The 3rd Semester.
Pediatrics, Med Surg II.2 8-week courses, but in reality, it feels like years since we were scared little nursing school"freshies." We have survived Nursing 120, 121,122,OB, Medical Surgical I.(some of us more then once) After Medical Surgical, any and all courses may just feel like a breath of fresh air. We have a swagger in our step & a new-found confidence that really,really was not there last semester. IV's do not scare us, dying simulator modules have taught us lessons best left un-repeated on actual patients. One day(very soon), some of us may yet walk across that stage & be "pinned" into that profession that each of us strives for. We struggle across the spectrum, we see friends fail out & wonder if it will be us. We have babies & surgeries & family emergencies & personal difficulties. We stay up late,get up early, eat insane amounts of chocolate,pray that our clinical instructors will be rational human beings & beat ourselves (mentally) up for not picking the other (right) answer on the impossibly hard exams. We cry with our patients & for our patients & for ourselves & about that 5 letter word of a clinical instructor. Yet some things scare us still..chief among them being released one day to practice solo,sans instructor hand-holding.
And yet, time marches on & one day, even junior-Dom will seem like such a distant memory.
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Saturday, January 26, 2013
Thursday, January 24, 2013
The Fear
When I was 14, my immune system started down its deep,dark path toward permanent dysfunction. It started with a bump,a small red itchy bump that turned into dozens & dozens of bumps in a raised rash that marched up my left arm, across the left side of my chest,down my left armpit & across my back. And then those bumps swelled up,with a yellowish disgusting gunk..to the point of bursting. At that point,convinced that I had cancer, I told my parents & they took me to the doctor.
The diagnosis was immeadiete & straightforward.
"You have the shingles."
Isn't that something older people get? Well,yes, but anyone who has had the good old fashioned chicken pox can go on to get the shingles. Babies can get the shingles. Rare of course,but entirely possible. Of course,being an 80's child I'd done the chicken pox party thing & gotten chicken pox at the age of 6, no big deal. Only my immune system thought it was a HUGE DEAL & up popped the shingles,all these years later.
So, they gave me this antiviral med & told me NOT TO TOUCH MY FACE & basically,it took several months of the most intense itching pain I have ever known for it to subside(& a year for the scars to clear). Every night, I'd wake up screaming from the searing,all over body pain.(usually dreaming something gruesome) But it did get better,eventually.
And then diabetes came to call. I was 16 years old when the symptoms began, & it would be 6 months before it would put my very sick self in the hospital.
I tend to think all these pieces are related,& the shingles was just the icing on the proverbial cake. I am from a family of 6 kids, & I am the only one to get the shingles/and diabetes. None of my siblings or their kids have had them. For me,getting chicken pox led to even worse things.
"Would you like to get your child the chicken pox vaccine today?"
I know that vaccines do NOT lead to getting the disease,but the varicella immunization is a live vaccination,meaning that they can get a mild form of the disease . Although no where near as serious as the full blown disease, it's still mighty uncomfortable for the kiddo.
He's 12 months old, & although I certainly believe in getting a kid vaccinated for the major stuff I said no to this. I don't think 12 months is old enough to handle it.(& what if he has my crappy genetics?) I want him to have a long,healthy life,& I don't want diabetes to mar any part of it;& if he should get diabetes, I don't want to get it as a small child(& if that means no "questionable" vaccines while really young,so be it.
"No."
The pediatrician looked up,surprised. (as previously mentioned, he's gotten all his previous immunizations) "You realize that we'll keep asking you about this(specific immunization every visit)
Yes I realize that, but I also think that this vaccination is relatively "new" on the market & I have an obligation to my child to do what I think is best for him, even if you do think I'm a radical,conspiracy-theorist nutjob of a parent. I do want what's best for him..even if you can't see it.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
The diagnosis was immeadiete & straightforward.
"You have the shingles."
