressure, which is off a good 30 points from what it is actually. Not good to guess on ANYTHING, instructors know all. You'll fail the scenario.(they did)
Every group is different with the questions asked, procedures performed. One group thought an adequate treatment for my shock was a pillow under the head. While being thoughtful, it wouldn't have done anything for the hypoglycemia. I had a hard time not waking up from my coma and telling them they'd just killed me. (that was just the one group, all the others made the correct diagnosis) Another group of firefighter guys asked me what kind of insulin I took.(that's not exactly a crucial piece of info-most emergency personal leave it at "Are you on insulin?" My diabetic autopilot spat out "Novolog" before I could consider if I was supposed to answer that for real. They didn't know, but it obviously marked me as a REAL D. It was a timed test, with alot of steps to cover.
At the end, my own blood glucose rang in at 329 and I was somewhat cranky at the blood pressure cuff torniquet attempts, shined lights in eyes, and the stress of lying on the hard floor for 2 hours. Yes,I'd learned enough to be more relaxed/expectant of what my own test would be like(the following month) but if you're going to be the dummy patient for a group of (any) students, don't be the diabetic dummy. Go for something more cushy...like a broken leg.(as long as you don't have to backboarded)
And speaking of life on the other side of the gurney,I've got to complete all my continuing education(CE) hours(to be turned in by Dec.2008) so I don't lose my certification.(I do not want to go through another 3 month class/state test) If I can't get accepted to any of the spring nursing programs, I will definatly be completing the CE stuff.(at least)
No, not THAT line. That line has several hundred extremily nervous, nail-biting, coffee-chugging maniacs in it. This is the other one- the volunteer line. And only slightly less nervous then the test takers.
"Come with me, please," one of the instructors, his cold, beady eyes sweeping the assorted mob, snaps out. "Probably can't use you all, but we'll see what we can do."
Heels clatter, shoes stomp, following him down the narrow middle school corridor-and we enter a teacher's lounge,now converted to a makeshift strategy room.
Victim #1 is chosen, receives her instruction sheet and moves off to an adjoining room for makeup. The rest of us stare in nervous fascination at the "gunshot wound with bone protruding" job on her right leg. Bone and blood ooze together in a very realistic representation of the real thing. (We are students, and impress easily)
Victim #2 is in anyphlactic shock.Multiple brown dots adorn his cherry red face.
And I am Victim #3. As I receive my instruction sheet, my eyebrows shoot up(practically to the hairline) and I think it is something more then coincidence that I will be role-acting the hypoing diabetic. (not that I'm not VERY good at it, I've had so much practice) It must be true, I must really look like one..Either that, or its because I'm small(and more easily lifted).
My makeup job is a chalkwhite face, complete with beaded drops of glycerin rolling off the forehead(to simulate sweat). I look very much the part(and am just sorry that Halloween was over two weeks previously, I could have had some fun with this).
As I leave the room with the designated scenario instructor, my EMT teacher looks at me and laughs. "Did you tell him you really are D, Heidi?"
I hadn't quite gotten that far in the intros- I glance over at the instructor, who is standing stock still(a glazed expression spreading across his pained face).
"Really????"
"Yes. I promise I'll do this RIGHT."
"I bet you will, but please don't do it for real!!!!!"
(Cross my heart, hope to die. NOT likely.)
We get to the classroom, finalize certain instructions, and the fun begins.(After confirming that I'm nowhere near hypoglycemia, at 149 mg/dl)
The first two test takers enter the room. They are exceeding nervous, as am I. I'm doing this for the experience, but I don't know what their instructor has(or failed to) taught them.
"Hey, we're Jack and Jill*- what's your name?"
The instructions say I'm allowed to state my name, the last meal of the day, and that I take insulin. Other then that, I'm supposed to act confused/answer the questions wrong.
