(academia disenchantment from the patient perspective)
When I was 18, I went to Yale
Praying the whole time that I wouldn’t fail
For my father is a surgeon, and my mother into psych
I’ve been programmed from the very start what I was gonna like.
Well, I worked very hard and I kept my nose clean
Kept busy in anatomy with hearts and eyes and spleens.
I knew that I could I do it- I knew most everything
And I graduated Mag.Cum Laude to get my classes’ ring.
On graduation day, my very first stop
Was a very exclusive clothing shop
They monogrammed my jackets, and pressed my silk screened tie
And off I promptly went to (3 letter medical school acronym) to apply.
My first official night on call, it truly was a blast
Wracked up twenty-two admissions and an old friend from my past
My resident smokes pot, and I really gotta go
There’s just too much to this doctoring I doubt I’ll ever know.
I kept my eyes open, and I kept my mouth shut
As I learn all the hospital scuttlebutt
I learned who has got the hots for whom
And the nurses hate the techies in the Operating Room.
Derm was pretty gross, saw a Basal Carcinoma
To me, it was anything BUT a Fascinoma
Is it Lyme, or Leprosy, its quite hard to tell
One thing is very certain, though- the patient is not well.
Now its off to Endocrine, the type 2's in denial
Are making it quite difficult to keep my pasted smile
The type 1's need new kidneys- theirs are fully shot
Cuz each was diagnosed with D, a diaper-wearing tot.
Let’s go to Ob-gyn, see some cute, small preemies
Is that a sudden gush of blood that’s making me feel squeemy?
Birth is very wonderful, but sick kids sure do holler
I think I’ll find some other way to make my daily dollar.
Cardio was fun, but as I walked through the door
Old ladies had M. I.’s- man, they all hit the floor
The CCU was full, the chiefs said go away
I lasted one full hour on that sunny day in May.
So where’s my special niche- maybe its in psyche
As I’ve been saying all long, as just a little tyke
My mother gave me therapy, I’ll feel your deepest pains
There isn’t anything, in front of me, for you to be ashamed.
But I think I’ll be a cancer doc- play hard life and death
As the patients look in fear to me, when they can’t catch their breath
I’ll supervise the interns, and attend the M and M’s,
All the time while acting that I CARE about them!
Now I have a fancy office on the very first floor
And the patients come from all around, because they need to hear more
The world, it does my bidding, not the other way around
Those nights spent sobbing in the bathroom seem such a distant sound.
( But there’s more to this sad tale
Then my pen can ever tell
Cuz when you’ve passed, and come up top
And really think that you’ve arrived- 360 to the stop
All of life comes down to this- we all must make the choices
But I am here to tell you, that bigger bucks, and razor red Rolls Royces
Will not stop the clock from slamming down your own blunt coffin nail.)
So be sensitive to your patient's needs.