Chocolate Dreams

Hershey's gift to me for messing up a Ebay/Wrappercash order:

(a 36 ct. box of Milk Chocolate-arrived DSL, cold pack, overnighted)

















And this is what one will need (post chocolate):
















and:















I love chocolate, but it doesn't love me (at the present time).
When the gastro issues get sorted out, I think I'll throw a smore party.
(easy way to use them all up + get more wrapper points to bid on stuff)

-----------------------------------------

Bizarre Medical Story of the Year:
(Do not read this story if you've an aversion to extremily graphic medical images!)

Back to this news story, it is, beyond a doubt, the most weird medical thing I've ever heard
of. Quite enough to give someone nightmares, or worse.
I've made the firm decision NOT to go into surgery..
Or oncology pediatrics. (I cry every time I read the Chicken Soup for the Soul books-how much help would I be to a little kid with cancer?)
Or obstetrics.
Everything else is fair game.
--------------------------------------

Last Monday, my youngest brother flew out to boot camp. (Marines) Initially, he was going to join
the Navy, but the Marine(s) won out in the end.
When he graduates (Nov.) from boot camp, he'll be changed. (for better or for worse) I just hope they don't send him to Iraq.
















------------------------------------
Sunday, I worked a 5 hr day, a definate first in the history of my employment with this company. Sat. was a full 8. (not a first, for a Sat.)
And I must be crazy, because this is retail. Not health, restraurunt, or any other (needed) service.
I volunteered for a Sunday. (yes, my supivisor was very taken aback)
But doubletime pay is a powerful motivator towards the common good. (they get the work done, I get the fat paycheck)
Vacation is a comin' though- so I figure I can make it a few more days.
The one bad thing about it- there were more supivisors running around then there were employees.. It made me nervous. (twice as much oppurtunity to be critiqued) One could almost believe they were normal people, it was a sweats n' tshirt day for everyone. Even the regional manager was there.
----------------
The Top Eight things that are helping me through this week:
1. Compazine
2. The Calander (check another day off)
3. The recent dry spell(I haven't had to mow for two weeks:-)
4. Mr. Pumpy (read Ode to the Pump) New pump, same love.
5. Ketostix, hard candies, case of Diet Coke, and cold icees.
6. Being terrifically overworked. (it helps)
7. Yahoo Games.
8. 2 days away from holiday FREEDOM!

--------------------
On this one year anniversary(post Katrina), the stats are still very dismal. So many without basic electricity, homes, etc. And the mayor they've got, doesn't seem to mind spending money(vs getting it). Way to go, Mr. Nagin, that's really helping out the people of New Orleans.

G-Stuff

I haven’t felt very well lately, no doubt enhanced by my less-then-healthful- diet. People have a lot more get up and go when they eat properly, Twinkies and hamburgers just don’t cut it. I’ve been busy, stressed, and its taken its toll on the diabetes control(not checking as much as I usually do either.) Bg's aren't really high-they're just kinda middish blah.(150-mid 200's)
Swallowing the usual wad of post-breakfast pills(last week), they got stuck in my throat + wouldn’t go down. Tried water, diet coke, and food(to no avail). They weren’t large pills, but I’ve never had a problem swigging down 4 of them before..
The throat stayed raw for a day, and stuff still takes its sweet time on the way down.
Today I called Gastro(Center for Digestive Health-if you’d like the pc version), and got lucky. An appointment in 2 weeks(someone cancelled). I hope I live till then.

Gastro issue #2- Reoccurring right upper quadrant pain, nausea, occasional puking, lower shoulderblade pain.
Can someone say “gallstones?” I’d be surprised if it wasn’t that. (Hamburgers are probably catching up with me)

And, the eye. Stabbing pains in that part of the anatomy that dramatized my life last February.

Maybe its just the heat..
Or the phase of the moon.
Or the Daily Diabetes lotto check just bounced.
Rock on, September.
(I think I'll go to bed till then.)

