Purple Top

Psst. Hey, you.

Yeah, you. 3rd from the bottom, over 2.

This is your ex-speaking. I know we haven't been on real good terms lately, but I could never
dump you entirely. Every day, I still hope for the impossible. You were such a big part of me.
And for one magical day, you were at your best and I was a star.

I have just one small request...

Could you pleazzzzzzzzzzze come back under 8? That isn't asking for much. And it would
make me more motivated to reach my OC Goal.

My endo has hope, says that one bad patch won't necessarily screw up any chances of that
happening. But I look at the logbook, and can only hope that the number of lows will cancel out
the number of highs + it won't come back worse then last time.

But if that doesn't happen...

I need a plan. A plan to aggressively treat those highs. A plan to NOT spend overnight in the 200's.(as Scott pointed out, that's a third of the day right there) And accountability to someone, checking in numbers ever so often. And lastly, I need to be changing my infusion set every 3 days, not 6. That might help.

So Purple Top, if you do your job, I'll do mine. I promise.

The Dark Side

Deep, dreamless sleep.
Abrupt ascent back towards reality...
I was thinking about oxygen,and it's over already?

"You're awake,c'mon, let's get a sugar."
Darn. How do they always know?
Can't a person catch a few more ZZ's?
Ok, 357. Infusion set is probably dead,
as I bolused a correction prior to surgery.
Request 5 units IV,
which isn't a major deal(Anesthesiologist quickly approves)

I'll never join the dark side, never!!!!!
"It is your destiny- especially if you keep running blood sugars like that,"
Darth Surgeon drily remarks.
I want to say something, like shut up you idiot..I just had surgery, what do you expect?
but I think my (listening)parent would be overly shocked/horrified if I said that. Besides, it's not nice to insult the person who just did surgery on you, even if it's true.
Open eye. "Surgery isn't exactly conducive to normal blood sugars, you know."
That was ok, just the right touch of overt sarcasm mixed with the stinging overlay of truth. And really not that rude, either...
"Yes, but if you go on like that, etc...."
I've heard enough, time to tune out. Close eye. Everyone's an expert in Endocrinology. If
you think you can do better, you're more then welcome to get a pancreotomy and see what
a total joyride diabetes is.

4 PM-Clinic time, time for the grand ripping off of the patch.
And, wow. Never seen that before, door and wall melt into one fantastic 3-D image. The door is covering the entire wall-yet it is on top of it. I was expecting something of the sort, so its not overly freaky.
"Ok, we've got that wayyy overcorrected, I see." Adjust a few stitches.

Things are looking straight again. Stagger off for an eye test, just to make sure things are good before the surgeon cuts the stitches. Pass eye test. Come out of test room, fall face first onto carpet. Maybe its the anesthesia that's making me so loopy, but stuff is periodically doubling every few feet + I'm not used to this. I'm ok, just dizzy. Get transported to exam room + scowling resident checks my blood pressure. "You're fine." I don't think he enjoys checking blood pressures.
Surgeon comes back in. Resident holds me down, while surgeon sets to work adjusting the stitches. The drops + tears flood down my face, run down the back of my throat, numbing my tongue, while it's tie, snip, and adjust to the perfect specifications. Cataract surgery was such a cakewalk, this is so differant. Surgeon says stuff might still double off/and on for the next few days, thats normal.
Geez. It's finally over. Finally, finally over. Eye is doing ok, the last of the anesthestics have exited my system + my blood sugars are (kind of)back on earth. I wasn't back to work the day after,though. I need to wear sunglasses-coworkers have been asking me A. who beat me up and B. do I have pinkeye. It isn't looking too pretty yet.
And why do Endocrine appointments always seem to fall on highly atypical blood sugar weeks?
(Either you've got really awesome #'s, or everything is complete crud + you're asking yourself where the heck you begin with it all..)
I don't wanna go, but I guess I gotta.

Presidential (Day) Treatment

Early Afternoon....
Caller ID: Unknown flashes across the screen, but I know exactly who's calling, and that I'll have to call them back ASAP.(whether I want to or not) At least they waited till a respectible time, not during the church service, so there won't be any prompted jokes about phone calls from Heaven later on.

