Saturday, June 10, 2006

C- Day (x 7)


The setting is an Ophthalmologist’s office.

Act 1.

Resident: I’m afraid you need surgery- it’s the only thing that might help, no guarantees. We can’t visualize the retina, so its unclear if there might be more problems, but its worth a shot. Since you’re underage- it’s the guardian’s decision. What do you think?

Patient: (looking over at parent) Uh, Mom?

Mother of Patient: (slowly) Ok. When can you do it?

Resident: We’ll set it up pretty quick-as it’s an emergency. Ever had surgery before?

Patient: No.

Resident: We generally use general anesthetic for all our younger patients so they don’t freak out. Elderly folks don’t get as upset with people digging around in their eyes, so we use local with them. But it’ll be fine. We’ll stage them two weeks apart, so if there’s an infection or other prob with one it won’t spread to the other eye. Let me read you the risks.

(long list of rare risks)

Any questions?

Patient: No. I’m totally freaked out about everything now, I’m scared to death.

Senior Purple-Shirted Resident:
Hey, you’ll be ok. Most people come through this with flying colors. I’ll be doing your surgery.

Patient: Ok.

Act 2.

Scene: PreOp room- June 10, 1999.

Patient: Uh, Nurse? I think I’m low, could you check my bg please?

Nurse: Oh, I forgot about that. Let’s check you.

Nurse: You’re 349.
Patient: (feeling stupid) Ah. Most defiantly NOT low. I cut my Lente in half this morning like I was supposed too.. now I'm high.

Nurse: I’ll get dosing instructions.

30 minutes later.

Nurse: We’ll give you 5 units of Regular through your IV.

20 minutes later.

Anesthesiologist: Well, since you have no more questions- we’re ready to roll! Leaves room.

Orderly: Hi, I’m ready to take you over to the OR.

Patient climbs off bed.

Patient: Uh, you’ll have to lead the way, I can’t see squat.

Orderly: No problem. I’ll also take care of your IV bag- looks like you’re having some problems managing all this paraphernalia.

Patient: Yeah, and if I make it there without this size XXXXL gown falling off it’ll be a wonder.

Orderly: Here, take a blanket.

Wrap Self in blanket.

Patient: Thanks a lot.

Act 3.
Arrive at OR. Climb up on gurney, gown falls halfway off. Feel self-conscious all over again- as the only people you can hear are of the opposite sex…

Senior Resident: Hey there! How are you doing?

Patient: (knees knocking, teeth chattering, heart thumping away) I’m freezing.

Anesthesiologist: Let’s get another blanket-EKG, pulse ox on her..

Resident: So what are you doing this summer?

Patient: Well, I was studying for the ACT-before this happened. I don’t think I’ll be able to take the test this month-it’s in two days.

Resident: It’s ok-you’ll do fine when you take it.

Attending Supervising Physician: Are we ready?

Anesthesiologist: I’m just going to give you something to relax, you’ll breathe deeply and then you’ll wake up in the recovery room. Here we go…

Patient: (thinking) Maybe this is my last five seconds on earth.

Uncomfortable cramping sensation in legs, shift up.

Act 4

Recovery Room.

The sound of coughing.

Nurses Voice: Are you ok? (Worried)
Patient: Cough some more phlegm. Me? Opens eyes. Yeah, ME! (estatic) I’m alive!

Nurse: Um, yes you are. How do you feel?

Patient: Tired.

Nurse: We’ll let you sleep a bit longer before you go home. The surgery was successful.

Patient: Thanks.(falling back asleep in 2.5 seconds)

Act 5.

Opthamologist’s office-the next day.

Senior Resident: Let’s peel off your eye patch now, see how that eye is doing.

Takes off eye patch.

Eye promptly fills with water. Irratation- or tears of joy? I can see the resident, I can see the eye chart, I can see everything. I’d kiss the resident, but that’s probably a no-no.
Senior Resident(after through exam): It's doing great, we can probably do the other one in two weeks.

June 24- Second surgery also goes off without a hitch.
Closing Scene: Patient resolves to take better care of diabetes- heck, maybe even get one of those new-fangled pumps...All joking aside, the gift of sight does make one's life infanintly more fufilling.
Ah, Kansas. Had a good time, but its not exactly a popular tourist spot. My boyfriend's folks were nice(the hugging type, but nice) and I survived the multiple family reunions, graveyards, hot muggy nights(hotel ac's didn't work half the time) and limited internet access. (the hardest part) The only reason people go to Kansas(if they don't already reside there) is probably for family reunions. I can see why Dorothy wanted to get out of there(in the first place)

I exibited the patience of Job and didn't eat a single unhealthy dessert, it is quite impossible to explain (to some folks, older ones in particular) the fine details of carb counting/etc. Its hard enough to explain it to my boyfriend, ((what I can/can't eat at certain times) I probably should send him a copy of some basic Diabetes 101 books. Like Understanding Insulin Dependant Diabetes by Peter Chase,MD. I'm not going to marry someone who constantly rides me about my "diet." Everything I eat, I try to cover appropriately with insulin. If his elderly relations do it to some degree thats ok(one only has to go through that 1-2 x a year)
And when I got home, THIS is waiting for me:

Season 6! (Took 3 weeks to arrive from Australia)

(it really does rock, Caro)


Caro said...

Doesn't it just! Glad you managed to get a copy. How many episodes have you watched back to back? ;-)

It was interesting to read your description of your surgery. If you don't mind me asking, what exactly did you have done?

Oh... and the food thing: It REALLY pisses me off when people presume to tell me what I can and cannot have. Yeah, sometimes it's easier to avoid the food and so avoid the disapproval and explanations.

type1emt said...

Hmm-I think 4 or 5.(straight) One glorious Sunday afternoon, when I had nothing better to do. I'm on the 5th cd-so thats 16+ episodes watched?
C-day= Cataract surgeries. Over a 3-day stretch in May '99, I went completely blind.Well legally blind- I could see colored blurs. D-related, of course.(usually only older D's get it though, according to the optho)

Anonymous said...

^^ nice blog!! ^@^

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