The Master Race

In the movie Gattaca, the hero must prove himself in the brave, new, genetically pure age. Born with a heart defect + nearsightedness, he’s passed aside(while his brother rises to the top). The “Valids”are the master race, superior both physically and (supposidly) mentally. To fulfill his dream(s), he must assume the identity of a Valid, while shedding off all evidence of his real DNA.(fastidiously clean, that guy)
It’s a great movie- in the end, he gets it all. A dream (to outer space) fulfilled, beating his genetically superior brother, and winning the heart of the pretty girl.
There’s one part in that movie where he upsets the arm of the phlebotomist, pretends to howl in pain, bends his arm + slips a vial of other guy’s blood into the tubing hole when the phlebotomist turns around. (To avoid giving up his real blood) I’ve often wished I could do that. (I just need some hemoglobin a1c perfect blood!)
It all goes to prove physical superiority is not the most important thing. (Even in a new age of flawless genetical engineering) Its the strength of the human spirit that counts.

That being said, being a type 1 diabetic is much like being marked "Invalid."
So many rules and regulations...
-You can't be a truck driver. (in most instances)
-You can't be in the military. (unless you're already in it, and you're in excellent physical
condition.)
- Many jobs(fire, police) are difficult/sans impossible to get into...
-You can't attend a military college.

And that's just the government.

-You can't give aspheresis/bone marrow.
-You can't get drunk, even consumption of light amounts of alcohol is monitered.
-You can't have a baby, without your doctor's permission.
-You can't go barefoot, lest you cut your feet + it leads to amputation(s).
-You can't not be without insurance, unless you want to go bankrupt.
-You can't eat whatever you want, whenever you want.(and at family reunions,its
best not to eat anything at all..)

And telling someone you have diabetes, even in this enlightened age, is sure to invoke the "OMG-are-you-going-to-pass-out-on-me?" reaction.

We're all Valid- we all have worth.

Summertime Stats

Past Year's Stats
(my batting average)

Number of times I've been admitted(to the hospital) during the past year:
2. ( DKA, August 2005. AVM, Feb.2006)

Number of times I've dropped my pump in the toilet:
Once. (at 3 AM one morning)

Number of times I've wished I could switch diseases:
365- one for every day of this past year

Number of dates I've had with paramedics:
One.(bad low)

Number of times my coworkers have freaked out completely...
Once.

Number of times my meter has gotten friendly with me + said "HIGH" (thats over 600):
About 10. (4 of them in the past month)

Number of times my meter has read LO (under 10):
None this year, thank goodness.

Number of times I've lain awake at night, afraid to go to sleep lest I die of hypoglycemia:
On the average of once every 10 days.

Number of medical students I've seen this year:
1+1+4+1+1=8

Number of those medical students who were actually worth looking at:
0

Number of times I've been reminded that I've only got a few more years left on this earth so
I'd better stop being such a terrible diabetic (aka "killing yourself") by nurses/primary docs..:
Fifteen. AT LEAST. Blasted BC/BS health line needs to quit calling me + I need a new pcp.

Number of times I've been told "you shouldn't eat that, you're diabetic" by my type 2
coworker:
Every week. Drives me up the wall. (I can eat anything I want lady, I pump, you take pills)

Number of cavities I've acquired in the past year from irregular eating habits:
2(as of last January)

Number of times I've fantasied about waking up cured:
3. (Every time I get a run of lows)

Number of test strips I've gone through this year:
2,600. (rough estimate)

Longest amount of time I've left my infusion set in for:
2 weeks. (it still worked some- but I was nervous about leaving it in any longer then that, it looked kind of green)

Shortest amount of time I've left my infusion set in for:
1 day. (it sweated off)

Number of times my pumps ended up on the floor(next morning) +I'm somehow come
disconnected:
3 times. I don't know how it happens, I think I must have a disconnecting-in-my-sleep- problem...

Number of times I've thrown a meter at the wall:
Once. And it was an old meter- so it really didn't matter what happened to it.

Number of spare vials of Novolog sitting in my fridge right now:
12.

Number of my test strips currently littering the floor at work:
3. (that I know of-please don't tell my supivisor!)

Current number of types of meters:
Seven. (2)Accucheck, One Touch Fasttake, Flash, Ultra, Ultrasmart, and something else.