So I respond, and promptly shut my eyes. Fake reactions are so much easier then real ones. I can moan + thrash around to my heart's content, make these kids really nervous. I can't simulate the shaking though. Jill takes my blood pressure, which is off a good 30 points from what it is actually. Not good to guess on ANYTHING, instructors know all. You'll fail the scenario.(they did)
Every group is different with the questions asked, procedures performed. One group thought an adequate treatment for my shock was a pillow under the head. While being thoughtful, it wouldn't have done anything for the hypoglycemia. I had a hard time not waking up from my coma and telling them they'd just killed me. (that was just the one group, all the others made the correct diagnosis) Another group of firefighter guys asked me what kind of insulin I took.(that's not exactly a crucial piece of info-most emergency personal leave it at "Are you on insulin?" My diabetic autopilot spat out "Novolog" before I could consider if I was supposed to answer that for real. They didn't know, but it obviously marked me as a REAL D. It was a timed test, with alot of steps to cover.
At the end, my own blood glucose rang in at 329 and I was somewhat cranky at the blood pressure cuff torniquet attempts, shined lights in eyes, and the stress of lying on the hard floor for 2 hours. Yes,I'd learned enough to be more relaxed/expectant of what my own test would be like(the following month) but if you're going to be the dummy patient for a group of (any) students, don't be the diabetic dummy. Go for something more cushy...like a broken leg.(as long as you don't have to backboarded)
And speaking of life on the other side of the gurney,I've got to complete all my continuing education(CE) hours(to be turned in by Dec.2008) so I don't lose my certification.(I do not want to go through another 3 month class/state test) If I can't get accepted to any of the spring nursing programs, I will definatly be completing the CE stuff.(at least)
Friday, September 07, 2007
Dashboard Confessional
I'm really, really psyched- my years of being a guinea pig have climaxed up to fufillment of The Dream Come True.(Kinda)
The phone rang, the 4th call in 10 minutes. Sigh. Pick up.
"Hi, Heidi. This is "X"- would you be interested in doing another study?"
As she explains what all is involved, it occurs to me this will be the very last study I'll be able to do for them. Darn, I'm gonna miss that. Plus the pay, of course.Bethesda studies don't pay at all.(good research place, they just don't pay their participants!)
"You're one of the very few(12, to be exact) people to qualify for this study, based on the one you did in 2002 AND the Boost Test. If you had a cpeptide, you wouldn't qualify."
"That's good, I'm glad I don't have a c-peptide."(mild sarcasm)
Visit #1- paperwork, bloodwork. The usual.
Visit #2. Overnight(23 hour) admission to the Research Center. Gotta use their pump(Cozmo, with Humalog). I am a Novolog girl myself but it won't kill me to use Humalog. It'll just be, interesting. Haven't used it in like 4 years. IV, heart moniter attached.
But I get to wear a Medtronic REALTIME Guardian!(or a Dexcom-its a random decision) for 21 hours.(more or less) I don't think I'll sleep, I'll be too busy looking at my beautiful blood sugars.
And I can see what its like.
Next morning, its the typical overkill testing(ever had your blood sugar taken every bleepin' FIVE minutes? for 6 straight hours) that I went through in 2002 so I know what to expect. Then,from 2 pm-2:45 I ride an exercise bike and at 3:45 I get "lunch"(if you could call it that,more like an early supper) and that's the end.
I only wish I could keep the CGMS....
The phone rang, the 4th call in 10 minutes. Sigh. Pick up.
"Hi, Heidi. This is "X"- would you be interested in doing another study?"
As she explains what all is involved, it occurs to me this will be the very last study I'll be able to do for them. Darn, I'm gonna miss that. Plus the pay, of course.Bethesda studies don't pay at all.(good research place, they just don't pay their participants!)
"You're one of the very few(12, to be exact) people to qualify for this study, based on the one you did in 2002 AND the Boost Test. If you had a cpeptide, you wouldn't qualify."
"That's good, I'm glad I don't have a c-peptide."(mild sarcasm)
Visit #1- paperwork, bloodwork. The usual.
Visit #2. Overnight(23 hour) admission to the Research Center. Gotta use their pump(Cozmo, with Humalog). I am a Novolog girl myself but it won't kill me to use Humalog. It'll just be, interesting. Haven't used it in like 4 years. IV, heart moniter attached.
