As I lay in bed last night,attempting to catch a few winks before the next feeding,it suddenly occurred to me why I strongly disliked the experience of being pregnant.
I never felt like I was creating a life as much as I did that I was destroying one.
And there,in a nutshell, was 38.5 weeks...the whole deal. It wasn't the heartburn,nausea,sciatica,45 lb weight gain, random migraines,shortness of breath,inability to bend over,15 daily trips to the restroom, finger & toe swelling...or the diabetes angle(12+ daily checks,tripled insulin daily dose,skating the edge of constant hypos,1-2 x/week doctor appointments,1-2x/week emailing blood sugar logs)...or the giving up of alcohol,lunch meat,soft cheeses,any painkiller not beginning with a T,hotdogs,80% of daily Diet Coke intake,caffeine....exercise,any truly comfortable sleeping position( I don't remember the last time I slept for 7 straight hours).And that is a relatively "good" uncomplicated pregnancy. (What it would be like to be bed-bound the entire time I just can't imagine) But even that isn't that much of an issue, if you are fairly certain your kid will turn out ok. I never had that assurance,& for the entire pregnancy it was shoved in my face that if something happened,if anything happened,it was probably due to my sub-par a1c. That is why I didn't enjoy my pregnancy..the overwhelming guilt about everything, 24 hours a day. The fact that my baby doesn't seem to have any residual ill effects is nothing short of a miracle(& boy,do I know it..at no point during my pregnancy did I have an acceptable a1c. Better,yes,but not good.)
This much I know, feeling like you are hurting another human being is the worst feeling ever( I know it's not my fault,& that's just the nature of the disease to fluctuate). And post-pregnancy,it just leaves you really ticked off at the disease(even with excellent control,some babies still have low bgs..& the temperature issues were not due to the diabetes but still I'm ticked off at it) Just gotta get all this out...it's the rantings of someone who still can't quite believe what it was actually like.
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Friday, March 16, 2012
Monday, March 05, 2012
A Baby Lullaby
Hush, Little Baby, don't you cry
Daddy's gonna buy you a diamond studded rattle
If that rattle goes and gets stolen
Daddy's gonna pay for your entire private school education
If that education leads to being bored
Daddy's gonna buy you a Nintendo Wii
If that Wii doesn't get you sufficient exercise
Daddy's gonna buy you a BMX
If that BMX results in a broken leg
Daddy's gonna buy you a $15,000 surgery
If that surgery is sucessful
Daddy's gonna buy you a Mercedes Bentz.
If that Mercedez Bentz leads to jail
Daddy's gonna spring & pay your bail.
If, by then, you have a gal
Daddy's gonna pay for the wedding
If that marriage produces kids
Daddy's gonna lose what remaining hairs he has.
(Daddy will also have zero of an estate to bestow)
Kids are expensive,even if one isn't a millionaire...which we're not.(FTR) First kid's always get somewhat spoiled anyway,just by virtue of being the first.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
The Check Up
So I went to my 6 week OB-GYN follow up today...while my mom babysat for me. Maneuvering the heavy infant carrier & a diaper bag etc. over a 1/2 mile of hospital terrain,etc. is not a feat I'm up to quite yet. And I was 15 min.late, which means that they couldn't fit me into their jampacked schedule for another hour. Since I've now reached the (advanced)age of 30(seriously,they said so) in addition to the scar check, they did the yearly check exam,etc. I didn't know that 30 was such a big deal(perhaps reproductively it is). The Csection scar is doing ok,still tender to the touch but these things take time to heal. And its been confirmed that,if I wanted to have any more kids it would have to be via Csection. (the reason for the C-Section dictates one's future in that regard) So really,you have to go through labor unsuccessfully before they'll "know" that said birth canal is too narrow,a concept I don't totally understand (why they can't predict that in some way,what with the probable trillions of births since the beginning of time). Some people have gone on to have vaginal births post C-Section, but it's my observations that many people just opt to have another C-Section. I've got nothing against C-Sections,as it pertains to the whole "Nature VS Medicine" thing...the point is,to get the child out,not to have some sort of religious experience,but it is true that docs really don't like you to have a vaginal birth after a section & will tell you that you have to have another C-Section unecessarily. Repeated C-Sections increase ones risk of uterine rupture(etc.) & at some number,(4?)hospitals refuse to do them,the risks are so high. I'll never be Michelle Duggar,but I don't like anyone telling me anything. And I don't think I'd want enough kids for that to even be an issue, but time will tell,in that regard.My problem with C-Sections are,they're painful/take very long to fully recover from,plus the baby doesn't get some "immunity" from the birth process. So what I don't quite understand is if it's physically impossible( I mean,the canal is supposed to accommodate &why it didn't I don't understand) or if the doc is just saying it because that's what OB-GYN's do. I need an impartial party to explain it to me, I guess.( like an L&D nurse)
As addicting as babies are,
I don't plan to repeat the experience for awIhile. Pregnancy was a time of great physical & mental stress & my brain needs healing,as well as my body. I ate,slept,& breathed guilt for 10 months & it didn't magically disappear the minute I delivered. I really appreciate the normal hum/drumness of being not pregnant now,& diabetes wise,my control got much better(funny how that happens,when you're supposed to be in great control DURING,not after). I am much more comfortable with taking huge amounts of insulin/prebolusing then I was pre-pregnancy,& I think that'll work to my advantage on the next a1c. I still have alot of conflicting feelings about said pregnancy..& I know that if I ever have any more,there are things that I'd do very differently. I think that having a baby in the NICU for even a minor reason makes you aware of how much worse things really could have been,& how grateful you are when they get out happy & healthy.And that's what it's all about,even at 3 am when they're crying to be fed & you're dead to the
world but then they smile at you & suddenly the night is not as dark anymore. He's the cutest thing since, well, Sep.1, 1981...
(haha)
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As addicting as babies are,
I don't plan to repeat the experience for awIhile. Pregnancy was a time of great physical & mental stress & my brain needs healing,as well as my body. I ate,slept,& breathed guilt for 10 months & it didn't magically disappear the minute I delivered. I really appreciate the normal hum/drumness of being not pregnant now,& diabetes wise,my control got much better(funny how that happens,when you're supposed to be in great control DURING,not after). I am much more comfortable with taking huge amounts of insulin/prebolusing then I was pre-pregnancy,& I think that'll work to my advantage on the next a1c. I still have alot of conflicting feelings about said pregnancy..& I know that if I ever have any more,there are things that I'd do very differently. I think that having a baby in the NICU for even a minor reason makes you aware of how much worse things really could have been,& how grateful you are when they get out happy & healthy.And that's what it's all about,even at 3 am when they're crying to be fed & you're dead to the
world but then they smile at you & suddenly the night is not as dark anymore. He's the cutest thing since, well, Sep.1, 1981...
(haha)
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Saturday, February 18, 2012
Remembering
Almost three years to the day that thishappens. I don't think about it so much anymore but it's odd timing,that one week in January where tragedy & joy tangle each other in a complicated web of emotions.
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- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
The Story of a Birth: Part 3
Dear JB,
NICU's can be scary places. And it does something to one's heart(read:take out,pulverize,put back into chest) to see one's baby in there. You were so little,(7 lbs is little, in my book)had an IV in one arm and a mass of heart leads under your sleeper tracking your heart rhythm and breathing rate. (both of which are pretty variable in a newborn) And by highly variable, I mean that the respirations can go from 20 to 70 over the course of 2 minutes.(it looked like a CGM on steroids) It took some getting used to, not freaking out over that monitor readout.(or the fact that it went off every 10 minutes just about) But your heartbeat is always steady, and true, (in contrast to some of the other babies, who would throw PVC's really frequently)and that was comforting, in that great time of uncertainty.