"Hi, it's X, checking back about the message you left."

"6 AM-Surgical Family Suites, nothing to eat after midnight. You're his first patient of the day."

Surgical Family Suites, what an utterly stupid name for the most unromantic of places. It's raw guts and blood, not flowers, champeigne, and nurses dabbing at your fevered brow(whensoever you wish it)

But on the plus side, diabetes has, once again, secured the coveted
lets-just-get-this-over-with-NOW spot in line. Even if I'm not on shots. Even if I'm perfectly able to adjust basal rates + keep things in check.

I'm of the opinion, that 99% of surgeries should be spur of the moment decisions, so that one doesn't have the time to obsessivly worry about it. The longer you have to think about it, the less likely you are to go through with it.. We've talked about it. And talked about it. And talked about it some more. We've been discussing it for over 2 years.And I'm still not sure I'm going to go through with it.

Because its my eye. And the consent form you sign, lists every known complication in the book. Anything could happen. But to be able to back up a car, judge periphial blobs, and to know the differance between a D thing versus weird eye thing would be great. (weird eye thing is NOT diabetes related)

When I am very nervous, I can only do two things...

Clean:

Cook + Eat:

Perhaps it all makes up for post-surgery, when all you want to do is sleep. Hopefully, I will be back to work the next day, but it depends on whether they can get it right the first time + not have to reoperate.

------------------
Just a reminder.. Tues, Feb. 20 is International Pancake Day. Go to IHOP, and score a free shortstack. (if you're so inclined)

We Didn't Start the Fire(revised)

Nicole Johnson, Gary Hall, Endo Conferance in Krakow

Banting, Best, and Collins too-Got my D News from The View

Sutherland, Elvis P, All the news at CWD

Atkins, cals, and carb counting; Elliott Yamin sure can sing

Brett Michals, Team Type 1 ; A women’s work is never done

Ketostix, DKA- that is all I did today!

Glucose tabs, jelly beans, Holy Cow I’m hypoing

Glucagon +vomitting, Wish I understood this thing

Dextrose drip, needles, pain; yeah by now I’m quite insane...

ADA , BGAT, BMI (you’re way too fat)

Terroism all the time; syringes on an airline

Panic Room, ER, Check before you drive your car

NPH, urine test, Now we’ve got the very best

Marathons and Ironmen, alcohol and even gin

Lantus, Novo, CGM- Let’s go workout at the gym

Resolutions in the air, C’mon take the OC Dare!

We didn't start the fire

It just started burning

And our world's been churning

We didn’t start the fire

No we didn't light it

But we sure do fight it.

A1cs go over 8, Complications crowd your plate

Joslin, juice, a future mate; diabetes on a date

"Forecast" in ‘48, Diagnosed in ‘98

Wishin’ I could wipe this slate; till it becomes too late!

Ebay, spark of sunshine in your day

Marriage, love and kids too- don’t let "D" define you

On my honor, Dead in Bed, R is for the color Red

Quilt for Life, jobs + more, diabetes is a chore

Wish I had a million bucks, help to pay for all this stuff!

Basal rates, bolusing, meters really aren’t my thing

Test strips flying everywhere; here’s some coke, I wanna share..

Drama in the workplace, curious about blood’s taste..

Insulin (the golden Key)

Cataracts, surgery; glasses aren’t enough for me

Floaters, bleeds, Retin-o-P

Drops and doctors tinkering, Now my kidneys go ka-ching..

We didn’t start the fire

No, we didn’t light it, but we sure did fight it

We didn’t start the fire

But when we’re gone

will it still go on, and on, and on, and on..

(till there’s a cure?)

Pizza for V-Day

(No, this isn't a romantic post. Not even close..sigh. So if you were expecting one, I apologize.)

