Monday, November 06, 2006

Double O Seven

Most of the time, I entertain the notion that I am stronger then this disease. Check blood sugars, count carbs, stay on top of the pump stuff, do all the stuff that you’re supposed to. And you’ll live the perfect, complication-free, successful, inspiring, life.

Or so the endocrinologists tell you.

I have just one thing to say to that- most of them have never hypo’ed. Never descended into that deep, ditzy, panicky fog that makes you want to stuff everything in sight into your mouth. Never felt the shakes, never tried to hide it from anyone(so as not to scare them). Never burst out in tears because you’re just so not strong, just so tired of the endless procession of lows that aren’t manageable-aren’t avoidable. Never passed out, never woken up to the paramedics, never been throughly chastised for what one did/didn’t do to prevent this.
And the ones who have(the ones who have diabetes) and tell you this, are probably control freaks themselves(like Dr. Bernstein).Because every good endo(with or without D) is not going to tell you that D's going to be just peachy.

Not that strong. Not now, not ever, stupid diabetes. Lows seem to combine all the insecurities I feel about diabetes. Lows are the thing we can't control. We are at the mercy of an unpredictible drug, which does whatsoever it wants, whensoever it wants.

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

you should do a call to action post, november is diabetes awareness month....you are on the cusp....I love all that you have been sharing. Ihave big problems with hypoglycemic unawareness, so i understand the low thing

Anonymous said...

There is nothing that feels worse to me then being low. I want to tear out of my skin.

I wish all endo's were forced to feel that before they were allowed to treat D patients. Just a thought.

cHoCoMiLkRoCkS said...

ahhh hate those lows.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Very great post Heidi.

The lows are so very hard for me to get through too. I just can't do that whole 15 grams / 15 minutes thing. Impossible.

Whoever made that up obviously did not know what it feels like to go low. You know - who DID come up with that anyway?

Anonymous said...

^^ nice blog!! ^@^

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