On Wednesday of that week, you had your IV removed..after it was clear that you didn't have an infection/blood glucose was holding steady. You didn't much like that,& I can't blame you(IV's aren't fun for anybody). You cried.(and I think I did too) Your two little heels had both been pricked(multiple times) for blood sugars,& I know it was necessary but seeing those little scars just made me hate diabetes all over again for putting you through it.
On Friday, your temperature finally began to come up...so they started turning the temperature down on the incubator/warmer. It was a long, long weekend full of advances/setbacks...to be able to turn the temp down by one degree,the underarm temperature had to measure at least 98.6. If it was 97.5 or below,they had to turn up the temp again.(they measured temp every 4 hours) Your temperature bounced up and down (despite wearing two layers,and 1-2 blankets) so the settings on the warmer simerally bounced up and down and I had doubts that you'd ever be warm enough. But you finally did,and by Monday afternoon you were all the way down to room temperature & ready for the 24 hour crib test (maintaining a 98.6 temp in an open crib for 24 hours).And by Tuesday afternoon,you could be discharged/come home. That was a little bit scary,bringing you home for the first time but the staff assured me that you would likely have no problem with future temp regulation, at that point.
So we took you home,and by that evening my feeling blah's had progressed to chest pain& an 103 degree fever.Fortuantly,my mom was there for the week (two babies to take care of) or I'm not sure I'd still be here. Whatever I had fortuantly wasn't contagious,(chest Xray was negative for pneumonia but the pulse oximetry reading was at 95%,earning me a round with the doctor's office nebulizer and a prescription for antibiotics and albuterol) but put me out of commission for the next 5 days. You,fortuantly, were unaffected...you continued to eat,sleep,poop,and grow. (as it should be) You had your first appointment with the pediatrician & clocked in another 9 oz weight gain. (and thumbs up on the pediatrician,I love her to death) And, as of 2 days ago...you now weigh over 9 lbs. I really hope you can stay healthy for a long,long time because the pediatrician also scared the socks off of me talking about what happens if a baby under 3 months old gets a fever (it is a huge deal),to that end,I've turned into the overprotective,do not want to take you out of the house at all,mother.(trying to protect you from all the nasty germs)
Parenthood is a work in progress...please be patient with us.
Love,
your Mommy
NICU's can be scary places. And it does something to one's heart(read:take out,pulverize,put back into chest) to see one's baby in there. You were so little,(7 lbs is little, in my book)had an IV in one arm and a mass of heart leads under your sleeper tracking your heart rhythm and breathing rate. (both of which are pretty variable in a newborn) And by highly variable, I mean that the respirations can go from 20 to 70 over the course of 2 minutes.(it looked like a CGM on steroids) It took some getting used to, not freaking out over that monitor readout.(or the fact that it went off every 10 minutes just about) But your heartbeat is always steady, and true, (in contrast to some of the other babies, who would throw PVC's really frequently)and that was comforting, in that great time of uncertainty.
On Wednesday of that week, you had your IV removed..after it was clear that you didn't have an infection/blood glucose was holding steady. You didn't much like that,& I can't blame you(IV's aren't fun for anybody). You cried.(and I think I did too) Your two little heels had both been pricked(multiple times) for blood sugars,& I know it was necessary but seeing those little scars just made me hate diabetes all over again for putting you through it.
On Friday, your temperature finally began to come up...so they started turning the temperature down on the incubator/warmer. It was a long, long weekend full of advances/setbacks...to be able to turn the temp down by one degree,the underarm temperature had to measure at least 98.6. If it was 97.5 or below,they had to turn up the temp again.(they measured temp every 4 hours) Your temperature bounced up and down (despite wearing two layers,and 1-2 blankets) so the settings on the warmer simerally bounced up and down and I had doubts that you'd ever be warm enough. But you finally did,and by Monday afternoon you were all the way down to room temperature & ready for the 24 hour crib test (maintaining a 98.6 temp in an open crib for 24 hours).And by Tuesday afternoon,you could be discharged/come home. That was a little bit scary,bringing you home for the first time but the staff assured me that you would likely have no problem with future temp regulation, at that point.
So we took you home,and by that evening my feeling blah's had progressed to chest pain& an 103 degree fever.Fortuantly,my mom was there for the week (two babies to take care of) or I'm not sure I'd still be here. Whatever I had fortuantly wasn't contagious,(chest Xray was negative for pneumonia but the pulse oximetry reading was at 95%,earning me a round with the doctor's office nebulizer and a prescription for antibiotics and albuterol) but put me out of commission for the next 5 days. You,fortuantly, were unaffected...you continued to eat,sleep,poop,and grow. (as it should be) You had your first appointment with the pediatrician & clocked in another 9 oz weight gain. (and thumbs up on the pediatrician,I love her to death) And, as of 2 days ago...you now weigh over 9 lbs. I really hope you can stay healthy for a long,long time because the pediatrician also scared the socks off of me talking about what happens if a baby under 3 months old gets a fever (it is a huge deal),to that end,I've turned into the overprotective,do not want to take you out of the house at all,mother.(trying to protect you from all the nasty germs)
Parenthood is a work in progress...please be patient with us.
Love,
your Mommy
Thursday, February 09, 2012
The Story of a Birth: Part 2
Room #317 was seemingly like any other room on the post-partum floor, but with one large, noticeable difference.
Minus the baby. Because a half-hour after moving in, a rechecked blood sugar was a 32 (normal, for a baby, is above 40) and a formula feeding only resulted in a 28, so the baby was whisked off to the NICU for blood sugar observation. (and a subsequent Dextrose IV) I couldn't go anywhere, because I was tied to the bed (literally) with compression leg thingies and that urinary catheter (for the first 24 hours). In my mind, I didn't expect him to be there that long and it was somewhat relieving that they were monitoring him while I could get a few hours of sleep. And sleep was odd, because for the first time in 7 months, I could do it on my back & do so with the aid of painkillers that actually worked. Attempting any sort of movement was just as difficult as during the later part of pregnancy. I was plenty hungry but only got soft liquid-ish stuff for the first 24 hours(per protocol). In the afternoon, they took my IV out & I re-inserted my Ominipod system after another doctor showed up,poked around,and said that she trusted I knew what I was doing in that regard. (not really,but I could see that she didn't, so I figured strict blood sugar management was not a priority anymore) I cut my basals by about 66% across the board,and my bolus ratios by 50-75%. I didn't want to be either too aggressive or too passive,but clearly diabetes was still there, it hadn't gone anywhere.(some people are lucky enough not to need any insulin at all,after delivery) That worked well, for the most part.
The next morning, they removed the urinary catheter/compression thingies and told me to get out of bed. So I got out of bed,took a shower,and crawled right back into bed.(moving was very painful) My parents visited,and we went down to the NICU where they said that although the baby's blood glucose was now normal,his temperature was now too low so he'd have to stay in the NICU to be monitored for that.
