Thursday, December 10, 2009

Tweenager

Dear Diabetes,

I guess it's official, there's no use denying the obvious. Today, you turn 11. These days, that's pretty much solidly entrenched in the entire teenage mindset. You're a Tweenager!(oh joy)

I remember back to that day(another Thursday), in that hospital room, when the intern told me that you would be sticking around forever. I didn't cry, not just then. Nor did I cry when the CDE handed me a syringe(sans practice orange) and told me to have a go at it. The tears came two days in,when the social worker tapped feelings I never knew I had.(I didn't know how the heck I felt about it all,but somehow that was the trigger point to the tear spigot) I was so scared of you, of the unknown. It was a whole New World...and not a brave one.

I'm still scared, but I know that I can peacefully co-exist with you 80% of the time.(It'll never be 100%, don't push your luck) If it weren't for lows, and highs,and complications (in other words, everything) it wouldn't be a bad deal. If I could just take insulin,and check my blood sugar,and that was all there was to it it wouldn't be the proverbial Sword of Damocles hanging by a single thread, waiting to devour me with a single mistake. I can never forget the tremendous danger that can strike at any moment.

The Toddler years were not so great..being 18, my primary objective was to deny that you ever existed & tantrums were fast and furious.(a diabetes tantrum is a seizure) Which annoyed me even more. Going on the pump was a great thing, but it didn't stop them...only time would get me out of that teenage quagmire and lend some maturity to the situation.

I have made peace with you being forever, diabetes. I think of people (some in the DOC) who have had diabetes 25,40,50 years and are living their lives with courage and purpose. I look at their medals/certificates and I am awed. I don't want to have diabetes another 14 years just to get a medal, but if I do, I am ok with that.On the other hand,"forever" is a concept that applies to other diseases besides diabetes,and there will never be a cure.Diabetes is still the more serious of the diseases,but it takes the unfairness out of "forever." I don't think it will be forever,but you can't live your life waiting for something that may or may not happen. One day, cure or not, I believe I'll be diabetes free.(if not in this life)

I have a good life, diabetes. Despite the ups and downs,and the fact that there is no "figuring" you out(much like a marriage,every day is a new adven..disaster). There is no fixing you,or making you do what I want you to do. I do, however, have to do what you want me to do or you get nasty and start making me sick. I'm in *two* marriages, and you're most definatly the more demanding of the two. I have to obey you. So here's to many more years of (relatively) peaceful coexistence.

Happy D-Day to us.

2 comments:

Colleen said...

Hear! Hear!
Nice note to your D. I hope it listens to you.

Kerri. said...

Good luck raising a tweenaged diabetes. ;) Happy d-anniversary, Heidi.