Sunday, December 23, 2012

Towards 2013 (Part 1)

We're here in California,doing the semi-annual Christmas w/the other side. The day of travelling to get out here was nothing,if not interesting. The shuttle guy came 1/2 hour early, so we were rushing to finalize getting everything & everyone out of the house & the car seat installed in the shuttle van. And then we drove about a mile way & just SAT there waiting, for about 45 minutes.( he wasn't due to pick them up for another hour,but thought they'd be ready) They weren't, so we just sat there till he decided to go pick up the other passenger about 10 minutes away,& then come back. It was about 1 hr & 50 min.before our flight was scheduled to take off,& we still weren't enroute to the airport. The other family had a infant as well, so that van was pretty packed. Got to the airport with about an hour to go,rushed through security (it's kind of nice to have a baby,because they don't make me go through the scanner or patdown) ,& had just enough time to grab a sandwich from McD's & do a bathroom run before it was time to board. The baby did his hyperactive squirm/twist/bounce/grab/drop/scream for about 40 minutes then fell asleep for about 45 (layed out on both of ours laps) then woke up as we landed in Charlotte,NC. Had a wet diaper which soaked through his pants & mine,so when we got off the plane it was off to do damage control on that. And then it was literally time to board the next flight to LA..didn't have time to grab a meal for the plane. This plane ride was pure horribleness as he screamed for about 4 hrs(of the 5.5). Nothing appeased him,he wanted to get down & play. I suppose the only good thing about it was that someone switched seats with me so that at least the hubby & I could sit was a 2 person job. Various well-meaning people would stop by,ooh and ah,& tell me my darling angel would fall asleep soon. (Just do not know this child) Gahhhh,nope. I did not use Benadryl,but I will on the flight back. Eventually,we got into LA(fun fact: my ears hurt like heck & my too-short-to-reach-the-floor legs were about to fall off) found the rental car place,drove around for what seemed like hours to get to our hotel in the Valley(East Coast Time: 1:30 AM) while the baby woke back up & started screaming & my earnest husband bought me a Gatorade(not diet:bg 3 hours later was 398) & it was just not a fun trip out here.
We're here though,& my husband's mom is enjoying seeing her grandchild again. I am thoroughly sick of people dishing out baby advice though.
Merry Christmas,one & all! (Should I not post again for several days) It is nice to actually see the sun MD you don't.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

The Dream

Last night (or rather, this morning), immeadiently proceeding my "fell asleep in clinicals, got kicked out of nursing school" nightmare...I dreamed The Dream. You know, the one where we all get cured & all that jazz. I don't often dream The Dream (but when I do, it never comes courtesy of a needle) & what triggered it, no one ever knows. (maybe because I've been thinking so much about diabetes lately, my 14th diaversary was on Monday) Here's how The Dream went down.

We're outside of a stadium, waiting for something to happen. Suddenly a group of reporters (& quite possibly, every type 1 in the world) made a mad dash for the stadium,because there was going to be some huge announcement. It was pandomonium. People were crying, laughing, screaming, hugging each other(while oddly, trying to stampede each other to death to be first in line) & it was like the end of a just gave you the warm fuzzies all over. And then they played the video of how the Artificial Pancreas had been perfected enough to be THE REAL DEAL... a cure, a perfect cure. It was a joyous dream, & the fact that I didn't quite make it to getting one didn't matter (my Dexcom alarmed,waking me up & reminding me that my blood sugar had just gone over the high mark & I'd better do something about it NOW) & upon waking up,I still could savored that feeling for the briefest of moments. Then I got to thinking, when there ever is a cure that's probably how it will go down. (I don't necessarily think the AP will be it though) Only there will also be sadness, for the people who didn't live to see that cure.

For now, these moments are just dreams...but one day, they will be reality.

Saturday, December 01, 2012

A Letter from my Son: Dear Santa

Dear Santa,

I've been a good boy this year, truly I have. I was born, I ate/slept/pooped/grew into a whopping 20(!)+ lbs. I learned to crawl and to say "Mama" "Dada" and as of yet indistinguishable "gaaaa's" which clearly mean something, Mommy & Daddy just don't know yet.(parents are SO.CLUELESS...sigh) So this year, I've narrated a short Christmas wish list (forgive me, I don't know how to type just yet so Mommy is writing this)


A big box, something like the above. This is one of my favorite "toys",because I can knock it down & chase it all over the kitchen floor, while Mommy is cooking supper. The actual blocks, eh they are so blahhhhhh in my baby world.

#2 A dolly with long, curly, golden hair. I've almost pulled all of Mommy's out by this point, and I need something else to yank on.

#3 A Bell. I totally dig the noises they make. Or pretty much anything dangerous or that makes noise, I am a fan of.

#4 A Cat they can't take a swipe at me, every time I touch their tail(s) etc. They don't seem to like small humans like me. (what's up with that, we are AWESOME...)

And one last thing, Santa. I will leave you a plate of chocolate chip cookies (carb count: 29.7 carbs per piece) & your case of diet coke outside on the porch, otherwise Daddy or Mommy might get into them.

Yours Truly,

drools and hugs

the J-baby

Wednesday, November 21, 2012


...for the little(& not so little) things in life...

