2009: Year of the (No) Cure

Taking a look back through the months...


January: Back to the Past

February: Of iphones and iApprovals

March: Change.

April: Goodbye, ER.

May: Gym Rat.

June: The Placebo Effect.

July: Marcus and the Post-Tonsillectomy Hamburger

August: Across the Atlantic Soup(part 1)

September: Crossing the Line

October: Between a Rash and a Hard Place

November: Notes from a Spinning Planet: Tweetup!

December: Gift

It's been quite a year...one which definatly changed me.(I now have to un-addict myself from reading Twitter feeds 24/7, that's one of the bad habits I've picked up)
On the diabetes scene..my a1c has dropped 1.4 from last year at this time(thanks, Dexcom!), on the cultural front, I have been to another country for the first time ever & that was awesome. I think I am not so blase' with higher blood sugars..because I've learned that tight(er) control is important. I'm not there yet,
the seizure I had a couple weeks ago reminded me of that all too well. It seems I can't be one of those PWD to just wake up & treat the bg, that irritates me to no end. There is such a thing as Killer Control.(it'll kill you one way or the other)
I'm tonsil-less, and strep hasn't plagued me once.(since then) I participated in a rather novel research study,one that will hopefully help someone, somewhere. And I hope that 2010..will bring us closer to a cure. I'm not sure if they've made any real progress at all(on that front),it sure doesn't seem like it. Just better tools for diabetes management.(don't get me wrong, that's good,but I'd much rather have a cure)

It's Beginning to look alot like...Alaska

So much so,when you see a big ,tough,handle-it-all vehicle down FROM Alaska in the parking lot.I'm sure they're feeling right at home.(20 inches,ugh)It was a workout just shoveling out the
cars/driveway.




Line at the post office on Monday.Literally, the worst day of the year to be there,the line stretched to the doors & beyond.And the one guy who mailed 50+ packages didn't really improve the wait time.(it was a 45+minute wait.Maybe an hour)Merry Christmas!




(drift of snow as tall as me..I think I need snowshoes for Christmas!)

On Saturday,the mail truck got stuck in a ditch (near our house).Snow was coming down a mile a minute,& it was pretty nasty out.(the very fact that they were delivering at all was amazing) So some guy hitched a cable from his 4-wheel drive to the mail truck,& while he pulled,everyone else,pushed.(sans me,I confess I was more engrossed in capturing it on video) Truck got out of the ditch, fishtailed across the road,swerved back and forth and eventually got back on track.I guess by that point our mail lady had had more then enough and went home.(no mail for the next few days)It may look like Alaska here,but we sure don't deal with vast quantities of snow well.

Off to Virginia for a few days and then (hopefully)to NYC...very excited,because this Southern gal has never been to NYC.It'll be bitterly cold,I'm sure.(but cool beyond words)

Merry Christmas,everyone!

The Elfster Express

Allison, over at Lemonaide Life once again this year organized a Elfster exchange with the DOC/diabetes crowd. My Elfster, Shannon, sent me one of these...($25)


Which I promptly blew, on these..



(Gift #1, Diabetic Athlete's Handbook. Bought, in the ever-so-desperate of attempts to get myself to the gym more then once a week, this holiday season. And it's a wonderful resource..it just makes me wish that I were more disciplined!)



(gift #2, a chick-lit. book. I don't suppose I can stop that guilty addiction..it's like diet coke, once you're hooked, you're hooked)



(gift #3. Star-Wars themed Nintendo DS styluses. Fun, yet actually NOT just a filler for the free Amazon shipping cut-off. I'm sure to be an instant hit with the niece/nephew crowd, this week.)

And that's what I spent my gift card on,sometimes(ok, more then sometimes) the best gift is one you choose yourself! I love the Elfster exchange..though I tried to get my draw what they actually wanted, I don't mind at all if someone gives me a gift card. Thanks, Allison-and thanks, Shannon!!!

Gift

I truly had no idea who was calling,as I uncerimoniously dumped my purchases on the floor of the store,and grabbed my iPhone,amid the hustle and bustle of the shoppers around me.

"Hello,Heidi.This is your instructor at XXXX."

Oh yeah,that course.The one I'd just finished,taking the final exam on the 9th. And the one that,oddly enough,I had absolutely no immeadiete desire to learn the outcome of.Because I know what my average was,going into the final.

"It turns out I made some mistakes calculating your final grade,you didn't get a C."

Long,long,long,lonnggg pause.

"Great," hoarse squeek from myself,envisioning D's and F's in it's place & how could this happen?I poured my guts into that final.

"So I'm changing it from a C to a B."

"WOW!" Stunned silence on my part.

"Like I said,I miscalculated.So I thought I'd call and let you know,the changes aren't up on the website.But they should be,by Monday."

"Thank you sooooo much!This is such awesome news,I really can't believe it."

"You're welcome.Have a nice weekend."

Click.

And that's one of the best gifts anyone can possibly give..the rebirth of a dream.B means I do not have to retake the course.B means I have 1 more course to finish,before I could get into nursing school.B means I am not a blathering idiot.

