The Weekend Green Clean

Yay-day #6 of NaPoBloMo. But as Colleen pointed out, no one much reads blogs on Saturdays/Sundays...unless its some other blogger in the same boat!

So yesterday, we had our carpets cleaned. This involved eviscerating the contents of the basement onto the outside deck,moving the dining room contents into the kitchen, etc. Project Nursery had to be stacked in the Junk Room (aka, the only room in the house with carpet that wasn't being cleaned)...basically, it was pretty chaotic. (beginning the evening before)

The next morning,(around 10 AM) they showed up and commenced to cleaning the house. As you're probably aware, carpet cleaning chemicals can be pretty nasty (read: lethal) stuff, & you're supposed to be out of the house while they're doing the treatments. Well, with this place (using nontoxic stuff) it wasn't quite that imperitive to be out of the house...you just had to be in a room that wasn't undergoing treatment. (that room would be the kitchen) We have two cats, a baby on the way,& the toxic crap they use to clean carpets is decidedly NON-APPEALING. (say what you may) And the cost, comparitively, was about what it would be with the traditional method.

I ran some errands, getting back about noon. The cleaning team they sent out was composed of two guys...one of whom did the actual work, the other one did the talking. (the instant I walked through the door, he started talking, and didn't "finish" until 2 solid hours later) It was like listening to a Billy Mays infomercial. What did he talk about? A little bit of everything...the evils of large carpet cleaning corporations (in particular, ChemDry, who was apparently resposible for the death of Jett Travolta), the physiology of cat puke/urine/etc. & how to treat such stains to GET THEM OUT FULLY, past horror stories of the houses they had cleaned,(that had gone the traditional cleaning route) the state of the economy, what products we needed to get(that were Au Natrale), how Gerber/Mott's is poisoning us (and the babies)with arsenic-laden apple juice from China(64 parts per million,vs the "safe" 3 per million) , Dr. Oz, how talc based powders will give you leukemia/etc., and on and on and on. In the meantime, it's not like we could go anywhere...the cleaning was still going on. So we sat in the kitchen, ate lunch,and listened to him talk. Two hours, people.

But they did a good job, I'll give them that much. The huge yellow splotch that resides in the future Baby Nursery has at least, significantly shrunk. They seemed to think it was from cat urine (and I was duly scolded never to treat such a stain with an OXY based product, but I didn't know what it was from) . I don't think that stain will ever come out fully, we'd have to "patch" swap it out if we ever sold the house. (it's not very large, 2" x 1", perhaps) I think I have permenatly leached the natural color out of the carpet.And they know what they're talking about...they know how to do their jobs. (as well as educate the masses about carpet care) I'm a firm believer in "going green" when it comes to cleaning your house (if possible). It's much safer for your pets. (and for human beings as well)

The carpets took awhile to dry (about 16 hours), so we had to put on plastic booties to walk around till this morning. (and then, we put everything back as it was) As per the carpet warranty, you actually have to have your carpets cleaned every 2 years (at least)...and if you have cats, you're probably going to be doing it 1-2x a year. (at the least) Our cats are getting older, but one of them still pees (not in the litter box) and the other one pukes, so heck yes the carpet is getting constant action. (I can only imagine what it will be like with a child in the mix)

Hope

Have you met Hope?

Hope wears a medical alert, the latest Keds tennis shoes...and a smile that will melt your heart.

Hope is in the "All clear" from the eye doctor.

Hope travels thousands of miles to meet up with 40+ DOC'rs. (sight unseen)

Hope is a virus, & I wish everyone could catch it!

Hope beats strong on the fetal Doppler.(& in your own heart as well)

Hope is in the research labs...it's a fine time to be a mouse or a rat!!

Hope is painful,hope can't settle for status quo.

Hope gives up Saturdays to walk,bike,& walk for a cure.

Hope sells sugar-free lemonade(& Girl Scout Cookies) towards that cure.

Hope never dies..but it can disappear for weeks/months/years on end.

Hope & I are not best buds...but we need each other,more then words can say.(we are more then casual aquantinces)

Hope needs its own RX pad.

Hope savors each victory, & forgives past mistakes.

I hope you've met Hope...cure or not,we all need to believe things will get better.

29 Weeks

Dear Baby,


Wow, 29 weeks? I barely remember those early weeks of bemoaning that it would never, ever,be obvious that you are in there...because in the past 5 weeks, its now become that(to the world). Ah, the joys of the third trimester.(most notably:back muscles turned to silly putty,heartburn,and random strikes of shortness of breath) As for low blood sugars,they aren't really much of a concern these days...I'm not going to say they're non-existent,but the likelihood of a serious one is slightly higher then the likelihood of getting hit by a random meteor. Daily TDD is 50 units and climbing. (it should continue to climb for the next 6-7 weeks)

And...the never ending doctor appointments. Now that it's the third trimester, I go to the OBGYN every two weeks. (starting around week 32,that will be switching to weekly with the OBGYN) As for the perinatologist, up to this point I've gone in every four weeks but depending on the results of next week's ultrasound I may be going in every week from that point onwards. (non-stress test, biophysical profile) The last ultrasound showed normal weight,etc.but the amniotic fluid index was elevated (which could be due to diabetes, and could be due to genetic diseases...such as Bartters Syndrome)I wasn't happy at all to find that out but the perinatologist told me it could be from many different reasons,(sometimes unknown)none of which could be determined at this point & the important thing was to monitor it closely. Sometimes it just goes away on its own,& if the levels greatly increase by the next ultrasound its most likely to be from a genetic cause.(he didn't seem to think that the cause was from diabetes.And I might beg to differ,given that I'm still no diabetes angel cc "results of last a1c" but still,the 'betes control is in the "fair" category) The important thing is to monitor the whole package(any signs of swelling,high blood pressure,contractions,movement etc)and to try not to freak out too much about this one finding. (and I don't have any of that...to date) Baby X is still pretty active in there. (he's always been active,which is comforting, in a world full of uncertainty)

There have been no references to the C word (CSection)...actually,there have been no references to labor, period. (I'm guessing that with diabetes,there's just no way to say "you'll likely be able to due this naturally" when the world can turn on a dime,& the most important thing is deliver the baby,ASAP. I guess that in the next few weeks that Csection word is going to become a reality if my amniotic fluid volume doesn't go down. Which, after you've actually been in an OR and seen all the gory details live is not a comforting thought.

But the most important thing is a healthy baby.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

It's impossible to stay mad at someone offering you a diet coke...(or,these days, a diet caffeine less coke!)

The Babies R' US Marathon

And so,on Monday night (partially to avoid the roaming throngs of sugar-crazed Trick or Treaters, many of whom were adolescents(and not cute at all) my husband & I took a trip to Babies R' Us. (for the first time) It was a kind of "get your feet wet" trip, to see what was out there...but we ended up spending about 2.5 hours in there. The game plan was NOT to make any major purchases until we know what some friends are giving us.(rumor has it, a bassinet & they already did give us a stroller thingie,car seat,& several other odds and ends,which is really nice of them because my family members are still using all their baby stuff) But apparently, there isn't any separate infant carrier that snaps into the car seat...which presents a real problem,because every single one of the 3 aisles(and 200+ options) of infant carriers also had car seats attached. I guess we'll have to look up that particular model online(and see if you can even get the infant carrier separately) In the meantime, we roamed around putting various odds and ends on our registry (in a mostly deserted store...since all the other parents were out doing Halloween stuff with the kiddos(except the first-time parents-to-be) and got a few essentials that it was highly unlikely anyone would buy for us.(like a changing pad,which we'll put on my desk to convert into a changing table,& a baby bath mat to fit into the sink) When you go into Babies R' Us though,you're pretty much going to BLEED money (and find "essential" items that you absolutely cannot live without. (even with the best of intentions) I also intend to get a breast pump,but looking at all of those options put my brain into complete shutdown...all those options/prices/not having a clue what I'd need. I'm sure I wouldn't be the first person to have a mental breakdown in the middle of that store though. (or to spend too much) All in all, I think we controlled ourselves pretty well though. (on the spending) Even my husband,(your own spouse may vary...most of them would probably rather stay home and watch Monday Night Football)who is less-then-enthusiastic about shopping/spending money got into it.(and appeared to have fun)

And now I know how much I absolutely don't know about all of this...yet somehow,all of these "essential must-have" items that kids 40 years ago didn't have (and turned out just fine) that they encourage somehow turn up on the vast majority of parents-to-be lists. Of course, there are the basics...and the things that really,really,make it easier to keep your baby happy(like swings,etc) but deciphering what you really need is kind of difficult when it's your very first kid.(you could walk in there and blow a couple of grand, I'm sure)

November Follies

Every year, I say I won't do/can't wait for NaPoBloMo to end..and yet every year,I feel suckered into doing it. Last year,I forgo it(due to arm surgery). But November is such an interesting month,chockful of significant diabetes related events,personal anniversaries,birthdays,holidays, etc. (if ever there was a month that I could pull off 30/30, this would be the one)I've yet to recount my experiences with the NYC trip "Simonpalooza" several weeks ago..and I'm sure the world really,really,really wants to hear about the never ending litany of medical appointments that I go to, these days.(as well as nursery pics) As well as last week's "pump failure at 32,000 feet" fiasco.

So, if you choose to stick around, I'm sure it won't be all boring. Because I certainly have plenty of blog fodder. (due to being severely delinquent in said posting duties)

The One that Wasn't

In retrospect, I knew it would probably happen. School stress, D-stress, pregnancy stress, concurrent Endo appt. (when did that ever turn out well?)

Regardless of that fact, my a1c rang in at 6.5...a marked 0.4 improvement. (not that I expected my Endo to go all gaga over over it, because true to form, she didn't). But what happened next put the icing on the cake.

"Well, you knew what you were getting yourself into (suck it up)." (really lady? that's all you've got to say,& thank you very much,not that I regret said choice,but it's the first time in my life that I've been 27 weeks,hugely insulin resistant,25 excess lbs,and I don't really think anyone "knows" what they're getting into). And then she went on to tell me such additional goodies as how every day in this 9 month stretch mattered,you can never redo it,if you screw up the kid its permanant, blahblahblah at which point I completely lost it.

I burst into tears, which I don't think I've ever done in a doctor's office before. (not even being diagnosed with diabetes did that) There's only so much blame a person can take,and you can pretty much 1/2 that when you're pregnant. (and thank you very much, I have enough blame to last me every single day of my life, it doesn't need to be coming from you.) After that, she toned it down a little bit (remarking drily that my blood glucose, in office, was 296 (OF COURSE IT IS,YOU'VE JUST PUT IT THERE but no additional comments (and at that point, I would have walked out the door and not come back,I was that upset). Why is it that doctors feel the need to tell you what you already know? I'm not here because I've got this crap figured out, I'm here because I NEED HELP & SUPPORT. Which clearly I wasn't getting from her.

So yeah,that appt. was not the greatest. She did try to be slightly more sensitive after that,but the remarks she made left a permanant scar on my already tender psyche. I don't know if I can forgive her, much less go back to her, after that.

