Wednesday, March 26, 2014

The Permanence of Performance

They don't know
that the pain I feel
Is not from IV tracks
Up and down my arms
A disease unleashed
Monsters knocking down my body
Making me fear the future
I only hope that I can die from diabetes in 30 years
And not from plummeting magnesium levels.
"What does this do
And this?!?"
Uncharted waters
Not easily measured
I trust my doctor
But I don't trust my body.
There is no roadmap
No blueprint
It is not diabetes,and Your Disease May Vary.
Will it get better
Will it stabilize
Can I go to sleep without worrying
Can my toddler know his mommy for a good long while
Will my husband still have a wife
Can I function
Will it eat up all the money
Will my veins hold up
Will I be living at the hospital
When can things be normal?
"You look so normal!"
(This is politeness
I have two chronic diseases
There will never be normal.
Juggling must be automatic
It's what you do
There is no choice.
But I just want one problem,
Not 1,000,001.
My friend died from her disease
When she'd barely begun to live.
There wasn't another person on this earth who had both T1 and Bartters.
And there maybe will never be.
Alone with an unpredictable disease
Searching for some answers.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone


StephenS said...

I support you no matter what. Hope you get some happy news soon.

Anonymous said...

Sending warm thoughts and my best wishes for better health. You express yourself just beautifully.

Scully said...

I feel touched by this post. I care about you along with so many other people.
I wish I could understand.

Kerri. said...

This is beautiful, but in such a heart-breaking way. Sending all my best to you.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Sending you big, Diet Coke earring jangling hugs, H. Love ya!