Friends for Life:Green Armbanded Moments

Life is about the moments...the good & the bad.And that's what we're doing right here...we're making moments,we're making memories,to be treasured. (a loose paraphrase,it's been 3 weeks & I don't recall it verbatim) -Tom Karlya,FFL banquet, Orlando 2011





(the color bands of the conference...green was diabetes,orange was not diabetic,and yellow was celiac disease)

Going into this conference, I knew that it would be a bit different. The clock will never go back(to one's carefree,stay-up-to-the-wee hours,childless days) & I wanted to tie up all the loose ends that I never felt I have,in prior years. (I've had my fun,it was time to make this one a bit different) The first step to that,was getting on "Staff"




as a childcare assistant. It's also a job that comes with a few great perks,most notably free conference registration,free banquet tickets,and a free hotel room, which means the only thing Staff pays for is the plane ticket there/from.(& I dunno,maybe the speakers even get that payed for) Definably the best babysitting gig I've ever done. (yes,you lose your mind after 2 days but there are still good moments,& lots of time to unwind from the kid stress.) In the interest of disclosure, I will say that no one there knows(or cares) that I blog...these thoughts are my own & I would say them regardless.


The first "real" day of the conference always starts on a Thursday,but Wednesday is the day of focus groups,the day when the diabetes companies pick our our minds.(as to what we want to see in technology)
The first session of the day was an adult "Meet & Greet" hosted by Kerri & Scott..(group photo below)





I was then supposed to go to the childcare planning meeting,but no one was in said room,(and the leader wasn't responding to email/voicemail) so I said to heck with it & just went to another focus group. I didn't know what else to do (even the hotel "event boards" showed it to be in that room, & I wasn't just going to wait around at a room where nothing was happening.When I got out of that,my voicemail inbox was swarming with frantic calls ("Where ARE you?!?!") and the actual room was as far away from the room they told me.(as humanly possible) As they didn't bother to call until 30 minutes after the "meeting time" (nor did they bother to pick up their phone & tell me the correct place) I don't really think I was at fault there. I went there,intro'd myself to the CDE, and got instructions. I made it a point never to be late again (even if it was their fault).(CWD needs better communication to their staff)

After that,I stopped by the free Retinal Screening...which is offered every year by Dr.Ben Szirth(& team-a group from New Jersey).There was a bit of a wait,but I'm ok with that. I go every year (they don't put drops in,but they do check inter-ocular pressures & take photographs) Last year, it showed that my L lens was beginning to cloud up...and this year,my R lens is following suit. They always recommend follow up with an opthamologist, & given that you're supposed to see one in the first trimester of pregnancy anyway(didn't happen,but it is on the schedule) I don't feel that it's anything that's snowballing out of control,but when it does become necessary for lasaring I hope it doesn't affect any aspect of vision)

Grabbed some lunch (from the food court),wolfed it down, & for
the 1:30 session, I dashed over to LeeAnn's diabetes art workshop. Didn't know anybody (else) there,but the two teens I sat across from were certainly entertaining.(if nothing else) This is my "self-portrait ".






I guess all of the other adult T1's were having fun in the Infamous focus group...I was so rattled by whacked-out schedules by that point that I didn't have any clue what was going on. After that, I attended another focus group...(I don't remember what company sponsored it...)




It was lengthy,but not unreasonably so...and for 35 Disney Dollars you find yourself agreeable to even 1.5 hours of invasive,"Circle of Love", type questioning. It was geared toward kids (with D) & their parents,but guess what,there were adult pumpers there(and an adult pumper with their pumper child) so there was certainly a good representation from most parts of the D-Sphere about how pumps & meters should interact. That was the closest I got to an actual "therapeutic" session...for I couldn't go to any on Thurs-Friday. That done, I went back to the room for an hour's nap before the Exhibit Hall opened at 6. The Exhibit Hall,upon the official "Grand Opening", is immeadietly flooded by 2,500+ eager souls intent on grabbing as much diabetes swag as humanly possible(like an invading army). And while this is going on, the hotel staff sets up a buffet dinner right outside.(so the plunderers can refuel & get right back to plundering) But being starving(& low),I headed straight for the DRI's "Popcorn Machine"& the free samples they were giving out, I couldn't wait for the buffet. Had some dinner,went back to the Exhibit Hall,lugged stuff back to the room,& had a mini-meltdown (in the Florida humidity)when my room key ceased to work anymore.(I sure wasn't going to lug it all back to the convention center)My roommate came through however,(after multiple,panicky calls) & after dumping everything off we went back to the convention center for beverages & to get a new room key.(& I stopped off at Blogger Central,where everyone was sitting by the lake & tweeting(DSMA chat) merrily away. It was like geek central,though on occasion,someone actually did say something out loud. It was also REALLY cool though my phone service seemed to be at least five minutes behind everyone else's,as evidenced by snippets of conversation that I'd finally "get" later on.





(the live,streaming Twitter board in the exhibit hall)
Morning came way too fast...&it was up & at 'em for a quick bite to eat before a day spent babysitting.


My "Mickey Breakfast."

I was at the appointed room by 8:30,although there was some confusion as to which room I really needed to be in.(the "under 2's" were staffed by a professional childcare service,which I found to be pretty odd) Eventually,I was stuck with the 3's & 4's and as the room filled up with crying,screaming children, I tried to find a far corner & make it look like I was doing something essential so I would not actually have to tear a little darling away (& comfort that little darling). A couple kids quickly found the bubbles,& most of my morning consisted of making sure they didn't spill soap all over the carpet/room/universe. Which means,that my hands were also covered in bubble soap & I didn't check my blood sugar all morning,& by the time lunch rolled around (we got 1.5 hours for lunch,the parents would pick up their kids) & I'd washed my hands a "LOW" greeted me,flipping me completely out. I went into the 5 yo room(right next door) & panickly announced that I was low & could I have something? The Diabetes Educators in that room(who hadn't gone to lunch yet)assisted me in the consumption of a vast amount of Carbohydrates(and checking again,to make sure I'd come up). I'm aware that adults with diabetes (much less staff) are supposed to be role models for the kids & not get into these circumstances in the first place,but it happens to everyone...those lows that catch you totally off guard.DE's rock.(and what is the point of a diabetes conference,if not "making new friends"...you'd better believe that they remembered my face for the rest of the conference) Had lunch,got over being shaky,perused the Exhibit hall briefly,went back to the kiddo's for the afternoon. One little boy marched right up, told me he had an insulin pump,& asked if I did too. (the answer to that was yes,but I doubt that he'd know what a Pod was since most of the kids used traditional pumps)It was completely adorable & stole my heart(having diabetes at only 4 must be really hard on the parents-the kid doesn't even grasp what it is yet) but then I discovered that there was not one,but TWO little boys,(TWINS) both with diabetes,both with pumps. Both were very cute,but they were also typical brothers...intent on slugging,hitting,pushing,& completely annihilating the other. It was a relief when "nap time" came around & they sacked out completely. It was even more of a relief when 5 pm rolled around & I could check out for good,it had been a really long day. (reinforcing in my mind that I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TWINS)
(also that day,Jackson,the CGM'ng dog with diabetes visited..a few of the kids were interested,the rest were not)


Went back to the room, got ready for the banquet, & tried to find some adult bloggers to hang out with. I then bumped into the Roche medical director(who actually remembered me from the previous year...which is odd,because generally,people can't wait to forget me) & in the course of that conversation, lost track of everyone else & spent the next ten minutes looking over the huge banquet hall for some. I finally found some.(Lee Ann,Scott Strange,Karen & Pete, Jess & husband,and I think Jacque?)

Crystal Bowersox performed...(& she's even better in person then she was on American Idol!) it was incredible listening to her,she really can sing.And I will forever think that she should have won it.(she was by far,the better singer,but tween girls(& their mass texts) will forever decide in favor of the young male performer. She answered questions for the kids...about diabetes,& performing on American Idol.




Every year,there is a slideshow of the previous year's conferences....& every year, I get all choked up thinking of the incredible people who come/give of themselves to help kids with diabetes be all they can be. But in the middle of my getting choked up,the infamous diet coke earring picture flashed across the screen & I was more mortified then anything else.(ayeeee!how did that end up there? Never mind, I know how ( Thanks,Scott) it was just somewhat shocking,to say the least. I mean,I'm an adult with D & a solo picture of me has never graced the FFL screen.But I survived the mortification.)




I then rocked out on the CWD dance floor (near Lorraine & family & Michelle & family....)



(Michelle Golliday & I)
The next day, was much like the previous...but by 10 AM I was completely worn out & functioning on autopilot. It wasn't quite as hectic,although I made at least 15 bathroom trips for the kids & 7 of those were for 1 kid who didn't have diabetes.( I was beginning to think that he really did) The main CDE took about half the kids to play in "Sports Central" while the rest stayed in the room. I helped with crafts,games,etc. By 4 pm,everyone was pretty ready for the parents to just come already though. Joe S.came in & all the kids had a free for all jumping on him.(does he still have a back,I wonder?)





By 5, I was beyond worn out & in dire need of a nap(31 kids/12 with diabetes...for two days,inside too small room) which I did, for two solid hours. Didn't want to miss the Adults With Diabetes dinner,so I managed to show up(just an hour late) at 8. The ID checker at the door asked if I was 21,asked again,& had no problem with not seeing an ID. I figured that was because there was an open bar,but didn't bother to check the bracelet he slipped on my wrist. I didn't plan on drinking( no matter how alluring those Blueberry Mojito's looked),later I'd find out that with the armband,you could get 1 free drink.(not quite unlimited alcohol) I guess I should have given it to someone else who could drink,but I didn't know.