- A snazzy new G4 Dexcom, which even though I had to drive 15 miles (to a store)because FedEx refused to drop it off without someone being present, is still a good thing. Opinion still being formed, but I think it's going to be really awesome for my (lack of) diabetes control.

Slapped a sensor on last night,after charging the receiver for three hours. Well,"slapped" being a rather mild version of what actually went down...more like flubbed attempt #1 (wasted sensor=scream at the sky)& taped the heck out of sensor #2, because if I didn't, they never stay in. I have learned that while inserting a sensor,if it hurts severely to pull back the needle/tape & try somewhere else,or it will turn into a blood bath. Mild pain means the goings still good. So,after poking around on my left thigh for 2-3 spots I finally found a good spot & stuck it in. Two hours after insertion,it was ready for calibration.(from there,it swung up & down all night..seems to be stabler today) Initial thoughts:it gets back on track MUCH faster then the Dex 7 (when calibrated). I love it's sleek,iPod-esque physique...& hate the case it came in.(useless snaps everywhere)

New boots. I've never been much of a boots person,but these were on sale for a mere $22 at Kmart & hot diggity,are they awesome. Perhaps they won't last a long time but they are comfy with that bit of flair & make me look much more fashion conscious then I actually am. I can't stop wearing 'em.

- For tissues,Tylenol, cough drops, & a hubby who will help out with the kiddo when I'm dying. Colds never really die in the household with a young child..they just get recycled and come back a month later. (see also,kids are still normal acting even when they are sick. Which is both good,& bad)

- A certain little guy is now starting to stand, & to pull himself up on stuff.(much to my relief, as he's been slightly delayed in reaching that milestone) And he now says "Mama" which totally wraps me around his little finger & makes me his slave for life. I could never get tired of hearing that, I don't think. It's usually in the context of wanting food(he loves to eat). In a couple of weeks, he may be able to get his helmet off(depending on the results of the head scan.)

And I'm thankful for all the normal stuff...friends,family, etc.I'm not thankful for diabetes, but I'm thankful for the fabulous folks that make up the DOC & I hope you & yours have a great holiday/weekend!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Friday, November 02, 2012

Forgotten Afternoon

Apparently it involved glucose tabs, candy, & a rebound right up to where I was trying to get down from in the first place..cannot wait to get that G4...especially since I left my Dex 7 at my SIL's house & have been CGM-less for 5 days now. 2.5 hours of my life just blurred by. #WipeOutHypo

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, November 01, 2012


It was his first Halloween.

And in a way, mine too. Because my upbringing was such, that Halloween wasn't/isn't/shouldn't be ever celebrated..I never went trick-or-treating,etc. as a kid.(some may see that as deprivation but what you've never done, you don't miss.) When you've been taught something & consequently, never done something your entire life, change comes hard. (doing something you've always been taught is wrong feels like committing some horrible,horrible sin akin to murder) You've got to rethink things for yourself, & 98% of America isn't any help (as they've always done it too, Christians included). And basically I've come to a somewhat unsettled self-acceptance that for us, personally,some aspects of Halloween are harmless, (and this is not a reflection on what you, personally,think about it) & this includes trick-or-treating. It's basically kids & candy,and I don't see a problem with that. (although I take issue with the parts that are at odds with Christianity)I won't let him dress up as something that we feel to be wrong, & that's that. (my husband did go trick-or-treating as a kid,but both of us are in agreement on this matter. Anyway, I don't have any experience in this..but I dressed him up in a baby Ravens jersey, socks,onesie/pants/ his helmet/undereye black tape thingies (that all football players seem to wear), got a pail,and prepared to hit the neighborhood about 6:30'ish. Hurricane Sandy was kind to us, power stayed on and no trees smashed up our house/street so other then being damp/chilly, it was ok conditions.

Unfortuently, my blood sugars decided they didn't want to play nicely,& 2 minutes out of the house I started feeling low. Drank a juice box. (still low) Walked around the neighborhood,talking to the neighbors & showing off the cute bebe...still felt low, drank another juice box. Shot up to 250. When you are trick-or-treating with an infant,you get a bunch of blank stares & "Can he eat this?" as people try to figure out what is safe to give him (much like trick-or-treating with a child with diabetes, or celiac). The answer to that question is: "Everything's fine." (because Mommy/Daddy will be eating it all anyway). I guess we're all just moochers...but this is a first experience, not really all that interested in the candy anyway. (if people choose to give it, they should know whats the likely scenario as to how it will be consumed) 20 minutes later, walked back to the house...and yet another up-and-coming-potential low popped up on my meter(79). Hubby went to go do early voting,and I drank another juice box/ate some candy/drank another juice box/fed another bottle/changed-put baby to bed/checked blood sugar again (220)/checked blood sugar 1.5 hours later (130)/crashed into bed. Fun times in 'betesville that night. (however, I did include as part of the Big Blue Test, so somewhere, someone benefited from my bizarro blood sugar evening. He took it well,no major meltdowns beyond the initial being scared of the dark bit. (which dissapated after I held him for awhile)

(candy haul!)

(football fun!)