Isn't that something older people get? Well,yes, but anyone who has had the good old fashioned chicken pox can go on to get the shingles. Babies can get the shingles. Rare of course,but entirely possible. Of course,being an 80's child I'd done the chicken pox party thing & gotten chicken pox at the age of 6, no big deal. Only my immune system thought it was a HUGE DEAL & up popped the shingles,all these years later.
So, they gave me this antiviral med & told me NOT TO TOUCH MY FACE & basically,it took several months of the most intense itching pain I have ever known for it to subside(& a year for the scars to clear). Every night, I'd wake up screaming from the searing,all over body pain.(usually dreaming something gruesome) But it did get better,eventually.
And then diabetes came to call. I was 16 years old when the symptoms began, & it would be 6 months before it would put my very sick self in the hospital.
I tend to think all these pieces are related,& the shingles was just the icing on the proverbial cake. I am from a family of 6 kids, & I am the only one to get the shingles/and diabetes. None of my siblings or their kids have had them. For me,getting chicken pox led to even worse things.
"Would you like to get your child the chicken pox vaccine today?"
I know that vaccines do NOT lead to getting the disease,but the varicella immunization is a live vaccination,meaning that they can get a mild form of the disease . Although no where near as serious as the full blown disease, it's still mighty uncomfortable for the kiddo.
He's 12 months old, & although I certainly believe in getting a kid vaccinated for the major stuff I said no to this. I don't think 12 months is old enough to handle it.(& what if he has my crappy genetics?) I want him to have a long,healthy life,& I don't want diabetes to mar any part of it;& if he should get diabetes, I don't want to get it as a small child(& if that means no "questionable" vaccines while really young,so be it.
"No."
The pediatrician looked up,surprised. (as previously mentioned, he's gotten all his previous immunizations) "You realize that we'll keep asking you about this(specific immunization every visit)
Yes I realize that, but I also think that this vaccination is relatively "new" on the market & I have an obligation to my child to do what I think is best for him, even if you do think I'm a radical,conspiracy-theorist nutjob of a parent. I do want what's best for him..even if you can't see it.
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Thursday, January 17, 2013
48 Questions
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
No. My parents were disagreeing over what to name me, and "Heidi" won out over Genevieve and Mary.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?
Two days ago,as I was watching the 2nd-to-last-EVER episode of "Private Practice." I shall miss that show.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
Yeah. It is uniquely mine...a mix of printing,cursive,and a self-improvement course I had to take in the 90's.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT?
Honey Ham..yum! But I'll eat anything.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS?
Yes, & he's the world's cutest toddler. (formerly the world's cutest baby) He is smart, opininated, and knows exactly what he wants in life. And he's a hugger.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Probably not. I am shy,and an introvert. I have a few good friends but I am not the life of the party. But if you are my friend,I think I am a good one.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT?
Yes.
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS?
No. I had them out in 2009 because I kept getting strep throat. It was a level of pain that I never want to experience again, but I'm glad that I got them out.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP?
No. I am not a fan of heights.
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL?
Sunbelt Granola...or Lucky Charms!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF?
No. I'm too lazy.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG?
When I have to be. I think that physically, I'm a wimp.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Butter pecan.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?
Their face.
15. RED OR PINK?
Red. I'm not a girly-girl.
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF?
I'm too naive,& I wish I were better at assessing people/situations.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST?
My grandma(mom's mom), she passed away in 2001.
18. WHAT IS THE TECHNIQUE THAT YOU NEED TO WORK ON THE MOST?
Getting myself & the kid out of the house on time.(to get wherever we're going)
19. WHAT COLOR SHOES ARE YOU WEARING?
I'm wearing brown boots.
20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
Peanuts. I love any kind of nut.
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW?
Nothing.
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?
Burnt Sienna. I'm a pretty plain,non-stand-outish, person.
23. FAVORITE SMELLS?
-the hand sanatizers in Target bathrooms.
-Bath and Body Works hand soaps
-baking bread!
24. HOW IMPORTANT ARE YOUR POLITICAL VIEWS TO YOU?
Very important. If you (are a citizen,&) don't cast a vote, you don't have any right to complain about how the country is going to the dogs.