My car sat in the driveway, encased in two solid inches of sheetrock ice. This wouldn't be so bad if the temperature were higher...but at 10 degrees, any water I might use to thaw things out would likely freeze, not melt, the ice.
One lovely, frozen blob.
I didn't have 2 hours to make a decision, I had exactly one hour to make it to work, and the state of the roads were likely trecherous anyway. So I bundled up, slipped on my bright green(hidiously ugly) safety vest, and waddled out for the early morning workout. The roads were just as bad as I'd assumed they'd be.
30 minutes later, I arrived at work, sweating profusely despite the frigid temperatures. About 50 other people made it in...this out of 800. Much to my dissapointment, the walk didn't budge my high bg one iota so I still had to bolus extra.
Ah, work. They've only closed their doors once in 22 years of operation, and that only because the state police came in and made them do it. (there was 2 feet of water outside) State of emergencies hardly matter to them.
Anyway, they gave us a big pizza party at lunch...for being such dedicated little employees, and that was good. Almost made it worth it.
Coworker gave me a ride home, so I didn't have to walk back. Went to work on my car, discovered that the state inspection expired in Jan. (I probably wouldn't have noticed that till March, otherwise), freaked a bit, but because the vast majority of my vehicle is still covered in ice, I doubt the cops will notice(and I can get it taken care of quickly).
Happy V-day,everyone.

The Gray Ribbon

Found this poem on CWD, and there doesn't seem to be any copyrights on it( it was written by a kid). Anyway, it got me all choked up, tearyeyed, and all of that. It deserved a spot on the JDRF crosstitch. Said cross stitch is nowhere near completion, I wanted to put all three pumps/2007 calander/other things and a border around it, the only other thing I've done so far is the outline of a pump. I use a computer program(PC Stitch) to put the picture on a pattern and then print it out- I'm way too dumb to not plan it all out before hand. Free-Stitching is not a good idea, when you're doing counted cross stitch. I have ruined many a piece doing that. (yanking/cutting threads out repeatidly gives it a worn look)
It (hopefully) will look better, once I complete, wash, iron, and frame the thing. (doesn't look like much now)
There probably will be a cure, by the time I get this thing finished.

Today is not Your Day

(and tomarrow isn't looking very hopeful, either!)

I am so over trying to be helpful, it just gets me in trouble. Reps(reputation points) down on Slickdeals- + nasty comments from a coworker(after I'd worked hard 6 hours, finally getting all the old orders out) and when I got to do an easy order...about "cherry picking." Thanks, folks, I love ya too. No, I will not be volunteering for 5 hours of similar bliss on Sat. morning. Just seems like everything I've done lately, has come back completely screwed up(and would have been better if I hadn't gotten involved)

And my diabetes doesn't take to "being fixed" either...
this morning, further attempts to figure out the (Morning) Continuous Hypo Saga(w/out going high) weren't overly
successful:
6:11-115
8:37-157
10:54-228
12:09-148
1:52 pm-312
4:23 pm-286
6:08 pm- 167
10: 29 pm- 89
This morning, I'd cut the basal down to 0.2 between 6am-1 pm, which prevented me from the 8:30 hypo- so, I'd put a temp rate of 0.0 from 10-11 am, trying to prevent any pre-lunch hypos as well. I'm pretty sensitive during this time. Well, that was obviously a bad idea, promptly skyrocketed to 228 so I bolused 1 unit and continued the 0.0 rate, continuing to be cautious. I dropped 80 points on that, about twice as much as I had expected(I'm glad I was cautious). Conservativly bolused for lunch(not enough), had to correct at 4:30. Supper was late(went out to eat, restaurunt was busy) and though the SWAG bolus was obviously enough, I still have a unit of insulin floating around so I'll have to put on a 2 hour temp rate(0.0) and check at least once tonight(overnight basil needs tweaking down as well) to make sure I don't get low.
I really wish this were easier. With a $5,000 pump- it should be!

Secrets of the (Perfect) A1C Revealed

I've got this nagging feeling that I have, at some (extremily distant)moment in the past, already posted this but I can't find it in the draft box- so I'll just do it again.