But I get to wear a Medtronic REALTIME Guardian!(or a Dexcom-its a random decision) for 21 hours.(more or less) I don't think I'll sleep, I'll be too busy looking at my beautiful blood sugars.
And I can see what its like.
Next morning, its the typical overkill testing(ever had your blood sugar taken every bleepin' FIVE minutes? for 6 straight hours) that I went through in 2002 so I know what to expect. Then,from 2 pm-2:45 I ride an exercise bike and at 3:45 I get "lunch"(if you could call it that,more like an early supper) and that's the end.
I only wish I could keep the CGMS....
Saturday, September 01, 2007
Friday, August 31, 2007
The Element of Glucose
Not to belabor the obvious, but the homeostatic range of human glucose is tight. Very tight. And I'm not just saying this as an individual with type 1 diabetes.
Normal people have highs(temporary) + lows too. Case in point: my fiance, who suddenly
needed to eat when were out shopping. I would have whipped out my meter to check his blood sugar, but he was already buying something and eating it. This is a guy who gets regular (yearly) physicals and is exceedingly healthy.(no D, or hypoglycemia problems) Probably nothing to worry about.(as a one time occurance)
You don't appreciate the fine tunings of the human body until something goes wrong.
When oxygen is like liquid gold, you just can't get enough.
When water is guzzled in gallons, to replete that 75% percentage body weight.
When various minerals need repleting, before body organs start malfunctioning.
And glucose, in its many forms, is no less essential. 20 mg/dl off, and the brain goes into fritz, the body starts shaking, and the urge to eat is stronger then beating of your heart. Conversely, 60 mg/dl in opposite direction and the kidneys start excreting the excess, dehydration creeps in and the excess sugar starts damaging organs,nerves,the whole enchilada.
If it were up to me, I'd make the "normal" range 60-250 mg/dl. That way, I'd be in range 99% of the time... It's such a fine balance, I wish it weren't. Attempting euroglycemia is like playing Russian Roulette between the brain(lows) and the kidneys(highs). Sometimes, you take a bolus + you know full well you'll be fighting hypoglycemia withing the hour but what else can you do, you just ate and gotta take SOMETHING. How much of that something depends on existing IOB, current exercise, bg, and sensitivity. Maybe I need overhaul my insulin carb ratio.
You just can't get away from it, just like breathing, if somethings not right the body lets you know it. It's great to be in range most- all of the time, mentally, it's so relaxing and a non-D just doesn't understand that but its just so wonderful. Having come down from Cloud Nine. Would be that this streak lasts awhile. When I get a CGMS, I will be a much more relaxed, energetic individual-normal bgs are so great.
Have a great Labor Day weekend, everyone!
(goodbye, 25, it was nice knowing you!)
Normal people have highs(temporary) + lows too. Case in point: my fiance, who suddenly
needed to eat when were out shopping. I would have whipped out my meter to check his blood sugar, but he was already buying something and eating it. This is a guy who gets regular (yearly) physicals and is exceedingly healthy.(no D, or hypoglycemia problems) Probably nothing to worry about.(as a one time occurance)
You don't appreciate the fine tunings of the human body until something goes wrong.
When oxygen is like liquid gold, you just can't get enough.
When water is guzzled in gallons, to replete that 75% percentage body weight.
When various minerals need repleting, before body organs start malfunctioning.
And glucose, in its many forms, is no less essential. 20 mg/dl off, and the brain goes into fritz, the body starts shaking, and the urge to eat is stronger then beating of your heart. Conversely, 60 mg/dl in opposite direction and the kidneys start excreting the excess, dehydration creeps in and the excess sugar starts damaging organs,nerves,the whole enchilada.
If it were up to me, I'd make the "normal" range 60-250 mg/dl. That way, I'd be in range 99% of the time... It's such a fine balance, I wish it weren't. Attempting euroglycemia is like playing Russian Roulette between the brain(lows) and the kidneys(highs). Sometimes, you take a bolus + you know full well you'll be fighting hypoglycemia withing the hour but what else can you do, you just ate and gotta take SOMETHING. How much of that something depends on existing IOB, current exercise, bg, and sensitivity. Maybe I need overhaul my insulin carb ratio.