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Bulleted: Zombie Freebie & To Do Lists

- Home Depot's promotional Zombie Game gets you a $5,$10, and $15 coupons. (off of a $5+, $10+, and $15+ purchases respectively.) Yeah, your brain will be zombie-fied by the end of it..(tip: sign up for the lawn and garden club, you'll earn points twice as fast) but at max,it should only take an hour for you to get all the coupons. Anything "Lawn and Garden" isk at HD applies. (such as laundry/soap detergent,paper towels, toilet paper,cleaning supplies,tools, etc.) You can only use one coupon per purchase, but you can do multiple transactions. An hour for $30 of free stuff is worth it, in my book.

-And speaking of Zombie Brains, I'm still trying to un-zombie-fy mine from that whirlwind Medical-Surgical Nursing school glad that's over. I get a breather before going back for Pediatrics, and I intend to put that time to good use. (first on the agenda:get my health back on track. Finally went to get my thyroid levels rechecked(something I should have done a month ago),I've put my Dexcom back on (on that note, I cannot WAIT for the new upgrade...they are sending me one free, even though I got a new system on August 25 & I thought I'd have to pay $399 for the upgrade),I'm trying to eat right & get my blood glucose levels out of the average of upper 200's. (nursing school is pure,un-adulturated,constant high blood sugar grade stress) Today, I'm going to my new nephrologist (I've seen him once before, in August),because of my Bartter's Syndrome & need for periodic magnesium infusions I had to get a new doc. (my old nephrologist retired) He's great,but he's a real stickler for patient appointments & TIMELY periodic updates. (as in every 3-4 months) He made that pretty clear at appt.#1 and there's no way I want to be fired by him, because finding a doctor who really understands that yes, I need that much magnesium mainlined via IV is practically impossible. (many docs will still try to tell you that you can just take it all orally) However, since my new doc knows my old doc & had all my records right there it would be pretty hard to say that, no, you don't need it. I also intend to get the house organized,have a yard sale, make several ambitious craft-sy Christmas gifts,and organize a first birthday party for one very cute little glad I've got the time to do it now! (maybe I'll even do NaPoBloMoMo..because I'm crazy like that)

(riding a pumpkin,on our weekend trip to a farm/pumpkin patch in NJ!)

Monday, October 01, 2012

No D-Day: The Poop, The Scoop, & The Endless Loop

(just a few of the things that I have learned from being a mom)

#1 Baby poop comes in all colors of the rainbow.Its almost a totally disgusting kind of way.(and that's probably all you want to hear about that)

#2 This should be it's the most important baby fact ever-WASH YOUR HANDS, PEOPLE. Being in nursing school, you have to get into the habit of washing your hands A. when entering the patient room B. when exiting the patient room C.anytime you think your hands are dirty D. before any sort of procedure and E. whenever you think your instructor is watching you out of the corner of your eye. There are hand washing spies, whose sole job is to lurk around & take polls of the rate of handwashing compliance. (which they post, for all the world to see) In the hospital,the biggest cause of nonsocomial infections(communicable) is not washing your hands, and it is a very,very, big deal. Since I wash my hands a zillion times a day anyway, as I'm always cleaning up poop/pee/spitup/drool & other "unmentionable" tasks...I am used to doing this. But it really turns you into an OCD freak. ("Ackkk! a speck of dirt, need to wash my hands STAT!")

#3 Plan for the worst,when you leave the house...there is no such thing as being over prepared.

#4 Babies gravitate toward the most dangerous item in the room. ("Electrical cords-those look like fun, let's go chew on them!") Cat just puked? let's go check it it out! Small piece of plastic wrap on the floor-why not put it in our mouth and freak Momma out! Seriously,safe toys are NO FUN. (in their world) Which is why I find myself trying to think up exciting, non-dangerous toys but to a teething, ravenous,crawling 9-month-old, there really is no such thing as a safe toy. Even rattles they stick the stick end in their mouth & its just like (Agggghhhhhhhh) trying to prevent them from injury. Double incentive toward keeping those floors vacuumed. (complete cleanliness was never this much of a need, before)

#5 Every baby should probably have a the rate they bang their head on things. Glad that mine is already wearing one. (does double duty)

#6 Holy wow, do they grow. (and eat...constantly) At 9 months old, my little dude is 20 lbs & what feels like half the length of his crib already. (and has five teeth) He isn't very chunky, which concerns me (it seems like babies should have some sort of fat reserve) but the pediatrician assures me that he's within normal limits. (pardon my mommy brain, we always find "something" to worry about)Growing + happy=healthy baby, so I just need to chill out.

#7 Their first words will be "Da-da"...which they will repeat for hours on end,seemingly endlessly. (to the delight of the dad, and the consternation of the mom.)

#8 Babyhood is all too fleeting...& then I can learn all about parenting a toddler!

Monday, September 24, 2012

From the Files of a Nursing Student: Blue

It was kind of a lax weekend, and by "lax"...I mean that there were no looming tests on Monday. Not that this means that they're giving us a breather, because there's a paper due today. (fortunately for me, I have one from the previous attempt at this course, that was never graded & in my eyes, legit for round #2) Hubby is away on a business trip for 9 days, so it's me & the baby. Baby plus keeping up with this place (cats, laundry, etc.) has me so busy I'm really grateful that there isn't another test till next Monday.

