Thursday, April 12, 2007

Dr. Jekyl and Miss Hyde

Into each life some rain must fall, some days must be dark and dreary-Emily Dickinson

I'm going to get a reputation as the blogger who will just not shut up about lows, that's for sure. But that's the current chapter in my life.

A D's Wish:

#1 When I shake, I need you to hold me.

#2 When I'm guzzling down fluids like I'm vacationing in Death Valley, I need you to pick up an extra 24 pack of Diet Coke at the grocery store.

#3 When I'm broke, I need a night in shining armour to chip in to cover medical supplies.

#4 When I sleep, I need to know that you'll make sure I wake up in the morning.

#5 When my a1c comes back smokin' awesome, I need someone to help me celebrate. (Someday,somehow..)

#6 When I cry, I need a shoulder to do it on.

#7 When I run, I need someone keeping pace beside me, all the way.

#8 When I eat, I need a non-judgemental human calculator, computing the carb-insulin-exercise-illness
ratio with the finesse of a nuclear physicist.

#9 When I test, and blood spurts sideways all over the computer keyboard, I need someone to see the humor in it all.

#10 And when I dream, I will dream of you..and know that a so/spouse would be one of the greatest gifts a PWD could ask for.

The Insulin Challenge
(or, how low can you go)

Earned a brief reprieve over the weekend, got a cold + didn't see a number under 200. Till yesterday. They'rrree back. I guess I am fortuante,if it weren't for the cold it would be worse.

Everyone has rough patches in their D-journey but at some point, you've got to pick up the phone + ask the powers that be for advice.

The response was fast.Surprisingly fast.(Chalk one up for my endo!) One hour later:

"Tell me what's going on."

"I've got lows,neverending lows, they just won't quit.This has gone on 1.5 weeks."

"When are most of them?"

"Morning-afternoon. Cut my basal down."

"What is it?"

"0.05 from 11-5 pm. Lunch bolus usually 3-5 units."

A deep pause on the other end of the line. "That's really low-practically nothing."

"Used to be 0.3, but I was having lows that wouldn't stop so I cut it to that."

We discuss it, and agree on a plan of action. Cut lunch bolus in half, cut overnight basals down. Blood thyroid,kidney tests. Going from there, another appointment to come in.

Meanwhile, I check, keep my hypo stash on hand, and try to keep above water. I wonder where it is going-what's happening-and whether this is going to get me some stupid new diagnosis that I do not want. I wonder what kind of shape you have to be in before the insurance company would spring for a CGMS. And I wonder if its time to give up a portion of my fierce independance(aka ask someone to check up on me)so I don't die in bed. This not the time for pride. There is no night in shining armour, and I must lessen those sources of stress in other practical ways.I'll make it through but I wish it weren't so scary.


Minnesota Nice said...

Oh damn, Heidi. I'm so sorry you're going through this - when the body's off-kilter, we always anticipate the worst, and waiting for lab results is major suckage.

jill. said...

Wow 0.05! I hope you can figure out what's going on and stopping chasing lows soon!

Chrissie in Belgium said...

Well Heidi, all I can say is that diabetes is weird. After 45 years I STILL don't understand a thing. I have become a careful logger of all D-factors. What this has shown me is that what I always assumed was my fault WASN'T! I don't think we understand half of all the stuff that influence D. And by the way, like you I have had a terrible bout of hypos several weeks ago. Gradually things seem to be returning to the normal - as it was before. I too had tons of blood tests to find out what the hell was going on - NOTHING was found! I too had to decrease my meal bolus(after lunch) to 1/2 the normal. I too very significantly decreased by basal rate. Be happy you got advice from your CDE/doc - I didn't! I had to figure it out myself. But maybe that is my fault b/c I just didn't really ask for advice, although I did tell them what was going on and how I was changing things. No additional advice was given! The bad thing is that now things seem to be slowly crreeping back to how it was before the hypos. One doesn't know how fast to put things back the way they were. Diabetes is all about change - one minute things work and then the next they don't. Think if we really understood this disease???! Let alone cure it.

Scott K. Johnson said...

Hey Heidi,

This post touched a cord with me. It is scary. All of it. And as adults we are not easily shaken most of the time.

But this condition we often struggle with has the ability to shake our foundation and core from the inside out.

But you are strong because you make it. Each and every day that you do what you gotta do, is another tick in the "win" column (however frustrating that might still be).

Hang in there - we're your virtual partner as best we can be.