I then went forth, spent several hours getting it out of my system, complained on Twitter, took a nap, called a friend, and feel much better now.
Thank goodness for the D-Community,because no one else truly gets it.

The Magnificent Seven (Subtypes)

Do you remember the last time you did this?


Sitting there in the Hopkins Peds Clinic waiting room,with all the babies (and the little kids)among pictures of yawning Poohs & smiling green dinosaurs, my mind took a turn back, to when (indeed) I was last considered a "pediatric patient."


Diabetes Clinic. Like clockwork, every three months. Getting up the nerve,somewhere around the age of 19 (yes, I was a late bloomer) to make the trip myself. Waiting room conversations with Parents of D. (somehow, I never ran into any other teens with diabetes) Sneaking out the back door (post-appt) & heading straight for the McDonalds across the street, to celebrate the start of the next "A1c Stretch" on a hot fudge sundae. The long, long, long wait for my a1c. Saying goodbye,(at the age of 19 years & 364 days) because I thought 20 was entirely too old to still be seeing a peds Endo. (it really isn't, if they're good, but I was entirely too selfconscious back in the day)


And here I am again, this time with a child in tow (albeit somewhat invisible to the naked eye, but at least I don't have to keep my child occupied, he seems perfectly content to play kickball with my intestines all day). Getting checked in, as a patient. Parents cast me curious looks,staff keeps asking "is this for yourself?" Just like that, it's time to waddle back to the exam room.
(genetics is located in with the pediatric diseases clinic)

"Hello, I'm Carolyn."


We discuss the genetics of Bartters Syndrome, the weird mess of a family tree I have. (they want blood from family members, but yeah, not so sure THAT is going to happen)She tells me people of Swedish & Italian descent are actually carriers 1/200 or 1/100% versus 1/1000 in the general population. (that's not so great,as my husband is 1/8 Swedish but yeah, what can you do) We talk about the research study from Yale, & what they're attempting to find. (testing for the most 7 common subtypes, & perhaps other testing on the types that don't "play by the rules." We review my medical file,& I sign more release forms.(for intial dx'ng records)

The Yale form is long, & geared very much toward the pediatric patient/and their parent, but it still applies. And I sign,my toes curling in anticipation at the thought that sometime soon,3 or so months from now, I'll learn what sub-type of Bartter's I've got. (probably on the day I deliver, when I could really care less)
I'm just surprised that there weren't any conditions that would keep one out of the research,like there generally is.
(start combining diseases, & researchers can't tell what is the effect of what)





And then I give blood, & wait...for something. (too long coming) What something is, I don't know, but it's better then the nothing I've got now. I'm grateful that the genetics counselor at the perinatologists has friends in high places..for somehow,this kind of stuff never just "finds its way" onto the Internet.3/4 of the studies I've been in,I've found out by word of mouth. (by the time it makes it to ClicalTrials.gov, they are desperate to find people,in my opinion, the truly great stuff (like the Artificial Pancreas Studies) go reallyyyy fast)

Questions of the Universe

And so today, I met with my course advisor...& got the deep, hard, questions rolling.

In a couple of weeks, my OB course will end...and the Medical/Surgical one is slated to begin. Now I know I'm going to sound like a total wuss, but I have my doubts as to whether or not I can hack it. A thousand questions are flooding my mind (is this going to put me in premature labor, could I have really stellar diabetes control & do better by the baby if I just didn't take this,this course is so difficult that NON-pregnant people frequently fail 1-2x, what if I manage to do well but still have some medical complication and have to drop out 3/4 of the way through(I don't want to take a course I'm just going to have to repeat anyway)...questions to which there are no answers,questions that float out there in the stratosphere.

Medical/Surgical is a demanding course, a full time course. (OB is a piece of cake, by comparison)And I'm going to be living fulltime in the doctor's office anyway, as the
third trimester brings with it increased monitoring/tests in the pregnancy. (just because things are going well now, does no mean that will be the case 10 weeks from now)

So, I have several options. I can drop out in several weeks(miss the 2nd class of the semester), start up again in March.(and be one semester behind) I can drop out in several weeks,take next semester off, and be 2 semesters behind. Or,heck,I could take the next two years off & still be eligable for readmission to the program. I don't want to do that,& I don't for see having to do that, but there are no answers out there...for either my advisor, or for me.

And LifeChange 101 is coming our way,& there's a part of me that needs time to get ready for that.(call it my "nesting" instinct)
I want to create the nursery, & get everything in order (and that includes my mountains of junk,let's hope this kid does not inherit my messiness traits) and 2-3 weeks at the end of the semester doesn't seem adequate. (especially not when you have grown so big that you don't want to move) This is what I want,& this is a decision that may never come my way again.(whereas, with nursing school, yes I could do this at age 42) This is the decision that is "best for me" as my advisor would so eloquantly put it, although no one can tell you what to do, the answer in this regard is becoming clearer.
Its admitting that I can't do everything which is a tad hard. People do this, people have emergencies/babies/circumstances routinely that they have to take time off...& get back into the program,graduate,become nurses.(it isn't some bad thing when you can't) I just really wanted to have completed the semester before I did that, it feels like a thorn in my flesh if I can't, like a task unfinished.

Time will tell, I guess. (whether or not I'm nuts enough to take on Med/Surg.)

