Purple Top

Psst. Hey, you.

Yeah, you. 3rd from the bottom, over 2.

This is your ex-speaking. I know we haven't been on real good terms lately, but I could never
dump you entirely. Every day, I still hope for the impossible. You were such a big part of me.
And for one magical day, you were at your best and I was a star.

I have just one small request...

Could you pleazzzzzzzzzzze come back under 8? That isn't asking for much. And it would
make me more motivated to reach my OC Goal.

My endo has hope, says that one bad patch won't necessarily screw up any chances of that
happening. But I look at the logbook, and can only hope that the number of lows will cancel out
the number of highs + it won't come back worse then last time.

But if that doesn't happen...

I need a plan. A plan to aggressively treat those highs. A plan to NOT spend overnight in the 200's.(as Scott pointed out, that's a third of the day right there) And accountability to someone, checking in numbers ever so often. And lastly, I need to be changing my infusion set every 3 days, not 6. That might help.

So Purple Top, if you do your job, I'll do mine. I promise.

The Dark Side

Deep, dreamless sleep.
Abrupt ascent back towards reality...
I was thinking about oxygen,and it's over already?

"You're awake,c'mon, let's get a sugar."
Darn. How do they always know?
Can't a person catch a few more ZZ's?
Ok, 357. Infusion set is probably dead,
as I bolused a correction prior to surgery.
Request 5 units IV,
which isn't a major deal(Anesthesiologist quickly approves)

I'll never join the dark side, never!!!!!
"It is your destiny- especially if you keep running blood sugars like that,"
Darth Surgeon drily remarks.
I want to say something, like shut up you idiot..I just had surgery, what do you expect?
but I think my (listening)parent would be overly shocked/horrified if I said that. Besides, it's not nice to insult the person who just did surgery on you, even if it's true.
Open eye. "Surgery isn't exactly conducive to normal blood sugars, you know."
That was ok, just the right touch of overt sarcasm mixed with the stinging overlay of truth. And really not that rude, either...
"Yes, but if you go on like that, etc...."
I've heard enough, time to tune out. Close eye. Everyone's an expert in Endocrinology. If
you think you can do better, you're more then welcome to get a pancreotomy and see what
a total joyride diabetes is.

4 PM-Clinic time, time for the grand ripping off of the patch.
And, wow. Never seen that before, door and wall melt into one fantastic 3-D image. The door is covering the entire wall-yet it is on top of it. I was expecting something of the sort, so its not overly freaky.
"Ok, we've got that wayyy overcorrected, I see." Adjust a few stitches.

Things are looking straight again. Stagger off for an eye test, just to make sure things are good before the surgeon cuts the stitches. Pass eye test. Come out of test room, fall face first onto carpet. Maybe its the anesthesia that's making me so loopy, but stuff is periodically doubling every few feet + I'm not used to this. I'm ok, just dizzy. Get transported to exam room + scowling resident checks my blood pressure. "You're fine." I don't think he enjoys checking blood pressures.
Surgeon comes back in. Resident holds me down, while surgeon sets to work adjusting the stitches. The drops + tears flood down my face, run down the back of my throat, numbing my tongue, while it's tie, snip, and adjust to the perfect specifications. Cataract surgery was such a cakewalk, this is so differant. Surgeon says stuff might still double off/and on for the next few days, thats normal.
Geez. It's finally over. Finally, finally over. Eye is doing ok, the last of the anesthestics have exited my system + my blood sugars are (kind of)back on earth. I wasn't back to work the day after,though. I need to wear sunglasses-coworkers have been asking me A. who beat me up and B. do I have pinkeye. It isn't looking too pretty yet.
And why do Endocrine appointments always seem to fall on highly atypical blood sugar weeks?
(Either you've got really awesome #'s, or everything is complete crud + you're asking yourself where the heck you begin with it all..)
I don't wanna go, but I guess I gotta.

Presidential (Day) Treatment

Early Afternoon....
Caller ID: Unknown flashes across the screen, but I know exactly who's calling, and that I'll have to call them back ASAP.(whether I want to or not) At least they waited till a respectible time, not during the church service, so there won't be any prompted jokes about phone calls from Heaven later on.