How to Find Your Dream Hba1c:
(shamelessly stolen from Reality Check)

1. Think of a number between 1-10.

2. Add 80. (What your endo charges for a 5 minute consultation)

3. Multiply by 25. (How long you've had to wait for that 5 minute consultation)

4. Add 5 if you've already had your D day this year(D-day, day you were diagnosed) or 4 if it's still to come. (The time of the year you were diagnosed affects your Hba1c..as does Jupitors position in the southern sky in relation to the the constellation depicting the Norse Thunder god)

5. Take away the year you were diagnosed. (For determining the style of torture-er-treatment you were subjected to, in the early years of your D)

6. Add 160. (Cost of 2 bottles Novolog-if you go to the cheapo pharmacy..)

7. Take away the number of full years you've had D. (Either very important or completely irrelevant when it comes to working out your chance of complications, depending on who you talk to)

8. Divide by 5. (How far away the cure was, when you were first diagnosed)

9. Take away 4. (The average number of injections the standard pen/injection user goes through each day)

10. Divide by 5. (How far away the cure STILL is...)

11. Take away the number you first thought of. (Because there are some tasks that make no sense, but you still have to do them)

And please post your results..
(My dream a1c=5.4, a number I'll likely never see)

Mi Pequeño Amigo

My backup meter has suddenly switched to Spanish...















And I have no clue how to get it back. The following menus are in Spanish- of which, I know approximently five words.("La Bomba" being two of them)It doesn't change the outcome, still reads in mg/dl, and on the plus side, I'm learning sooo much(that could come in handy, some day). "Aplique Sangre" sounds much more cultured then "Apply Blood."

Your Endo: Your Friend

On some level, there's something just unnaturally odd about an endocrinologist going to see another endocrinologist for diabetes. I mean, if you're an endocrinologist, you've been there, done it, and got the tshirt. You've been dubbed an official member of the Cool Kid's Club, and you know more about the disease then the average PWD could learn in five lifetimes. Why on earth should you consult anyone, when you're the expert yourself?

There's a medical saying, that the disease you choose to specialize in will be the disease that ultimately kills you. Whether you had it to begin with, or if, after x number of years on the job it finally becomes yours, there's some truth in that statement. Doctors make lousy patients.
If you're having a seizure or heart attack or whatever, though, it really doesn't matter WHAT you are, you'd better put your pride on the back burner and get the appropriate medical help. But with diabetes, it's different- most of it is self management, and the rest of it is being passed around to other various specialites. Diabetes is so many differant diseases.
What an endocrinologist really does, is try and help you address all those dramatic sidetrips into other parts of the body, along with said pancreotic issues. If you were an endo w/diabetes, all the basic medical tests + such could be done by a general practitioner who'd be in such awe of your hiarchial rank that he'd leave the diabetes well enough alone. Of course, you still need a doctor but it wouldn't need to be another endo.

There is an exception to this, though(the need for an endo, reason #2) one I didn't realize till I was in that situation. If you're ever admitted to a teaching hospital, and you don't have an endo, you're fair game for anything- whereas, if said endo is one of the top spokes in the Endocrine Dept., suddenly, they'll be alot more respectful(the OMG, this is one of Dr. X's patients! response) of you, and your diabetes. Never underestimate an endo's power toward decent diabetes care, when you, as a patient, can't change anyone's mind. And I imagine this applies to any patient-whether or not you're also an MD is of no consequence. I am grateful for my endo, and thankful that she can help in such situations that warrant rank over idoicy. So, everyone w/D should have an endo..when it comes to situations like that, although if your primary care doctor can also pull off that, they'll do too. Point is, you need an advocate, one with power.

It's bitterly cold this weekend, as in most other parts of the country. With the windchill, -10 degrees, and I realize I should be grateful for this(you guys up north are probably seeing -30's + other insane temps)
but I just want to get back to the good o'le 40's, I can't believe how warm it once was. (just 2 weeks ago!) I WANT SPRING. I've been pretty lazy this week, though I went to the gym twice, I basically just existed + walked on the treadmill at a snail's pace until my SIL was ready to go and I'm ashamed of that. The 500's number (Wed.) was compliments of my infusion set, which had fallen out during the research study(and I didn't realize it till 4 pm). It didn't come completely down + ketone free till 10 AM the next morning, and I took FMLA time for that too. Also something I felt guilty about, but I made up for it by working today.