Tuesday passed,and Wednesday as well.By Wednesday evening,it became obvious that I was going to be discharged & the baby wouldn't..his temperature just wasn't coming up. To add to this, his bilirubin levels rose (so they did about a day of photo therapy),and his platelet count dropped,so they were concerned about infection & started him on antibiotics. The blood culture from that was negative for infection.(but they tend to give antibiotics when there is any risk at all for infection)
Wednesday,my post-lunch bg was 276 and my OB nurse freaked out, calling in a CDE. This CDE was exceptionally short on bedside manners as well & the resulting conversation was a waste of both mine, and hers, time. I don't think she quite understood the concept of a POD (like an infusion set) going bad. And she sprinkled in too many examples of other patient's "brittle diabetes" horror stories. (I don't like that term,and I don't believe in it)Five minutes in, she answered a phone call from a doctor
(dealing with someone's very high bg)and neither one of them treated the patient with much respect.This lasted for about 15 minutes,during which time she didn't go off/handle it privately...it was all in front of me.
Fun times.(I needed another pain med dose after that conversation) I demonstrated to my nurse how to change a POD, she'd never seen one before.(just regular insulin pumps) And that was pretty neat, because she asked lots of questions/was genuinely interested in it all.(her husband is a type 2)
Thursday was a black,black morning..for I knew that my 4-day stay in Paradise was coming to a close, the insurance company sure wasn't going to let me stay anymore $2000+ days. Things were healing well,& I had no problem moving around/walking at this point, so it meant that I'd be discharged(probably before 10 AM). At 4:30 am, I woke up & started bawling..and that went on through the 5:30 AM vampire blood draw. At 6, Dr. Tired-OB-Of-the-Week-Before showed up.
"Why is your blood glucose so high?!" (my pre,and post lunch bgs had been hanging out in the mid-200's)
I shrugged,trying to hold it all in.
"Because you're eating Crap Food-what is that,Cheetos and Pepsi?" he poked at a lone bag on the bedside table.
Charming doctor.
"That's DIET Pepsi." (thank you very much!!!!and that's not Cheetos, that's a bag of candy, which I'm using for low blood sugars. Not that you care.)
"So how are you doing today?"
I burst into tears.
"What's wrong?"
"My baby's still in the NICU & I just can't go home today."
"He won't be there for long-he just needs a little extra time,the low blood sugars probably set off the temperature issues. He's not seriously ill,he'll be out soon."
(I knew that,but just the fact that he's in the NICU at all has made me a basket case & you're just not getting it, are you? And there's no "OUT" in sight.)
"I'll discharge you later today-not by 10 AM, so you can stay with him longer,ok?"
(yeah,thank goodness for that small favor)
Therapy time over, he moved on to the next victim/patient. And I resumed crying, until at 8:30 AM my nurse showed up, fed me painkillers and hot tea,and had a lovely 3 hour therapy-cry-a-thon session with my post-pregnancy hormones. After that,I was a bit more ready to deal with the situation as I could see that it wouldn't do my baby any good if I didn't get well myself. It still wasn't ok that he was still in the hospital, but I could at least walk out the door myself without constantly sobbing.I still felt like crying(at the drop of hat,and would do so,quite frequently) Other babies crying (on the floor) also made me feel that way. My job was to get better,and their's was to make him better.
At 4:30, I was discharged,my husband & I went down to the NICU...fed him,held him,etc. ate some dinner, and then went home, where I crashed into bed,exhausted beyond exhausted. Coming home (from the hospital) without your baby never feels right.
Minus the baby. Because a half-hour after moving in, a rechecked blood sugar was a 32 (normal, for a baby, is above 40) and a formula feeding only resulted in a 28, so the baby was whisked off to the NICU for blood sugar observation. (and a subsequent Dextrose IV) I couldn't go anywhere, because I was tied to the bed (literally) with compression leg thingies and that urinary catheter (for the first 24 hours). In my mind, I didn't expect him to be there that long and it was somewhat relieving that they were monitoring him while I could get a few hours of sleep. And sleep was odd, because for the first time in 7 months, I could do it on my back & do so with the aid of painkillers that actually worked. Attempting any sort of movement was just as difficult as during the later part of pregnancy. I was plenty hungry but only got soft liquid-ish stuff for the first 24 hours(per protocol). In the afternoon, they took my IV out & I re-inserted my Ominipod system after another doctor showed up,poked around,and said that she trusted I knew what I was doing in that regard. (not really,but I could see that she didn't, so I figured strict blood sugar management was not a priority anymore) I cut my basals by about 66% across the board,and my bolus ratios by 50-75%. I didn't want to be either too aggressive or too passive,but clearly diabetes was still there, it hadn't gone anywhere.(some people are lucky enough not to need any insulin at all,after delivery) That worked well, for the most part.
The next morning, they removed the urinary catheter/compression thingies and told me to get out of bed. So I got out of bed,took a shower,and crawled right back into bed.(moving was very painful) My parents visited,and we went down to the NICU where they said that although the baby's blood glucose was now normal,his temperature was now too low so he'd have to stay in the NICU to be monitored for that.
Tuesday passed,and Wednesday as well.By Wednesday evening,it became obvious that I was going to be discharged & the baby wouldn't..his temperature just wasn't coming up. To add to this, his bilirubin levels rose (so they did about a day of photo therapy),and his platelet count dropped,so they were concerned about infection & started him on antibiotics. The blood culture from that was negative for infection.(but they tend to give antibiotics when there is any risk at all for infection)
Wednesday,my post-lunch bg was 276 and my OB nurse freaked out, calling in a CDE. This CDE was exceptionally short on bedside manners as well & the resulting conversation was a waste of both mine, and hers, time. I don't think she quite understood the concept of a POD (like an infusion set) going bad. And she sprinkled in too many examples of other patient's "brittle diabetes" horror stories. (I don't like that term,and I don't believe in it)Five minutes in, she answered a phone call from a doctor
(dealing with someone's very high bg)and neither one of them treated the patient with much respect.This lasted for about 15 minutes,during which time she didn't go off/handle it privately...it was all in front of me.
Fun times.(I needed another pain med dose after that conversation) I demonstrated to my nurse how to change a POD, she'd never seen one before.(just regular insulin pumps) And that was pretty neat, because she asked lots of questions/was genuinely interested in it all.(her husband is a type 2)
Thursday was a black,black morning..for I knew that my 4-day stay in Paradise was coming to a close, the insurance company sure wasn't going to let me stay anymore $2000+ days. Things were healing well,& I had no problem moving around/walking at this point, so it meant that I'd be discharged(probably before 10 AM). At 4:30 am, I woke up & started bawling..and that went on through the 5:30 AM vampire blood draw. At 6, Dr. Tired-OB-Of-the-Week-Before showed up.
"Why is your blood glucose so high?!" (my pre,and post lunch bgs had been hanging out in the mid-200's)
I shrugged,trying to hold it all in.
"Because you're eating Crap Food-what is that,Cheetos and Pepsi?" he poked at a lone bag on the bedside table.
Charming doctor.
"That's DIET Pepsi." (thank you very much!!!!and that's not Cheetos, that's a bag of candy, which I'm using for low blood sugars. Not that you care.)
"So how are you doing today?"
I burst into tears.
"What's wrong?"
"My baby's still in the NICU & I just can't go home today."
"He won't be there for long-he just needs a little extra time,the low blood sugars probably set off the temperature issues. He's not seriously ill,he'll be out soon."