"Hi, it's X, checking back about the message you left."

"6 AM-Surgical Family Suites, nothing to eat after midnight. You're his first patient of the day."

Surgical Family Suites, what an utterly stupid name for the most unromantic of places. It's raw guts and blood, not flowers, champeigne, and nurses dabbing at your fevered brow(whensoever you wish it)

But on the plus side, diabetes has, once again, secured the coveted
lets-just-get-this-over-with-NOW spot in line. Even if I'm not on shots. Even if I'm perfectly able to adjust basal rates + keep things in check.

I'm of the opinion, that 99% of surgeries should be spur of the moment decisions, so that one doesn't have the time to obsessivly worry about it. The longer you have to think about it, the less likely you are to go through with it.. We've talked about it. And talked about it. And talked about it some more. We've been discussing it for over 2 years.And I'm still not sure I'm going to go through with it.

Because its my eye. And the consent form you sign, lists every known complication in the book. Anything could happen. But to be able to back up a car, judge periphial blobs, and to know the differance between a D thing versus weird eye thing would be great. (weird eye thing is NOT diabetes related)

When I am very nervous, I can only do two things...

Clean:

Cook + Eat:

Perhaps it all makes up for post-surgery, when all you want to do is sleep. Hopefully, I will be back to work the next day, but it depends on whether they can get it right the first time + not have to reoperate.

------------------
Just a reminder.. Tues, Feb. 20 is International Pancake Day. Go to IHOP, and score a free shortstack. (if you're so inclined)

We Didn't Start the Fire(revised)

Nicole Johnson, Gary Hall, Endo Conferance in Krakow

Banting, Best, and Collins too-Got my D News from The View

Sutherland, Elvis P, All the news at CWD

Atkins, cals, and carb counting; Elliott Yamin sure can sing

Brett Michals, Team Type 1 ; A women’s work is never done

Ketostix, DKA- that is all I did today!

Glucose tabs, jelly beans, Holy Cow I’m hypoing

Glucagon +vomitting, Wish I understood this thing

Dextrose drip, needles, pain; yeah by now I’m quite insane...

ADA , BGAT, BMI (you’re way too fat)

Terroism all the time; syringes on an airline

Panic Room, ER, Check before you drive your car

NPH, urine test, Now we’ve got the very best

Marathons and Ironmen, alcohol and even gin

Lantus, Novo, CGM- Let’s go workout at the gym

Resolutions in the air, C’mon take the OC Dare!

We didn't start the fire

It just started burning

And our world's been churning

We didn’t start the fire

No we didn't light it

But we sure do fight it.

A1cs go over 8, Complications crowd your plate

Joslin, juice, a future mate; diabetes on a date

"Forecast" in ‘48, Diagnosed in ‘98

Wishin’ I could wipe this slate; till it becomes too late!

Ebay, spark of sunshine in your day

Marriage, love and kids too- don’t let "D" define you

On my honor, Dead in Bed, R is for the color Red

Quilt for Life, jobs + more, diabetes is a chore

Wish I had a million bucks, help to pay for all this stuff!

Basal rates, bolusing, meters really aren’t my thing

Test strips flying everywhere; here’s some coke, I wanna share..

Drama in the workplace, curious about blood’s taste..

Insulin (the golden Key)

Cataracts, surgery; glasses aren’t enough for me

Floaters, bleeds, Retin-o-P

Drops and doctors tinkering, Now my kidneys go ka-ching..

We didn’t start the fire

No, we didn’t light it, but we sure did fight it

We didn’t start the fire

But when we’re gone

will it still go on, and on, and on, and on..

(till there’s a cure?)

Pizza for V-Day

(No, this isn't a romantic post. Not even close..sigh. So if you were expecting one, I apologize.)