You just can't get away from it, just like breathing, if somethings not right the body lets you know it. It's great to be in range most- all of the time, mentally, it's so relaxing and a non-D just doesn't understand that but its just so wonderful. Having come down from Cloud Nine. Would be that this streak lasts awhile. When I get a CGMS, I will be a much more relaxed, energetic individual-normal bgs are so great.
Have a great Labor Day weekend, everyone!
(goodbye, 25, it was nice knowing you!)
Sunday, August 26, 2007
The Top Twelve Indicators that Your Diabetes Control is Sub-optimal(aka, sucks)
Top 12 indicators that your diabetes control sucks
1. You know every member of the rescue squad by name.
2. Hospital food tastes good, you've gotten used to it.
3. Your blood sugar meter has gotten quite friendly of late as it greets you with frequent "HI's.”
4. Your blood sugar meter goes on strike and refuses to work anymore.
5. You never have any money- it all goes to co-payments to your health insurance company.
6. Your endocrinologist uses you as a "reverse" poster child an example of what every diabetic should NOT be.
7. You break down bawling when your endocrinologist asks how you've been.
8. You can't remember what it feels like to have a normal blood sugar and not crash low 15 min. later.
9. You are checking out medical center's pancreas transplant programs like normal people research for the car of their dreams.
10. You'd give your right arm to have a day that type 2's consider "bad". (6- 10 mmol/l, aka 108- 180 sounds just fine to ME)
11. You know your Medic Alert number like your social security number and can recite it frontwards, backwards, + while waking up from a massive hypoglycemic event.
12. The local convenience store apologizes for being out of chocolate bars. (you are their most loyal customer)
All of my bgs for the past 2 days have been over 350, and there have been 3 HI's(over 600) in the past week. Needless to say, I canceled my scheduled endocrine appointment + don't think I should reschedule till I have a month of solid good numbers under my belt to offset the impending disastrous a1c. I think, at some point,my pcp will communicate with the endo + there will be heck to pay but right now, I really don't even FEEL like being a good diabetic.(I'll settle for under 200)
1. You know every member of the rescue squad by name.
2. Hospital food tastes good, you've gotten used to it.
3. Your blood sugar meter has gotten quite friendly of late as it greets you with frequent "HI's.”
4. Your blood sugar meter goes on strike and refuses to work anymore.
5. You never have any money- it all goes to co-payments to your health insurance company.
6. Your endocrinologist uses you as a "reverse" poster child an example of what every diabetic should NOT be.
7. You break down bawling when your endocrinologist asks how you've been.
8. You can't remember what it feels like to have a normal blood sugar and not crash low 15 min. later.
9. You are checking out medical center's pancreas transplant programs like normal people research for the car of their dreams.
10. You'd give your right arm to have a day that type 2's consider "bad". (6- 10 mmol/l, aka 108- 180 sounds just fine to ME)
11. You know your Medic Alert number like your social security number and can recite it frontwards, backwards, + while waking up from a massive hypoglycemic event.
12. The local convenience store apologizes for being out of chocolate bars. (you are their most loyal customer)
All of my bgs for the past 2 days have been over 350, and there have been 3 HI's(over 600) in the past week. Needless to say, I canceled my scheduled endocrine appointment + don't think I should reschedule till I have a month of solid good numbers under my belt to offset the impending disastrous a1c. I think, at some point,my pcp will communicate with the endo + there will be heck to pay but right now, I really don't even FEEL like being a good diabetic.(I'll settle for under 200)
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Ditzy with a "D"
One Word: Ace Inhibitors are NASTY. One other word, never start taking them when another medical issue is rearing up its head.
I am dizzy, and the AI hasn't really dropped my blood pressure but when you stuff 5 differant (potent) drugs into your patient, attempting to problemsolve its probably no wonder you're dizzy. Discharge,I made it to the door before the security guard drug me back to the lobby + told me to rest, got a blanket + no one bothered me for the rest of the night. Dizzyness is the pits.