(I knew that,but just the fact that he's in the NICU at all has made me a basket case & you're just not getting it, are you? And there's no "OUT" in sight.)
"I'll discharge you later today-not by 10 AM, so you can stay with him longer,ok?"
(yeah,thank goodness for that small favor)
Therapy time over, he moved on to the next victim/patient. And I resumed crying, until at 8:30 AM my nurse showed up, fed me painkillers and hot tea,and had a lovely 3 hour therapy-cry-a-thon session with my post-pregnancy hormones. After that,I was a bit more ready to deal with the situation as I could see that it wouldn't do my baby any good if I didn't get well myself. It still wasn't ok that he was still in the hospital, but I could at least walk out the door myself without constantly sobbing.I still felt like crying(at the drop of hat,and would do so,quite frequently) Other babies crying (on the floor) also made me feel that way. My job was to get better,and their's was to make him better.
At 4:30, I was discharged,my husband & I went down to the NICU...fed him,held him,etc. ate some dinner, and then went home, where I crashed into bed,exhausted beyond exhausted. Coming home (from the hospital) without your baby never feels right.
Wednesday, February 08, 2012
Saturday, February 04, 2012
Musings of the 3 AM Brain
What if everyone in the world had either type 1 (or type 2,etc.) diabetes?
Would life, as we know it, be easier or harder? (since the theories for managing diabetes are almost as plentiful as the number of cases) Would the Type 1: Type 2 ratio matter...since they are different,& can be treated thus. If there were more type 1 cases, would people get more education:be better informed? (and inform others)
Would we be healthier-would we take matters into our own hands,implement exercise programs, various incentives, etc...or would the vast majority of us continue to ignore what should be done & eat ourselves into a state of morbid obesity? And would insurance companies be any better about covering the supplies needed to TREAT and prevent complications from occuring? And would Congress/etc. get serious about funding various entities to make a cure happen sometime in this lifetime? I mean, we'd all be just one big happy D-family...all of us would want that cure.
And would we finally get rid of this stupid "diabetes blame game" where if you have diabetes (any type) you must have eaten too much sugar or not have exercised enough or been dropped on your head as an infant...etc. Would we stop blaming the patient,& would people stop blaming themselves enough to work towards a state of health?
(In conclusion, I don't think more people getting diabetes is going to improve either the public perception of it/chances of a cure/or anything else. It's just going to cause more suffering. And some days,you just feel like a paper towel against the flood of stupidity,ignorance, etc...nothing you say is making much of a difference)
Would life, as we know it, be easier or harder? (since the theories for managing diabetes are almost as plentiful as the number of cases) Would the Type 1: Type 2 ratio matter...since they are different,& can be treated thus. If there were more type 1 cases, would people get more education:be better informed? (and inform others)
Would we be healthier-would we take matters into our own hands,implement exercise programs, various incentives, etc...or would the vast majority of us continue to ignore what should be done & eat ourselves into a state of morbid obesity? And would insurance companies be any better about covering the supplies needed to TREAT and prevent complications from occuring? And would Congress/etc. get serious about funding various entities to make a cure happen sometime in this lifetime? I mean, we'd all be just one big happy D-family...all of us would want that cure.
And would we finally get rid of this stupid "diabetes blame game" where if you have diabetes (any type) you must have eaten too much sugar or not have exercised enough or been dropped on your head as an infant...etc. Would we stop blaming the patient,& would people stop blaming themselves enough to work towards a state of health?
(In conclusion, I don't think more people getting diabetes is going to improve either the public perception of it/chances of a cure/or anything else. It's just going to cause more suffering. And some days,you just feel like a paper towel against the flood of stupidity,ignorance, etc...nothing you say is making much of a difference)
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Wordless Wednesday: Bottles
Mommy's and Babies. #rollon70mg/dl
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Sunday, January 29, 2012
One Wonderful Day:24 Hours on the L&D Ward
(the birth...Part 1. Warning: Extremely Graphic Depictions ahead. You've been forewarned)
It was the night. The night my life would change forever. (I just didn't know it yet) After eating dinner out (Chipotle & Coldstone Creamery were the winning combo) with friends, I went to bed and ignored my shrieking POD all night till it died for realz at 3 AM. (before it died, I bolused for several hours of basal so I wouldn't have to get up and change it out until 6-7 AM)
And then, the nausea began. Couldn't get back to sleep. About an hour and a half later, at 4:30 AM on the dot, my amniotic sac burst (but not like a water balloon...there was plenty more to come) and the floodwaters gushed forth, over bed, down to the carpet, etc. leaving no doubt that that's what THAT was. Urine doesn't come forth in those quantities.
I looked over at my husband. "That was amniotic fluid, I gotta call the OB-GYN!"
Which I did. Shortly thereafter, the contractions began. And by the time we'd loaded up the car and got to the L&D ward (5:55 AM), another gush of amniotic fluid spewed out, soaking me from head to toe (right through any so called "protection") It was hardcore, this stuff. The nurse gave me a gown, cleaned things up, put pads down on a table, and hooked me up to the monitors while waiting on the doctor. Meanwhile, amniotic fluid just kept gushing a mile a minute. Very tired looking OB-GYN came in, checked, and said I was 4 CM dilated.
"You are in labor." (no kidding?)
Contractions, regular contractions, sped by on the monitor. And not that I ever doubted it (amniotic fluid gushing forth is a pretty good sign) but it was now official, coming from the mouth of the MD. Progressed 2 CM in 2 days.(after staying at 2 cm for about 1.5 weeks)
"Would you like to take a shower?"
I tried, and the nurse tried to help, but the nausea & the fact that I just about broke my kneck slipping on on the water made it a really, really bad idea. In the meantime, two nurses changed the table again and commented on how much fluid I had in me. (great news, it will just keep gushing out of you till the very end) Weight loss from that had to be a good 5 lbs. It just boggled the mind,over the course of seven hours I'd soak the bed 6 times. (setting some sort of record, I'm sure) By 12, I'd been in a L&D room for a few hours, they'd started an insulin/dextrose/saline/penicillin/and pitocin drips, and contractions were getting extremily painful.
(the ever-so-lovely IV cocktail. Regular Insulin, Dextrose, pitocin, and penicillin. Why on earth they needed to have both dextrose and insulin running simultaniously is beyond me, they tripled my basal rate to 3 units an hour because they were also giving about 15 grams of glucose per hour. But it worked out pretty well.)
L&D nurse #1 turned out to be an OB instructor at my college (I've had her for one lecture). So that was pretty interesting, it's a small world. She monitored me for awhile, checking my bg every couple of hours & admininistering several injections of Apidra (via pen) when my bg was 150-170.) going off a sliding scale. Made me nervous as all get out trusting said "sliding scale" but I didn't have much basal on board at the time, so it worked out ok. She also put in the catheter (I was the guinea pig, it was a new type) and said it was a shame I couldn't see how it was done. I dryly agreed "Yeah, really". That was a new experience, because in lab it looked extremily painful, but I was so numb from the epidural that it didn't feel like anything. The anesthesiologist put the epidural in about 1 pm (by 12:15, I was begging for one), and oh sweet relief, just like that the pain was 100% gone. I'm really not sure how people ever go through labor without one. (I became an instant fan of the epidural) My new OB waddled in, (a good 36.5 weeks along herself) and proclaimed me 5 cm dilated. Increased the pit drip.