My car sat in the driveway, encased in two solid inches of sheetrock ice. This wouldn't be so bad if the temperature were higher...but at 10 degrees, any water I might use to thaw things out would likely freeze, not melt, the ice.
One lovely, frozen blob.
I didn't have 2 hours to make a decision, I had exactly one hour to make it to work, and the state of the roads were likely trecherous anyway. So I bundled up, slipped on my bright green(hidiously ugly) safety vest, and waddled out for the early morning workout. The roads were just as bad as I'd assumed they'd be.
30 minutes later, I arrived at work, sweating profusely despite the frigid temperatures. About 50 other people made it in...this out of 800. Much to my dissapointment, the walk didn't budge my high bg one iota so I still had to bolus extra.
Ah, work. They've only closed their doors once in 22 years of operation, and that only because the state police came in and made them do it. (there was 2 feet of water outside) State of emergencies hardly matter to them.
Anyway, they gave us a big pizza party at lunch...for being such dedicated little employees, and that was good. Almost made it worth it.
Coworker gave me a ride home, so I didn't have to walk back. Went to work on my car, discovered that the state inspection expired in Jan. (I probably wouldn't have noticed that till March, otherwise), freaked a bit, but because the vast majority of my vehicle is still covered in ice, I doubt the cops will notice(and I can get it taken care of quickly).
Happy V-day,everyone.

The Gray Ribbon

Found this poem on CWD, and there doesn't seem to be any copyrights on it( it was written by a kid). Anyway, it got me all choked up, tearyeyed, and all of that. It deserved a spot on the JDRF crosstitch. Said cross stitch is nowhere near completion, I wanted to put all three pumps/2007 calander/other things and a border around it, the only other thing I've done so far is the outline of a pump. I use a computer program(PC Stitch) to put the picture on a pattern and then print it out- I'm way too dumb to not plan it all out before hand. Free-Stitching is not a good idea, when you're doing counted cross stitch. I have ruined many a piece doing that. (yanking/cutting threads out repeatidly gives it a worn look)
It (hopefully) will look better, once I complete, wash, iron, and frame the thing. (doesn't look like much now)
There probably will be a cure, by the time I get this thing finished.

Today is not Your Day

(and tomarrow isn't looking very hopeful, either!)

I am so over trying to be helpful, it just gets me in trouble. Reps(reputation points) down on Slickdeals- + nasty comments from a coworker(after I'd worked hard 6 hours, finally getting all the old orders out) and when I got to do an easy order...about "cherry picking." Thanks, folks, I love ya too. No, I will not be volunteering for 5 hours of similar bliss on Sat. morning. Just seems like everything I've done lately, has come back completely screwed up(and would have been better if I hadn't gotten involved)

And my diabetes doesn't take to "being fixed" either...
this morning, further attempts to figure out the (Morning) Continuous Hypo Saga(w/out going high) weren't overly
successful:
6:11-115
8:37-157
10:54-228
12:09-148
1:52 pm-312
4:23 pm-286
6:08 pm- 167
10: 29 pm- 89
This morning, I'd cut the basal down to 0.2 between 6am-1 pm, which prevented me from the 8:30 hypo- so, I'd put a temp rate of 0.0 from 10-11 am, trying to prevent any pre-lunch hypos as well. I'm pretty sensitive during this time. Well, that was obviously a bad idea, promptly skyrocketed to 228 so I bolused 1 unit and continued the 0.0 rate, continuing to be cautious. I dropped 80 points on that, about twice as much as I had expected(I'm glad I was cautious). Conservativly bolused for lunch(not enough), had to correct at 4:30. Supper was late(went out to eat, restaurunt was busy) and though the SWAG bolus was obviously enough, I still have a unit of insulin floating around so I'll have to put on a 2 hour temp rate(0.0) and check at least once tonight(overnight basil needs tweaking down as well) to make sure I don't get low.
I really wish this were easier. With a $5,000 pump- it should be!

Secrets of the (Perfect) A1C Revealed

I've got this nagging feeling that I have, at some (extremily distant)moment in the past, already posted this but I can't find it in the draft box- so I'll just do it again.