Four weeks down. Four to go. On Thursday, after I took my hubby to the airport & ran to the grocery store & went home, a brief GI virus sidelined me for the rest of the day & I wasn't sure that I could drag myself around on Friday,but I felt marginally better by then. Took my cardio test & sat through 5 hours of GI lectures. I did very,very badly on the cardio test (but my average is still ok...still there's no excuse for it). I think it was a combo of feeling sub-par plus not being able to "think" it out plus total brain deadness on the math questions. I studied, I REALLY studied. Cardio is supposed to be the worst test though (other then the final) so I just need to concentrate on getting stellar grades for the 2 tests before the final. My mom is coming up to help me out for a few days this week, so that will be really helpful. (try lifesaving...she cooks me food,cleans,shops,helps with the baby. I don't know how she does it all,but she had six kids so I'm sure this is just minimal compared to back in the day) That comes with its own particular brand of stress,as she's of the opinion that the first few years of a child's life should be exclusively day-care free..let's just say that we disagree on that point. I don't think I'm emotionally scarring my child for life,& I do my best for my baby.(and I enjoy doing it,he's a good baby) He is happy,healthy, & loves people(everyone..not just his momma)in some respects I feel like the interaction is good for him as well.

Four weeks to go. (have I said that yet?feels like I've been in this course for-ev-er. At the end of this course, there's a break until Jan. because of a weird quirk in what course plan,cannot take a 3rd semester course right after a 2nd semester) I've discovered why the hospital freaks the sams hill out whenever there's a glucose value like say, 53 (or 284)...those values require follow up by the nurse & possible notification of the doctor. And if you're a tired OB, a blood glucose of 284 is likely to majorly annoy you.(especially if you have no clue how swing-ish a type 1's blood glucose can be, post-pregnancy(or pretty much any time) Their goal is to
ensure that there are no surgery complications and discharge you as soon as possible. (and diabetes kind of throws a wrench in that process)
I really think they go overkill on it,as a type 1 I do not need to see a diabetes educator every time my blood glucose goes outside of the range...but it's all very much CYA. But you've got to remember that the vast majority of PWD are type 2...and have stabl-er blood glucoses then type 1's. They often do well on sliding scales,& have residual insulin production to keep their bgs lower. However, that doesn't help me in figuring out what type they are if they are older,perhaps overweight,already have some complications,and are exclusively on insulin but were just diagnosed. (because that info isn't in the charts)Doesn't this information MATTER? (well,it does to me...apparently not to anyone else) Couldn't they try type 2 meds, or has there been any screening bloodwork for antibodies,and shouldn't they get education on counting carbs etc.etc.etc...when it comes to diabetes, I wish I had a clearer clinical picture then the one I get.

A FB friend of mine passed away last night, she was 31 years old, type 1, and had just had surgery. (we used to chat on a diabetes chat) It's so sad when things like this happen out of the blue,& the family is left to grieve. (so much of that around the DOC lately) 31 is too young to die. 40 is too young to die. Please keep those families in your thoughts & prayers. I guess I've just been going through a mini-midlife crises, one in which I've been learning (in depth) about hospitals (and the million & one things that can go wrong post surgery...clots & DVT's, heart attacks, strokes,etc) and being in my 30's, it's been a jolting realization that yes, young people have these problems too...especially PWD. Waiting till I'm 45 & in the CCU with a massive MI isn't going to do me any good,I really need to start improving my diet & exercise NOW. (regardless of cholesterol, people have heart attacks from other things) And women, especially young women, do not have a good prognosis post-heart attack. I don't want to leave behind my family just yet, I want my baby to have a mother & my hubby to have a wife. (for a good long while) Life doesn't feel very fair sometimes but its a heck of a lot fairer then to die of a complication, too young. That complication isn't always "D" related...blood clots can be a complication of any surgery, regardless of the diabetes. You can do your best to lead a healthy life with D..but things can still happen, outside of your control. I just wish there was a cure for diabetes though,because it breaks my heart every time I see a blue candle.

Friday, September 14, 2012

The Nursing School Diaries: Day #2

It was all about the choices.
Choice A: turn around,go home,whisk my forgotten iBaby off the charger, & speed madly towards the hospital,praying that the traffic gods would be kind to me & that I'd be able to get to the right (yes,top) floor of the deserted parking garage (yes,they particularly hate students,they make us park as far away as humanly possible) & my butt across the grounds to the 5th floor of Obscure Building X before 6:45 am. Forgetting your phone is a crime punishable by death...because you need your phone to look up the 1,001 things you don't know.(thing have to sneak off to the bathroom to do it,because should someone see you & think you are "texting" you are in big,serious trouble) Yes,our instructors encourage us to sneak off to the bathroom to do "questionable" practices. (or,should we need to text/find them...because the unit is so darn huge) Being late also means a Plan for Success..but if your instructor is lax on the "lateness" definition(or,is late herself,which some are) sometimes you just gotta take that risk & turn around,grab your phone,& go back. So forgetting your phone is a definite no-no while being slightly late just might be forgivable.

Such was the position I found myself in, one morning this week. I made it to the hospital by 6:40 & rushed over to the assigned meeting place,making sure I hadn't forgotten my backpack/purse/food/car lockup/permit displayed...& was there before my instructor, so everything was great.It was a busy day,as we acclimated to the computer system/healthcare setting/patient load etc...but by 9:30 I figured it was time to check my bg & grab a bite to eat.

Yep,I'd forgotten my PDM/meter/backup insulin vials/syringes in my car. I was also starving to death,but with no way to check my bg/bolus I didn't dare eat. Figured I needed something though so I ate a banana. There is a fate worse then ketoacidosis, & it's called "Plan for Success"...I didn't dare tell my instructor that my meter was out in my car,lest she write me up for not being prepared. In the meantime, my Dex crept up steadily towards 300 & I tried to just focus on making it to lunch,when I could go out & grab my meter/bolus myself into euro glycemic bliss once more.

12:30 came,I went out & checked..only 267. Felt more like 500,what with ketones slugging away through my circulation but I corrected,bolused for lunch,walked back to the rest of the group, & tanked up on fluids.(my insulin was fried..good thing my infusion pod was perfectly ok or I probably would have been in DKA)
Made it through the day,picked up the baby, spent the evening attempting to get my blood sugars straight & the ketones cleared. It's hard when you can't take care of yourself because no one else is allowed to do "X" slack cut unless you are dying.(& in that case, you'd be "relieved" of your clinical duties." I clearly have much to this crazy juggling (school,diabetes,family)life.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sunday, August 26, 2012

The Day the Thyroid Died

August 16, 2012.

"You're so hypothyroid I'm surprised you're still standing."

Coming from my Endo, I suppose that is high praise.(or something) I don't get a choice about the "functioning" bit...the baby has to eat, life has to go on (regardless of how I'd rather just stay in bed all day. But the funny thing is, I am relieved...relieved that there is a cause for my utter exhaustion/weight gain(yeah, 10 lbs)/digestive woes/highly labile blood sugars). You don't really want to mention these symptoms unless there is a cause,but when she started questioning me about them, yep I pretty much have most of those symptoms. It's kind of like before you're diagnosed with diabetes..feeling crappy feels like the way you've always felt, and you can't imagine feeling better.

Oh, and my a1c is 8.6. I think it's been about 8 years since I've had an a1c of that (non) caliber...pass me a gold star. (kidding) That's not entirely accurate, it's falsely elevated (from my hypothyroidism), a fact that I find a marginal bit of comfort in. ("Hey, I bet my a1c is really under 7...right?") My insurance company isn't covering in-office a1c's any more(the Endo office has just been doing them, and writing off the cost) but the Endo's office is now laying the law down..and I have to get them at the lab, the week prior to the visit. (in the future) So the fact that I paid $54.67 (out of pocket) to find out an horrendously crappy a1c is kind of amusing. I actually feel like of passe about that number..even if it really was 8.6,I'm not upset over it. I know things will get better, & when I have enough energy I can actually get them better.

So I started on Levothyroxine (50 mcg/a fairly low dose), and in a few weeks, will have thyroid levels rechecked.(and go from there-will probably have to get the dose adjusted upwards) I am feeling slightly more energetic,and I'm hoping as my body gets re-TSH-ized I can resume feeling like a human being.

I'm also going to try out the One Touch freebie one at the Friends for Life conference and liked it, enough to the point where I'll order a three month test strip supply & see what it does for my control. I feel like the Freestyle does a pretty good job with mirroring my actual bg/symptoms feelings but people say the freestyle reads too low. I like the pattern spotting of the Verio, but I'm not wild about how much off it is (compared to the Freestyle). Getting used to it may be an insurmountable challenge. (I'm going to give it at least 3 months). (I'm not the only one with doubts about switching) I love my pod, and I don't want to switch to the Tandem (regardless of how cool it was...pod trumps all) but I also don't want to switch to the regular One Touch strips (when their new PDM comes out). I'll just test on another meter/enter that number into my PDM...I hate when the pump companies force you to change strips.(to be pump compatible) One Touch strips have not been as accurate as my experience. (Yours may vary) Of course, One Touch Gold (for the Verio) may be an entirely different beast then the regular One Touch strips. And it may actually be a good thing for my a1c...the Verio strips tend to read high(er) then the Freestyle.

On, towards better days.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Nursing School: Take III

Yep, here I go again. Now with an adorable,active (almost crawling) little 7 month doesn't slow down for anything.

The course in question is Medical Surgical (part 1)...and it's my third attempt. (the first attempt was a "drop out on the first day of class" affair and the 2nd,I thought I would be all SuperWomanish and do it all. Didn't work out like that & the icy,bitter shards of what went down is something I still can't talk about, even to my blog)

Third attempt. Last attempt. If I fail again,I'm out of the program. I believe that I can do this, but most of it will definitely be a mental journey (as I face some of the same individuals who did their very darnedest to make sure that I failed). Because I'm not an idiot,it wasn't the coursework that got me. There is one thing that I learned through this though,and that is that "trust" is not something to be given out lightly...I am too naive. Not all instructors are there because they want you to succeed. (Some are there just to collect a paycheck) Trust is mine,trust is not something I have to automatically give to you just because you have a string of credentials behind your name. These are lessons burned into my soul, trial by fire...still fresh from the experience.

Anyway...back to the whole "registering for school" deal. To be able to get accommodations, (aka taking tests in the testing center/being able to have food/glucose available/being able to treat highs, lows as needed) I have to go through the office of Disability Accommodations. I have to have said accommodations, or I'd get suspended for eating/suspected texting/etc. (the joys of diabetes, nu?it is is almost not worth the trouble & I wish I could just hide that I have it) So, right before the start of the new semester, I request a "renewal of accommodations" packet (through the school website) and then go to pick it up from their office. Inside that packet are three separate forms..each form is in triplicate. (white, yellow, pink)

Form #1 I take to the testing center, they sign, I sign, and they keep the yellow copy. I keep the pink copy, and return the white copy to the DSS office.