That afternoon was spent watching John Wayne reruns & waiting for something to happen..and being extremily grateful that I'd eaten so well the night before. Because the next time I'd get real food would be awhile I was confined to bed, so basically I couldn't go anywhere. Ate sugar-free popsickles, jello, and imbibed on ice water & had my blood sugar checked every couple of hours. At 7 pm, I got a new nurse...who surprise, had TYPE 1 DIABETES as well. On a pump, to boot. When she said that, I knew it was going to be a good "rest of labor" experience, she was going to take my diabetes seriously. By 7:30 the contractions were heating up again and I was 8 cm dilated and extremily uncomfortable, yet again. Anesthesiologist came by and gave me another epidural dose and rigged up a pump for me to press, if I felt like I needed more. Which I partook of,quite frequently. Several hours passed,my fabulous Nurse with Diabetes checking my blood sugar (with my lancing device-NOT the hospital one) every hour & tweaking the IV basal and the dextrose flow rate & that annoying blood pressure monitor going off every half hour. By 11:55, my OB was back in (checked, 9 cm dilated, 100% effaced) so she proclaimed,"Let the pushing begin!" So her, NWD, and my husband all hung out in the hospital room (off and on, the OB did have to go off to check on someone else) for the next 2 hours while I huffed, and puffed, and blew the house down. On every single contraction, which came approximently every 1.5 minutes. The thing about pushing, they actually made me lift my legs and put my hands behind the knees and THAT was just as difficult as the actual pushing part (you try doing that when you've had an epidural and your legs are dead the world). There was lots of encouragement "You're doing great! Keep going." but it really didn't feel like I was making any sort of progress, which was confirmed at 2:30 AM. Still only 9 cm dilated. Maxed out on the safe level of pitocin. OB said she suspected the birth canal was too narrow and although I could try pushing for the next hour, if that didn't work I'd need a C-Section. (because my water had broken,there was a 24 hour time limit on delivery) I opted for the C-Section, because I knew that she was right.(and I wasn't going to do another hour of unsuccessful pushing) And then I had my breakdown (being told you have to have a C-Section when you're horrendously sleep deprived & have been in labor for 23 hours is just not fun),a major, major breakdown which the nurse/OB sympathetically dealt with & reassured me that the odds were very low that I'd have an embolism & stroke out on the OR table(etc.) Fear gave way to the pain taking over again & I seriously wished myself dead as the contractions just kept coming a mile a minute. Was prepped for surgery & I just kind of curled into a ball & wished it all over. Was still pretty mad that I had to have a C-Section, so close to the end.
Was wheeled into the OR,rolled over onto the operating table,sat up as the anesthesiologist delivered another epidural dose,& laid back down. The cheerful chatter of the OR staff served as a momentary distraction before the fun began.
"It's a beautiful day for a birthday, it's Elvis Presley's birthday!" (also Steven Hawking's, FTR)
"Really, that's pretty cool!"
"What was her blood sugar?"
"96." (had been between 70-110 for the past 16 hours)
A horizontal slice, and then...
Many hands, twisting my innards like they were playdoh, had me crying out in agony. Lucky for them, my hands and arms were restrained at my sides, because I absolutely would have gone ferral and attempted to rip somebody's head off. I was out of my brain in agony. (they say a C-Section isn't supposed to be painful, & it just feels like "pressure"...well, they are wrong. It was extremely painful,and they can't give you any real pain meds because it will affect the baby's breathing) Anesthesiologist asked if I'd like a general anesthesia but I said no, I didn't want to be all drugged up when the baby was finally born.
An eternity later...I heard him cry.
And then, I cried.
"He's beautiful!"
(which I figured I'd cry, but this was more of the sense of "I cannot believe I actually birthed a live human being" more then anything else)
Little J.B. made his appearence at 3:33 AM on that Sunday morning.(Jan. 8,2012) weighing 7 lb, 3 oz. and 19.75 inches long. They whisked him off, did Apgars, dried/suctioned/whatever, did a blood sugar (50-normal for a newborn) and stuck him over the blue curtain for our viewing pleasure. And then, I cried again (first thought: I hope they can clean him up some more, he looks sort of greyish-blue) and the anesthesiologist whispered sweet words in my ear("I'm going to give you a stronger pain med, now that he's out"). Which I nodded at, but just the fact that they were stitching me up and not yanking on my uturus anymore had improved the pain considerably. Then, it was off to the Post Anesthesia Care Unit where my awesome nurse with diabetes kept tabs on my blood sugar,bleeding,and everything else. I was thirsty as all get out but they would only let me have ice chips.(which I ate a ton of) They put him on my chest & I bonded with him before we all went off to the 3rd floor Post-Partum Unit and darned if I didn't sob again as NWD gave me a hug and told me he was perfect. (It was one of those nights which will live forever in my memory...the kind where you pour out your gut to a total stranger, but they are not "strangers", they are like the twin you never had) I could not have had better care. And I knew that I'd picked the right hospital,THE ONLY HOSPITAL WHERE I COULD HAVE POSSIBLY HAD SUCH AN EXPERIENCE. (sure as certain wouldn't have gone so well at the other hospital) I was at peace.
And that was the first 24 (plus 2 hours)... at time where I was at peace with myself, my child, and the Universe. It was enough, for then. (the next few days would be an 180 degree shift from that)
It was the night. The night my life would change forever. (I just didn't know it yet) After eating dinner out (Chipotle & Coldstone Creamery were the winning combo) with friends, I went to bed and ignored my shrieking POD all night till it died for realz at 3 AM. (before it died, I bolused for several hours of basal so I wouldn't have to get up and change it out until 6-7 AM)
And then, the nausea began. Couldn't get back to sleep. About an hour and a half later, at 4:30 AM on the dot, my amniotic sac burst (but not like a water balloon...there was plenty more to come) and the floodwaters gushed forth, over bed, down to the carpet, etc. leaving no doubt that that's what THAT was. Urine doesn't come forth in those quantities.
I looked over at my husband. "That was amniotic fluid, I gotta call the OB-GYN!"
Which I did. Shortly thereafter, the contractions began. And by the time we'd loaded up the car and got to the L&D ward (5:55 AM), another gush of amniotic fluid spewed out, soaking me from head to toe (right through any so called "protection") It was hardcore, this stuff. The nurse gave me a gown, cleaned things up, put pads down on a table, and hooked me up to the monitors while waiting on the doctor. Meanwhile, amniotic fluid just kept gushing a mile a minute. Very tired looking OB-GYN came in, checked, and said I was 4 CM dilated.
"You are in labor." (no kidding?)
Contractions, regular contractions, sped by on the monitor. And not that I ever doubted it (amniotic fluid gushing forth is a pretty good sign) but it was now official, coming from the mouth of the MD. Progressed 2 CM in 2 days.(after staying at 2 cm for about 1.5 weeks)
"Would you like to take a shower?"
I tried, and the nurse tried to help, but the nausea & the fact that I just about broke my kneck slipping on on the water made it a really, really bad idea. In the meantime, two nurses changed the table again and commented on how much fluid I had in me. (great news, it will just keep gushing out of you till the very end) Weight loss from that had to be a good 5 lbs. It just boggled the mind,over the course of seven hours I'd soak the bed 6 times. (setting some sort of record, I'm sure) By 12, I'd been in a L&D room for a few hours, they'd started an insulin/dextrose/saline/penicillin/and pitocin drips, and contractions were getting extremily painful.
