Imposter

I'm a little upset right now.

(Warning: what you are about to read will probably disgust you...proceed with caution. And if you should read the entire thing do not,in any way, take the content therein then other then that of my own personal diabetes opinions.)

This is my child. He is 19 months old, bright,funny, a social-ite (and overall, quite healthy except for the occasional ear infection.)

Having said that, you may feel free to head over to a certain large diabetes website & listen to a webcast from a certain leading expert on diabetes & pregnancy.

I didn't make it very far,switching it off when I heard the words "I don't care about the mother. I only care about the baby."(apparently, it got even worse,when she said that every women with diabetes should have to view graphic!!dead baby images as a sort of scare tactic) In a flashback, I was back in my Endocrinologist's office again, crying hysterically over the best a1c of my life. Listening to her telling me that I was a horrible mother & killing my baby.)I had alot of guilt during pregnancy, guilt that because I couldn't reach that a1c that they wanted, my baby would surely be born impaired, or dead.(or I would die trying to reach that a1c) I spent the entire pregnancy locked in my little world of denial,& possibility of disaster.(yes, I had issues. A therapist probably could have helped.Trying to work through those.)
Here, on the other side, I can tell you that babies are tough little guys. I can tell you that doctors don't know it all, and sometimes a compromise must be made between what they want and the limits of you personally can handle. I can tell you (from the past)what a seizure from a low blood sugar feels like,& how I wasn't ever going to subject my baby to the effects of THAT(cut off of oxygen,brain damage, brain damage to baby?no thank you. I can tell you that given my a1c, my normal weight baby should have been fatter then he was..further proof that docs don't know it all.(and the guilt I feel when women with better control then mine beat themselves up for the weight of their baby. Please don't do that, you did a beautiful job. I'm convinced its 98% a genetics lottery.) We all do the best we can.
I'm convinced that the expert in question would be in favor of abortions for anyone not in the "under 6" crowd.(quote: There should be no surprises.) And while I worked my tail off during pregnancy, I wasn't (nor will I ever be..it's simply not safe for me in that subcategory. And I've further concluded, that many women with D decide not to have children because their doctors have played up the whole baby-is-doomed at X a1c scenario, which simply isn't true.(Not that you don't try to drop it ASAP,but it's much easier to drop actually after you get pregnant then before..it drops slightly naturally,and again,this is not medical advice in any way shape or form. Some people can actually get those sub 6 and sub 5 a1cs.(more power to ya,but not everyone can)But no pregnancy should be composed of docs (like her) telling you all those horrible things..we know. We know things can go wrong. We live it for ten months,every high,every low, every bite of food we put in our mouths. We hardly need a guilt accelerator.(She would never be my doc,not in a million years. I think my Endo, at least, kept the scare tactics under control for the most part when it became obvious that none of that crap was going to be true.)