25. MOUNTAIN HIDEAWAY OR BEACH HOUSE?
Beach house. LOVE THE BEACH.
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH?
Football, but I don't watch a whole lot of sports..got other stuff to do with my life.
27. HAIR COLOR?
Brownish-gold.
28. EYE COLOR?
Blue-ish grey.
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS?
Nope, I wear reading glasses.
30. FAVORITE FOOD?
Anything cooked by someone else. I don't really like to cook.
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?
Happy Endings. And I'll cry over it.(inevetibly)
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED?
Breaking Dawn.(part II) #vampirelove
33. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING?
blue/white
34. SUMMER OR WINTER?
Fall...and then summer.
35. FAVORITE DESSERT?
Pecan pie.
36. STRENGTH TRAINING OR CARDIO?
I'm in need of both.
37. COMPUTER OR TELEVISION?
Computer.
38. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW?
Lady Almina & the Real Downton Abbey. I am obsessed with British nobility.
39. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD?
It's a lake scene with a snow-capped mountain in the background.
40. FAVORITE SOUND?
the fizz of a diet coke can
41. FAVORITE GENRE OF MUSIC?
I don't really have a favorite, I listen to most anything.
42. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME?
Hawaii I guess. In the opposite direction, the UK/Denmark.
43. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT?
I can balance 25 checkers on the edge of another checker.
44. WHERE WERE YOU BORN?
Harrisonburg, Virginia.
45. WHERE ARE YOU LIVING NOW?
Maryland.
46. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR HOUSE?
Puke yellow.
47. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR CAR?
Rust. It used to be gold...but time marches on.
48. DO YOU LIKE ANSWERING 48 QUESTIONS?
Sure, they were thought-provoking questions.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
The Toddler Years
Babies are like potato chips.
It's hard to stop at just 1. My baby just had his first birthday recently...and hugely enjoyed smearing his cake all over himself,& me. Babies are sweet,sweet,sweet & after some time has passed..& they grow older, you start to get all nostalgic about the all too fleeting days of babyhood & you want that back. You've pretty much blocked out the hell that a diabetic pregnancy entails.(& plus,my kid has slept through the night since 3 months old..he's a good baby) Plus,you make rationalizing arguments that the kid needs a sibling,& we need a mini-van anyway... darn you,biological clock,do you not know that diabetes & pregnancy is not a friendly combination? The average number of kids for women with D is 2.4, I think I read somewhere. And each pregnancy is like a Kate Middleton-sized event...highly scrutinized by at least a dozen people.
No, we are not planning on having another one anytime soon. But time is blurring the line "never again!" to "maybe again."
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It's hard to stop at just 1. My baby just had his first birthday recently...and hugely enjoyed smearing his cake all over himself,& me. Babies are sweet,sweet,sweet & after some time has passed..& they grow older, you start to get all nostalgic about the all too fleeting days of babyhood & you want that back. You've pretty much blocked out the hell that a diabetic pregnancy entails.(& plus,my kid has slept through the night since 3 months old..he's a good baby) Plus,you make rationalizing arguments that the kid needs a sibling,& we need a mini-van anyway... darn you,biological clock,do you not know that diabetes & pregnancy is not a friendly combination? The average number of kids for women with D is 2.4, I think I read somewhere. And each pregnancy is like a Kate Middleton-sized event...highly scrutinized by at least a dozen people.
No, we are not planning on having another one anytime soon. But time is blurring the line "never again!" to "maybe again."
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Monday, January 14, 2013
Silence
Close your eyes
listen to the silence
the fizz of the Diet Coke can
the tiny,slumbering puffs from a sleeping babe
the BEEEEP of a Dexcom
the space heater,roaring
the scraping of ice
the ploploplop of marshmallows
the sweat,the sweat
the slurrrrrrp of a juice box
the dropping of a meter
A 911 call
Jackboots in the hallway
the shriek of an ambulance
retching violently
Silence and Diabetes
Are not compatible.