Sam Talbot is a former Top Chef contestant.(with type 1 diabetes) And in the same way that Chystal Bowersox can really sing,Sam can really,really cook.(he was giving demos of how to prepare the food on that evening's menu) Problem was,it was a bit too spicy for my pregnant taste buds so the greater portion of that meal was the desserts(mini cheesecake,brownie,fruit tart) and water. Tandom(the event sponsor) had a raffle giveaway(Snuggies,a camera,a couple gift cards to high-end shoe stores in New York) & Sam signed autographs/posed while the adults with type 1(spouses,etc) randomly mingled/shot the breeze. There was one person there(an OB nurse with T1) who went to college where I grew up,works in the state I live in,& could tell you more about the nursing program at my school then I could myself...it's a small,small world. (& a most bizarre one,I was afraid she'd have some sort of sixth sense about me & ask if I was pregnant)

After that, I figured I'd head over for dessert/scientific discussions with the faculty.(more for the discussions,not the food) I'd gotten about a hundred feet,when one of the CDE's saw me & waved me over to join the group of all nurses unwinding from their hectic week with the help of lots of red wine.Certainly they needed it,but I was getting tired again(& there was no caffeine or alcohol on board to help with that) & about an hour later,excused myself...only to run into the blogger group on the outside patio. Stayed till midnight there & then went back to crash.

And that was the week,in a nutshell. Sat. my roommate & I moved to another Disney hotel.(so were not around for the last "farewell" breakfast) FFL will always be exhausting,but it will always be worth it...you meet new friends,reconnect with the old, & feel that diabetes does not suck quite so badly. There's also no "type" discrimination at FFL...although the vast majority of folks have type 1,if you've got diabetes,you're wearing that same green armband as the T2 next to you. I think it's nice not to fight...1 week out of the year.In a sense,I feel like I've "grown up" with CWD (not really,but I have known some of those folks on the chat rooms since I was 18 & as green with diabetes as they come). After 5 conferences, I finally got to "give back" although I think that probably should have taken the form of another age range. I enjoy talking with the parents of the kids with diabetes too...it gives me insight as to what life is like for them.

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100 Days

On the 99th day of pregnancy,my body gave to me
A raging,snotty,stay-in-bed flu .

Yesterday's Babyscope:

Jul 20, 2011
Staying Healthy
As if you didn't have enough pregnancy symptoms to contend with, you're also more susceptible to colds, flu, and other bugs when you're expecting. That's because nature wisely suppresses your immune system during pregnancy to keep your fetus (a foreigner to your body) from being rejected. The key to staying healthy during pregnancy is to engage in some germ warfare. More than ever, the best defense is a strong offense. Wash your hands often (and carry liquid sanitizer for times when a sink's not handy), don't share drinks or food or toothbrushes, and avoid sick people like the plague. If you think you've caught something, check with your practitioner ASAP, who will treat what you've got with your special needs in mind.

Wow,seriously? Talk about great timing.(telling me after I've already caught the thing,how about 3 weeks ago?)I wash my hands a billion times a day as it is.(so much for that,I suspect someone gave it to me at the airport) The wording of that is also quite interesting ("foreigner to body?" whatever happened to it being the most natural thing in the world?)


100 degrees outside.

100 degrees inside.(me)

100 days of pregnancy.

100 (what my blood sugar should be,& is so NOT,& not from lack of trying,fever raises my basal insulin requirements)

As for symptom relief,the only thing you're really allowed to take is Tylenol.(Sudafed in some cases,but I'm not one of those cases) My "special needs" mainly consist of keeping the blood sugars in line,(emailing Endo 2x/week)& keeping hydrated. Can't use my CGM,because Tylenol messes up the readings so I just have to check a zillion times a day. And is that helping,not really, I need my CGM to alert me before(not after) the fact.

I'm pretty sure that if Michelle Duggar had diabetes...there is no way she'd go through pregnancy 19 times. It's possible,but that doesn't mean that there's anything easy about it.(the real question is,it possible for me to do it.I'm 50/50 on that one.)

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The Ugly Meter(that could)

Once upon a time, in the land of Meterville(aka Heidi's Closet) there lived a young Freestyle meter.


As meters go, he wasn't very "fancy" or revered,& the young meter felt that he had little to offer the world. He wasn't an Omnipod, One Touch, or Reveal...and couldn't directly beam readings into the pump of choice. He had no fancy backlight.( for the popcorn chewing, diet-coke swagging,testing-in-the-dark patron with diabetes) Yes he was small,& cute,but in the cutthroat world of diabetes technology where does that ever get you? In despair,the young meter wished to be run over by the nearest 2,000+ lb vehicle but as a case of last resort,decided to pay a visit to the oldest (and wisest) resident of Meterville.



Grandfather Accuchek...the very first meter of them all. Grandfather Accuchek possessed more knowledge then any of the other meters,for it was he that had trained that young PWD oh-so-many years ago. The young meter loved to listen to Grandfather's stories(of diabetes care back in the '90's) for it made him feel shiny,young,& special...not just another generic meter.

"What can I do for you today,oh young one?"

"Oh Grandfather, I need a special function,for all of the other meters are so much better then I. I don't have a backlight,manage pump info, or are waterproof. If I had a superpower,like being able to instantly analyze the carb content of any given food that would give me some credence,but I'm just another dumb,useless meter!"

The old meter looked at the younger one & sighed. "You have much to learn,young Meterwan. Listen to your owner, for the day may come that YOU are the meter of the hour."

"Yeah,right. I'm just trash!" moped the young meter. And he went away angry,that the older meter would not help him.

One day,there was quite the commotion in the land of Meterville. A big diabetes Exposition was going on,& all the brightest & best meters were selected to attend,to represent just how far technology had really come. The young meter watched the other meters leave,& cried bitter tears that he wasn't going to.

But then came that night....that terrible,terrible night. At 1 am,young meter was awoken by sweaty,shaky hands grabbing,jabbing,trying to insert a test strip into him by the light of the hallway haze.

49.

Young meter wanted to scream out "Eat Sugar!" but seconds later was knocked onto the floor in the PWD's mad rush to do just that.

56.

Picked up again,he could feel the hypoglycemic heartbeat madly vibrate to his own inner core. The minutes,& hours passed...and the heartbeat slowed, the sweat cooled,and shaking fingers slowly uncurled as the body fell into a sleep of exhaustion.

That day,the young meter learned that it's not so much the fancy features of a device...it's the ability to do the job.(that ultimately matters) In a pinch,you need a meter that delivers.

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Dear Beanie Baby

It wasn't a day like any other day...for starters, it was Friday, May 13...the last day of the semester/nursing convocation party. Great day to get a little life-changing news. Got up,dragged myself to the lab for a blood draw,& then went home to prepare for the convocation. Bittersweet moment,for I was feeling the emotions of having survived the 1st semester along with the hundreds of other students there. After the ceremony,there was a light reception,& I drove home...stopping at a store for something & my phone beeped with a voicemail. I decided that whatever it said,I needed to be sitting down for the news.

"Hi,this is your doctors office-Congrats! Blahblahblah."

It was true. It was real. It was at that moment,when visions of my latest blood sugar ran like a horror sequence through the soundtrack of my mind,that I knew I needed to pick up the phone & tell the one person in the Universe who needed to know right then & there.

My Endo. And she picked up right away,gave me my next step of marching orders,and congratulated me. But having been down this path before, I waited the weekend before telling my husband(after the repeat blood test showed continued rising levels).

And every day since then, I've awoken every morning expecting the worst. It's a hard burden,those critical weeks of the first Trimester...when every blood sugar,every random stabbing pain,everything you put in your mouth influences another life. (have I been a bit psycho? why yes, I have)

But today, I am 13 weeks...feeling not as miserably sick,& ultrasound shows Beanie Baby to be right on track.(3 inches long,& growing by leaps & bounds)



I think it may be doable after all.
(not quite as nervous now...although it's still not very "real" yet,still no tummy budge)
I can't say that the concept has even become real yet,I guess it's good that it takes 10 months to have one.(but yes, we're really excited, & it's incredibly hard to not tell anyone until 8 weeks later!) It was worse at FFL, I had the uncontrollable desire to blab it to everyone I came in contact with & I couldn't, because I needed today's confirmation that everything was still on track.

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Oh, Baby....

His name is Mac,& I suppose this means that I have gone totally Apple-holic.(hook,line,& sinker) Bought it off my dad over the weekend.(aka,my b-day/Christmas gift rolled into one...my old PC is pretty ancient/buggy/slow)

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Phases

I have type 1 diabetes, & my islet cells don't work worth two beans.Or do they?

If you were to measure my c-peptide,it would be non-existent, at 0.0 mmol. I know this,because with diabetes research studies,they are always measuring c-peptides...and as mine goes,it is always non-existent.(some long-term type 1's still do retain a slight production) Researchers theorize that producing insulin may have protective powers against the crazy high-low destructive variability(that is type 1, in a nutshell) So much for any protection for me (should that be true)

But there are times,not related to exercise,illness,temperature,or the phase of the moon...when I could swear that my pancreas is doing something.And when it begins,the lows just go on and on and on(seemingly unending).

Last night was such a night. 95 at supper(a zillion carbs of spaghetti), 65 by the end of supper. Bolused half(because of the low),and waited for the pasta factor to just hit en masse. 45 minutes after supper...70.Ate some candy. 30 minutes after that...72. Ate 16 grams glucose tabs. 30 minutes after that...55.And so on,till about 10 pm,when,sick of eating,I cut off my basal rate for an hour,& threw the big guns(chocolate milk) at it.11 pm-76.Cut off my rate for another hour,had another cup of chocolate milk & prayed that it would work because the next step would have been experimenting with mini-glucagon dosing to try to avoid going to the ER. I was scared that it wouldn't work,but 3 hours later I awoke to a lovely 296 which I bolused half of what I normally would(1.5 units) effectively knocking it down to 106 this morning. I think I probably ate around 300 carbs last night,it was absolutely insane.Rarely does my mind go to the "what if this doesn't work?" scenario,& it makes me realize that I have absolutely no plan(aka "panic-free") way of handling something like this(mainly because it very rarely happens) I have had days where I'd have 7-8 lows a day,because of whatever wackiness was going on,but it was a controlled chaos,& I could keep on top of it. There was nothing controlled about last night...never in my life has a bolus of 2.5 units(plus 1.5 basal) done that. People think that insulin production is a wonderful thing, a dream that they'd give anything to see again but I am not so sure,in the context of T1 diabetes it is just a major pain in the butt. You'd have to figure out just how much less insulin you need(and no answers are forthcoming from said pancreas as to how much it's producing). The world of diabetes is not cut and dried(as to what can/will happen),& more then anything, I just want stability. I'd rather take a relatively consistent amount of insulin & have great control then little insulin & be crashing every five seconds.(of course, I'd much rather just not have D in the first place but that's not one of the options)

I hate diabetes.