The $1,200 Baby Care Class

I don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies! - Gone With The Wind


The third trimester looms,& one thing I know...I still don't know much about birthing no babies. Or that much about caring for one. But I do know,that this nursing rotation has cut down by 80% the actual amount of classes we'll need to take.( Dad101 & BabyCare 101) as I've learned about what labor will be like,what preterm labor will be like,all the drugs that they might give,breast feeding vs.formula, a preemie is going to be different then a 38 weeker,all the maneuvers & monitoring tests that they do,under what indications they ship you off for a
C-Section,how diabetes doesn't just put the infant at a risk for hypoglycemia/being too large but also a risk for placental abruption/bleeding to death right there, etc.Some of it I wish I didn't know. Will it be the sort of pain that makes me want to throw up/die (kind of like the intusseption) or will it be more pressure then pain? It is nice to have a wealth of knowledge at my fingertips,because the OB doesn't have the time to educate you about all this stuff. Most of this stuff is geared toward the Mom(of course), but there seems to be a never-ending amount of childcare classes being offered at the local hospital. (I picked the two that might have relevance to either/both my husband & I) I just need the nitty-gritty hands on stuff,since I already know what labor/etc.will be like.(& my husband needs hands/on too,labor can be summarized with the words "long & painful."

Yes,this $1200 baby care class is well worth it. I feel a little more ready for what is coming our way.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

30 for 30: My Invisible Illness

(aka 30 things for the 30 year old!)

1. The illness I live with is: Type 1 Diabetes

2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: Dec. 10, 1998.

3. But I had symptoms since: May 1998...I recall getting personally acquanted with every single water fountain/restroom on all 3 floors of the high school. (it was the summer of driver’s Ed)

4.The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Snacks, Eating, and not being my own person anymore.

5. Most people assume: That I’ve got it together by now, & my blood sugars never go over 120 or below 70. (“Do you have it pretty well regulated, dear?”) Yeah, right. (I’d like some of whatever you’ve been smoking) Every day is a constant battle.

6. The hardest part about mornings are: That they exist. (period)

7.My favorite medical TV show is: The Duggars/Greys Anatomy/Private Practice/What Not to Wear/etc....I don’t think I’ve got an absolute favorite, per say.

8.A gadget I couldn’t live without is: You probably think I’d say my insulin pump, or my Dexcom...but I could probably live without those. My iphone is the love of my life, though.

9. The hardest part about nights are: Sleeping on my side...but that’s not diabetes related, that’s pregnancy related. I was a back sleeper for 29 years and suddenly, I had to go cold turkey. (no easy thing) No one ever told me about that little thing known as “Supine Hypotension.”

10.Each day I take (X) pills & 0 vitamins: Well, it depends. I take at least 1 pill, and I’m supposed to take a prenatal(very lax on that one though) & there are the random aches & pains & allergies that I’ll occasionally have to pop some more pills, but yes, one a daily basis, just one. I’m trying to keep the pill brigade to a bare minimum right now. I do pump insulin 24/7, though.

11.Regarding alternative treatments I: if it works for you,& it hasn’t been shown to be toxic/damaging/etc. I think “alternative” treatments may have additional benefits. But you can’t “replace” insulin altogether, & you need to keep your HCP in the loop. I have taken supplements/herbals in the past, but I don’t pretend to speak for the DOC at large.

12.If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I’m going to go with the invisible illness. If I don’t want to share it, I don’t have to share it.

13.Regarding working and career: I dunno what I want to do exactly...I’m leaning towards something in either pediatrics or research. I’m still very much the naive, impressionable nursing student. I don’t think being a CDE is in my future, I’m not the teaching sort. At this point, I’m just crossing things off my list (of RN jobs I don’t think I could ever do).

14.People would be surprised to know: That “Yes, I can eat that!!!”

15.The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:
That the “Golden Years” probably won’t be so golden, unless there’s a major breakthrough/cure. I fear the impending complications.

16.Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:
Every day, I wake up & discover something else that I can do that I never thought possible with diabetes. Fear Factor. Job(s). School. Pregnancy. The list grows as my life goes by, & sometimes I look back & think “I did what?” (in my wild and crazy youth) Diabetes certainly throws monkey wrenches into the above, but it doesn’t have to “stop” any of it.

17. The commercials about my illness: are interesting, I feel a sort of “bond” with some of them in question...but the meter ones make me feel like smashing something.

18.Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Drinking an extra-large, sugary Slurpee on a hot summer day. I’m sure its entirely possible, but I’ve never been brave enough to try to figure out the bolusing sequence on that one.

19. It was really hard to have to give up: I wanted to enter the military, & well that was obviously out.

20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Cross-stitch. I enjoy stabbing things (that aren’t body parts) with needles. (a sort of diabetes voodoo)

21.If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: I’d eat a zillion carbs, & wash it down with a couple of Daquiri’s & veg out in front of the tv for the rest of the day. (of course, “normal” in this case means no D, & the absence of pregnancy)

22. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: “Have you had it since you were a baby?” (I know its called juvenile D, but why don’t you just ask me WHEN I got it?)

23.But I love it when people: just listen, and don’t judge!!!

24.My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: You can do this!

25.When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: It’s going to be ok, you can do this.

26.Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: that most of the time, I deal with it fine. You get used to it.

27.The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Brought me soup/liquids & made sure I was doing ok. (& called the doctor for me)

28.I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: It’s going around the DOC!

29. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Hopeful for humanity. Invisible or not, we all need to be more understanding of others.

30.My illness has taught me: To be prepared for most “disaster” scenarios. Diabetes doesn’t have as much power over you, if you’ve got the antidote to the whatever it throws at you. I try to stay one step ahead of the ballgame, so when that disaster comes, its not "as bad."

