Phases

I have type 1 diabetes, & my islet cells don't work worth two beans.Or do they?

If you were to measure my c-peptide,it would be non-existent, at 0.0 mmol. I know this,because with diabetes research studies,they are always measuring c-peptides...and as mine goes,it is always non-existent.(some long-term type 1's still do retain a slight production) Researchers theorize that producing insulin may have protective powers against the crazy high-low destructive variability(that is type 1, in a nutshell) So much for any protection for me (should that be true)

But there are times,not related to exercise,illness,temperature,or the phase of the moon...when I could swear that my pancreas is doing something.And when it begins,the lows just go on and on and on(seemingly unending).

Last night was such a night. 95 at supper(a zillion carbs of spaghetti), 65 by the end of supper. Bolused half(because of the low),and waited for the pasta factor to just hit en masse. 45 minutes after supper...70.Ate some candy. 30 minutes after that...72. Ate 16 grams glucose tabs. 30 minutes after that...55.And so on,till about 10 pm,when,sick of eating,I cut off my basal rate for an hour,& threw the big guns(chocolate milk) at it.11 pm-76.Cut off my rate for another hour,had another cup of chocolate milk & prayed that it would work because the next step would have been experimenting with mini-glucagon dosing to try to avoid going to the ER. I was scared that it wouldn't work,but 3 hours later I awoke to a lovely 296 which I bolused half of what I normally would(1.5 units) effectively knocking it down to 106 this morning. I think I probably ate around 300 carbs last night,it was absolutely insane.Rarely does my mind go to the "what if this doesn't work?" scenario,& it makes me realize that I have absolutely no plan(aka "panic-free") way of handling something like this(mainly because it very rarely happens) I have had days where I'd have 7-8 lows a day,because of whatever wackiness was going on,but it was a controlled chaos,& I could keep on top of it. There was nothing controlled about last night...never in my life has a bolus of 2.5 units(plus 1.5 basal) done that. People think that insulin production is a wonderful thing, a dream that they'd give anything to see again but I am not so sure,in the context of T1 diabetes it is just a major pain in the butt. You'd have to figure out just how much less insulin you need(and no answers are forthcoming from said pancreas as to how much it's producing). The world of diabetes is not cut and dried(as to what can/will happen),& more then anything, I just want stability. I'd rather take a relatively consistent amount of insulin & have great control then little insulin & be crashing every five seconds.(of course, I'd much rather just not have D in the first place but that's not one of the options)

I hate diabetes.


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Winning The Battle, Losing The War

Prioritizing. It's something that I'm none too good at, and by now, the list of things that I've been meaning to blog about is so long that I'll never in a million years catch up so why even try?

And plus, I've been having serious disenchantment with my blog platform. After 5+ years, it just seems so incredibly basic and blah(which was good in the beginning,but now it's overly simplistic). I know next to nothing about developing a website,but there has to be better platforms out there. Change needs to come. As emotionally attached as I am to "The D-Log Cabin", even that may have to go. There are posts in here that I'm sure are none-to-complimentary(too many names) toward certain parties,and I have to think that one day,some online stalker playing "Connect-the-Blogs" could play havoc with that. I try not to put too much private info on my blog but I'm not sure I've been terribly successful in that.

Most of my energy,emotional & physical, seems to be consumed by the diabetes these days...and it seems like I don't have enough energy to blog. It's not that it's hard(to dash off a 20 minute post), it's just that,given the choice, I'd rather collapse into bed. I hope that changes,but that's the reality for right now...winning the D-Battle, seriously losing/behind on every other part of my crazy/ busy life.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Runaway

It's been missing for two full days. I know it isn't in the car(checked) or house (for with the number of lows I've had, I'd have heard the alarm,the battery was fully charged)

Where is it? Where was the last place that I went that it might've fallen out of my pocket? Let's try the doctor's office.

"Excuse me,but did I leave a medical device there on Wed.?"

"Yes,it's here. We were wondering who's it was."

Success, relief. How I didn't realize that sooner is anyone's guess.




I'm not a parent,but I think I know exactly how it must feel to get your kid back safe & sound..a little bit angry ("Bad, BAD Dexcom!") a whole lot scared, and a whole lot relieved. The day I leave a device like that in an airport is the day I NEVER see it again. Everything is getting labeled/phone numbered,against the day that it does happen again.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The DiabetiThon

The road stretches straight ahead
Miles and miles, off into the darkness
and yet it seems so oddly familiar
like an endless loop
for I am no hero,& I have been here before
drop-by-drop,counting the gallons lost
hole-by-hole, playing Connect-the-Dots with the scars
Diabetes: 5000 Me:0
seeking to lessen the damage
in this Diabeti-Marathon
I run to live
and my prize is being alive
for in this race,there is more taking then giving
kidneys
heart
eyesight
every other complication under the sun
Am I doing this right?
no one can tell
Although confirming my failures is easily done
and yet I think at least I'm 75/25
and good for many more rounds around the track
but the monotony is stifling
and I am tired to my core
day in,day out
it never ends
Can a human being live this way?
I want to believe in a cure
but the passage of time
jades the most enthusiastic of people
so I settle for survival
and I wait for the sun to come up
the diet coke to kick in
And then I see that I'm not the only one running this race.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone