The Week Before Christmas

Twas the week before Christmas, and all through the state
There were babes being born (both early, and late).

And I had just rolled, on my side, for a snooze
When my nose was soon greeted, by the strong smell of booze

For Santa was here, and cocoa n’ eggnog
Was not his forte’…from the strong whiff of grog.

I groaned, and I waddled, to the window, real slow
I guessed that I couldn’t avoid seeing this show.

And there, was St. Nick, all rosy with glee
He slurped, and he burped, and looked straight at me.

“Hey honey, I’ve brought you a bouncing bundle o’ joy
Today is the day for your baby boy!”

The contractions were strong, & it made me afraid
That this day in the books, a birth would be made.

“All I want for Christmas is just 14 (+) more days
I must decline, and request, that you put in a raise.”

Old Santa was miffed, as he’d wasted his time
On a house in the boonies, on the public dime

He sighed, and he climbed back into his old sleigh
His agenda had most clearly been upset that day

But I heard him exclaim, as he drove out at quite the rate
“Next time, I’ll make sure, to double-check the date!”

The Dexcom Song

(this is a semi-true story, and is to be sung to the tune of "The Bricklayers Song". All of this didn't happen, but life gets pretty bizarre on the night watch.And last night, was particularly bizarre.)



Dear Maam, I write this song to tell you of a fight

Tween' me and my odd Dexcom, it twern't a pretty sight

Me body is one massive bruise, my glucose 403

And I think that school (in any form) is not for me today.



It was a normal Monday night, basal checks galore

Alarm clock on the ready, juice and tabs on drawer

My Endo said it must be done, and so it was to be

I prepared to follow out The Royal Endocrine Decree.



Now, all went well initially, I was just 123

I felt quite smug, and told myself, it'd go just perfectly

A job half done, I smuggled down, prepared to sleep, to dream

But all was not as steady as would otherwise seem.



At 12 am the Dex went off, I shot up in my bed

Confused, dazed,alarmed...and thoughts raced through my head

The house's aflame, or else I'm low where is that meter when

Your legs are made of jello and the world is in a spin.



My Dexcom shrieked, it was telling me once more

But in me brain I had to know that I was low for sure

I slipped from bed, crawled toward the light, and bumped into a chair

Things were (at that point and time) a little less then fair.



My meter finally in my hands, I got a 52

But tabs, coke, cake and candy would simply not do

I must have juice, and juice alone, no matter what the price

The former lures of chocolate now failed to entice.



Now the juicy-juice spilled over, and dribbled down my face

As I sat there, sweating, shaky, a hypoglycemic daze

It hit the rug, and stained quite blue, and as I finally rose

Left trails to the bed where I would fitfully repose.



Well, I lay there groaning on the bed, and thought that that was that

But then a blur streaked through the door, our gray and fuzzy cat

He jarred the tabs, and down they fell, pelting me full force

As I lay there( cringing) I had PWD's remorse. (apparently, you CAN be too prepared)



I snatched up sturdy Dexcom, and threw it at the wall

But it met instead with fuzzy cat, who then began to howl

My husband woke, and chaos reined, just who is to be blamed

But I'm going with the Dexcom, and that will be maintained.

Wednesday Morning Comin' Down

1.Well I woke Wednesday morning, with no way to hold my head that didn't hurt

And the Diet Coke I'd had for breakfast, wasn't bad, so I had two more for dessert

Then I stumbled to the nightstand, grabbed my meter and blew off all the dirt

Checked right in at 303..and knew I was was more then ready to greet the day!


2.I'd blown my luck the night before, with Chinese food-complete with all the fixin's

As I changed my set, the needle bled and so I screamed like the dickens

Then I drove by a DQ, and caught a glance of someone eating ice cream

And well, it took me back to something

That I knew I'd lost somewhere, somehow, along the way.




On a DQ restaurant sidestreet

I'm wishin' so, that I was cured

Cuz' there's something in a Sundae

That makes the body, know you'll pay

And there's nothing short of DKA

That's half as effective, as the threat

Of a dripping, gooey Sundae

Putting you in loads of debt.




2.Though I know a pump won't ever stop the swinging

And sometimes, its too hard to sort the choices life keeps flinging

As I headed home, and somewhere very close a fire truck was shrieking

It echoed through my memories, reminding me of all those yesterdays.



On a DQ restaurant sidestreet

I'm wishin' so, that I was cured

Cuz' there's something in a Sundae

That makes the body, know you'll pay

And there's nothing short of DKA

That's half as effective, as the threat

Of a dripping, gooey Sundae

Putting you in loads of debt.