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Winning The Battle, Losing The War

Prioritizing. It's something that I'm none too good at, and by now, the list of things that I've been meaning to blog about is so long that I'll never in a million years catch up so why even try?

And plus, I've been having serious disenchantment with my blog platform. After 5+ years, it just seems so incredibly basic and blah(which was good in the beginning,but now it's overly simplistic). I know next to nothing about developing a website,but there has to be better platforms out there. Change needs to come. As emotionally attached as I am to "The D-Log Cabin", even that may have to go. There are posts in here that I'm sure are none-to-complimentary(too many names) toward certain parties,and I have to think that one day,some online stalker playing "Connect-the-Blogs" could play havoc with that. I try not to put too much private info on my blog but I'm not sure I've been terribly successful in that.

Most of my energy,emotional & physical, seems to be consumed by the diabetes these days...and it seems like I don't have enough energy to blog. It's not that it's hard(to dash off a 20 minute post), it's just that,given the choice, I'd rather collapse into bed. I hope that changes,but that's the reality for right now...winning the D-Battle, seriously losing/behind on every other part of my crazy/ busy life.


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The Runaway

It's been missing for two full days. I know it isn't in the car(checked) or house (for with the number of lows I've had, I'd have heard the alarm,the battery was fully charged)

Where is it? Where was the last place that I went that it might've fallen out of my pocket? Let's try the doctor's office.

"Excuse me,but did I leave a medical device there on Wed.?"

"Yes,it's here. We were wondering who's it was."

Success, relief. How I didn't realize that sooner is anyone's guess.




I'm not a parent,but I think I know exactly how it must feel to get your kid back safe & sound..a little bit angry ("Bad, BAD Dexcom!") a whole lot scared, and a whole lot relieved. The day I leave a device like that in an airport is the day I NEVER see it again. Everything is getting labeled/phone numbered,against the day that it does happen again.

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The DiabetiThon

The road stretches straight ahead
Miles and miles, off into the darkness
and yet it seems so oddly familiar
like an endless loop
for I am no hero,& I have been here before
drop-by-drop,counting the gallons lost
hole-by-hole, playing Connect-the-Dots with the scars
Diabetes: 5000 Me:0
seeking to lessen the damage
in this Diabeti-Marathon
I run to live
and my prize is being alive
for in this race,there is more taking then giving
kidneys
heart
eyesight
every other complication under the sun
Am I doing this right?
no one can tell
Although confirming my failures is easily done
and yet I think at least I'm 75/25
and good for many more rounds around the track
but the monotony is stifling
and I am tired to my core
day in,day out
it never ends
Can a human being live this way?
I want to believe in a cure
but the passage of time
jades the most enthusiastic of people
so I settle for survival
and I wait for the sun to come up
the diet coke to kick in
And then I see that I'm not the only one running this race.


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The Problem With 80

The problem with 80,they say
Is more, that it stays not that way.
It soon starts to drop
And more eating of glop
Is repeated oft times in a day.

I personally have no problem with an 80, or even upper 70's, but as it creeps down into the lower 70's it gets into my cranky zone & I start feeling low. My Endo can't understand this ("You aren't low. You're just too high most of the time.") implying that I should just suck it up & embrace it for all it's worth,& one day it won't feel so bad.

My Endo does NOT have diabetes. I can't tell my body to love a 71,(which,with the strip margarin of error is probably more like 64) and when I'm dropping, I feel it. And with anything in the 70's, the odds are 100% that I will drop(be it on basal alone) Yeah,my blood sugars are quite a bit more stable these days and my goal is to be near 100,but I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable with upper 60's/lower 70's. I'm glad that I feel my lows(quite well) but numbers like that seem to me to be flirting with fate.(raises hand,been there,got the tshirt)

Yeah, me and the Endo have an oil and water relationship these days..I sometimes think she wants me dead. I don't intend to go from a low though,and as previously mentioned,I think she's from the Land of Textbookidemia & isn't really listening to my point of things(hypos KILL too). I mean, I've only been doing this for 12.5 years(longer then she's been practicing) I think the fact that I don't eat the kitchen sink (treating with the minimal amount of carbs) shows that I have improved in that regard.

Anyone else have an exasperating Endo?(She's good,she's just driving up the wall)


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A Story of a Great Doc

There are bad doctors. There are so-so doctors. There are good doctors. And lastly, there are exceptional doctors,the ones that you will never,ever,ever forget.

This is the story of an exceptional doctor.


It was the best of times,it was the worst of times. It was many years ago,and my health was non-existent with a storm of puzzling,vague,weird symptoms that made my life non-livable 24/7/365. It's hard to get into what that was like,
for it was no kind of a life at all. There were doctors(and more doctors),and tests,and weird abnormalities that did not fit any specific disorder. It was a long,depressing process...and guess what,I was told that I was depressed.(which I was,by that point,but it made me mad to be told it was all "in my head") After the World's Worst Seizure,(and a subsequent workup at Big University) no one told me it was all "in my head" anymore,but answers weren't exactly forthcoming either.And then I went to an ENT(quite possibly,the only specialty I hadn't seen,by that point) I had all these symptoms that were being treated,and no "big picture."

It wasn't hard to like him,this young,charismatic doc with a boundless sense of optimism. He had a plan,& that plan involved figuring out WHY I was as dizzy as a drunken sailor 24 hours a day.After several tests,it was discovered that my eyes/ears didn't track well with my equilibrium & so I underwent "balance training" to try and fix that. What did I have to lose,my brain was on the fritz anyway.Eventually,things got better in that regard(as well as the rest of the health drama) but I think the best thing he gave me was the renewed sense that I was right,& not nuts,no matter what the medical profession did/did not find.A couple years after that,he took out my tonsils and since then,he's been my allergist doc.(all is status quo in that regard too,my allergies haven't been that bad this year) I don't think he ever once chewed me out about anything D-related,(in direct contrast to any other doc I've ever had)which makes him an extremely rare HCP.

Diagnostic Skillz...he's got it.

Bedside manner...he's got it.

Surgical prowess...he's got it.

Cuteness...he's got that too,& let's be honest,anything that goes easy on the eyes is conducive to the healing process. (even for married folk,though that's where it stops)Everybody likes him, he's that kind of a person.

There are good doctors,in every specialty,and when you meet one...you will know it forever.They go above & beyond the Hippocratic Oath,& make the world a better place.They make medicine what it is meant to be. And I think that whatever your definition of a great doc is,there are probably elements of most of the above in it.


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Pictured

Pollen and Puddles




(contents of purse.80% Diabetes Related.No wonder my arm sprang Neuropathic issues on me.(cruel,cruel irony,if diabetes itself doesn't do it carting around all the supplies will)




(fast-forward, please)




(Now Pause!)




(mail treasures...must do book review soon)




The dreaded SoxPox, which is 100% lethal.(attempting to "cure" it...is futile, it gets tossed.)

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Beautiful Things

I'm well aware that I flunked out of #Dblogweek, but I'm still going to do this final post as a sort of combination of the last three posts that I missed.Awesome things plus Snapshots plus deep and profound thoughts.

#1 Friday was the final day of nursing school..and the big Nursing Convocation.Passed my final exam with an 88(and how that happened,I dunno,because it was so hard I was only sure about 65% of it),earning me a B for the course(and an A&B for the other courses). It felt quite odd to be done,and smooshed into an auditorium with hundreds of other 1st,2nd,3rd,and 4th Semester students. But it felt good too,for as hard as 2nd Semester is reported to be,with the first semester under our belts we can take on the world now.It almost felt like we should be tossing hats up in the air(along with the graduating class),we made it.(stupid,I know,but it feels like I've been in school forever!) And then(after the various awards,etc.) there was cake,and punch,and a subsequent spiking of bgs to undesirable levels...goodbye,school!

2. Blood sugars can be beautiful. Unfortunately, the effects of Tylenol upon a Dexcom sensor are disastrous,& the effects on consecutive days makes you wonder why you're even bothering. So I'm not going to show you a nice,flat, Dexcom line(because quite frankly, I don't have any) but stable blood sugars are a wonderful thing.(not that I even have that,but I'm trying)

3. My last a1c was down by 0.2.And considering that the "cheat" one I had done(my Endo never knew about) was up by a good 1.1, I consider the fact that I dropped that sucker a good 1.3 in a month's time nothing short of miraculous.Nursing school is the dearth of good control.

4. Summertime,summertime...so much to do,& so little time!Two major trips next month,& I'm sure August will be here before I know it.And September.
(yikes,I'm old) My to-do list is a mile long,& I hope to make a sizable dent in it.

5. All of you awesome people in the diabetes blog'o'sphere (and offline,online). It was great reading (some of) the #dblogweek posts.(what I could get to)

6.











(and the best is yet to come!)

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Just Ten?

Ten things I hate about you, Diabetes - Thursday 5/12: Having a positive attitude is important . . . but let’s face it, diabetes isn’t all sunshine and roses (or glitter and unicorns, for that matter). So today let’s vent by listing ten things about diabetes that we hate. Make them funny, make them sarcastic, make them serious, make them anything you want them to be!!

I don't subscribe to the theory that hating something means that it has dominance over you, that it's "won". And while I try not to be that person who goes around saying "I hate diabetes!" with every breath, I wouldn't also say that I love it..yeah,it has some good points, but the fact is, I do hate it. I guess, for me,hating it makes me want to fight that much more to make sure it doesn't win. So here are ten of the things I hate about this disease...

