Saturday, November 21, 2009

The Top Ten Other Jobs of Your Endocrinogist

1. Relative Geneticist- "Once upon a time,the top Two Beta Cells got together & threw a big bash, for all the other Beta Cells in PancreasLand. Unfortuantly,they got so sugared out that evening that they all died the next day & that's how you got diabetes."
2. "HEYYY NEIGHBOR!"
A friend of mine was singerally dismayed to find out she'd gone & moved next to an endocrinologist.Quite the friendly type,from her description. Well he came over,saw her pump,and offered to be HER endo. She politely declined,on the grounds that it would just be too weird...every time she threw a party he might think it was his responsibilty to provide the glucagon,question her bgs,etc.
Not deterred,he still offered his future services.
3. Statician-"Based on the range of your latest quantitative bg range-there's a 99.9% chance that your a1c will reach the mean average of a type-1-in-complete-denial squared.(divided by the number of times that you tested this year)
4. Mission Control-"Housten,we have a problem..Our pump cartidge just ran dry & I'm 77 miles from the nearest pharmacy with a bg of 488.Abort???"
5. Lawyer-Going to bat with the insurance companies.Not for the faint of heart.A good Endo stops at nothing,to get the best care for his patients.
6. Blood Brother-Your Endo also has diabetes,your bgs are simultaniously low..and they "get
it."
7. Tattoo Artist- As you watch your Endo frantically scribble notes at a mile a minute,(on the back of his arm) , it occurs to you that probably 20% of said records and 80% of it is guessing,that's why they call it "practicing" medicine.
8. Archiologist:
-Unearthing 2 month old bgs from the meter innards..
-Deciphering hieroglyphic scribbles(it's the night before the endo exam and you're frantically jotting down notes that no one can read the next day)
-Telling diabetic mummys-to-be that they're scaring you.
9. Mob Boss:
"Yo, bub.Time to cough up da dough,da moolah. You got me? This diabetes practice ain't cheap, I gotta keep up my standards of living. This is my team. Meet Joe Surgeon. Joe takes out the kidneys of anyone who crosses me.Don't mess with Joe. And this is Frieda Food Nazi-our resident dietician.She reports directly to me.Ciao-you'll meet the rest of the team next week."
10. Knight in Shining Armor-
You thought those days were a good 1,000 years in the past-until your new patient did a Carpe Carpum(Seize the Carpet) on their first appointment with you. As soon as they regain consciousness, your first question to them is not "Are you having any chest pain?" rather.. "What's your blood sugar?" Instant popularity points.(an Endo always thinks low bg first) The above account is,unfortuently,completely true.I was never so mortified at an appt. in my entire D-life.


-- Posted from my iPhone

1 comment:

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