There was a time when life, as you knew it, was much more simple. When you didn't have to measure,carb-count, guess-ti-mate,SWAG etc. every single carbohydrate that went into your mouth. When food was food,not something that could simultaneously kill/save you.
That was before. Before D came along. Some of us have never really really known a "before", for others, there were many years spent with the "before." The thing about the "before",is,that for many of us, it may never come again (sorry for the downer opinion,yours may vary,& I certainly hope I'm not right). The years dull the memories of some things but for others, the diabetes stuff gets so hardwired into your psyche that you doubt it ever could get itself undone. It's all normal.
Fact: I'm ready to go back to the "just diabetes" phase of existence. I miss sleep, I miss my back muscles not hurting, I miss Chai Tea Lattes (and everything Starbucks),I miss having clothes that would fit, and I miss not having to bolus a unit every time I even look at a carbohydrate, I miss just worrying about the D-Stuff. Vaguely I recall those days where doctor appointments weren't every week,and I'm ready to go back to them. I guess just because something becomes "normal", it still doesn't mean that you particularly love it. I know there are people for whom pregnancy is a 10 month nightmare(bed rest, the whole 9 yards)but I can't even begin to explain what its like, with diabetes. Every day that ends (without disaster) is the best thing that happened that day. I guess when you go to the doc (and everything is a constant stream of negativity) that really doesn't put you in the mindframe of "enjoying your pregnancy." I'm not afraid of caring for a newborn anymore, for even the demands of that is the successful conclusion of the 3rd Trimester. And yeah, I'm nowhere NEAR 39 weeks. My patience has kind of run out (and I would really like to hop in a time machine & fast-forward to the end of December) & I want a healthy,bouncing, bundle o' joy to be here.(NOW) And if it sounds like I'm complaining, I guess I am..there's gotta be some place I can let it all out & it had just as well be here. (which very few folks go) It's my opinion that the people who enjoy their pregnancies don't have complicating medical conditions involved.
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2 comments:
Hugs for you! Complain all you want, this is your blog. I am 11 weeks into my first pregnancy and I have been a type 1 diabetic for 26 years and it has not been fun. Just like you said, making it through the day is a huge accomplishment. I wish I could feel more joy, but mostly it is worry and fear and I cannot wait until it is OVER! I hope December goes by very quickly for you and me:)
Of course you get to whine here!
Moms with d don't get enough credit for everything they do to have a healthy child.
You're amazing!
Whenever you can, take some time for yourself. Rest, rest, and rest some more.
Can't wait until you start posting photos of the "healthy, bouncing, bundle o' joy!"
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