1. I hate how, after coasting along (per Dexcom) at a nice, stable blood sugar all
evening, within twenty minutes of me falling asleep my liver commences to hard-core partying and dumping out glucose,spiking me to 250+ (which I don't wake up for until 4-6 hours after the fact). Wake up with a parched throat and not knowing what the heck just happened(pump failure? or just good 'ole Dawn Phenomenon?) This is a re-occuring theme, no matter what time I go to bed.(9,11 or 1)

2. I hate the little "wave" the Dexcom does all night,dipping either above or below the High/Low alert and going off every ten minutes...not great, when you just want to sleep. What's it taunting me to do, throw it in the drawer and ignore it?

3. I hate low blood sugars, and how they knock you out of commission (no matter how hard you're trying to act that they didn't).

4. I hate that I just can't exercise, without mathematical calculations on the order of a Phd.(and eating as many calories as Michael Phelp's) I'm pretty sure I'd exercise more, if it weren't for you.

5. I hate that I just can't jump in the car and go somewhere...I have too much "essential" stuff that must be packed.

6. I hate how many young,(and older) innocent lives you've claimed...it saddens me so much.

7. I hate that ignorance about you is so widespread,even among the medical community. How can we fight/prevent/cure something so misunderstood?

8. I hate getting Real Person Sick and watching the diabetes control go completely off the deep end. And I hate ketones. (though I have no problem with drinking vast amounts of Diet Coke, at any hour of the day or night.)

9. I hate the scars (from years of guillotine lancing devices)on my fingertips...I don't think my fingers are as sensitive as they should be,and I worry I won't be as good a nurse, because of it.

10. I hate how much it costs.(pure and simple) So much for trying to save money..even if you wanted to, things are always popping up that make it impossible to do so. I can think of much better ways to be spending it all.


Come back tomorrow, for a cheerier post.

#Dbloopers: The One that Never Was

Diabetes bloopers - Wednesday 5/11: Whether you or your loved one are newly diagnosed or have been dealing with diabetes for a while, you probably realize that things can (and will) go wrong. But sometimes the things that go wrong aren’t stressful - instead sometimes they are downright funny! Go ahead and share your Diabetes Blooper - your “I can’t believe I did that" moment - your big “D-oh” - and let’s all have a good laugh together!!

When I was a teenager, & still going to the pediatric diabetes clinic of Major University Hospital, I looked forward to receiving their periodic "progress reports" post appointment. These Reports would be mini-summaries of everything that had been reviewed at said appointment,and more importantly,would contain The A1c & of course I was dying to know that. It would always take them 3-5 weeks to get The Reports sent out.(hundreds of kids seen each in clinic,you can see why it took so long) There were no instant a1c analyzers in those days, & waiting(for it to show up in the mailbox) was a burden that had to be born.


So anyway, on that spring day in June(2001), when said report finally did arrive(1 month later), I ripped open the envelope in eagerness, wanting to see what my a1c(post pump-start) would be. I flipped to the last page, where "10.2" greeted me (in all it's glory).

"WhaaaaaaaaaTTT?" I muttered crossly, & pitched the paper to the floor. "No way!!!"

(I've had bad a1c's before,but nowhere close to 10+!)

Picked it back up, to see whatever "love notes"(such as,noncompliant teenager refuses to obey instructions) had been written about me.


Read.

Read some more.

Each report was completely anonymous, & written in the 3rd person...much like a medical record. (no names) But when I got to the 2nd page, & read "he" the lightbulb went off for me...this wasn't my report. They'd mixed mine up with someone else's. Thank goodness, because I sure didn't want to be the owner of that a1c.


So I picked up the phone,& called about it.


"Yes, we must have mixed it up. Can you please disregard it(too late,I've read it) and send it back to us...your a1c was 7.4."

"Oh yes,yes, yesssss! I got in The 7.5 Club!" I danced around the room,impervious to what the secretary was thinking about me(at that point in time) I didn't care, I was a D-Star!

The 7.5 club was all the people who had gotten under a 7.5, and their names(while not being inscribed in bronze, were still recorded in the quarterly diabetes magazine...and out of hundreds of patients, there were probably only 100 who made it in there. A select few were in there every time, & they were like the straight A students that annoy the stuffing out of you,they're so perfect) It was my goal in life to get into the 7.5 club...and I'd managed to do so before I had to move on from the pediatric clinic.(I was already too old,& needed to cut the ties before hitting 20) Thanks to pumping,I'd done it.(I would not get that low again in a long,long time)

So this wasn't my particular "D-Blooper," but it was the one that had the happiest ending.(I never loved a mistake MORE then I did at that moment,nothing like going from despair to euphoria in 2.5 seconds)

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A Letter To My 17-Year-Old Self

Letter writing day - Tuesday 5/10: In February the Wego Blog Carnival asked participants to write letters to their condition. You can write a letter to diabetes if you’d like, but we can also take it one step further. How about writing a letter to a fictional (or not so fictional) endocrinologist telling the doctor what you love (or not) about them. How about a letter to a pretend (or again, not so pretend) meter or pump company telling them of the device of your dreams? Maybe you’d like to write a letter to your child with diabetes. Or a letter from your adult self to the d-child you were. Whomever you choose as a recipient, today is the day to tell them what you are feeling.

Dear Self,

I'll cut right to the chase,you feel like your life has just come to a complete and irreversible end.Your eyesight is tanked,your chosen career path is now "off limits", and your new medical regimen feels like the cruelest,strictest imposition ever imposed. (you are a freak,who the heck has "snack time" at the age of 17?)Not to mention,you're still scared out of your mind whenever a "236" flashes across the screen of your monster Accucheck Advantage,envisioning all the complications it will bring.(those feelings will pass,you are not doomed to a certain death with bgs like that...sometimes,such numbers are unavoidable)

Those feelings will get better with time...& you will choose another career path,filled with the shoes of some of the finest individuals to walk this Earth.

Trust your gut,self. Doctors and CDE's will disappoint...they don't know it all.You're going to find out that while the management responsibility is largely yours alone, the burden needs to be shared.Strike that-MUST BE SHARED. Are you listening? Go out & scour the Internet,do what you have to do to get that support.(if nothing local) Because without it,you shall feel like the Worst PWD on Earth.(and very likely will have this confirmed by medical providers) You aren't that,self, no one is.You need to feel that you are not alone. You'll meet incredible role models(and 1 or two ax murderers/esses with diabetes, and you'll feel that you aren't so much the quirk of the town. Millions of PWD live with these challanges,all over the world.

You'll learn that "Diet" is not necessarily a four letter word and you'll learn to hate OJ and Kendall alcohol swabs,forever.

You'll stumble to find how diabetes can possibly fit in a romantic relationship and you'll learn that in the one that was meant to be,it was never an issue anyway.

You'll become an aunt(x 9) ,& you'll say goodbye to the only grandparent you ever knew.

You'll hear many,many lectures and you'll learn to tune them out(the ones inside your head/heart are not that easy to get rid of)

You'll have a few 600+ blood sugars,and you'll stare stupidly at the meter(having forgotten how to drive,you'll mainline 5 units to the gut & wait till you come down to 598 before magically,you can semi-remember enough to get home through the hyperglycemic haze)

You'll pass out,vomit on strangers,& ride in ambulances as both a patient and an EMT.

You'll total two cars and drive an $100,000 fire engine(murdering orange cones left AND right).

You'll participate on Jeopardy & jump off great heights on Fear Factor.(simulating skydiving).

You'll go to Europe and Hawaii & get more of a global perspective.

You'll vote in three Presidential elections & become forever a political junkie.

You'll finally enter nursing school...and feel a bit overdue when the youngest member of the class is ten years your junior.

You'll have other health issues...whether from crappy genetics or Murphy's Law,who knows.(they will put the diabetes in perspective)

You'll learn about the workings of the Health Care System...on both ends.

You'll learn that thinking about mortality,is not an issue to be put on the back burner for the later years.(as you come face to face with it on more then one occasion)

You'll throw your meter at the wall,gorge yourself on carbohydrates,leave your infusion set in for 15 days,& rebel against the powers that be...on more then one occasion. And at the end of the day,you will realize that the problems you perceive that diabetes has caused you are minuscule to the problems of trying to survive,in a 3rd World Country,without the means to treat it. Public mortification does not last forever.(& also,the Universe has it's own problems...& is not revolving around you) And while your at it,self,do something good for someone else every once in awhile.(it will also help lessen the crappyness of said disease) Plus,it's the Golden Rule.

To thine own self be true Self...always and forever.It's a good life,self,now go out & live it.

-An
Older You
(who still wants a cure,like,yesterday)

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#Dblog Week- You Say Potato, I Say Carb Bomb..

Admiring our differences - Monday 5/9: We are all diabetes bloggers, but we come from many different perspectives. Last year, Diabetes Blog Week opened my eyes to all of the different kinds of blogs (and bloggers) out there – Type 1s, Type 2s, LADAs, parents of kids with diabetes, spouses of adults with diabetes and so on. Today let’s talk about how great it is to learn from the perspectives of those unlike us! Have you learned new things from your T2 friends? Are D-Parents your heroes? Do LADA blogs give you insight to another diagnosis story? Do T1s who’ve lived well with diabetes since childhood give you hope? Pick a type of blogger who is different from you and tell us why they inspire you - why you admire them - why it’s great that we are all the same but different!!


Living with diabetes is difficult, on every level. Type 1's, Type 2's, Parents of Kids with diabetes, spouses...neither of these roles is easy. But,in my humble opinion,having diabetes is easier then having a child with diabetes. I read alot of inspirational blogs & I'm in awe of parents who manage 2,3 sets of diabetes(or even their own) while I can barely manage my own. They find the courage from their children(and within themselves).People like Meri and Trev and many, many others..they're just incredible. I mean, just being a parent is hard, much less of a kid with diabetes. They're also part of the few that really GET how hard diabetes really is. And even though I do not get how hard that is,(to be a parent of a CWD) I would say that it humbles me (and amazes me) that kind of selfless love.(one night of 4-5 hours of sleep does me in, much less constantly) Your children will thank you, one day. And even though there's ten million ways of "managing" diabetes (specific to the individual themselves),the way certain foods have a disastrous post-postprandial effect (upon the PWD's blood sugars) is just one example of the bonds that all (or most) of us share.(type 2, type 1, LADA, parent of CWD, spouse, etc.)