(the ever-so-lovely IV cocktail. Regular Insulin, Dextrose, pitocin, and penicillin. Why on earth they needed to have both dextrose and insulin running simultaniously is beyond me, they tripled my basal rate to 3 units an hour because they were also giving about 15 grams of glucose per hour. But it worked out pretty well.)
L&D nurse #1 turned out to be an OB instructor at my college (I've had her for one lecture). So that was pretty interesting, it's a small world. She monitored me for awhile, checking my bg every couple of hours & admininistering several injections of Apidra (via pen) when my bg was 150-170.) going off a sliding scale. Made me nervous as all get out trusting said "sliding scale" but I didn't have much basal on board at the time, so it worked out ok. She also put in the catheter (I was the guinea pig, it was a new type) and said it was a shame I couldn't see how it was done. I dryly agreed "Yeah, really". That was a new experience, because in lab it looked extremily painful, but I was so numb from the epidural that it didn't feel like anything. The anesthesiologist put the epidural in about 1 pm (by 12:15, I was begging for one), and oh sweet relief, just like that the pain was 100% gone. I'm really not sure how people ever go through labor without one. (I became an instant fan of the epidural) My new OB waddled in, (a good 36.5 weeks along herself) and proclaimed me 5 cm dilated. Increased the pit drip.
That afternoon was spent watching John Wayne reruns & waiting for something to happen..and being extremily grateful that I'd eaten so well the night before. Because the next time I'd get real food would be awhile I was confined to bed, so basically I couldn't go anywhere. Ate sugar-free popsickles, jello, and imbibed on ice water & had my blood sugar checked every couple of hours. At 7 pm, I got a new nurse...who surprise, had TYPE 1 DIABETES as well. On a pump, to boot. When she said that, I knew it was going to be a good "rest of labor" experience, she was going to take my diabetes seriously. By 7:30 the contractions were heating up again and I was 8 cm dilated and extremily uncomfortable, yet again. Anesthesiologist came by and gave me another epidural dose and rigged up a pump for me to press, if I felt like I needed more. Which I partook of,quite frequently. Several hours passed,my fabulous Nurse with Diabetes checking my blood sugar (with my lancing device-NOT the hospital one) every hour & tweaking the IV basal and the dextrose flow rate & that annoying blood pressure monitor going off every half hour. By 11:55, my OB was back in (checked, 9 cm dilated, 100% effaced) so she proclaimed,"Let the pushing begin!" So her, NWD, and my husband all hung out in the hospital room (off and on, the OB did have to go off to check on someone else) for the next 2 hours while I huffed, and puffed, and blew the house down. On every single contraction, which came approximently every 1.5 minutes. The thing about pushing, they actually made me lift my legs and put my hands behind the knees and THAT was just as difficult as the actual pushing part (you try doing that when you've had an epidural and your legs are dead the world). There was lots of encouragement "You're doing great! Keep going." but it really didn't feel like I was making any sort of progress, which was confirmed at 2:30 AM. Still only 9 cm dilated. Maxed out on the safe level of pitocin. OB said she suspected the birth canal was too narrow and although I could try pushing for the next hour, if that didn't work I'd need a C-Section. (because my water had broken,there was a 24 hour time limit on delivery) I opted for the C-Section, because I knew that she was right.(and I wasn't going to do another hour of unsuccessful pushing) And then I had my breakdown (being told you have to have a C-Section when you're horrendously sleep deprived & have been in labor for 23 hours is just not fun),a major, major breakdown which the nurse/OB sympathetically dealt with & reassured me that the odds were very low that I'd have an embolism & stroke out on the OR table(etc.) Fear gave way to the pain taking over again & I seriously wished myself dead as the contractions just kept coming a mile a minute. Was prepped for surgery & I just kind of curled into a ball & wished it all over. Was still pretty mad that I had to have a C-Section, so close to the end.
Was wheeled into the OR,rolled over onto the operating table,sat up as the anesthesiologist delivered another epidural dose,& laid back down. The cheerful chatter of the OR staff served as a momentary distraction before the fun began.
"It's a beautiful day for a birthday, it's Elvis Presley's birthday!" (also Steven Hawking's, FTR)
"Really, that's pretty cool!"
"What was her blood sugar?"
"96." (had been between 70-110 for the past 16 hours)
A horizontal slice, and then...
Many hands, twisting my innards like they were playdoh, had me crying out in agony. Lucky for them, my hands and arms were restrained at my sides, because I absolutely would have gone ferral and attempted to rip somebody's head off. I was out of my brain in agony. (they say a C-Section isn't supposed to be painful, & it just feels like "pressure"...well, they are wrong. It was extremely painful,and they can't give you any real pain meds because it will affect the baby's breathing) Anesthesiologist asked if I'd like a general anesthesia but I said no, I didn't want to be all drugged up when the baby was finally born.
An eternity later...I heard him cry.
And then, I cried.
"He's beautiful!"
(which I figured I'd cry, but this was more of the sense of "I cannot believe I actually birthed a live human being" more then anything else)
Little J.B. made his appearence at 3:33 AM on that Sunday morning.(Jan. 8,2012) weighing 7 lb, 3 oz. and 19.75 inches long. They whisked him off, did Apgars, dried/suctioned/whatever, did a blood sugar (50-normal for a newborn) and stuck him over the blue curtain for our viewing pleasure. And then, I cried again (first thought: I hope they can clean him up some more, he looks sort of greyish-blue) and the anesthesiologist whispered sweet words in my ear("I'm going to give you a stronger pain med, now that he's out"). Which I nodded at, but just the fact that they were stitching me up and not yanking on my uturus anymore had improved the pain considerably. Then, it was off to the Post Anesthesia Care Unit where my awesome nurse with diabetes kept tabs on my blood sugar,bleeding,and everything else. I was thirsty as all get out but they would only let me have ice chips.(which I ate a ton of) They put him on my chest & I bonded with him before we all went off to the 3rd floor Post-Partum Unit and darned if I didn't sob again as NWD gave me a hug and told me he was perfect. (It was one of those nights which will live forever in my memory...the kind where you pour out your gut to a total stranger, but they are not "strangers", they are like the twin you never had) I could not have had better care. And I knew that I'd picked the right hospital,THE ONLY HOSPITAL WHERE I COULD HAVE POSSIBLY HAD SUCH AN EXPERIENCE. (sure as certain wouldn't have gone so well at the other hospital) I was at peace.
And that was the first 24 (plus 2 hours)... at time where I was at peace with myself, my child, and the Universe. It was enough, for then. (the next few days would be an 180 degree shift from that)
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Thursday, January 05, 2012
Ice & Chocolate: The Final Week
Yep, I know I've said this before...but it is getting closer to the delivery.
I am 38 weeks, & the induction is scheduled for Wed, Jan.11. I have been convinced that labor is immenant for weeks now.(just don't listen to me, because I don't know what I'm talking about)
News Flash: Contractions are not labor. Painful contractions, are not labor. 2 cm dilated & 50% effacement is not labor. Real labor has you on the floor, writhing in pain. We were told thus, on Monday evening.(dry run to the hospital,as it were) Of course,baby chilled down & only popped a couple contractions the instant I was hooked up to a monitor.(& were duly
sent home) I had regular,painful contractions for two hours prior to that & it wasn't anywhere close to being "real labor." Really confusing,if you ask me.