The Techno-Dgeek

My devices have names. I don't feel like this is so unusual, the DOC is thronging with the "my pump-meter is named such & such" (I'm in good company). I have nick-named everything,from my car to my husband. (that's just who I am)

My first pump, a MiniMed 508,was named Code Blue.(it was always having one emergency or the other)

My Deltec Cozmo was Lambo,Jr. (named for an Australian acquaintance of mine)

My Animas was "The Green Hornet."(insulin stung going in)

And then along came the Omnipod, which was dropped into my lap(& after some time, I finally decided that yes,I'd keep). A year has passed,& I still have no clue what to name it. The two separate parts are referred to as "the pod" & "the PDM" & it really hasn't much more personality then that. I wish I could find a name for it,for all my other pumps have had actual names. Even the Dexcom name(s) came easily.("Dex" & "The Cockroach"(transmitter) I really would like the devices to meld into one system so I could just call it "Artie" (short for artificial pancreas),that won't be happening for quite awhile though. Such is life. I certainly would like to participate in future phases of the AP project,but again,that will likely be several more years down the road. It's exciting stuff & I believe in this project more then any other research out there.("curing" diabetes is a stretch,but giving individuals the power to live normal lives with mostly normal bgs isn't)

While the rest of life moves very quickly,the advances in the diabetes field move very,very slowly...& sometimes I wish I could just jump to the future & have it all NOW. I know that sounds selfish,but I've had more then enough years of diabetes & I need a break, I need some of the awesome burden to be lessened (for me & everyone else out there). Decades & decades & decades more with this disease just doesn't sound do-able.( I know others have done it,but there are days where the best I hope for is to finish the day alive)
Technology and diabetes care have become interwined, from the advent of blood glucose meters to the pump/CGM combo.(and for all it may drive you crazy,it's the future,it's (for most people) the best of diabetes care) (not everyone chooses one,for various financial & personal reasons).

But I & technology are joined at the hip...for better,or for worse.It makes my life a whole lot easier,a whole lot less "different" from the rest of humanity.My iPhone contains everything from diabetes management apps to recipes to Twitter/Facebook(essential for my coping mechanisms)...as well as it being the link to the pharmacy,doctors office,etc.(everything a PWD could ask for) And I realize I'm lucky,in a world where many people don't even have the means to buy insulin/test strips (lucky,yet "unlucky"....the great oxymoron of the 21st Century)..I don't dispute that. I do love my technology.(given the chance, I choose to utilize those opportunities)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Crabbed!

My first Maryland Crabcake, a culinary adventure worth...well,worth waiting for!
(and deserving of it's own blog post)




I think it was bacon encrusted,because wow,that thing was sooooo good! (I believe the "gotta have one" hype now)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Up & Up

I keep hoping that in one regard, I won't be the "typical" type 1 going through pregnancy. I don't mind the weight gain, but taking a boatload of insulin is a bit scary.


The Placental Express has yet to hit with a bang,but my blood sugars are definatly creeping up. Especially overnight. (gone are the days of hanging out at 70-90 overnight) If I do nothing, they remain stable. (versus dropping multiple times per night, in the first trimester) If I treat a low, even 15 carbs will skyrocket me from 60 to 130 by the morning. Which, by this point, doesn't put me in a good mood. There was a time in my life where waking up to 130 on a persistent basis would have thrilled me to death. But now, it doesn't (I NEED under 100). It just makes me annoyed at diabetes, & the fact that it never plays by the rules. (you can't not treat a low) My total daily dose has increased by about 10 units, but some of that is just the fact that stellar control was not my thing pre-pregnancy. Most of this is in the way of basal increases...my ratios are still about the same. (although I just upped breakfast again,with a 1/8) As the day wears on, I get a whole lot more sensitive to insulin (ending at a 1:20 for supper)


So, what I don't quite understand is how much of the insulin increase is related to the placenta and how much of it is related to weight gain. (I'm aware that both just really go to town post 20 weeks) It's very much a YMMV process (as to both),but someone who gains 25 lbs versus 50 definatly has less of an insulin increase. Gaining too much (or too little) weight is not a good thing, you don't really need to "eat for two." (more like 1.1) That being said, I'm most definatly feeling pretty pudgy these days.
(I hope colder weather comes soon, because I've outgrown every single pair of non-sleepwear attired shorts that I own) I've gained about 12 lbs. I just wish I knew just how much of an insulin increase I'm due for, but there seems to be no real way to estimate that either. (other then 2-3x pre-pregnancy daily doses)

As I'm much hungrier, (for everything under the sun) avoiding junk food is impossible. Although I'm aware that such cravings are normal, and "some" is ok, I sometimes eat it 24/7 (especially during class days) and that's not good. I just can't seem to be satisfied on just "healthy" food.

I think that the days of daily basal changes are just around the corner,& that insulin resistance is here to stay.

Diabetes Art Day: Body Art!!

It is a far,far,better thing that I do then I have ever done before.-A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens

You're worth the 3 AM check,the 12 AM check,& all the checks in between.

You're worth the 200+ kicks daily,mostly in the middle of OB class(a veritable Mexican Jumping Bean). As I learn about Leopold's Maneuvers and fetal monitoring strips,you don't want me to be too caught up in delivering other people's babies that I forget about my own.

You're worth the heartburn,nausea,caffeine/food deprivation,random joint aches,& back pain.

You're worth turning 30 for.(happy Birthday,& don't start falling apart twice as fast now,self)

You're worth the Endo gruel-downs.

You're even worth having diabetes for,although I don't suppose one has anything to do with the other. But diabetes defiantly influenced who I married,it influences so much.As much as I hate the circumstances,there is a silver lining to many a dark & dire cloud.I'm doing my best not to screw this up.

