Most of the time, I entertain the notion that I am stronger then this disease. Check blood sugars, count carbs, stay on top of the pump stuff, do all the stuff that you’re supposed to. And you’ll live the perfect, complication-free, successful, inspiring, life.
Or so the endocrinologists tell you.
I have just one thing to say to that- most of them have never hypo’ed. Never descended into that deep, ditzy, panicky fog that makes you want to stuff everything in sight into your mouth. Never felt the shakes, never tried to hide it from anyone(so as not to scare them). Never burst out in tears because you’re just so not strong, just so tired of the endless procession of lows that aren’t manageable-aren’t avoidable. Never passed out, never woken up to the paramedics, never been throughly chastised for what one did/didn’t do to prevent this.
And the ones who have(the ones who have diabetes) and tell you this, are probably control freaks themselves(like Dr. Bernstein).Because every good endo(with or without D) is not going to tell you that D's going to be just peachy.
Not that strong. Not now, not ever, stupid diabetes. Lows seem to combine all the insecurities I feel about diabetes. Lows are the thing we can't control. We are at the mercy of an unpredictible drug, which does whatsoever it wants, whensoever it wants.