Form #2 is an instructor "memorandum" (more specifically,listing the exact accommodations needed(eat/drink in class, monitor bg,medical supplies present,1.5x time) to remind them that they have a student taking tests in the testing center, and they have to drop off a test there. (so I can take them) Instructor will sign, I will sign, they will keep the yellow copy, I will keep pink, and the white copy goes back to the DSS office.

Form #3 is the official course form/memorandum for the teacher's file. The instructor signs, I sign, and they keep the yellow copy, I keep the pink, and the white copy goes back to the DSS office.

The testing center is on the opposite side of the campus, which means that I'm usually missing half an hour(or more) of the lectures. Not that I mind, but while everyone else gets to take their test/go to lecture in the same place, I get to run around everywhere attempting to keep on track with everyone else. Yeah, this "Special Treatment" thing is not all fun and games. The lectures I could repeat in my sleep (by this point),and I'm hoping they'll use the same tests (the answers I think I'll have remembered) so that that part at least will be stress-free.

It's entirely possible to be a good mom/go to school at the same time...and I want this degree. I've been working towards this for 11+ years,and if it's not to be, it won't be because I didn't give it my all.

Monday, August 13, 2012

August Update

Life Update : Massively busy, full steam ahead.

I guess its been said (many, many times before) but babies tend to suck time out of the day like nothing else. 99% of your time goes to feeding, diapering, changing, cleaning, & making these small human beings healthy & happy.(and with some children, the "making happy" clause requires almost constant interaction) With the other 1% of your time, you attempt to do all the other tasks that life requires(feeding,laundering, spouse),occasionally sleeping,and shoveling food into your mouth to keep going and that kind of leaves 0% of your time for other say, blogging, or having a social life. (and diabetes care? Forgetaboutit)

And I'm going to be honest here,I have no clue how these people with 12+ kids do it (or parents of multiples). I feel like I'm living on the verge of meltdown...too many tasks,not enough energy to do it all.(yes, the spouse does help out but even with that its living life on the edge) I know it won't be this way forever,but right now I have next to no energy or motivation to do beyond the basics. Part of the issue may be my thyroid, which is doing its own version of mimicking a CGM (fluctuating between too high, and too low) sucking what energy I did have right down the black hole. My Endo calls this fluctuation "postpartum thyroiditis" and feels that it will burn itself out, in a few months. (in the meantime,just deal with it, princess.(my words...not hers. She's just giving it time, because most cases do eventually become more stable,aka go to hypo permanately)

Anyway,blood sugar wise all these fluctuating hormones haven't been too much of a average has been pretty decent. I can't be assured of a better a1c, but I'm spending much less time at both hyper and hypo glycemia so all in all, I'm pretty happy with my D-management. (regardless of what this week's a1c will be) I just want life to settle down, the baby to become less demanding and to settle this thyroid mess so I can get back to feeling like a human being again. And maybe, just maybe,I will get more organized & want to get more fit (aka lose 10 extra baby lbs). If anti-depressant drugs are also involved in the process, I'm cool with that.(anyone who isn't depressed post-pregnancy has got to already be taking anti-depressants, what with what's involved)

Cross fingers.

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

7 Month Letter

Dear J-Baby,

Today you are 7 months old...and the theme for this past month has been "have arms/legs, will roll." Rolling is something you already do quite well,gone are the days of putting you on the bed unsupervised. Yes, you've fallen off=massive Mommy guilt (babies are faster then the speed of light)& so its down to the floor for you. Incedentily, you don't stay on the floor blanket either...prefering to roll around to all corners of the room, seeking the most dangerous,dirty objects to attempt to put in your mouth/tip over/etc.(hence the need for constant supervision)You don't crawl yet, but you're scootching yourself up on your knees and doing a little belly flop with a great sigh of exasperation. (it's coming,perhaps not fast enough for you, though)

This past month, you've acquired two bottom teeth...and a helmet, to correct your plagiocephaly (head asymmetry). Despite having physical therapy for a few months, the head asymmetry is pretty severe (& getting worse) which for some babies, is the case. The helmet has to be worn 23 hours a day (for about 12 weeks).(to shape the growth of the skull) In this hot weather, its not a pleasant experience & causes alot of sweating/deep red facial skin rashes. To the untrained eye, it doesn't cast your parents in a very favoriable light.(I swear we have not been scourging our child with hot irons) I'm going to ask about something we can do to prevent/clear up those patches (although they said it is normal,I'm not sure as to what degree they were talking about).

