And so today, I met with my course advisor...& got the deep, hard, questions rolling.
In a couple of weeks, my OB course will end...and the Medical/Surgical one is slated to begin. Now I know I'm going to sound like a total wuss, but I have my doubts as to whether or not I can hack it. A thousand questions are flooding my mind (is this going to put me in premature labor, could I have really stellar diabetes control & do better by the baby if I just didn't take this,this course is so difficult that NON-pregnant people frequently fail 1-2x, what if I manage to do well but still have some medical complication and have to drop out 3/4 of the way through(I don't want to take a course I'm just going to have to repeat anyway)...questions to which there are no answers,questions that float out there in the stratosphere.
Medical/Surgical is a demanding course, a full time course. (OB is a piece of cake, by comparison)And I'm going to be living fulltime in the doctor's office anyway, as the
third trimester brings with it increased monitoring/tests in the pregnancy. (just because things are going well now, does no mean that will be the case 10 weeks from now)
So, I have several options. I can drop out in several weeks(miss the 2nd class of the semester), start up again in March.(and be one semester behind) I can drop out in several weeks,take next semester off, and be 2 semesters behind. Or,heck,I could take the next two years off & still be eligable for readmission to the program. I don't want to do that,& I don't for see having to do that, but there are no answers out there...for either my advisor, or for me.
And LifeChange 101 is coming our way,& there's a part of me that needs time to get ready for that.(call it my "nesting" instinct)
I want to create the nursery, & get everything in order (and that includes my mountains of junk,let's hope this kid does not inherit my messiness traits) and 2-3 weeks at the end of the semester doesn't seem adequate. (especially not when you have grown so big that you don't want to move) This is what I want,& this is a decision that may never come my way again.(whereas, with nursing school, yes I could do this at age 42) This is the decision that is "best for me" as my advisor would so eloquantly put it, although no one can tell you what to do, the answer in this regard is becoming clearer.
Its admitting that I can't do everything which is a tad hard. People do this, people have emergencies/babies/circumstances routinely that they have to take time off...& get back into the program,graduate,become nurses.(it isn't some bad thing when you can't) I just really wanted to have completed the semester before I did that, it feels like a thorn in my flesh if I can't, like a task unfinished.
Time will tell, I guess. (whether or not I'm nuts enough to take on Med/Surg.)