Viva la difference!

Countdown

I had a horrible night, a night(or rather,weekend) of nonstop horribly high blood glucoses. Most in the mid 300's,and the rest in the 200's. Changed pump setup,took five million injections...no impact. I know I have ketones,& quite frankly despite living off non-caloric liquids I still feel like if I started to vomit, I wouldn't stop. So,at 7:30 this morning, I switched to yet another vial...waiting to see if an injection of that actually did any good on my 298 blood sugar. It was like magic,an hour later I was 218 so I ate a very light snack,changed out,& bolused for that. Nerves were high anyway...it was the morning of Student Evaluations & we met at the Barnes & Noble (coffee nook)to get it done. I was number 5/7,so there was plenty of time to think the worst. So my clinical instructor told me my presentation grade(51/60,which was better then I thought) & her form on me as a whole(I need to talk more,which was kind of irritating,just because I don't run my mouth 24/7 it's some sort of character flaw?it's just not me,it doesn't mean I don't talk enough.I think I went above & beyond the call of duty in that regard) Told me I was very honest(which I take to be a good thing) & overall, I was a good student. So that went ok...all things considering. Blood Sugar post anxiety-trip was 176,& I promptly went out & stepped on the freshly-painted curb,smearing my tennis shoe in a bright yellow blob.(There were no signs,just some guy telling me after the fact what I'd just done.Lovely) Stomach still feels like a bundle of worms,& throat is still dry as the Sahara but I hope that at least I can get back to some semblance of control.(at least it's under 200)

Now to study for final exams.


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Thoughts from the Fifth and Sixth Week

1. I used to think that the idea of ME,non-conventionist of the D-world,becoming a CDE was absolutely never going to happen.How could I ever tell a patient something that 3/4 of the time I never did myself? And then, I got out into the real world & realized that I have the equivalent of a PhD in all things diabetes. I'm not just saying that,I've been pumped & primed & have been to 10 zillion research events(etc.) since Day 1. And while I may never be that Role Model, I have more then just book knowledge...I don't look at a patient & label them "noncompliant" even if there is something clearly going on. I look at them & see an internal battle to stay in control of something,& I see a medical professional that doesn't have the time or patience to delve into the mysteries of the diabetic psyche or what's really going on here.And I fume when I read the words "noncompliant" or "uncontrolled" when to boot,there's been no documentation of a visit with a mental health professional or a CDE.I guess the vast majority of docs/nurses will just never understand,there is so much more to diabetes then avoiding sugar/taking shots.Even type 2,(and how the Sam's Hill is it NIDDM when the patient does take Lantus at night?yeah,I'd say that insulin is required)most of them get shoddy or no education & it's no wonder ignorance/stupidity runs rampant all over the world. I may never be a CDE,but it is my responsibility to care/advocate for better D-care for my patient(when the occasion warrants it).There's just so much wrong that sometimes it feels like I'm just a speck of sand on the seashore,ignorance is going to be around long after I'm gone.

2. I came out of the D-Closet & confessed that yes,that it was my pump. It didn't kill me to do so.(& my two classmates aren't the D-Police)

3. 3/4 the class flunked the week before's (Monday's) exam,which made me feel better about the 82 I got...and thought was pretty bad. It was hard,but not that hard.(I've been a solid B in all four tests)

4.Last Clinical was last Wed. It was bittersweet, I'm not feeling ready to move on to the madness of the 2nd Semester. I know I have been babied/coddled in this one.
---------
1. Professor "Coordinator of the First Semester Yearlings" will be following us into the 2nd Semester. (to coordinate us there,too) I dunno,but I think it would be better to have all new teachers...& especially where her teaching is concerned. It's through, but it can get so dry and boring that you just want to run screaming from the room after 45 minutes.(much less 3 hours) She'll be teaching Obstetrics.
2. I didn't do well on my client presentation..it was too short by 2 minutes(I couldn't get my YouTube video working), the slide references weren't quoted right, and my nursing DX was all wrong. I dont know if I got the minimum 45/60 required points, but my fears of failing out of the course have been allayed somewhat as I am told that I only have to make 282 total points to pass( I'm at 225 right now). I can get up to 60 for the presentation,& up to 50 with the final exam. So I could totally fail this & still do well on the final, I have wiggle room.Thankful for that,because I don't want to repeat this thing!(the other two courses I got an A and B in but this is the main course,serving mortification & guts on a daily basis. Also,lots of $$'s.
3. In an unprecedented move of unexpected sweetness, one of the other students brought SF applesauce today. Yeah,SF does not equal carb free but it does equal less carbs...and applesauce is applesauce,fairly harmless on the gut. I was actually touched that she was thinking of me (when she made that decision for the whole group)
4. Tomorrow, we go to the Senior Center & see how the healthy older adult lives.(in contrast to the morbidly obese, COPD,nursing home inhabitants)
5.


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Uno de Mayo

I have nothing profound to say..absolutely nothing. An Endo appointment looms (larger then life, 2 pm sharp, tomorrow), diabetes is doing its own rollarcoaster ride from Rootabaga,and I'm up to my eyeballs in school stuff. There are no coherent thoughts left in my head. (or in the universe)

But, in these most trying of times,hope still lives on...for peace-loving people, everywhere. (and tyrants get what they deserve, although this conflict is far from over.)

The Night Bill Monroe Came to Town

Ronald Reagan was our president
A diet coke would run you twenty-five cent
I was just a kid, hair flaxen-brown
On the night Bill Monroe came to town.

The Golden Girls were reigning on tv
(Not that it was something I could see)
Bluegrass was the hit, the biggest sound
On the night Bill Monroe came to town.

Momma scrubbed my face, and packed us in the van
Yeah, we were all going-the whole entire clan
Once all the shoes and socks had all been found
On the night Bill Monroe came to town.

Five hundred people screaming in the gym
The passion in their voices no mere whim
To let it out, in yet another round
On the night Bill Monroe came to town.

On and on went Billy and his band
"Dark Hollow" "Feudin' Banjo's" "Freeborn Man"
We're getting up, we're getting wild, we're getting down
On the night Bill Monroe came to town.

Thronging fans besiged him, to get his autograph
That a little kid could get one, was more then crazy daft
From that mass of people hanging 'round
On the night Bill Monroe came to town.

Cheeks and arms and papers, all were signed and blessed
With the pen of Bill Monroe, his official scrawing crest
It was still a night of being quite profound
I won't forget the night he came to town.

Ten Years Pumping: A Pictorial Odyssey

On this date in history, my life changed, for the better.

(yes, it sounds cliche-ish, but its all true. I hated the imposed schedule of the 2-shot-a-day regimen. I was about 35 lbs overweight because all I ever did was feed the insulin.Pumping helped me to lose most of that.)













If I had to pick a favorite, well, I wouldn't. (they all have their good points, except perhaps that mid 80's Disetronic) But one thing I know, I don't think I'd ever go back to a Medtronic pump.(they & I had a major falling out,& I don't think much of their products.Your opinion may vary,& I respect that)I want to do a more detailed vlog about the differences.(when I have the time)

But today, is a day for cupcakes & ice cream, to celebrate the freedom that the pump brings.Diabetes is so much easier with a pump.

Thoughts From the 3rd-4th Week

1.One week,you're on top of the game-the next,you do something unspeakable (or non-HIPAA compatible) & on top of feeling horrible about it,you then get to tell your instructor,the shadowing Masters Degree student,& the RN charge nurse.(the patient is fine) You then get to fill out your very first Incident Report on why the thing you did was a bad idea & burst into tears,well,just because the situation is not awkward enough.Mistakes happen,I know that(it's the sheer amount of authority figures that sent me over the edge). Live & learn.(I haven't been kicked out of the program yet,so that's a positive.)

2. I got to see a cataract operation(video from a guest lecturing ophthalmologist) as well as ten zillion pictures of the Diabetic Eye. It was both fascinating and made me want to throw up,as it seems that the winning combination of diabetes,nearsightedness,cataract surgeries,strabismus surgery,and optic neuritis spells a
near certain dearth for my left eye.(glaucoma,retinal detachment,macular degeneration,pick your poison)I really would like to keep it 'round as long as possible.(renewed vow to get myself to the optho this summer) I think that the clouding on my L.lens has progressed,I don't see as well at night(it seems to have really gone to town in the past 2 years...is it something about that 10 year post-surgeries mark? I think lasaring is in the cards for the near future which is kind of scary to think about. I hope it doesn't A.hurt or B. have any other visual side effects.I've known the day would come that I'd need lasar,it's just hard to remain calm when its an eye(s) you're talking about.

3.150 years ago last week,the Civil War began. iTunes has an incredible app called The Civil War Today which gives you a daily update through the 4 years of war. (it's an iPad app though) It's in newspaper format,& has video clips,journal accounts,quotes,trivia,photographs, etc. & really makes it come alive...it's a pretty cool app.If you love history and have an iPad,I suggest you check it out!

4.Cancelled my Endo appt,rescheduled for May 3.Hopefully my a1c won't be so off-the-charts high by then.

5. Freestyle strips without the Butterfly are becoming next to impossible to try and find. The bad thing is,both kinds have the same UPC so it's impossible for a pharmacy to know what they're getting.It's largely hit & miss trying to obtain any.(at all)
---------------------------
1.In the Event of a Fire Alarm,make darn sure you grab your meter & sugar,because you won't get back in that building for a good 45 minutes. This is not a time to go low.
2. Working in a nursing home is like working in the psych ward..one day everything is "normal", the next, the patient is wheeling all over the cafeteria,& attempting to slug you when you try to prevent disaster from occurring. (while the rest of the population looks on) I guess it's not that bad when the patient is not physically capable of hurting anything,but it was just so,so,so bizarre & the Easter Bunny was not exactly helping me in what I was expected to do in said situation.(me & Easter Bunny in room full of patients,& I couldn't leave because I was monitoring somebody else) HELPPP.(just about ready to be committed to a mental institution myself,I was not supposed to be monitoring the whole entire room) Next time, a little help, Easter Bunny?
3. Forget tiredness, I've progressed to dead. But next week,there is no homework/care plans due(Monday,Test 4) and Wed/Thurs we'll be caring for two patients EACH & then,that's the end to clinicals. Following week,we have our big Patient Presentations & the week after that,evaluations & the cumulative Final Exam and the big Nursing Convocation Dept. "party" and then it's all done! (time flies when you're having fun) I need it to be summer.
4. You may cross "morbidly obese patients" and "chemo/radiation patients" off the list of future career choices.Someone needs to do it,it just won't be me. I can't even find a pulse(anywhere) let alone formulate a good plan. I feel like whatever skills I may have acquired up to this point have not gotten me really far (in terms of a morbidly obese individual)
5.One week & 12 hours till the royal wedding! (I'm sure you're all just dying NOT to know)

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YouTube: A Royal Wedding

Love this clip...(and yes, I will be waking up at 5 AM (April 29) to watch the real thing!)

Circle of Trust

Trust. It's a tricky thing,and for a PWD,the question of ultimate trust boils down to a little red box.



In 12 years, I had only asked the question of ultimate trust one time (to a non-family member-family members have given me some,& my husband does know how to give one) It was directed to my then-EMT boyfriend(my blood sugar was under 10 mg/dl, & I was hysterically convinced that I would soon die) and he said no.Who knows why...nerves,perhaps.Or the legality of the situation.It did not matter,I was both annoyed(to the nth degree) and scared & crushed,that question of trust had been thrown back into my face & ultimately,that helped in the breakup.If you cannot trust someone completely,you have no business being together.(and I used to be an EMT & in my section of the universe,heck yes they give them.I know he knew how)

So when I asked my clinical instructor if she would be willing to administer "the shot", it was with a great deal of fear & trepidation. She said yes.(she's an ER nurse,heck yeah she knows what to do in an emergency) I ran through the basics,& what I'd be like(in such a situation). But then a dept wide email circulated RE school policy in such a situation & it was advised just to call 911,not to get involved.

Crushed,that's what I was. I dunno why it feels so important that I have someone on my side,but it felt like that trust I'd just given out for the 2nd time in 12.5 years didn't mean squat,again.Of course my clinical instructor was sympathetic but she couldn't go against dept policy. So back I went to talk to the dept head,& she said in actuality,the instructor could do as they wished-call 911 or give the shot/call 911,the schools liability insurance would cover either way. I wouldn't ever sue but there is liability insurance for everything,these days.

I am relieved..so,so relieved. I thought the school really didn't care if I lived or died,& I don't have the attitude that it's anyone's responsibility to do this..only someone I think would care enough to do so. When my clinical instructor said sure,I thought that to be the case.(she's pretty great) I have worked a retail job & in 7.5 years,never trusted anyone there (even good friends) with that burden.(said person has to be somewhat knowledgeable about medical matters) I think part of the deal here lately has to do with the lability of my blood sugars,& my desire to stay closer to 100 then to the 250's of yesteryears. A blood sugar monitor is also not always handy..like it was at my old job. You can't very well crack the meter open in the middle of a procedure.(plus you have to wash your hands a billion times a day)

I hope to never need it(on the job)but it's so wonderful to have that piece of mind.(Bgs have been all over the map lately & it may come to pass,that I need one) I need to feel safe,& more then anything else,this decision has greatly influenced that. I don't think I'm going to be having this conversation with all my clinical professors but in this rotation,I never needed that reassurance more.(nursing home in the middle of nowhere)

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A Blue Shield Comparison

It's four months into the year, and I have mixed feelings about our newest insurance plan(Blue Shield/Blue Choice). (previously, we had Blue Cross/Blue Shield)Can't escape them Blues.

Pros:
- no test strip copay when I went and filled my rx at the local pharmacy..I can't remember the last time THAT happened.(age 21, perhaps)
- 100% coverage on the several emergency magnesium infusions(I have a plan in place for that..it's done at an outpatient infusion center) Is it fun, no, but the nurses there can get blood from a stone(they're very skilled) It also takes about half the time then at an Emergency Room. At $2,000 a pop(if not covered),even under the old insurance the copay was just horrendous. I have standing orders there.(fortunately these days my mag levels are doing pretty well but when things go south,I know it)
-diagnostic tests are covered, 100%. Lab tests appear to be covered 100% as well.

Cons:
-no mail order pharmacy, I have to order things directly from the manufacturer.And both pump supplies and Dexcom sensors are a chunk of change significantly higher then what I payed under the last plan.
-Test strips I have to get directly from the pharmacy. I miss getting all my D supplies (strips,insulin,pump supplies) in one fell swoop, at the same time, every 3 months.
- Insulin I haven't attempted to get filled yet,but I fully expect Apidra not be covered(Novolog is apparently the med of choice)or some outrageous copay & I will have to go through a lengthy appeal process. I try to use up my vials to the last drop,& therefore go through them pretty slowly but eventually I will have to face the music & go to war with the insurance company. I just don't have the energy/time to do that right now.
-regular drugs (aka synthroid,etc.) are slightly more expensive then they were with the old plan.
-dr office copays are the same...
-ER copays are $100 a pop,about 2x of the old plan. Now I really don't want to go there.(I need a tattoo that says "Do Not Take to ER" on my forehead)If I were to have a bad low, I think I'd want the IV glucose & then refuse transport.(assuming I were in that state of mind) ER's are money suckers.
-I have to get preauthorization on EVERYTHING,which is a pain in the wazoo. Preauthorization can take days, to months.(cannot begin process right before I'm about to run out of something critical)

Bottom line is...most insurance plans have problems, you're always going to be shelling out for something. I'm just glad to have insurance.(that covers as well as it does) I'm not sure yet if I like it better/worse then the old plan..they both have their advantages. I'll probably have more of a opinion later on in the year, when it becomes obvious just how much has been shelled out in comparison to under the old plan.(for mostly the same stuff)

Thoughts from the Second Week

1. Sleep? What's that?

2. See above.

3. See above.

4. I need to grow longer fingernails...there is no other way of getting into some medication packets.

5. I caught a medication error this week,& felt really good about it. I guess I wasn't that surprised that in the 4 proceeding months,no one else had.As nursing homes go,this one is ok but of course none of them are going to question the all-knowing pharmacy's RX's.I don't have a very high opinion of nursing homes' care.(in general,if you know of a great one,I will stand corrected) And it is better for the patient that is was caught,but in the grand scheme of the Universe when one has many,many other medical issues I'm not sure how much good it actually ends up doing.

6. Sometimes I need to keep my mouth shut...no one gives two cents about the nursing student's needs. I was under the impression that they did,but administrative policy trumps all.Reality is the bitterest of pills to swallow.
7. Weekends without looming tests are a good thing.And as I've been a test every Monday since Feb(barring the Spring Break) it feels indescribably wonderful NOT to have to study/cram this weekend.I'm still upset about this week anyway.

8. Starbucks is essential for those incredibly early morning risings.

9. There's no way I'll be able to get off an hour early for my would-be Endo appt. next week,you have to be dead.(dying doesn't cut it,according to my clinical instructor) Which is stupid,because all we do that time of day is sit around,talk,& write care plans. I will have to reschedule for July,my Endo will be upset, & I'm already there X 1,000,000.

10. Is it May yet? I need to get out of this semester.

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The Top Ten Ways to Drop Your Blood Glucose(part 1)

The Top Ten Ways To Drop Your BG-Au Naturale



#1


#2



#3





#4


#5.



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Thoughts from the First Week

1. Adult bowel incontinence smells 10x worse then an infant's.(goal for this week: do not gag/vomit on patient.I'm sorry, but it does take some getting used to)

2. Paperwork is already the bane of my existence.

3. White shows everything. And I can't use it to "blot" anything, without looking like Frankenstein Nurse.

4. I wish we had lockers.But students are not really wanted, they are just tolerated,and as such, there is a long list of ridiculous rules of things that are not permitted in the facilities...among them, any type of med. Because, as you might have guessed,there was an unfortunate incident involving a resident rifling/OD'ng on a student's meds. So my insulin gets to chill in my car.(it's not freezing,and it's not hot,but still it's highly inconvenient to not have that with me)

5. I have no appetite in the nursing home, but as soon as I get out of it I'm ready to go to the nearest fast food place (or home) and down 1500 calories. I think it's the smells.

6. Looking for information in a chart is like looking for a needle in a haystack.(sorry for the cliche, but it is) I think I could literally spend all day filling out that comprehensive assessment form,it isn't organized,and it's full of conflicting info.

7. I don't know anything.Please don't leave me alone with a patient.(not to worry...the instructor knows this,& first semester we don't breathe on the patient unless said instructor is nearby.)

8. The elderly can be so sweet, and interactive. If I had to live in a nursing home I can't say I would be that way.If I was lucid, I would try and escape every chance I got.

9. Mealtimes and insulin peaks never match up,which is why every time I get a chance to eat I'm in the low 200's.(in another hour, I'd be in the 100's,but lunch is NOW)Not that I'm hungry...but I have to eat something to stop my stomach from growling. Never been close to low but I still get the occasional "are you ok" glance from the instructor.

10. BYO glucose tabs, juice,and food is absolutely imparitive. There are no vending machines/staff (kitchen/cafe) privileges (nor any access to any nearby stores)so you've got to plan for a disaster scenario and bring enough food to treat low blood sugars all day. Otherwise,you're probably in deep water. (I wanted to ask what they do if a resident has severe low blood sugars but since many of them have difficulty swallowing, I'm guessing 911 would be called. Not what I'd want done for me but I'm pretty sure I don't get to go walking around with a huge hulking glucagon kit in my pocket)

Peak & Trough: A Lesson From Nursing School

Disclaimer: I'm not a doctor, a nurse, or even play one on tv. So don't take any of this as medical fact..YDMV,consult with your own Health Care Guru.


You can go ahead & say it. How does this not look like the action of fast acting insulin(only more of the "peak" part)

And because much of my thinking is colored by diabetes,immeadiatly my mind starts drawing parallels in the D-World.