You are the best little baby ever..and the most social one. (basically, if you aren't around people 24/7 you're very unhappy) You like your rice cereal & applesauce (greenbeansauce was not a hit & gave you diarrhea),& for now, that's the extent of your solid food experience. For the first year, we've decided to go gluten-free (because the guilt parade doesn't quite end after pregnancy,& many T1 parents opt for that to further decrease their kids chances of developing an autoimmune illness.) Well,your parents don't agree that there should be ANY guilt involved,because as we all know T1 diabetes is a strange beast(striking both breastfed,and formula fed,individuals randomly), & ditto that with celiac disease but for now,the most current research says "this may be benificial to your kiddo" so we're going to roll with it. Both your mommy & your daddy were fed lots of strange things as infants...and somehow managed to survive.(such as dad thought it was fun to watch the faces that we'd make) You crack yourself (and everyone around you)'re a very funny baby. (destined to be the next Jay Leno, perhaps?) You can kind of say the word "hello" (hi-yo), which in your mind, is associated with food. (Hello?Hello??Feed me now, Mommy) You also grab at the spoon, the bottle, and the assist (dump food all over) in the feeding process. (you aren't quite ready to feed yourself yet)

You're a whopping 16 lbs & a jumble of arms and legs, most of which are in constant kicking/flailing/swimming motion...and you're working at sitting up, unassisted. (your back muscles aren't quite strong enough yet, since you're dealing with the added weight of the helmet)

You're pretty incredible,& you just keep getting more so!


Your Mommy

Monday, August 06, 2012

Hypo at Midnight

dance along the console
rolls of glucose tabs
Into open mouths
Waiting (&waiting)
to relieve the shakes
to relieve the shakes.

This is how it was
This is how it is
This is how it must be

Until there's a cure.
Until there's a cure.
Until there's a cure.
(will I see a cure?)

Flirting with disaster
Spreading over body
Emptying the fridge
Into stratosphere.

This is diabetes.
This is "control"
This is what it's like.

Relatively steady
Just a unit
From the unknown

People have died
People die
People will die
(how is this controllable?)

For a day
Highs or lows
Everything I want
What's considered normal

For me
For my diabetes friends
For my friends & family
For anyone who has ever been touched by diabetes,in any way,shape or form.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Monday, July 30, 2012

Project: Organization D-Junk

I've fallen in love with the greatest personal organizer...ever.

Found it at Michaels(crafting supply store in the US). I'm sure variations exist in any hardwear/craft store..but I like this particular one because its just perfect for my D-needs.If you're like me, & your bedside stand is a confusing jumble of used test strips,candy wrappers, and other D-(& one low can create that in a hurry)... Then you'll recognize the need to have something to maintain order from the chaos. This fits that need...perfectly.

It's a 8" x 6" x 6" stand up organizer..the perfect size for a nightstand (or dresser).

It has 1 large central space..the perfect size for a bottle of glucose tabs (&/or a can of Diet Coke...)

Just off the central compartment, two smaller compartments can house your D-supplies quite comfortably. (I have my PDM/strips/lancing device in one..and a spare pod/insulin vial/syringe on the other side. They don't get mixed up,and I can deal with each situation separately.I don't have to worry about spilling Diet Coke into a sea of used test strips already covering my phone.

There are 4 side (2 in each side)pockets..great for tucking a roll of glucose tabs or pack of candy into. (or an empty canister,to dispose of used test strips)

Or even a CGM receiver. (no more searching the room because you aren't sure where that shrieking is coming from)

Finally, there is another (open) pouch off the one side...and a velcroed pouch off the other.(perfect for anything else you might a phone(to tweet those early morning "Diabetes Sux!?!" messages...) or a pack of breath mints...or a small pack of tissues after reading an especially emotional blog post...

And the stand-up handle is could almost be a purse or murse.(there is a paisley inside print,but the one I got is a pretty solid black on the outside & tape could be placed,to obscure what is showing,if that offended you. It also came in purple/pink at the craft store. Neither of those is a favorite color of mine,so I went with the black. Although the inside print is hardly noticeable.) It's very portable,very trip-friendly, and I think I'll be going back to get several of these. (at $6.99, a reasonable price,IMO)

(as always,no one paid me to write this..the opinions expressed therein are my own & I paid for said product out of my own pocket.)

What do you use to keep your D-stuff organized?
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Scare Yourself Every Day: The D-Chronicles

I'm not sure what I was expecting...something like the above, perhaps. (it didn't look like that at all)

Anyhow, I came, I saw,I signed 3 consent forms & was duly eye dilated(R) up. Was taken back to a separate waiting room where two other patients joined me as the baby made shrieking noises to pass the time. Dr. S(paghettio),my ever so buyount opthamologist came to take us over to the lasaring room (where I parked the baby stroller in the corner),& put my head on the device rest.

Click. Click. Click. SNAPPPP. It wasn't painful to the eye, but the frequency was horribly unpleasant to my ears.

"This can't possibly be painful," said Dr. Spaghettio, noting the look of deep consternation on my face.


"Not painful to the just sounds horrible."


(I think that was my brain-this is not a pleasant experience.)

"There is no way this can be painful!" Dr. S. continued to insist.

(whatever, dude. I don't think you've ever had a lasar zapping around inside your eye



"A few more have a huge pupil." (why thank you)


It was only a few minutes of this, yet felt like lightyears.

"All done! See you in a month."

"Great." I get up from the chair, locate my baby and my sunglasses, and roll on out
of there. "I hope that's done it."

Later that day....

(painkiller time. I'm not sure where he got the idea that said lasaring is never
painful,maybe because he's never had a patient under the age of 40 to go through this. Perhaps older people have a higher tolerance to pain then younger folks.)