B means,see you next semester!


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Tweenager

Dear Diabetes,

I guess it's official, there's no use denying the obvious. Today, you turn 11. These days, that's pretty much solidly entrenched in the entire teenage mindset. You're a Tweenager!(oh joy)

I remember back to that day(another Thursday), in that hospital room, when the intern told me that you would be sticking around forever. I didn't cry, not just then. Nor did I cry when the CDE handed me a syringe(sans practice orange) and told me to have a go at it. The tears came two days in,when the social worker tapped feelings I never knew I had.(I didn't know how the heck I felt about it all,but somehow that was the trigger point to the tear spigot) I was so scared of you, of the unknown. It was a whole New World...and not a brave one.

I'm still scared, but I know that I can peacefully co-exist with you 80% of the time.(It'll never be 100%, don't push your luck) If it weren't for lows, and highs,and complications (in other words, everything) it wouldn't be a bad deal. If I could just take insulin,and check my blood sugar,and that was all there was to it it wouldn't be the proverbial Sword of Damocles hanging by a single thread, waiting to devour me with a single mistake. I can never forget the tremendous danger that can strike at any moment.

The Toddler years were not so great..being 18, my primary objective was to deny that you ever existed & tantrums were fast and furious.(a diabetes tantrum is a seizure) Which annoyed me even more. Going on the pump was a great thing, but it didn't stop them...only time would get me out of that teenage quagmire and lend some maturity to the situation.

I have made peace with you being forever, diabetes. I think of people (some in the DOC) who have had diabetes 25,40,50 years and are living their lives with courage and purpose. I look at their medals/certificates and I am awed. I don't want to have diabetes another 14 years just to get a medal, but if I do, I am ok with that.On the other hand,"forever" is a concept that applies to other diseases besides diabetes,and there will never be a cure.Diabetes is still the more serious of the diseases,but it takes the unfairness out of "forever." I don't think it will be forever,but you can't live your life waiting for something that may or may not happen. One day, cure or not, I believe I'll be diabetes free.(if not in this life)

I have a good life, diabetes. Despite the ups and downs,and the fact that there is no "figuring" you out(much like a marriage,every day is a new adven..disaster). There is no fixing you,or making you do what I want you to do. I do, however, have to do what you want me to do or you get nasty and start making me sick. I'm in *two* marriages, and you're most definatly the more demanding of the two. I have to obey you. So here's to many more years of (relatively) peaceful coexistence.

Happy D-Day to us.

Youtube: Makin' You Cry

Last of the Year

I'm not sure why I feel a compulsory need to blog right after every single endo appointment.(there's only so many times I can do this without boring everyone off) But I do,so here it is.

I wasn't expecting miracles out of my a1c. (my sole requirement was that it not be worse.Thanksgiving week was a doozy.)

And then, in walks my endo....pregnant!(6 months, to be exact.Maybe she'll have a Valentine's Day baby. Which means she'll be going off on maternity leave & I'll be seeing someone else, the next time. It's her first kid, so it was somewhat of a shocker seeing her pregnant.(it wasn't obvious in Sept)

Then I got bombshell #2-my a1c was .3 better then last time. Woohooo! At least it's moving in the right direction. It's been improving by increments for the last 3 appointments, I'm not one to drop 2.0 improvements from appointment to appointment. So, yeah, another 1.0 reduction & I will be a happy camper.(I just pray that it doesn't take another 9 months)

Everything's status quo..all my yearly checkup thingies have been taken care of & I only needed one rx. She's pleased that I'm going down, & I'm pleased that I haven't gone up(more like, in shock). I have Hashimoto's antibodies,(at diabetes diagnosis, I took Synthroid for a year till it just sorted itself out)that's something that bears watching, yearly.(levels since then have been normal) It was something that went out of whack pre-diagnosis,and since 1 year post, has been fine.
(don't ask me why, not even the doc knows why)I guess it wouldn't affect my ability to get pregnant,though I'm starting to suspect it(higher antibody levels) could be a reason for a miscarriage.

(and six days left in the semester,I'm really looking forward to dropping that stress for the holidays...I much prefer holiday stress to school stress)

Overheard: Midflight

Overheard: (on the airplane,mid-flight from LAX to Raleigh)

Call light going off...

Passenger:"Could I have a blanket, please?"

Flight Attendant: "What's the Emergency, sir?"

Passenger: "Would you happen to have a spare blanket available?"

Flight Attendant: "I asked you what the EMERGENCY was, sir. What's the Emergency?"

Passenger: "Do you provide blankets, or not?I'm just wondering."

Flight Attendant: "If you wanted that, you'd have to purchase our ($7)set."

Walks off.

Apparently if something isn't broken, bleeding,or bending at 110 degree angles it's not worth said flight attendant's time. I miss the old days,when they took customer
service seriously.Now they don't even feed you pretzels/peanuts on some flights.(including ours,5+ hr flight)