What you're actually looking at is the action of a medication. There's the time it "starts working" (T1) the time it's peaking (T2,etc) and the time it tapers off.(T3) A "peak" is the time when it's most effective but there is this not so small matter of ensuring that that peak stays inside the minimum effective concentration and the minimum toxic concentration lines as well. And let me tell you something,trying to keep the drug onset,side effects,peak times, minimum toxic concentrations straight (x 20 or so meds per pt) is not exactly easy. Drugs also like to clash with other drugs & are absorbed differently. Anyway,insulin is the easiest example of this because generally there is only one side effect (hypoglycemia) and that's like the minimum toxic concentration. Bad,bad, BAD to have enough insulin in your bloodstream to cause that.(although it's not that difficult to get into that situation)

A "Trough" is a blood level drawn right before the next medication dose. It tells you if you are at the minimum effective dose and if not,that you need to do something about it.(I do troughs with my mag levels too only I don't take the dose until I get the results..it's like a "fasting" result) People with diabetes do alot of troughs only there is always some insulin involved and one can never be quite sure that the dose you are taking is too much/just right/not enough because we can't see how our bgs will respond. But in my observations,blood sugars(postmeal) do not go as high when there is a certain amount of mealtime insulin still floating around, 3-4 hours later.(this also applies to snacks) Maybe because my basal is so low(I have to have insulin above & beyond that,where food is involved). Prebolusing also helps.But with diabetes,the line between keeping a little extra IOB and spiraling down into hypoglycemic horror is a very thin one. (am I an expert on this,nope, but understanding how Apidra works in my body is a step toward more consistent bgs)
And of course there are a hundred other factors involved(exercise,etc) which makes D a constant science experiment. Nursing school is not entirely detrimental to one's health. (it's rekindled the "gotta sync this right" flame)

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Freestyle Failure

It's been a very (long)& relaxing weekend, but unfortuently, there have been several bumps in it. Most noticeably, I begun using the new butterfly strips with the "Freestyle Freedom" blood glucose meter & am getting readings all over the spectrum.I brought two meters on this road trip,& I can't really tell what's the problem-meter,or strips,because I don't have any control solution) It's really disconcerting when you can't even trust your meter/strips & it's not the sort of situation that you want to strive for "tight"(80-110'sh) control in. I thought if I had my Dexcom on,it would at least give some guidance as to which hundreds I'm actually in(100,200,300,400,etc.)but that's been giving me question marks so at this point, I'll take the lowest meter reading & go with that. Tomorrow,we'll head back home & I do have a One Touch meter(& leftover strips) that I consider to be the "Old Faithful" glucometer...99% of the time it's right. I hopefully have strip solution for the freestyle meter so I can do comparison's & figure out just what is wrong here.

Lesson of Story: never bring something "new" on a trip,without first testing it out first. Technology is a great thing but if it malfunctions it changes diabetes care from control to survival mode.

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Sometimes

(the following is a deep,dark rant,and if you can't handle unfortunate realities I encourage you to stop reading now.I think most PWD feel like this,at some point.)

Sometimes being the only person with diabetes sucks.

Sometimes I don't bolus for that piece of Triple Decker Death-By-Chocolate caramelized goodness.(on purpose,and I shortly rue the day..not a good idea even you are tired of diabetes)

Sometimes I forget my meter,forget lancing device,forget
strips,forget glucose,forget back up insulin,forget pump supplies,or forget money. And sometimes I forget all of those.

Sometimes I want to give up.(dark thoughts,don't go down that road)

Sometimes a blog comment really makes my day!(ok,most blog comments really make my day)

Sometimes I want to hit the Diabetes Police very,very hard.

Sometimes I can throw 100 carbs at a low & not break 120,other times I can eat 15 & voila, I'm 220.

Sometimes I wonder if a middle of the night low will be how I go.

Sometimes I wonder if there will ever be a cure.

Sometimes spontaneous combustion of tears is the sole symptom of a low blood sugar.(classy,not)

Sometimes I wonder if any of my classmates will be caring for me(in a nursing home) in 30+ years.

Sometimes the combination of Diet Coke & Spearmint gum tastes like rotten socks.

Sometimes having diabetes isn't as bad,when everyone else out there "gets it" too.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm so lucky,despite it all,when others haven't been.

Sometimes I think I'd like to beat the insurance company executives over the head & make them see that supply restrictions is not the way to contain costs,they'll simply pay for the complications later.

Sometimes I'll spot a fellow pumper in the wild.

Sometimes I'll eat twice as much of whatever I'm told not to eat,just to spite whoever said I couldn't.

Sometimes I wake up and have no idea how many carbs were actually consumed during that 3 AM low.

Sometimes I will eat sugar-free candy,and not gag.(if the situation is non-resolvable)

Sometimes I wish I had a personal Endo 24/7 who would take care of the diabetes crap while I just lived my life.

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Luck O'The (Non) Irish

I did it.

I really just passed my head-to-toe assessment,missing only such minor details as skin turgor, the true position of the Right Lower Lobe/Left Lower Lobe (on the lateral sides) & something else. When that was over,my instructor asked me cheerfully if I felt better about it now.(the answer was no,the anxiety hadn't time to dissipate) & then it was on to the Skills portion. I drew the two easiest skills there were(putting on gown/mask/gloves(& taking off) & drawing up and administering an insulin injection). For one brief moment,my heart stopped as I remembered(too late) that N70/30 is supposed to be rolled prior to draw up but I verbalized it & it was ok.

And then I (so I thought) felt better. About everything.

And then she asked "Can I ask you something?" and I knew precisely where the conversation was going.I can smell invasive personal questioning a mile away.

"Do you wear an insulin pump?" ( yes) "How many years?" (10) etc.etc.
etc.

I guess either the accommodations paperwork found it's way to her or she checked up on it because at no point had I given any indication that I was D,(checked bg,or had a pump in view) unless she really did see me checking my bg in the depths of my purse(& discreetly treat the low) during that first roundtable discussion. (it's not possible to tell someone is D just from how they give an insulin injection) I was going to bring it up the week of clinicals (so she wouldn't have time to forget it) but I guess now was as good as time as any. She was really nice about it,& if I need to test/treat/eat it's fine with her.And if I keel over,well,it's good to know what from.( I assured her that that wasn't likely to happen I don't have many severe lows but it's always a possibility) And it's not like I'm a 2 year old and can't take care of myself but it is incredibly comforting when someone (competent) knows,it takes off some of the burden of trying to handle diabetes & school perfectly.There is wiggle room,in both parallel universes.

And then I felt truly better-and more then ready to chill out for the next week.
(Spring Break starts NOW,woohoo!)


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Apple to Apple(s)

Thursday,March 10, was another great moment in the history of Apple.It was the day this debuted....

http://ow.ly/i/93DB/original


and I happily gave up my unlimited data plan(well,not happily,but accessibility trumps having so much data that you don't use much anyway.)

Personal Hotspot(created by my iPhone) accommodates 3-5 Wifi enabled electronics on that network. We don't have Wifi at home,& attempts to create one have been unsuccessful(my husband has forgotten/claims to have never created a certain core password & it hasn't really been worth the headache or $$$$'s to get a professional opinion.)Now I can run my iPad (or upload camera, or anything) off it.(instead of having to go to school/someplace with Wifi). It's much easier to blog from an iPad then an iPhone. (5x screen? and I can use my Bluetooth enabled keyboard,which is still in the box from my birthday package!) There is a data cap of 4(GB) which I will probably exceed & have to pay the overage charges,but perhaps not.(I never came anywhere close on just my iPhone usage) When I called to activate it,the phone tech in the iPad dept. had no idea what I was talking about & insisted it couldn't be done.(it's like she hadn't gotten the memo that Hotspot was debuting that day) I gave up,hung up,and rebooted the iPad and voila,it worked.I can also use my iPad to review lectures from the comfort of bed(I don't care what the instructors say,bed is an excellent place to study) which I couldn't do before.

Best Apple update EV-ER.(barring the giving up my gold star unlimited service,but being AT&T,of course they were going to pull something like that. If Verizon ever gets to the point of similar options (& my contract runs out) I would consider switching.)


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The Middle

In three weeks,there is a plan. That plan involves 80 new white-jacketed,scrubs & gear clad nursing students to be unleashed among 7 healthcare facilities for the long-awaited "clinical" setting.

Frightening, I know. But before we get there,we have 2 classroom tests, 2 "oral competency head to toe assessments" another math test,an online test,and a week of Spring Break to survive. Quite frankly it feels like a lifetime away because if you fail at any step in between you can't go to clinicals and flunk ze course. The oral competencies must be completely memorized (you're doing an actual physical exam in front of the instructor) and the whole situation is a step beyond test anxiety.(multiple choice tests just don't compare) If you go blank,you're good and screwed.

But if you survive,you're awarded with a 1.3 week long "Spring Break" (some of which will be spent studying,still,it will be nice).And when you come back,get involved in real live patient care...it's just a hop and a skip away till May,& you'll get a break for good.(for a few months)One Semester will be done...3 more to go.

I can do this.

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The Not-So- Magical Express

Somewhere between the intersections of Ketone Valley and DKA Junction, the grand 'ole Diabetes Express made an unscheduled "pit stop" at 3 am last night. It could have been the fluids situation(getting extraordinarily low) or something else. All I know is,it sure felt like all of that. I was hoping the parchment-like thirst wasn't anything critical but the line on my Dexcom revealed a 3 hour spread in the 300+ range & there would be no "ignoring it." Fingerstick revealed a 355 mg/dl.Out came the emergency syringe(I do not mess around with bolusing in such situations). Something had obviously failed big time,but I was too brain dead to fix that something. My blood cells were bathed in glucose,& my "super system" circulatory system felt as sluggish as the Washington Beltway on a Friday afternoon.My kidneys were having their heyday,as my lungs also worked overtime to get rid of the poisonous CO2 accumulating,compliments of the ketones. I felt like a giant prune,& going to sleep never felt so easy but in that moment,there was still a chance to turn The Diabetes Express back to the sunnier (& cheerier) land of Euroglycemia. Chugged two cups of water to chase the ketones,& crawled back in bed.