Off to the restroom to puke, then call my gastro doctor.
I am dizzy, and the AI hasn't really dropped my blood pressure but when you stuff 5 differant (potent) drugs into your patient, attempting to problemsolve its probably no wonder you're dizzy. Discharge,I made it to the door before the security guard drug me back to the lobby + told me to rest, got a blanket + no one bothered me for the rest of the night. Dizzyness is the pits.
Off to the restroom to puke, then call my gastro doctor.
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
My Tax-Free Weekend
As you're probably aware, several states had their sales tax-free weekend last weekend.(and Texas, will be having theirs the weekend of the 17-19th)
Prime oppurtunity to go spend some cash-it was like Black Friday all over again. And, as an employee of Company X, I got a 20% discount that weekend(another excuse to go shopping).
First stop:
Kmart #1. The theme music from Mission Impossible dancing through my head, I grab a cart and zoom toward the pharmacy, where I deposit the RX to be filled. Next, I grab 2 Zest soaps+ an AA 8 pack and head toward electronics, where I'll shortly find out whether I'll be in this store for the next 2 hours.
"Here you go," the cashier hands me the soaps,batteries, AND the $10 gift card.
Darn. I'm going to be here awhile.
Head back to the pharmacy, where I pay for the transferred rx with the gift card and get another $30 gift card.(Kmart honors competetitors coupons)
Fill up with more soaps, batteries. Head for checkout. Cashier can't scan coupons,so I end up spending an extra 45 minutes at Customer Service, but when its all said and done I've got another $50 in gift cards.
Next stop: CVS.This goes considerably smoother, and I'm out of there in 15 minutes.It's a favorite, because they've always got coupons and Extra Bucks
to cut down on the cost. $2.36 gets me $26 worth of stuff.
Go to Kmart #2. Try out battery offer with electronics cashier, but it gets squashed when they call up front and find out the deal is dead.(at this Kmart)
Oh,well.Stock up on clearanced priced clothes, made sweeter by the $5 off coupon in the paper. Pay with gift cards.
Go to Target, Staples,TJMaxx,Walmart. Stop in at 5 Guys. Feel Re-Act-ion-Y, drink real coke while waiting for the burger. Eat peanuts.Shake.Wonder why, since the meter reads 100.Figure the hot weather has something to do with it. Eat burger, feel better.
Go to Barnes & Noble, spend the next 2 hours deeply engrossed in the latest book on the British royal family.At some point,every teenage girl develops a crush (on the king-to-be) That,of course,is now a pointless exercise(for anyone single) since he's (most probably) taken. It looks pretty solid for him and Kate.(since breaking up, and getting back together)
Got home around midnight. I hope to make enough gc's off the Kmart deal to get a new digital camera.
Prime oppurtunity to go spend some cash-it was like Black Friday all over again. And, as an employee of Company X, I got a 20% discount that weekend(another excuse to go shopping).
First stop:
Kmart #1. The theme music from Mission Impossible dancing through my head, I grab a cart and zoom toward the pharmacy, where I deposit the RX to be filled. Next, I grab 2 Zest soaps+ an AA 8 pack and head toward electronics, where I'll shortly find out whether I'll be in this store for the next 2 hours.
"Here you go," the cashier hands me the soaps,batteries, AND the $10 gift card.
Darn. I'm going to be here awhile.
Head back to the pharmacy, where I pay for the transferred rx with the gift card and get another $30 gift card.(Kmart honors competetitors coupons)
Fill up with more soaps, batteries. Head for checkout. Cashier can't scan coupons,so I end up spending an extra 45 minutes at Customer Service, but when its all said and done I've got another $50 in gift cards.
Next stop: CVS.This goes considerably smoother, and I'm out of there in 15 minutes.It's a favorite, because they've always got coupons and Extra Bucks
to cut down on the cost. $2.36 gets me $26 worth of stuff.
Go to Kmart #2. Try out battery offer with electronics cashier, but it gets squashed when they call up front and find out the deal is dead.(at this Kmart)
Oh,well.Stock up on clearanced priced clothes, made sweeter by the $5 off coupon in the paper. Pay with gift cards.