And we're halfway there.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Sugar,Spice and Snips,Snails

Today we went in for the 19th week screening ultrasound. Typically,I go alone...but this one is a milestone so this time,it was both me and my husband. I go to a maternal-fetal medicine high risk consult,typically every 3-4 weeks(for an ultrasound,at 8,10,and 14 weeks) and they've also done blood work screening for Trisomy 18/Downs Syndrome.(of which,it was all within normal limits so there's little chance the baby will be born with it. Not impossible,but I believe the more info I have,the better I'd be prepared to begin dealing with that possibility anyway. I need lots of information to keep me sane.)

So,after waiting about an hour,we were called back & the tech started the comprehensive ultrasound scan...looking at the heart,arms,legs,head,etc. (naming what she was looking at) As she was leaving the room,I asked what it was (she certainly wasn't volunteering that information) & in a voice as dry and uninterested as humanly possible said "It's a X" before making her escape. Seriously,we've waited 19 weeks for this moment and that's how you act? (I don't know if she was having an off day or harbored a personal prejudice against moms with diabetes,like they have no business being pregnant) Then the doctor came in,and he was much nicer with explaining everything. Took another look at the fetal heart & proclaimed everything to be right on track.(weightwise,about 8 oz and no abnormalities) And it's kind of nice that they're concerned that I have someone to help with the blood sugar rollarcoaster, as the regular GYN office really doesn't care(or ask)about diabetes stuff at all. But the high-risk group only does the monitoring,not the actual delivering of the babies.(its all very specialized) My Endo handles it,but they've offered the services of their diabetes educator should I ever need it.(emergency or otherwise)

After that,we saw the genetics counselor for an in-depth discussion regarding my medical conditions/chance of passing them on.(more specifically,about my Bartters Syndrome) Because most variants are autosomal recessive,that means that I won the genetics lottery and got it from both parents(while my five siblings got Nada). In the general population,the chance of being a carrier is 1/1,000 so the chance that the baby will have Bartters is 1/1000 but there is 100% chance that they'll be a carrier. That's if it's recessive linked,I could have the (extremely rare) dominant form and in that case,the child will have Bartters Syndrome. (if that were the case,it would be apparent at birth) Insurance,of course,doesn't cover gene testing and I don't see spending $6000 on it,it wouldn't change anything anyway.It would be nice to know at some point in the future though(if I could find a research facility that would test for free). My nephrologist says that since it doesn't change the treatment regimen,there's really no need (I guess the only thing one can do,is be alert & proactive with any changes,at birth).We talked about medical issues on both sides of the family tree,they drew more blood,and scheduled the next screening in 4 weeks.




And it's a boy!!!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Taking the Plunge...

and switching to Wordpress. I've decided to not totally abandon this blog,but just use it for "nursing school" related posts. Although I don't think that anything that I've ever said violates HIPAA/patient confidentiality,(I've never put name, age,location,or particulars) it's just better not to have one's diabetes life mixed up with one's professional life on the internet. (especially if your name is very, very, Google-a-bil) Posting anything at all (about my experiences) may be considered too much info, in the eyes of some of the professors. This blog though, I can safely rant away (without too much worry).


Stay tuned.

Profiles (Week 17)

(warning...belly shot below. Consider yourself forewarned!)


Here,you can see my abdomen at 17 weeks,& yes,this is pretty much what it looked like 17 weeks ago.(mostly just blubber) It's hard to believe that I've packed on a good 11 lbs. (where on earth is it?oh,that's right,it shrinks other vital things in the lower abdomen to the size of a pea) I haven't been overweight in quite a while,but wow that 2nd trimester came in with a roar.(and the lbs as well,the scale is starting to groan everytime I step on it) It's a bizarre feeling,having your stomach measured with a tape measure.(as well)He/She
is already producing insulin from it's tiny itsy bitsy little pancreas(is it wrong to envy one's kid?because sometimes,I wish it could share,& I know that's bad because genetically I may have passed on my bad luck)& setting about to double in size in the 3 weeks.And speaking of weeks,in just 2 weeks we'll get to find out what it is. In the meantime,there are plenty of things to keep occupied(like school,which begins in less then 2 weeks) Gulp...

It is afternoon on December 31,2011. I am doing a POD change,when said water breaks & my husband immeadietly rushes me to the hospital,ahead of the New Year's Eve revelry.After 5 hours of labor,at precisely 10:46 pm,a healthy 7 lb,8 oz baby is born (with no complications)

And that's what will probably not happen (although as long as it's healthy,I don't care what they do to me)

I don't like hospitals. I don't like the way they smell,feel,or degrade a person of the basic rights of human dignity. Unless you're the one in the white coat, you'd really like to be anywhere else on the planet. But when it's your job to care for sick people,well, it's not that bad being in the hospital. Because mentally,you're not entrapped...you don't "have" to be there.You can leave at any time. But a patient can't do that.(unless they want to get sicker/die)

It's something that I have to start thinking about,that yes, I'll be headed back to that place at some point in the next 5 months.And the choices that have to be made...which hospital is it going to be at? There are no shortage of hospitals in this region,and my OBGYN contracts at two of them(the one nearest our house,however,is the one that has diabetes care straight out of 1955). And that's a problem,even if my Endo's office is right down the street.(this hospital doesn't give two beans if your blood sugar is 350,as long as you're still breathing & your pain is well managed) 2008 left a really bad taste in my mouth regarding that hospital.(they pretty much ignored my Endo's orders,because most of the time I was 300's & looped out on painkillers) The other option,is the hospital with all the major equipment to handle anything that might go wrong..NICU,& such. That's definitely the way I'd go if I needed a C-Section,but for now, I have no,no clue which one to pick.I need my diabetes care to be stellar,(more for the effects on the infant,then for me) & I don't know if I'll be in the position to handle that aspect myself. And I sure as heck cannot trust Local Hospital not to kill me(if they'd take over the diabetes care). Personally, I think keeping the pump on is the way to go but things can get pretty dicey afterwards & your insulin needs drop to practically zero while you hypo nonstop & therein lies most of the problem,if you're zoned out on painkillers you aren't going to be able to catch that low & a nurse who checks you 2-4x a day is sure not going to catch it. At the other hospital,they also employ nurses that teach at my college(& the perks of that are many...since you get to know them,when you're a patient you get waited on hand & foot). I kind of also think they might do better with the D-care over there since they are like Baby Hospital Central in the county.(level III NICU) I don't think my Endo has privileges there though,& that is a problem.(I'll need major help in the diabetes dept.) Those are uncharted waters...& I need all the help I can get.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Code 4 on the Colorado