Chocolate, Vanilla, or Strawberry?

Three Choices.




Lined up before me like a hepatatic glucose-producing smorgasboard, it was time to make a decision. And be quick about it- as my stomach demanded some sort of instant caloric appeasement. (fasting for 9 hours prior)

" Heidi?" Gabrielle, the research nurse, was waiting for my decision.

"Strawberry." The only one I've never tried(you know, this is a popular drink at ADA + other diabetes conventions) and thus, the only one I don't automatically hate.

"Strawberry it is. Want a cup- or will it be straight out of the bottle?"

"Bottle's fine." She comes back in, carrying 2 bottles of water. Unscrew. Hold nose. Take swig.
Emi, the other nurse, glances across the room. "Why are you holding your nose?"
"Tastes bad. I can't stand nutitional drinks."
"Really- most people say it tastes pretty good."
(I have my own theries about those types of people, but I keep those opinions to myself)
"Not me, I'm afraid." Down rest of bottle, take 3 swigs water.

"So, what's her glucose now?"
"Starting glucose was 174. We need to get this IV access (thingie) in."

Poke around on left arm. Poke around on right arm. Encase right arm in hot water balloon(gloves). Go back to right arm. Blow elbow vein. Go to left arm, blow hand vein. Call in reinforcements.
Senior nurse walks in.
"Ach, I remember you- you're the gel who ran over the poor cow." (driving simulator, several years ago)
"Yeah, that's right." Laugh. "I'm a much better driver, now,though."
Back to the right arm. Try for hand vein. Meanwhile, Gabrielle is poking my finger for a blood sugar and the onslaught of both arms seeing painful action is having me do cartwheels in the bed. "Just calm down, you're ok."
I am not ok. I am in pain...
Senior nurse gets it in. Do blood draw #1. "That should do it, dear, but don't you move a muscle. Hear?"
"Yes."

3o minutes later- time for the next blood draw. More trouble on the access site. Heparin flush- call other reinforcements back in. Poke needle back in left arm. Give up on left arm- go back to failed hand site and get that one to work.
2 more blood draws, both non eventful.

Research coordinator shows up and congradulates me on my starting blood sugar of the morning. (124) Apparently, some people are on their 4th time at coming in for this, because their morning blood glucoses refuse to cooperate(most too high). One guy, was 320 coming in,
they tried for an hour to get him down(via exercise) but he only dropped 10 points. The research doctor, apparently, was upset over that..

Final blood glucose- 390. Ah, the joy (apparently, I have no residual cpeptide production) Bolus well for that, eat provided lunch. Fill out pay forms. Turn in meter/pda to be downloaded. RC gives me some more strips/lancets to keep me going for a little while. D studies are sporadic things.

It is not such a horrible thing to be a guinea pig, if you can ignore the aftermath. You get to lie in bed, watch tv, and chug down Aqua while making bouques of moolah. Beats my job, any day.

Your research dollars at work. (Thank you, thank you very much!)

3 PM- I'm now 523 mg/dl, have the mother of all migraines, and after I take a shot, am going to bed. I can figure out what is going on later(I changed the set last night, and it worked like an utter charm all night, this is utterly ridiculous).

A Mother's Wish

Two Guys on a Roof

It would have pretty funny, under any other circumstance.

They'd popped in the day before- knocked on the door, assured me that they were indeed hired by "that laidee down the streeiet"(aka landlady) to do work on my roof. Did some measurements and were shortly gone.

The vibrating/pounding started at 8 AM, sharp.(next morning)

Thump.

Thump.