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listen to the silence
the fizz of the Diet Coke can
the tiny,slumbering puffs from a sleeping babe
the BEEEEP of a Dexcom
the space heater,roaring
the scraping of ice
the ploploplop of marshmallows
the sweat,the sweat
the slurrrrrrp of a juice box
the dropping of a meter
A 911 call
Jackboots in the hallway
the shriek of an ambulance
retching violently
Silence and Diabetes
Are not compatible.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Friday, January 11, 2013
Dear DOC
I know you. We may live 2 or 15,000 miles apart...& may have never met, but I know you. We share playlists on Spotify,coo over baby/dog pictures on Instagram, share our A1C results on Facebook, tweet about the minutiae of our everyday lives on Twitter,entertain each other on YouTube & tell each other what to make for dinner via Pinterest. A conversation begun on one medium is continued on the next. Though we crisscross the globe, we are all connected via that disease we share...namely, diabetes. We are teachers,business people,entrepreneurs, librarians, doctors,nurses, a thousand different professions. We are parents,lovers, siblings,children,grandparents,aunts/uncles.We might have the same insulin pump,meter,pen,CGM,insulin,mode of blood sugar management.We swap 'Betes tips with or without the approval of our health care providers. We are soldiers on the front line of the diabetes wars, and the tools/weapons at our disposal are improving,year by year.(and yet,innocent people still are dying) We tell each other the stuff our families may get sick of hearing..there is always a listening,non-judgemental ear to hear us out. We give each other supplies (in hard times), because we care about each other. We see each other at our best, and at the worst, when the a1c is 6.0 and when it's 11.0. Cities on the map aren't just strange places anymore..they hold very awesome PWD(& those who support them ). We run marathons,write books,chase toddlers, climb mountains, pursue careers, & bolus that piece of chocolate cake into euroglycemic perfection.
Some might say I don't know you,& yet I say that I do. Thank you for being there.
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Some might say I don't know you,& yet I say that I do. Thank you for being there.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Friday, January 04, 2013
Towards 2013: A Bullet List
Ah, 2013. A New Year...full of hopes & resolutions. Some people do 'em,some don't. I do, because I like to attempt to improve my personal habits..even if I fail.(to try & to fail is to better to have never tried at all) I want 2013 to be my year..& I want it to be others too. Here are some of my hopes for the coming year.
1. I want to get my thyroid back in whack (still hypo)& my health back.( whatever that was) I've had recent issues with heartburn & difficulty swallowing, for which I just had an EGD done(biopsy results pending,normal appearing mucosa, a medium sized hiatal hernia)Diabetes related gastroparesis is,of course,a possibility.(next step if biopsies are normal are motility studies) Apparently hiatal hernias are pretty common in the general population & not the cause of my swallowing problems.(& not operable unless they are huge)
Every afternoon, from 3-7 pm I'm plagued with low blood sugars(requiring about 4-5 good sized juice boxes) & I'd really like 2013 not to be in a hypoglycemic stupor, staring at the baby & wondering if his first word(beyond mama/dada/nana) will be "lo!" I'd like to lose some weight, but mostly I'd just like to be healthy & functional.
2. I want to purge my diabetes supply closet & either use, or give away, most of my insulin pump supplies. (Believe it or not,that stuff does have an expiration date) It's not doing me any good just sitting in there, & I'm too in love with my Omnipod to go back. So the supplies must go. I'm also giving away my 7+ & several non-expired sensors,whenever I find someone in dire straits who doesn't have any insurance (or limited) to give it to. I would prefer to actually semi-"know/have met"the person,hence the reason I didn't ship them off a long time ago to someone (nameless)on Facebook.I will keep a box or so of supplies, as backup to my Animas in case my Omnipod dies.I feel guilty how much D-crap I've got,sometimes.
3. Speaking of Omnipod...I'm very much looking forward to their upgrade arriving.(rumor has it,in late February) Their redesigned PDM & much smaller pods look totally sweeeeeet.