So,given that there are 6 days(or less) till they do an induction,it is kind of weird to have an actual date. Carved in stone. People with diabetes frequently go into preterm labor & I still can't wrap my head around the fact that here it is,38 weeks later & no pre-eclampsia,baby is normal size, etc. I've still got too much amniotic fluid on board but that hasn't made me go into preterm labor. I'm really ok with going into labor at any point now,but the only thing that seems to be happening is more frequent contractions. No progress on the dilation front. I've heard that you shouldn't have your water broken until you're 5-6 cm dilated because once the water breaks, the clock starts ticking & they'll want to drag you into the OR for a C-Section should you not progress fast enough. As I'd like to avoid that, I'm taking that advice. But I don't harbor any notions that I won't have to have one...& I'm ok with that. No one is guaranteed a complication-free birth. (I trust the guys/gals with the medical degrees)
Current Cravings: Ice, Chocolate,& Diet Minute Maid. (lemonade) It's kind of a weird late-pregnancy thing, I didn't crave these way back in the 2nd Trimester! I've had lots of opportunity to stuff my face with chocolate, at 37 weeks my insulin requirements took a sudden dip and it's still like that-lots of hypos. Just about the time that I finally get it right, I'll probably go into labor & really have a nosedive. It's common for that to happen,as progesterone production slacks off but it's somewhat disconcerting until they reassure you that it's normal. As with everything else D-related,it doesn't happen to everyone.
I am so,so,so,so ready. (over-ready!)
Wednesday, January 04, 2012
2011: A Year, Reviewed
It was a year in which I:
Started Nursing School
Found out I was pregnant
Rafted the mighty Colorado River
Met (& remet) old & new friends at the Friends For Life Conference in Florida
Turned 30
Went to 10 billion doctor appointments
Cried for hours over a 6.5 a1c (my best ever,& the best of the pregnancy!)
Saw my diabetes turn 13...
Dropped out of nursing school,to dream another day
Gained 40 lbs (New Years Resolution=you kind of know what!)
Gained a greater sympathy for disabled/handicapped people's challenges because when you can't do hardly anything for yourself,life is pretty difficult. And I'm one of those people who'd rather fall down trying,then ask for help.
Went to a diabetes meetup (SimonPalooza) in NYC...& felt massively better about my sorry DLife (& everything else,in general). It was refreshing.(& seeing my first Broadway Show was pretty cool too!thanks to Cara R.!)
Here's to 2012,& baby coming SOON.
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Wordless Wednesday: The 259th Day
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Yesterday morning, as I rolled out of bed, I was positive that this was the day. I don't think you really want to know precisely why I was so positive (let's just say that it had to do with gross body substances) & that, combined with rocking cramps, had me convinced that this, was it.
Well, it didn't quite work out that way. Husband took me to the OB-GYN (a normal appointment, all ready scheduled) and I'm not in labor...not yet. I am 2 cm dilated (seems to be progressing at the rate of 1 cm/week) but unless 6 cups of amniotic fluid exit the building, I'm not really "in labor". I am also GBS (group B streptococcal?) positive, so labor will involve antibiotics in my IV. And also, the hospital doesn't allow you to wear your own insulin pump, something that doesn't make me too happy because I've been planning on this for months (barring any emergencies). OB-GYN assured me that they have a team of internal medicine guys to "get my diabetes back on track with pump adjustments" after delivery. (yeah, right. NO offense, but my diabetes is never "on track") And then...the issue about blood sugars during actual delivery. He said they like to run them on the high side. (and by that, I'm guessing 100-120,which is kind of laughable to think about those numbers being on the high side! And that's perfectly alright, if that works out to be the case but I'm envisioning having to get ALOT of IV dextrose if they're the ones who actually run the D-show) My Endo doesn't have privileges there, so she doesn't have any say in the matter. I'm not sure that I can refuse to go off my pump (and not be admitted there), I've never been refused the use of my pump for an extended period of time.
And then, it was off to the NST/biophysical profile which went pretty routinely. I never pass the NST, but the biophysical profile always comes out ok. (8/10 is normal) Perinatologist doctor wanted to know what OB/GYN doctor had planned (in terms of delivery)...its kind of like the two offices never communicate. (the answer is:vaginal delivery, unless it hasn't happened by the 39th week, and then they will schedule an induction) I have to get a magnesium infusion (via IV) this week, to prepare for delivery & in the hospital, they'll be checking my electrolytes daily (and the babies electrolytes at birth, to screen for any problems). He also updated all the names/numbers of my Endo,the OBGYN group, the pediatrician that we chose, and my Nephrologist into the hospital computer system in preparation for that day.(suite at the hospital=booked,patient with zillion medical issues coming through)
The antibiotics will fortunately be penicillin (I'm allergic to doxycycline). I don't really know I'm really going to know if I'm in labor if the amniotic sac doesn't burst, because I have contractions (both painful, and not) already,but I'm guessing that if dilation continues at this rate at some point it will switch from "latent"(0-3 cm) to "active"(4+ cm)and things will steamroll from there. I've survived Christmas, so now I'm hoping I have a New Year's baby (you get a ton of free stuff if you've the first baby on Jan.1) & the baby is mature enough, so if he wishes to make his appearance on that date, I'm more then agreeable to that.
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
Sunday, December 18, 2011
The Last Week
Nope, it's likely not the "last week of pregnancy..." but, with any luck, my insulin requirements have hit their plateau and that makes me VERY HAPPY. Early next week, it will be considered a "full term" pregnancy...and that makes me happy as well. (in the words of the OB -GYN, the goal is 37 weeks, but if things can go 1-2 weeks longer that is "bonus time")
On schedule for the this week: Weekly appts. with the OBGYN, to start checking for dilation/effacement. And the Group B Strep swab, to determine if antibiotics will be needed during delivery. As well as the (2) mandatory NonStress tests, a final appointment with my Endo (I can't say things are really that great between us, but now is not the time to be looking for a new Endo. I need to iron out a final plan for my bgs/insulin/etc. for birth,and afterwords) It's not the hospital where she has privilages (and realistically, how much time am I going to have to do diabetes overhaul), so I think I really need to have this stuff figured out now. I do agree that my blood sugars should be under 120 the entire time (to minimize the chances of hypoglycemia for the baby) but never having been through this before, will they let me suck on hard candies(or ice) if I'm running low/in the throngs of nausea? I think this hospital prefers you to be on an insulin drip, which I'd prefer NOT to be, unless I need a C-Section. (if I can handle things myself, I'm going to) Basically, I need a natural delivery plan, a C-Section Delivery Plan, and a Post-Baby Delivery plan for my diabetes. We also have to tour the actual hospital ward....I have no idea where it is. (I didn't do my student rotation there) And then I think, I will feel "ready." (the car seat has been installed and all systems are GO) As to when it will actually happen, no one knows (but I rather hope it is prior to 2012) Lightening (whereby the baby drops into the pelvis) hasn't occurred, so my lungs are compressed to the size of golfballs (walking up a flight of stairs, or walking 10 feet both leave me winded). On the positive side, my back does not hurt as much as it did a few weeks ago...but I am grateful that diabetes is going to get me out of having to wait it out an extra 2-3 weeks (should labor not occur). At the most, it will be three more weeks. (and I'm having contractions on my NonStress tests, I don't think it will be that long)
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
The WEGO Health Awards: 2011
And while I'm at it (posting, that is) I'd like to thank the kind soul who nominated me for the WEGO HEALTH ACTIVIST (2011) AWARDS...(Best Kept Secret!) You were/are very sweet, and I appreciate the kind words. (I appreciate ALL my readers,all 5 of you!) So I payed it forward, and nominated another health blogger that I enjoy reading...I encourage you to do the same. (you'll probably make their day,even if you/they don't really win anything from this promo)
YOU GUYS ROCK. (DON'T EVER FORGET THAT)
YOU GUYS ROCK. (DON'T EVER FORGET THAT)
The Week Before Christmas
Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the state
There were babes being born (both early, and late).