Thump.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Shaking the house. Shaking the remains of the bottle of juice, sitting on the nightstand. Shaking me awake. (I know, I should have been up by then anyway)

Over the course of the morning, you'd hear the
the earth-shattering
"Yeowwwwwwlllll!!!!!!!!"
as one of them would hit some part of the anatomy with his hammer, while the other one would tell him to shut up. Then, the 2nd one would cut on the saw,(probably to drown out the first guy's reply). And it'd be back to work, as usual.

And then, there were times when they'd start up with a few choice 4 letter word exchange(s), when things weren't going as planned. The fact that someone(me) was obviously in the house, was of no consequence to either of them.
Drop something(on ground)
BOOM..
"Ah, **** **** Joe, you carnt do **** raught!"
Lights flicker, on and off. STOMP STOMP STOMP. I seriously wonder if something (or somebody) is going to come through the roof. Turn up the music and try not to worry.

A total shoe-in for an America's Funniest Video. I was tempted, to sneak out a 45 second blurb on my trusty Kodak, but too scared of getting caught doing it.

Over the course of the morning, they got politer to each other and after lunch, there were no more cuss-outs. Maybe they got too tired.
Those are the professionals working on my(well, my landlady's) house. More then likely, from West Virginia. But as I said, it's my landlady's house + not something I worried about. I would say that..the combo of accent + ineptness+ interesting dialogue is what makes it really funny, for customers it is not quite faith-inducing that these guys know what they're doing. You had to see it, to know how it was.
And I still had a roof at day's end- and that's what counts.
-------
Random Thoughts to finish out the post:
#1 I've finally registered on YouTube- how do I post one(on the blog)?
#2 W2's- what every single, broke, PWD lives to see (come January's end). I don't know much about medical expense deductions, but I do know I definatly qualify, whatever it is. Spent entirely too much money on staying alive last year.
#3 What I plan to watch, tomarrow afternoon:
#4 Had to postpone the RS, on account of A. Not being able to keep up with the testing/trials and B. waking up too high, this morning. Oh well.
#5 How long are those individual packets of artificial sweetners good for? (aspertame,Splenda, whatever) I've got a large collection of the things(that my mom gave me, when I moved out) which makes them at least a year old + probably 1-2 years older then that, as my mom doesn't throw anything out. They look perfectly all right, but I don't want to be taking chances on stuff like that..

Super Test: Sunday-Friday

Crunch time.

I have exactly 2 days and 12 hours(that's 60 hours) to squeeze in 26 blood sugar tests(and record them on the pda). Less- if you consider the fact that they probably don't want to see hourly checks the night before. The PDA also doesn't let you record more frequently then once an hour. Each PDA trial takes a good 15 minutes to complete.
I could...
Check 13x on Wednesday
Check 10x on Thursday
Check 3x before 9AM, Friday morning
Luckily, strips aren't the problem. The problem, is remembering to do them almost every freakin' hour. Waking up in the middle of the night(and going through all that). I am going to have to program test reminders in my pump-so I'll get them all done.

And, the diet.2x a day snacks(lots of fruit), 3x a day nutriotionally balanced meals.(I am not one for schedule-that's why I got a pump) How the heck can I go cold turkey from my Twinkies?
Super Bowl Sunday? Hey, it's got nothin' on these fingers, they could breeze right through the onslaught of deluctibles and test lest frequently then I've had to this week.
I won't have much(if any) time to blog for the rest of the week, diabetes is my 2nd job for a few days.
Oh, and I'm out of diet coke. I'll need a case of that, case of Diet. Mt.Dew, and 2 liter bottle of Diet Sunkist if I hope to survive the week.

Warning: Smoking may be Hazardous toward your Coworker's Health(and Sanity)

Put your sweet lips, a little closer, to the hose
Breathe monoxide in your lips, and out your nose
You might feel, a little tingling, in your toes
Cuz when Kevorkian make a house call- it's time to go.

(Glick and Phillips(Sorta!) Live, Volume #1 )

I'm a pretty tolerant person, I believe that an individual (as long as he's not doing harm to anyone else) should be able to drug ,snort, smoke, booze, and whatever else he wants to do to his/her body, legally. It's their life- whether or not it's the responsible thing to do isn't the issue, you can't legislate stuff like that. People will do it anyway. I do have a problem with it, if you get behind the wheel(under the influence) of said mind-altering substance and do harm to another, because of your own stupidity. Otherwise, go knock yourself out.