(down to 201, & non-existent ketones)
Today is another day.(& one that fortuently doesn't require going to school.Youngest brother is getting married today.) Being hit by the Diabetes Express takes a day or so to really recover.(it's amazing how fast you can get into trouble & how long it takes to feel human again)

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Diabetes on Demand (Disclosure)

"Who here has diabetes?"

Those were not words that I EVER imagined coming from any instructor's lips, let alone the department (semi) head. But flow they did, in response to another student's inquiry on a diabetes-related topic.

"Oh, I do, I do, I do!I got it when I was 16.5, which isn't as sucky as some ages to be diagnosed because you can take full responsibility for your disease,and can wield a needle like a pro, but still,the only good age to get diabetes is age 86(or whenever you're in your final illness) when you don't really care that much because you're nearly dead..."

(Wait a second. What am I about to DO? I'm about to tell a group of people (of which, 50% will probably turn out to be food Nazi's and hound me relentlessly for the next 1.5 years (till graduation) about how I should manage "my" diabetes. They don't need to know. This is a teachable moment,but it is not "my" teachable moment. There are 30+ people in this room & my not saying anything,will not forever influence/ruin their careers.) And so my hand(burning with the urge to go UP) stayed down.

"Some of my student's in past semesters have diabetes,and have better perspectives on that (various diagnosis ages) then I do."

I thought about that, and while it's certainly up to the individual in question whether they want to share that I don't think it's something an instructor should be asking the class. That's an extremely personal question. I have diabetes,and at this point only the disability office knows it because they're the only ones who need to know. It still feels a tad weird though (the amount of candy that flows through this class is like being in kindergarten)like you should say something (about why you're not chowing it down like the best of 'em). Nothing against the candy in question, it's usually my blood sugars that I don't want to chase for the next 6 hours. Regarding different diagnosis ages,things are very different when you're dx'd at 6,16,26, or 60. But at every age, the patient can be involved in SOME way. (6 year olds are very smart & can get concepts before adults do) Being dx'd at 17, my childhood was D-free and candy was candy.(not something to be fought over, or something that would kill me.) I didn't have major food issues because I was diagnosed in the age of carb counting(and we always ate pretty healthy, so no changes there either)Getting diabetes is so much more then "anxiety over insulin injections" such as the examples in class are portrayed. It's more like anxiety over hypo/hyperglycemia/blindness/stroke/heartattack/kidneyfailure/amputations/neuropathy/foodbattles/dating/marriage/childbirth/job/healthinsurance/bloodsugarswings/earlydeath etc.etc.etc. I guess they choose that (as something that the nurse can actually "do" something about.)You can't dive forehead deep into something, you've got to take it by degrees.

On the plus side,I've survived three tests,a math test,a presentation,and a paper (with mostly A's) so I'm not just surviving,I'm doing pretty darn good. Switching to disability accommodations in the testing center was a really good idea.(less stress,lower bgs,and the slightly extra time have really improved my test scores)I should have done this a long time ago.

The Most Awesome Thing

I've thought about this, and the vast majority of the stuff that I've done with diabetes is just general life stuff. Or, as a direct consequence of chronic disease. And I feel like (life-wise) that I'm JUST getting started (on the grand and glorious degree seeking, family, etc. Things that one could feel pride over,I can't really yet.) Jobs I've disliked(but stuck with for the insurance)...surgeries, hospitalizations, research studies that no sane person would ever subject themselves to, vacations spent at FFL(etc.) No one really wants to hear THAT. (yeah, being alive is a pretty major accomplishment but its often because of D, not separated from it) I have gotten married, stayed married (thus far),moved out on my own (for two years-before getting married), bought three cars,and self-sustained myself without having to file for bankruptcy (so there's that).

But there was one time that I did feel like an advocate for type 1's everywhere...when I went on Fear Factor. (I won't repost it here, but you can access it via the link) That really got my adrenaline going..& although I didn't make it very far,it helped me get over the "type 1's can't do things of that nature" mind-block. Type 1's (or 2's) can do whatever the heck they want,and even WIN. (see also, The Amazing Race winners, one of who has type 1) I would love to be on another game show (of that nature) if the chance presented itself. (I tried out for Jeopardy once,and almost made it past the first draft, was off by about 2 questions.That was a level of stress far beyond jumping off a building.)


“This post is my February entry in the DSMA Blog Carnival. If you’d like to participate too, you can get all of the information at http://diabetessocmed.com/2011/introducing-the-dsma-blog-carnival/“

The Blood Sugar Diaries

"How's your blood sugar?"

"What's your blood sugar?"

"Have you checked your blood sugar today?"

"What's your blood sugar generally range?"

I've gotten alot of that lately,& quite frankly,it's driving me up the wall. Quite frankly,there is never a time where the PWD cannot think about their blood sugars and today, I may be 300, tomorrow,30. The health care providers in question aren't asking you your latest a1c...they are asking you,judging you, on your blood sugar at that very minute. An hour from now it may be a whole different story. Not to mention they don't plan to do anything about it. (except label you "noncompliant" & "out of control" anyway) In nursing school, the label non-compliant is tossed around every three sentences anyway...& most of the time,gets applied to the patient with diabetes. It is an actual nursing diagnosis and you HAVE to use it. Words cannot express how much I loathe that term & how it is a cop out for figuring out what us really going on. At some point, I will write a paper on how that term needs to be abolished.
Anyway....back to the blood sugars.Why is that a topic that gets zero privacy & always gets asked?(I get that they need to "know" it but other sensitive topics,like "how many times have you pooped today?" could be construed in much the same light.And docs don't generally ask THAT.) I am really tired of talking about,discussing and dissecting and digressing and dealing with the topic of blood sugars. Yes,I do it everyday...it's my life.And yes,I do consult my Endo/Diabetes Educator on occasion. But everyone else (in the health care field,& the diabetes police) get on my nerves.(not the online community,they "get it" & I dint mind discussing online) I guess that's why I haven't been to a pump group meeting in forever because even there it tends to get a bit grilling. They all have a1c's in the 5's and 6's and are a tad unbelievable. (not that they aren't nice,but they are just in a totally different world) I need to hang out with REAL PWD. People who forget/leave their pumps at home,who have eaten themselves from 40 to 400 and will admit to having done so. People who don't claim to be perfect.(I also need to to figure out a better answer then "kindasortofnormalrange" which tends to produce blank looks & even more grueling of the blood sugars.) I guess I just hate that it's not considered private at all...& while I'm the one who manages it,the peanut gallery can still have their say about how much better I could be doing. (much like backseat drivers telling you how to drive a car)

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Casualty: 1900's (YouTube)

My latest tv show addiction. As I don't live in the UK,I just found out about it.(via Amazon Video on Demand) It's kind of like "ER" (early 1900's style) It was a totally different world..gloves were used only during surgery & nurses weren't allowed to get married.(they were married to their jobs)People died routinely of infections,(staff caught them from patients) there were no antibiotics. (they did practice isolation techniques but weren't very effective at containing outbreaks)
Regretfully, it only had two seasons.(and I think that's all it will have) I've finally figured out that the English title sister would be a charge nurse in the US. (see also: My Experience in an English Hospital)I guess some hospitals still go by those titles.(if not all) This show is like crack cocaine,it's got the doctor/nurse romance, the spurting blood,the women's right issues,and pretty much everything a good medical drama should have.And it's primarily from the nursing student (aka "Probationers") point of view so it's really interesting seeing how that differs from nursing student's today.(and yet,so much is the same)I highly recommend watching them all, if you enjoy things of that nature.

Veni, Vidi, Vici

I studied.


I came, stowed all beeping electronic devices in my car,and walked into the classroom with a roll of glucose tabs in my pocket.


I(along with the rest of the class, row by row) came up and stored every possible physical belonging AT THE FRONT OF THE CLASSROOM NEXT TO THE INSTRUCTOR'S DESK.(it was like being in Kindergarten,the only thing you were allowed to have were 2 pencils(which must be non mechanical) a sheet of paper,and your test/scantron.)

And I took the test.(under meter/blood sugar anxiety)

And I went back out to my car,grabbed my meter,and tested 325 mg/dl, 1 hour and 30 minutes later.

I really,really, really need those accommodations..its one thing worrying about the test(I shouldn't have to worry about my blood sugar too). I'm not that likely to go low-I just need the freedom to be able to check(and adjust) at will. It's very obvious that I need a cranked up basal rate(and possibly an adjusted mealtime Insulin/Carb ratio as well) One test passed(grade wise)and yet it most definatly wasn't a success, diabetes wise.One Stress-a-thon seriously shoots the whole day's numbers to pot.
Still waiting on the paperwork from my Endo's office,(for the accommodations)and it looks like I'll have to take another test in much the same manner.(before it all gets straightened out) I also don't know exactly how the accommodations will play out-perhaps I'll have to take my tests in the testing center.

YouTube: Study Skillz

Love this video!!(it captures well the amount of knowledge flying around that you're expected to learn/apply/regurgitate on command)

Owner of a Broken Brain

I'm studying this weekend for a test...my first of many. It mattereth not that it is Super Bowl Sunday, & it mattereth not that I have a horrendous cold/simultaneous monthly occurrence (sorry for the TMI,it is what it is), & it mattereth not that there are also next week's classes to get ready for..somehow I have to stuff 3 weeks of knowledge into my already stuffed-up head. I have to meet with various advisors as well.(next week,it's still really overwhelming)There is no time to be sick-if you miss 2-3 occurrences, you will fall so far behind that they consider you not able to keep up with the program & kick you out. It's scary,& simultaneously annoying. (if I have infected the entire lab group/instructor with my 7 hours of sneezing,sniffling,nose blowing,& coughing, don't blame me. I didn't mean too but you can see why I can't leave) I am still very overwhelmed & I'm pretty sure that feeling will be sticking around awhile.(keep swimming,try not to drown)



And last Saturday's run to the cupcake shop/JDRF summit sadly did not extend it's happiness into this weekend...my husband ate the last one today.Was extremely good while it lasted though.(loved,loved,LOVED the peanut butter frosting one)Cupcakes rock. The JDRF Summit was excellent as well.