And I had just rolled, on my side, for a snooze
When my nose was soon greeted, by the strong smell of booze
For Santa was here, and cocoa n’ eggnog
Was not his forte’…from the strong whiff of grog.
I groaned, and I waddled, to the window, real slow
I guessed that I couldn’t avoid seeing this show.
And there, was St. Nick, all rosy with glee
He slurped, and he burped, and looked straight at me.
“Hey honey, I’ve brought you a bouncing bundle o’ joy
Today is the day for your baby boy!”
The contractions were strong, & it made me afraid
That this day in the books, a birth would be made.
“All I want for Christmas is just 14 (+) more days
I must decline, and request, that you put in a raise.”
Old Santa was miffed, as he’d wasted his time
On a house in the boonies, on the public dime
He sighed, and he climbed back into his old sleigh
His agenda had most clearly been upset that day
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out at quite the rate
“Next time, I’ll make sure, to double-check the date!”
There were babes being born (both early, and late).
And I had just rolled, on my side, for a snooze
When my nose was soon greeted, by the strong smell of booze
For Santa was here, and cocoa n’ eggnog
Was not his forte’…from the strong whiff of grog.
I groaned, and I waddled, to the window, real slow
I guessed that I couldn’t avoid seeing this show.
And there, was St. Nick, all rosy with glee
He slurped, and he burped, and looked straight at me.
“Hey honey, I’ve brought you a bouncing bundle o’ joy
Today is the day for your baby boy!”
The contractions were strong, & it made me afraid
That this day in the books, a birth would be made.
“All I want for Christmas is just 14 (+) more days
I must decline, and request, that you put in a raise.”
Old Santa was miffed, as he’d wasted his time
On a house in the boonies, on the public dime
He sighed, and he climbed back into his old sleigh
His agenda had most clearly been upset that day
But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out at quite the rate
“Next time, I’ll make sure, to double-check the date!”
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Diabetes: The Thirteenth Year
(Photo: Creative Commons)
Dear Diabetes,
Today, you are a teenager. It seems as though a million years have passed...or at least a generation. (that five year old girl on the other side of your hospital room is now legally an ADULT. Yikers.) Do you remember that day...the pain, the worry, the fear that would soon cast it's long shadow over "all the days of your life?"
I do. But I also remember a remarkable CDE,
who,on that very next day (in fact, some of the first words out of her mouth) told me that I could still have kids. (Was I thinking about having children,heck no,it was about the furthest thing from my mind. I just wanted to live.)
That was then. And this, is now.(I trust I've grown up a bit since then)And in retrospect, I'm glad she said that.(its something every young person needs to hear at diagnosis,& I once talked to someone dx'd in the 1960's who didn't have kids because her doctors forbade it, which is incredibly sad. I think everyone deserves a doctor who will work with them to make their dream happen). It's impossible not to think of the rock n' rolling, hiccupping,rapidly growing life inside of me. I guess I think about babies more then I think about diabetes...which is saying alot.You really do still suck bucketloads, diabetes,and cause more pain then is ever warranted. Seemingly 95% of the other people getting NST's at the perinatologist also have diabetes.(and sugars that warrant "concern". My own sugars in the past week have moved beyond concern to warranted screaming of silent obscenities at the meter & the bolusing of huge corrections, to little avail.Another insulin spike from heck.) But there are things that are stronger then you are,things that in the end make you slick back into the corner,with your tail between your legs...whipped. And though I oscillate between despair & hope on a daily basis,I think that having a baby is the ultimate "sticking it to diabetes" act.I know it can be done.
So today, diabetes, I want you to know that you're not the most important thing on the agenda anymore. And that despite the passage of time,you still don't "know it all"...its a lifelong learning process (what works today, won't tomorrow). It almost seems like a new beginning, this 13th year...the dawning of the 2nd chapter of my life. (PreKid, PostKid) And you and me will have to figure out a working relationship for the next phase as well. (not that I was terribly successful in the first phase...but I want to do better. Pinky Swear It.)
Sincerely,
Me. (13 years later)
Tuesday, December 06, 2011
Target: Target
Target is anti-diabetes. Target is a magical place,filled with with many,many things to buy & inhaled insulin pumped through the ventilation system so that inevitably, you will go low.
Target, during the holiday season, is even more magical. Long lines,tantalizing treats to stuff into your mouth to offset any blood sugar discrepancies, etc.etc.etc. Target, seemingly,is the only thing that can drop a 34 week's pregnant, waddling women with diabetes' blood sugar. I think I spent about four hours there,and consumed 67 uncovered carbohydrates (to roll out a "110" by trip's end) It was my own private version of "Extreme Couponing"...
Stats:
Time Spent: 4.5 hours
Number of receipts: 23 (and no, I did not conduct back-to-back transactions...I have too much respect for other shoppers to do that!)
Number of coupons used:20
Total saved with coupons: $183
Total brain cells left: 1
Blood Sugars taken:3
Carbohydrates consumed: 67
Shoppers Who Took pity & let me move ahead in line: 0
Status of back: Regretfully,Target didn't have any of those to buy or I totally
would have.
Status of Christmas List: Done,finished, taken care of.(as well as a few birthday & miscellanous odds and ends) And that's one good thing. I spent alot, but I was going to buy it anyway...so proportionally,it was still a win.
Happy Holidays! (I think they call it "Target" because that's exactly what your blood sugars are, while you're shopping there)Obviously, I love to shop but I can't do any of those marathon type sessions anymore...deal or no deal.My back,feet,and blood sugars all rebel.
Target, during the holiday season, is even more magical. Long lines,tantalizing treats to stuff into your mouth to offset any blood sugar discrepancies, etc.etc.etc. Target, seemingly,is the only thing that can drop a 34 week's pregnant, waddling women with diabetes' blood sugar. I think I spent about four hours there,and consumed 67 uncovered carbohydrates (to roll out a "110" by trip's end) It was my own private version of "Extreme Couponing"...
Stats:
Time Spent: 4.5 hours
Number of receipts: 23 (and no, I did not conduct back-to-back transactions...I have too much respect for other shoppers to do that!)
Number of coupons used:20
Total saved with coupons: $183
Total brain cells left: 1
Blood Sugars taken:3
Carbohydrates consumed: 67
Shoppers Who Took pity & let me move ahead in line: 0
Status of back: Regretfully,Target didn't have any of those to buy or I totally
would have.
Status of Christmas List: Done,finished, taken care of.(as well as a few birthday & miscellanous odds and ends) And that's one good thing. I spent alot, but I was going to buy it anyway...so proportionally,it was still a win.
Happy Holidays! (I think they call it "Target" because that's exactly what your blood sugars are, while you're shopping there)Obviously, I love to shop but I can't do any of those marathon type sessions anymore...deal or no deal.My back,feet,and blood sugars all rebel.
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