And diabetes wise- I have no problem watching other people eat whatever they want, though when most of it is simple carbohydrate items, its kind of mildly irratating but not overly so. Just find something you can eat w/out too much bg drama, and move on.

But when it comes to cigerrette smokers in the immeadiete vicinity, said tolerance ends. At work- the smoking lunch room is adjoining the non-smoking lunch room, on a sunny day one hardly notices the wafting stink.(alot of them will go outside-right off the side of the smoking lunch room) but on a wet/snowy day, all of them will congregate in the s.room + the smell will seep into the nonsmoking room, by lunchtime its as bad in there as it is in the smoking room.

It's not just the smell-my lungs can't take it, I get wheezy and gotta go eat somewhere else.
I asked one of my (smoking) coworkers once if she even cared if someone ever fell over dead from her contributions, and she said I was just making a big drama out of it. Yep, thanks to these(and other such) responsible individuals- if I don't die immeadietly from an asthma attack, I can look forward to second-hand exposure lung cancer down the road. Many people in management also smoke, so it's not like they'd listen to a reasonable arguement.
I wish our facility had a no smoking on premises rule, but what really bugs me is alot of smokers don't care at all what happens to anyone else(in this regard, most of my coworkers are otherwise nice people).
Smoke at home, people. You're making my albuterol copay go through the roof.

D's Just Wanna Have Fun

Unfortuantly, any plans I may have had towards this being the week of grand scale diabetes reformations fell dismally flat, based on the numbers I saw, if that average were corrolated to an a1c I would be well into the double digits. Really, seriously, awful. I will not be qualifying for the New Me first blood sugar goal(average under 170). Does anyone know how to erase your meter numbers? (Just kidding.) I overate, I bolused when I felt like it, I didn't count carbs,I fell asleep(overnight) without my pump on, I exercised only once... you get the picture.
Seems like when you do get back on track...there's this horrible average that takes forever to bring down. And that's not fair. Life should be a clean slate, after the crime.
Because its national news + the company is very, very large I feel like its ok to post
this
and to say that, if you've ever paid via cc/debit card at TJMaxx/Marshalls, now is the time to contact your card issuer and make sure someone isn't having fun at your expense. What I'm more worried about though is whether they hacked into other stuff(like the employee files) and got SS#'s, etc. Which of course, no one at Corporate would tell about(or put it in the newspaper).
Ahh, how I love my job.


The Latest Project:



Basically, I've always wanted to learn how to knit, just never have. Because I need things simplified to the nth degree- I got this book(Klutz guides are simular to Idiot guides) + it looks do-able. Something else I'll be able to add to my resume.
(knits a mean striped toboggan)

This weekend, for the first time in 6 years- I'll be back on a diet. Only this one is a no-holds-barred, eat as many carbohydrates as you possibly can diet. This 3 -day diet will replenish my liver glucagon reserves, and make the possibility of a reaction slightly higher then the possibility that a airplane will fly into the 8th floor of the research center. Anyway, I should have no problem complying with those dietary commands, I guess I can still exercise (and they won't get upset) or I'll definatly be more insulin resistant.(all the weight I'll gain!)
When I'm done with the diet- I'll have to fast(12-9AM) the morning before the grand finale, making sure my blood sugar does not deviate from the narrowly prescribed perimeters(70-200 mg/dl) or, they'll have to cancel everything and reschedule. And yes, they're going to check my meter + ketones(no help bluffing). Having a low would mess up the glucagon restocking thing, and being high
means I'd be very high by the end of the morning, as I'll have to consume some carbohydrate containing fluids without bolusing. (as part of the study) It'll be nerve wracking, I'm kind of anxious to get it over and done with + in control of the insulin-taking angle again.

The Rewards of Exercise

Beneath the utterly unwilling body and the rapidly oscillating blood sugars, lies the underlying heart- throbbing forth a passion, a purpose, a drive to suceed at all costs.