It was a typical June day in the lazy little town of Williams, Arizona...& at the unearthly hour of 5 am,there were very few of its inhabitants up yet. Except us,because we were going to go white-water rafting on the mighty Colorado River (ok,white water rafting is a stretch...more like smooth water drifting) and had to meet the tour bus by 6:15 AM. (right outside the Grand Canyon park entrance) As it takes an hour to get there,we had to leave by 5. Met the bus, treated a 69,drove into the Park, picked up more people..and took off for the town of Page, AZ. (some 2.5 hours away) Scrub pine soon gave way to desert & rock formations and it stayed that way. Drove onto the Navaho reservation (huge, spanning several states)
and you could tell it was hot outside.(up by the Park entrance, it was in the 50's & everyone still had their coats on from that). On the reservation, they go by Daylight Savings Time so that put the actual timing of the trip back an hour. (the rest of Arizona does not go by that) They also put on a mandatory "Canyon" movie (which after 2.5 hours got extremily dull, I reckon I know more about every single person who has ever rafted the Colorado then I ever wanted to) but we finally arrived at the agency headquarters, where we got off, stretched legs, perused the gift shop,and sprayed liberal applications of SPF50 from head to toe. It was just 9 AM and 85 degrees. An hour later, another group of river goer's joined us, we all signed release forms, and this Marine-looking type gave us a briefing on what to expect. Boarded buses, took off for the "secured area" which is at the bottom of a dam. To get there, we passed through a two mile tunnel in utter pitch
blackness. (claustrophobic, much? You would be by mile 1.5, our bus seemed to be moving at about 20 mph) came out at the bottom, donned hard hats, (because we were at the bottom of a dam/bridge) and all trotted off towards the river,(provided)lunch boxes in hand.











At the river, we tossed all the hats in a bin & boarded boats. It became very obvious that when they said that it would be hot, they did indeed mean, hot. A blast of 105 degree heat greeted us the instant we stepped off the bus. I wasn't thinking it would be quite that hot... but I was grateful for one thing,that I hadn't brought any back-up vials of insulin with me. (I'm not sure even the Frio would have done any good in that heat) Of course,if my pod would have gone bad I would have been up the Colorado without a paddle(figuratively), and a 4 hour drive to the nearest pharmacy.(not really a good thing,but I was lucky,nothing happened)

There were 17 of us on that boat. Our tour guide was a young Navajo Native American named Ritchie. I was most immeadietly concerned with my blood sugar...it was already trending low & in the insane heat, there's no telling what it would do.But there was lots of sugar on board(both in the form of the lunch boxes,glucose tablets,and the "net" of MinuteMaid Lemonades being drug in the water so I felt safe, in that regard.Checked my blood sugar every hour (during the 4 hour trip),& it held pretty steady. My meter, however, went completely off the deep end & started issuing random Error Codes like crazy.



I had no clue what an error 3, or error 4, meant...it was initially pretty freaky & I envisioned my Omnipod/meter dying right there,it's electronics fried by the Arizona sun.But I could still test(didn't give any sort of "device outside temperature range" messages, and those blood sugars correlated well with what my Dexcom was telling me so I just trusted that whatever was going on,it wasn't screwing with the trusty-ness of those readings. It continued to self generate Error Messages (about 20, over the course of an hour and a half) & then stopped. I bolused once(for lunch),& the function of that also seemed to be working just fine, so I stopped worrying about it.



























We made two stops during the boatride...to stretch legs,etc. The French Europeans on board took those oppurtunities to strip off as much clothing as humanly possible & go swimming/skinny dipping in the river.(why they bothered wearing anything is beyond me,since you could see more then you ever wanted/needed to) Fortuantly, they made a bit more of an effort to cover up
on the rest of the journey.

The river was as ice cold as the sun was hot...compliments of the mountain run-off.
After three seconds,you couldn't feel your feet anymore.(45-50 degrees) It certainly helped prevent heatstroke. (those are my frozen toes,FTR)





We had a cooler of water on board,& were encouraged to keep up the H20 intake (as well as wear protective gear,sunscreen) & that got everyone through the 4 hour trip. There was no shade on the Colorado though. (other then when we stopped a couple of times. More then once doubted the wisdom of taking such a trip (despite the guide's reassurances that this "was the best time of year to go"-he may be used to the heat,I was not) but things did work out & it was pretty much fun.








The sun was so hot that I didn't take that many pictures...much less videos (I couldn't see the screen, (hence the upside-downness of any videos,& I am currently tearing my hair out as how to insert those videos...may take a day or two,check back)


It takes between 10-14 days to fully "raft" the Colorado...& its all regulated by private industry, so you just can't go out there and do it on your own. The discoverer/conquoror of the Colorado (one John Wesley Powell) did it in a rowboat, and he only had one arm (they had to tie him to the boat during the really bad rapids...if the boat went down, he would have too. As with the Grand Canyon, alot of people have died (on this great national wonder) & it commands an awesome power.