How to Find Your Dream Hba1c:
(shamelessly stolen from Reality Check)

1. Think of a number between 1-10.

2. Add 80. (What your endo charges for a 5 minute consultation)

3. Multiply by 25. (How long you've had to wait for that 5 minute consultation)

4. Add 5 if you've already had your D day this year(D-day, day you were diagnosed) or 4 if it's still to come. (The time of the year you were diagnosed affects your Hba1c..as does Jupitors position in the southern sky in relation to the the constellation depicting the Norse Thunder god)

5. Take away the year you were diagnosed. (For determining the style of torture-er-treatment you were subjected to, in the early years of your D)

6. Add 160. (Cost of 2 bottles Novolog-if you go to the cheapo pharmacy..)

7. Take away the number of full years you've had D. (Either very important or completely irrelevant when it comes to working out your chance of complications, depending on who you talk to)

8. Divide by 5. (How far away the cure was, when you were first diagnosed)

9. Take away 4. (The average number of injections the standard pen/injection user goes through each day)

10. Divide by 5. (How far away the cure STILL is...)

11. Take away the number you first thought of. (Because there are some tasks that make no sense, but you still have to do them)

And please post your results..
(My dream a1c=5.4, a number I'll likely never see)

Mi Pequeño Amigo

My backup meter has suddenly switched to Spanish...















And I have no clue how to get it back. The following menus are in Spanish- of which, I know approximently five words.("La Bomba" being two of them)It doesn't change the outcome, still reads in mg/dl, and on the plus side, I'm learning sooo much(that could come in handy, some day). "Aplique Sangre" sounds much more cultured then "Apply Blood."

Your Endo: Your Friend

On some level, there's something just unnaturally odd about an endocrinologist going to see another endocrinologist for diabetes. I mean, if you're an endocrinologist, you've been there, done it, and got the tshirt. You've been dubbed an official member of the Cool Kid's Club, and you know more about the disease then the average PWD could learn in five lifetimes. Why on earth should you consult anyone, when you're the expert yourself?

There's a medical saying, that the disease you choose to specialize in will be the disease that ultimately kills you. Whether you had it to begin with, or if, after x number of years on the job it finally becomes yours, there's some truth in that statement. Doctors make lousy patients.
If you're having a seizure or heart attack or whatever, though, it really doesn't matter WHAT you are, you'd better put your pride on the back burner and get the appropriate medical help. But with diabetes, it's different- most of it is self management, and the rest of it is being passed around to other various specialites. Diabetes is so many differant diseases.
What an endocrinologist really does, is try and help you address all those dramatic sidetrips into other parts of the body, along with said pancreotic issues. If you were an endo w/diabetes, all the basic medical tests + such could be done by a general practitioner who'd be in such awe of your hiarchial rank that he'd leave the diabetes well enough alone. Of course, you still need a doctor but it wouldn't need to be another endo.

There is an exception to this, though(the need for an endo, reason #2) one I didn't realize till I was in that situation. If you're ever admitted to a teaching hospital, and you don't have an endo, you're fair game for anything- whereas, if said endo is one of the top spokes in the Endocrine Dept., suddenly, they'll be alot more respectful(the OMG, this is one of Dr. X's patients! response) of you, and your diabetes. Never underestimate an endo's power toward decent diabetes care, when you, as a patient, can't change anyone's mind. And I imagine this applies to any patient-whether or not you're also an MD is of no consequence. I am grateful for my endo, and thankful that she can help in such situations that warrant rank over idoicy. So, everyone w/D should have an endo..when it comes to situations like that, although if your primary care doctor can also pull off that, they'll do too. Point is, you need an advocate, one with power.

It's bitterly cold this weekend, as in most other parts of the country. With the windchill, -10 degrees, and I realize I should be grateful for this(you guys up north are probably seeing -30's + other insane temps)
but I just want to get back to the good o'le 40's, I can't believe how warm it once was. (just 2 weeks ago!) I WANT SPRING. I've been pretty lazy this week, though I went to the gym twice, I basically just existed + walked on the treadmill at a snail's pace until my SIL was ready to go and I'm ashamed of that. The 500's number (Wed.) was compliments of my infusion set, which had fallen out during the research study(and I didn't realize it till 4 pm). It didn't come completely down + ketone free till 10 AM the next morning, and I took FMLA time for that too. Also something I felt guilty about, but I made up for it by working today.