4. School wise, I want to finish nursing school. I feel like that is a big "?", with so many health issues as of late, but it would be such an amazing accomplishment for 2013. It's also going to be my "Sweet 15" betes versary & what better excuse for a celebratory party can you have?(the non-D people need a valid reason to come) I want this year to be a period, not a question mark,in my life.
5. And in the personal habits category, I am going to start keeping a record of all my expenses. I'm so unorganized that I usually have no idea where I put a particular receipt, or just how much I spent on Diet Coke or diapers last year. I'm going to get a ledger & start keeping records.
6. D-meetups... I hope to have a few of these as well. (Friends for Life,etc.) Always a highlight in my year.
7. And the last one, circumstances permitting, I'd really like to be in the outpatient trials of the Artificial Pancreas going on this year. It's been a few years since I was involved. The research coordinator said there's a strong possibility that another phase will open up this year,& I'm on the list of people they'd contact so cross fingers that it happens. I NEED A MACHINE TO RELIEVE ME OF MY PANCRE-OTING DUTIES. (it would also be kinda nice to spend an entire 2 days in some hotel bed,watching TV, & have a little break from parenting as well. Judge me as you will.)
What are some of your hopes & resolutions?
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1. I want to get my thyroid back in whack (still hypo)& my health back.( whatever that was) I've had recent issues with heartburn & difficulty swallowing, for which I just had an EGD done(biopsy results pending,normal appearing mucosa, a medium sized hiatal hernia)Diabetes related gastroparesis is,of course,a possibility.(next step if biopsies are normal are motility studies) Apparently hiatal hernias are pretty common in the general population & not the cause of my swallowing problems.(& not operable unless they are huge)
Every afternoon, from 3-7 pm I'm plagued with low blood sugars(requiring about 4-5 good sized juice boxes) & I'd really like 2013 not to be in a hypoglycemic stupor, staring at the baby & wondering if his first word(beyond mama/dada/nana) will be "lo!" I'd like to lose some weight, but mostly I'd just like to be healthy & functional.
2. I want to purge my diabetes supply closet & either use, or give away, most of my insulin pump supplies. (Believe it or not,that stuff does have an expiration date) It's not doing me any good just sitting in there, & I'm too in love with my Omnipod to go back. So the supplies must go. I'm also giving away my 7+ & several non-expired sensors,whenever I find someone in dire straits who doesn't have any insurance (or limited) to give it to. I would prefer to actually semi-"know/have met"the person,hence the reason I didn't ship them off a long time ago to someone (nameless)on Facebook.I will keep a box or so of supplies, as backup to my Animas in case my Omnipod dies.I feel guilty how much D-crap I've got,sometimes.
3. Speaking of Omnipod...I'm very much looking forward to their upgrade arriving.(rumor has it,in late February) Their redesigned PDM & much smaller pods look totally sweeeeeet.
4. School wise, I want to finish nursing school. I feel like that is a big "?", with so many health issues as of late, but it would be such an amazing accomplishment for 2013. It's also going to be my "Sweet 15" betes versary & what better excuse for a celebratory party can you have?(the non-D people need a valid reason to come) I want this year to be a period, not a question mark,in my life.
5. And in the personal habits category, I am going to start keeping a record of all my expenses. I'm so unorganized that I usually have no idea where I put a particular receipt, or just how much I spent on Diet Coke or diapers last year. I'm going to get a ledger & start keeping records.
6. D-meetups... I hope to have a few of these as well. (Friends for Life,etc.) Always a highlight in my year.
7. And the last one, circumstances permitting, I'd really like to be in the outpatient trials of the Artificial Pancreas going on this year. It's been a few years since I was involved. The research coordinator said there's a strong possibility that another phase will open up this year,& I'm on the list of people they'd contact so cross fingers that it happens. I NEED A MACHINE TO RELIEVE ME OF MY PANCRE-OTING DUTIES. (it would also be kinda nice to spend an entire 2 days in some hotel bed,watching TV, & have a little break from parenting as well. Judge me as you will.)
What are some of your hopes & resolutions?
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