P.S. I know D's can have their cake/ice cream + eat it too..+ I'm not bashing that, but bgs are still going to spike+ crash + eating carb rich foods are a tremendous struggle for me to get right)

Green Glucose Tabs and Ham

I wish to dedicate this poem to the below blood glucose number, without which I would be just another uninspired
writer. I really enjoyed Amy's Dr.Seuss poem(Diabetes Mine), but it almost feels like someone has already written a diabetes poem about this.(if there is, I will delete this immeadiently and stop the infringing on their masterpiece)















I am Sam
I am Sam
Sam I am.


That Sam-I-am!
That Sam-I-am!
I do not like
that Sam-I-am!

Do you like
green glucose tablets and fat-free-ham?

I do not like them,
Sam-I-am.
I do not like
green glucose tablets and fake ham.

Would you like lows
here or there?

I would not like them
here or there.
I would not like them
anywhere.


Would you? Could you?
In a car?
Eat them! Eat them!
Here they are.

I could have one in a car
An ambulance, is never far.

You may like them.
You will see.
You may like them
in wild cherry!

I would not, could not, in that taste
Produces such a nasty paste.

Would you, could you, on a plane?
Would you, could you, in the rain?

I could have one in the rain
Liquify my half mushed brain
I could have one on a plane
Pretzel carbs, alas, in vain.

Would you, could you, in a store?
Would you, could you, out the door?

I could have one out the door
Grab two tabs, and search for more
I could have one in a store
Earthquakes radiate my core.

Would you, could you, at the docs?
Would you, could you, as a jock?

I could have one at the doc's
Guzzle juice, to stop the shocks
I could never be a jock
Fastest one against the clock.

Would you, could you, in a chair
While the dentist pokes in there?
Whould you, could you, on a date
Sweetness just a tad too late?

I could have one in the chair
(Novocaine makes that quite rare)
I could have one on a date
Petrify potential mates.

I do not like them, Sam I am
I do not like those hypo jams!

Would you, could you, after lunch?
Would you, could you, in a crunch?

I could have one after lunch
Yell at folks and take a punch
I could have one in a crunch
Diabetes, thanks a bunch!

Say!
In the dark?
Here in the dark!
Would you, could you, in the dark?

I could have one in the dark
Hand feeds mouth(the hungry shark)

You do not like them.
So you say.
Try them! Try them!
And you may.
Try them and you may, I say.

I have tried them, Sam.

I have tried them in the car
I have tried them on a plane
I have tried them in the rain
I have tried them out the door
I have tried them in a store
I have tried them at the docs
I have tried them in my futile attempts at being a jock.
I have tried them in the chair
I have tried them on a date
I have tried them after lunch
I have tried them in a crunch
I have tried them in the dark
I have tried them here and there
I have tried them everywhere.

I do not like those hypo jams
I do not like them, Sam I Am!

I will try the tabs and ham
Maybe you got a bad bunch from CamAm...

Say! You are right
This combo, it is way too light.
We will get the real stuff then,
Repeat the whole darn book again.

It's Still Dia-be-tes to Me

Whats the matter with the shirt I'm wearing
Can't you tell that it's stained with pies
Maybe I should buy some old TesTape
Welcome back to the Age of Lies.

Where have you been hiding out lately, honey
A cure ain't cheap, gonna take a ton of money
Everyone's talking 'bout the new craze, funny
but its still Suckage City to me..

What's the matter with the strips I'm using
Can't you tell that they're out of date
Should I get a new CWD t-shirt
Maybe, if you're looking for a type 1 mate..
Nowadays, you can't be too sentimental
Get off the NPH, bgs will be a lot more gentle
Hot Pink,Wild Mink, every time a coin clinks
It's still the big 'beates to me.


Ohhhh, it doesn't matter what they say in the papers
cuz it's always been the same old stuff
Highs-lows-money woes- trying to act like you're big and tough
We've all had more then enough.
(as the patience factor collectively goes puff...)

How about mix of purple Deltec
And a Flash, just for show
You could really be in the "in" crowd
If you'd just stop jabbing through the pants
Don't waste your money on a pair of "D" socks
It's a marketing scheme, one huge gigantic hoax
The quick buck,big crook,no luck, major suck
And it's not a good buy for me.


What's the matter with the greens I'm eating
(At the moment, your bg is way too low)
Should I try to have a 4.5 a1c
If you do, then you care too much.
Don't you know about the new research,buddy
Too many hypos will sap all your brain(cells) and money
It's the dream shot,cool thought,tough knot, no one's fault
But it's still too darn risky for me.

Everybody's talking 'bout the new D
funny
but it's still just the same for me..

it isn't really going anywhere!