Go to Target, Staples,TJMaxx,Walmart. Stop in at 5 Guys. Feel Re-Act-ion-Y, drink real coke while waiting for the burger. Eat peanuts.Shake.Wonder why, since the meter reads 100.Figure the hot weather has something to do with it. Eat burger, feel better.
Go to Barnes & Noble, spend the next 2 hours deeply engrossed in the latest book on the British royal family.At some point,every teenage girl develops a crush (on the king-to-be) That,of course,is now a pointless exercise(for anyone single) since he's (most probably) taken. It looks pretty solid for him and Kate.(since breaking up, and getting back together)
Got home around midnight. I hope to make enough gc's off the Kmart deal to get a new digital camera.
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Weekday Bump
I need a bumper sticker that describes my frustrations with the lack of funding/D in general. Didn't find what I was looking for on Cafepress.com, so I'll have to design it myself.
And, in other news, my doc's office has decided to stop being personally responsible for their patients when they're admitted to the hospital. I guess the workload was too great. Now, you're turned over to a "hospitalist"(the latest and greatest of 21st century medical care) who will provide whatever medical care you may need. You can read about my experience with THAT system here. It was a grand and glorious disaster,and if I'd have listened to that dude for my diabetes care I'd have spent much longer in the hospital.
I've made up my mind that, at any point,my doctor decides to admit me it won't be to that hospital. Said hospital has an even worse reputation then the one I live near.
Especially not since my doc wouldn't even be looking after me-I would never go there. If I needed hospitlization,I'd head over to the medical center where I know I wouldn't have to worry about anything diabetes related.(they're tops) They've got their disadvantages though(long drive,and its a teaching hospital)
Health care is more of a business these days, and hospitals are starting to wake up to that fact. The ones around here,just need to wake up faster.
The coffee vendor at work is running a promotion this week(unlimited free coffee,out of the machine)and its been extremely popular.(as you can imagine) I didn't take into account that the optional "sweetener" button meant sugar, so I've had quite a few really high blood sugars the past couple of days. Now, I know.(bolus ALOT beforehand)By the time I try all 30 flavors, I'll have my boluses down to a T.
Wedding plans are bumpin' right along- I've got tons to do, and its probably not going to end till its over! The date/time/rehearsal dinner/place/honeymoon plans/and cake have all been decided on. This week, I've gotta order the invitations + start checking out flower shops.
102 days,folks.
(eeeeeeeeeeek)
And, in other news, my doc's office has decided to stop being personally responsible for their patients when they're admitted to the hospital. I guess the workload was too great. Now, you're turned over to a "hospitalist"(the latest and greatest of 21st century medical care) who will provide whatever medical care you may need. You can read about my experience with THAT system here. It was a grand and glorious disaster,and if I'd have listened to that dude for my diabetes care I'd have spent much longer in the hospital.
I've made up my mind that, at any point,my doctor decides to admit me it won't be to that hospital. Said hospital has an even worse reputation then the one I live near.
Especially not since my doc wouldn't even be looking after me-I would never go there. If I needed hospitlization,I'd head over to the medical center where I know I wouldn't have to worry about anything diabetes related.(they're tops) They've got their disadvantages though(long drive,and its a teaching hospital)
Health care is more of a business these days, and hospitals are starting to wake up to that fact. The ones around here,just need to wake up faster.
The coffee vendor at work is running a promotion this week(unlimited free coffee,out of the machine)and its been extremely popular.(as you can imagine) I didn't take into account that the optional "sweetener" button meant sugar, so I've had quite a few really high blood sugars the past couple of days. Now, I know.(bolus ALOT beforehand)By the time I try all 30 flavors, I'll have my boluses down to a T.
Wedding plans are bumpin' right along- I've got tons to do, and its probably not going to end till its over! The date/time/rehearsal dinner/place/honeymoon plans/and cake have all been decided on. This week, I've gotta order the invitations + start checking out flower shops.
102 days,folks.
(eeeeeeeeeeek)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