It seems to have been somewhat effective...I'm hoping a few more days & it'll be as good as the left eye. Anyhow, I can now cross that one off my Reverse Bucket List. (I'm sure it won't be the last time a lasar goes zapping around in there).

Thursday, July 19, 2012

6 Months: Moments

Mr. Studious.

Attack the Mickey!!

Teeth: we've got two!

Smearing my hair with applesauce.

Happy baby.

Unhappy baby.

Nemo kisses.

We love our feetsies...they taste soooo good.

We's a fan.


Hair today, gone tomorrow.


Not sure what to think of this stuff (4 months old)

Mickey Ears.

Getting measured for a helmet.

Starting the Day...

And ending it.

Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, July 12, 2012

FFL: Making the Outliers, Inliers

(if I were a dot on this graph, I'd have been to the farrrr right)

In 2005, I boarded a plane bound for Florida...bound for this place I'd heard about, called Friends for Life. To say that I was nervous would be the understatement of the year. (I was going to room with someone I'd barely met from the Internet chatroom) I didn't know a soul. (and I also didn't tell my parents where I was going, lest they unduly freak out. Wise, nu?)

When I got there, there was no red carpet, no welcoming committee. The CWD young adults of today were still teens, doing teen stuff..and I was at the wayyyy far end of that bell curve, struggling to see where I could fit into all this. Yes, I could pretend to be a teenager(I still looked like one) but in the end, I (& my friend) were out in the cold.

(and that is how I found myself volunteering to chaperone a bunch of crazy midnight. Never again, is all I can say.Although I respect each and everyone who does so, that's not my cup of tea.)

Seven years later, I don't feel alone (above and beyond the baby/husband in tow factor) anymore when I go to that conference-there are friends everywhere. And that (semi-crazy) fellow PWD that I met off the internet is now a very good friend, not the ax-murderess one would assume they would be. I've grown as a person (one who wouldn't say two words at that first conference,I've always been somewhat of an introvert) and a PWD(knowledge base= double arrows up). And the friends I've met haven't been limited to fellow PWD...spouses of PWD, siblings of PWD, exhibiters, as well as parents of CWD.(it takes a village, and all that jazz)

Many more "outliers" are coming to FFL now..and those teenagers are growing up, getting married,etc. The bell curve is shifting and its not such an odd thing anymore to go to a "Children with Diabetes" conference.

But it still is a "Children with Diabetes" conference, and while more adult programming is making its way into it, at its core, it seems like that will never change. Too earth-shattering to change to "Children and Adults with Diabetes." Not to mention it probably won't sit well with Johnson and Johnson.It started out CWD, and will likely remain so. And for some adults,that's likely to be a point of major contention.

So where is this all going? I don't know. But I can't help feeling that somewhere down the proverbial pike, CWD is going to be faced with that decision (to change the name) because so many adults with D will be coming to this conference..and the fallout may not be pretty. I personally don't care about the name, I love it regardless (people don't ostrocize you just because you don't have a CWD) but it does infer a certain stand-offish status to those who don't have a CWD. CWD is going to have to adapt to this and the shift in the bell curve, perhaps very soon/very quickly (depending on how many T1's do decide to come,and judging from what I read on FB/Twitter there's alot of interest out there). The adult programming is coming along pretty well,they've had some great sessions this year. Scholarships for (adult) PWD also need to be established.

I think that there's room under this big o'le umbrella for us all...CWD or not. (we all need somewhere to feel normal/loved/accepted)

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

The Laser & The Type One

I've got alot to say about the awesomeness that was Friends For Life...but the most important thing to take care of (post-conferance)was a follow-up with my eye doctor. (each year, they offer a pretty in-depth screening..photographing everything & giving you pics to take home with you. This year, they used a new piece of technology that photographed the thickness of the retina...& detects any "air pockets" that could mean future vessel issues) Well,last fall (in the final weeks of pregnancy)a floater popped up in my right eye(duly freaking me out)..& it wasn't anything significant, just related to age. I just had to learn to live with it. Which I did. However, this year's FFL eye scan revealed complete clouding of my right eye lens & they recommended going back to the eye doctor. (yet again)

So I did that. I really like my eye doctor, he looks like Brad Pitt's (younger) brother. (and he doesn't rip into me about my current a1c) Dilated up,and he spent like 3 minutes looking around, leaned back,and announced that the R eye definetly needed that laser (the left eye isn't to the point of occluding vision yet). I guess since the floater occurred,I've just learned to live with the not-so-sharp vision.

This kind of laser burns a hole through the "sac" overgrowth that obscures the lens. (months/years after cataract surgery) It isn't D-related,& it supposedly isn't painful.However,it is a procedure (and thus,had to be scheduled for "Procedure Day")& like anything else eyeball related,they have to give you a list of (extremily rare) scary potential side effects.(and now I see why you wouldn't want it done unless the eye was completely clouded) I have hope that it will clear up the cloudiness in that eye some. (which I had assumed to be from floaters) It isn't exactly like having cataracts was,because I was stone cold blind from those,& its only noticable in that one eye. Anyway, I'm ready to just get this done...& hopefully, it will help. Once that eye is done, the problem won't reoccur in that eye.(there's the other one sometime down the line, to be dealt with then) Virtually everyone who has an IOL implant for cataracts has to get this laser I don't feel like its my fault or anything.My retinas, thankfully, are still doing fine.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012