(due to the password sensitive nature of this program, I can't give the exact link, but this is the general homepage)
And I've finally done it(well, in 3 days anyway.. total of 4 months and 21 days after starting), after hiking the Virtual Appalachian trail from Georgia to New York, I've acquired enough points to get my reward- a 4 person tent. I'm psyched. (at 10 points a day, with the occasional 50 pointer for crossing state lines, I thought I'd never get here). I think that any member of BC/BS can sign up for this, and they send you a free t-shirt as a starting motivation. The prizes aren't insanely valuable(clothing, camping, small value electronics) but still pretty good for being free. In three more days, I can redeem my points for a 1,850 point reward!
And I can tell you that I'm still not a big fan of exercise, though by now I guess I'm supposed to be. Kudos to my insurance company for getting me to actually do it, though. I think the main reason I dislike it, its impossible to predict what blood sugars are gonna do-you eat(to prevent a low), they either still go low or go high. Normal basal needs just don't apply anymore, and diabetes is even more of a guessing game. If I were one of those people that exercise didn't reek complete havoc on the numbers, I'd enjoy it more. (normal people at the gym don't know how lucky they are, not to have to consume twice as many calories as you exercise off..)
Now on....
To bigger, better things.
(Up Next- Operation A1c!)

Not on the Agenda

Accidents shake me up.


Alot.

Something about that vehicle-to-vehicle contact, even if a "fender bender" can reduce some competant drivers to a total, complete, incompetent mess. All in the day of the life of a policeman, making peace between the two parties.

It's the Three-Way Battle of the Intersection at quitting time. I must be the only one concerned about (MY) right of way, but I'm not about to go head-to-head with the various(bigger) vehicles that are plowing their way through. Finally, I squeeze my way in, intent on making a quick right turn onto Main St.

When...
BAM. I'm rear-ended. The jolt leaves me shaky, not sure of myself or what the heck the person behind me is doing. Turn off into a side parking lot, go to the police station, exchange info.
Just scratches on the car..
The last accident I was in, was very traumatic (totalled car, partially totalled me) and it all came back today. I am a freakin' accident magnet.
(please pass the Ativan)

The Expert

Jaded. Cynical. When did I turn into that?
I tend to view doctors as diabetically ignorant, until proven otherwise. I am the expert on 95% of issues pertaining to my diabetes, after all, I've lived with it longer then some of them have been practicing medicine. I don't know it all- but like anything else, the same issue will pop up again + you just run through the trouble shooting list until one of the options works. Sometimes I wonder why I even go to the endo- it's not because I don't know everything she'll say. I think it's more for the support (that I'll feel like doing everything she says). She gets it, and I appreciate that.

So many people take a devil-may-care attitude when it comes to their diabetes - never check, attempt no self-management whatsoever. And doctors/healthcare professionals slap them with a "noncompliant" label + feel obligated to try and manage their disease for them.

I'd lived with diabetes for a month, when I had my first low blood sugar. It was a bad one, dropping 50 more points in the space of 10 minutes. And my parents, panicking, used the glucagon kit. Afterwords- they called the doctor.Asked how it could have dropped that fast. And there were no answers, its just the nature of the disease.

I guess then is when I discovered no one knows how to manage diabetes. Not doctors, not nurses, not CDE's. And if I did everything "by the textbook", I'd be seriously screwed up or dead by now.
Case in point- treatment of low blood sugar.
50-70 mg/dl- Responds within 20 minutes to 30 grams juice.
Anything lower then 50- Needs glucose gel, plus the juice.
Under 30- Passed out. Or about to.
If you're an adult and mentally competant- you can't depend on anyone to try and completely manage your disease for you. You've got to be ever vigilant. Support is a wonderful(and necessary) thing, but its still mainly the PWD's responsibility.

That's how I turned into that. (What you don't know- will kill you) So even if you don't have two initals behind your name- remember, you live with it- and that makes you more of an expert then they'll ever be)

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