Where the River Runs Deep

Yesterday,I dropped out of nursing school.

It's been one steamroller of a ride,& it's only the third week out of eight. And I guess I should explain that nothing,nothing went right in those days...starting with The Low in Lab & culminating in the Peak De Triumphe anxiety attack on Tuesday over paperwork,for which I gained a Plan For Success in Professional Behavior as well as a Plan For Success in the paperwork that I'd done wrong. I hyperventilated & ended up on the floor,thinking I would fail clinical because I was getting a plan for success (for paperwork)& it took an hour to get me up off the floor. (I got extremely dizzy & thought I was going to black out) Not a really awesome moment in my life,& I can say that's never happened before either. (Blood Sugar:365 by the end of that) That gained me a meeting with the head prof & my clinical instructor as they delivered the Plans For Success & discussed my unacceptable behavior. Before that meeting, (in the time between Tues.afternoon and Wed.afternoon), I'd decided that it was probably best if I dropped out, because there was no absolute way the further deluge of paperwork that missing Wed.clinical plus the 5 (mini)papers & 30 min.presentation due Thurs. morning I could get that all done. And my toddler was sick with an ear infection,the babysitter didn't want him back until he was acting more normal(didn't have a fever,but I digress)& that was more time spent not being able to get work done running to doctors offices & pharmacies. I need like 48 hours in a day. I'd had it with the entire mess of profs & I could see that at this rate, failure was imminent & as I still had the opportunity to drop with a Withdrawal Passing grade(thanks to a decent grade on the first exam), I took it.
So Friday, I finished matters up with withdrawal..you have to do an Exit Interview,discussing what you plan to do different the next time around & factors that led to your demise. I received a not-so-nice little copy of Med Surg I's Plan For Successes (3)and areas of Clinical Probation(3)...that was not a great course for me...& this courses Plans For Successes(2). I guess the only good thing about that is that I know exactly where I stand now & what I have to work on to avoid at all costs. I asked the head prof if I'd get a Plan For Success if I broke one of the rules while I had a low blood sugar, & she said it depended on how low I was. I said low blood sugars at any hypo level could affect behavior & she said that it all depended on the circumstances then. She then went on to talk about the low I had in lab, & whether I was being honest with my doc if I were to have frequent lows,and blah blah blah. (As to my ability to function in clinical) Grand. I'm getting the impression that if I so much as tell anyone I'm having a low, I'll be A.kicked out of clinical and B.suspended from the program. In their eyes,there is no such thing as a mild low. This is discrimination, no doubt about it,but whether its ever going to be an issue is unknown. In this course, I would say heck yes,it would be..but I know profs to which a mild low would not be a huge deal. A major anything has to be reported,& I guess I'm lucky not to have gotten a Plan For Success for my low blood sugar.(& that feels all wrong to say..seriously?like that was all my fault...) My head prof was definitely suggesting that it could happen. I'm now all kinds of confused and angry that that could even be an issue,in today's world of supposed "disability and accommodations." And I still have that matter of being switched to another clinical site,& new prof, because of the D.(did that ever hurt) I reregistered to retake the course in the fall. (Fresh,clean slate..& all of that.Almost.)

Then I went to drop my class at the registration,& was pleasantly surprised that there was no bill remaining. I wish I could have gotten a refund,but at this point,it's considered a Withdrawal,not a Drop. I know that I may be coming back to much the same issues in the fall, & I know that right now, I need a Lawyer, a Therapist, and some other resources as well to help get this mess sorted out for me.