(Obligatory stop at a reservation store on the way back,& the resulting "Oohhh I really need/want this!" gush (that is,until one viewed the five digit price tag. Probably not as comfortable as a Baby Bjorn,either)

Boarded the bus again,drove the 3 hours back to the car/hotel...and then my blood sugars crashed hard for the next 13 hours.(effects of the heat, perhaps,I certainly didn't do anything that might be considered "physical exercise"-much of that day was spent sitting) The SPF 50 was more then effective in preventing the dreaded "day after" sunburn,although since I reserved my left hand to be SPF free(in order to not mess up blood sugar results) that hand/arm did burn some. The next 24 hours were spent recooperating from the day/hypo night from heck. Despite not being white water rafting,it was still pretty grueling. (I am most definetly not the "diabetic adventurer" type..once in a while is ok,but being away from civilization for an extended period of time is nerve wracking stuff,and the blood sugars were every bit as crazy as I thought they'd be,although mostly after(not during) the trip.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

25 Commands (of a pregnancy with D)

(I'm not trying to turn this blog into a Mommy blog..but let's face it,kids do have a way of taking over the vast majority of your life. Plus, it's summer, & is not much else to blog about so it is what it is.)

Upon being diagnosed (with most any chronic disorder), comes THE LIST of rules/regulations for that disorder. Meds you can take, meds you can't take, what you can eat/drink/etc. blahblahblah. It's a whole new lifestyle, & "breaking in" does not come easy when you've done it a certain way all your life. Diabetes is a rather extreme example of that (I think it took years for me to "accept it" ) ,& I know that most of my blog readers are familiar with what that entails. On the day that diabetes "becomes yours(till death do you part)" it's an automatic stressor that can lead to a host of other stressors.

And then comes something else, say pregnancy,& an extra layer of stress gets added to the pile. More rules, more regulations, more doctor visits,more everything. I can't say that I'm used to it yet,I'm not sure that I ever will be. (I like my bad habits too much) And that list, the list of "diabetes rules" gets picked up & spun into infinitum (only this time,your opinion doesn't mean jack squat) like the 613 Commandments of the Old Testament/Torah beating you over the head until you're senseless. (I couldn't come up with 613, but here are a few "laws" of pregnancy)

#1 You will go from drinking Diet Coke non-stop to 1-2 a week. (or drink Caffeine-less)

#2 You shall pretty much forget about Starbucks for the next 9 months. (even the decaf has SOME caffeine)

#3 You shall email your endo twice a week with complete blood sugars/FOOD logs. (yeah, fun)

#4 You shall only take Tylenol when the headache/etc. gets so bad that you want to jump off a cliff...all other pain killers are verboten. Be prepared to see the line on your Dexcom go HIGH for the next 6 hours. (and screwy for the rest of the day)

#5 Your deli-meat, blue cheese chomping days are similarly, over.

#6 You shall stand by and watch every other adult sip beer, wine, margaritas, etc. (and not that I drink much,but there's nothing like watching someone else do something to make you wish you could do it yourself)

#7 You shall not eat Danish pastries every morning for breakfast. (even if you have figured out the bolusing sequence, just right)

#8 You shall not stare at random strangers in the doctor's office & wonder if you're the only person who still doesn't look pregnant. (at 16 weeks) The only thing thus far is 7 more lbs.

#9 You shall come to accept that between blood sugar checks and bathroom calls, you will never again sleep longer then a 3 hour stretch.

#10 You shall read Six Until Me (daily) until your eyeballs bleed.

#11 You shall not Google anything on the internet.

#12 You shall take a nap(as often as possible).

#13 You will discover that it is completely possible to have an overnight flatline Dexcom graph (in the 70's) without going low.
Not that it's easy, but it is "easier."

#14 You will go through test strips like a chain smoker goes through cigerettes.

#15 You will discover that chicken (and fish) are not your friends....steer clear of consumption.

#16 You will become a big fan of glacier-cold ice water. (for chasing away those nausea pangs)

#17 You will trim your list of "essential drugs" down to three. Everything else just complicates matters.

#18 You will enjoy the last fleeting moments of regular insulin requirements, for every soon everything will start going up & you'll be blowing through 3.5 bottles a month easy-peasy.

#19 You shall exercise (daily). (seriously, just get out there and do it...even if it is 97 degrees in the shade) It will soon be the start of the 2nd semester, and you'll be lugging more then just books this go-around.

#20 You shall spend many, many hours on the phone with your insurance company, trying to convince them that 6 strips a day just does NOT cut mustard during pregnancy.

#21 You shall change your infusion set (or Pod) faithfully, every 3 days, and under no circumstance put it off (like at 3 AM) just because you'd rather do something stupid, like sleep. (Pods completely expire every 80 hours,& you've got to change it, or go without a basal rate)

#22 You shall avoid diabetes related conversations with certain friends, because it does no good to freak them out too. This is our burden, & one that would probably send normal parents into complete meltdown. Heck, it even sends me into meltdown (on occasion) but I've got a great support system. I guess its normal to worry,& it's normal for that to be compounded by 100 (fueled by every disaster story I've ever heard). Normal people assume everything will be fine,PWD (or at least me) hope everything will be fine but assume the worst until told otherwise.

#23 You will learn to pre-bolus....for everything.

#24 You will realize, that if you didn't have diabetes, there's little chance you'd go the traditional OB route where you never seem the same practitioner in office & get stuck with the backup on the day that you actually do deliver. Discontinuous, much?

#25 You'll discover that any old movie will do....it doesn't have to be particuraly emotional, for you to become emotional.