Number of times I’ve punched my brother for annoying me(and blamed it on hypoglycemia):
4. (Its ok, its now history-we’re both grown up + don’t do stuff like that anymore)

Number of times I have wished for my own private endo:( I had this once,(research study- 8 hr streches) in a weird kind of way, it was nice to let someone else worry about all of that for a change)
Once a month(every full moon).

Number of hypoglycemia induced motor vehicles accidents I’ve been in:
None.

Number of times (last Nov.) I repeated to said paramedics that said blood sugar level was not freakin’ low..
Three.(they still didn’t believe me) ER doctor didn’t either, even after checking it multiple times(its always diabetes related, folks)

Number of new body piercings I’ve gotten:
Are we counting the injections that didn’t quite go as planned? If not-just one..

Number of times I’ve been asked “what is that blue box clipped to your side?”
Zero. COME ON PEOPLE, I WANT TO BE ASKED!!!!
(My theory is, you have to look like a model before your diabetes paraphanalia gets noticed. Which is why I never get asked)

Number of people (now) bored to tears:
Four. Or more.
(It’s ok, I’m finished now).

And would someone please tell this jerk that crying when you get your first insulin pump is NOT funny or inappropriate!? Its an emotional, tender, unforgettable moment- when I got my first one- I was like the Energizer Bunny on steroids, but again, people are differant.. (he also needs to learn to read bios more carefully!) Its perfectly normal.

Happy 25th, PC

If you own a PC- cut yourself a piece of (virtual) cake. (it just needs a 5)
















Some of you might remember it.
(The rest of us don't remember life before computers!) I remember being 5 or 6, and playing games on the early IBM pc's. Games like Crossfire, Bouncing Babies, Mousetrap, Kings Quest) Floppy disks + square cartridges you had to plug into the computer.
Later on- Wolfenstein 3D, Doom(which my mom highly dissaproved of) but sooo realistic.
The Entertainment System of the (older) Generation Y. (And just as much fun as the PS2's of today!)
Soon, I'll be joining you (in marking that memoriable age).

End of the Week Rant

Not a good weekend(I'm not sure one could even call it a weekend!)
3rd straight week of working Saturday(s). What makes Saturdays even more special is, we come in an hour earlier.
And I am NOT a morning person. (5 AM-ugh)

My lunch(cheese, ham, and mayo on an onion bagel) went down the hatch at morning break(9:15 AM).
Immeadietly after that- I got low.
There is such irony in getting low after a nice proteinish-fat-carb snack-how much does one eat? When will the carb(s) kick in, since the protein/fat is slowing it down?
I ignored it all, and went straight for the juice.
An hour later, I'm 155. Worked out pretty good.

By lunchtime, I was starving again so I ordered Chinese. I got very tired + dizzy after lunch, thought I was going to keel over. At 2:30, I was checking my blood sugar again when my coworker came over and wanted to see my meter. She was duly impressed at how tech-ish it was.
I poked my finger, applied the blood to the strip.
5 seconds later- I whipped the strip out, covered up the number w/my hand, and told her "Hey look, I'm perfect!"
"Yeah," she said sceptically, and started walking away.
"Wanna know something else?"
She turned around. "What?"
"I sucked the blood off my finger."
"Ewwwwwwww!" She makes a face, and that totally makes my day.
The number on my meter, unfortuantly, is not quite "perfect", but my type 2 coworker would not understand this one at all. I'm not even sure I do.
524.
Darn Chinese.
Maybe I can blame my whacky sense of humor on my blood sugar (PLUS sleep deprivation of the night before)
I bolus.
And bolus again(4 pm)
And rush off to the research study center, fill out paperwork for the next 30 minutes.

How often, on a scale of 1-5, do you:
Feel like smashing your meter?
Overtreat your low blood sugars?
Felt CONFIDENT in treating your low blood sugars?( I have never in my life felt confident while treating my lows!)
Worry about:
Passing out
nocturnal hypoglycemia
Appearing stupid
hurting yourself because of hypoglycemia
hurting others because of hypoglycemia
Etc....

I've just had my diabetes anylized to the nth degree-and I think I failed.

I did learn something interesting today-its NOT accepted protocal to pay a research study patient cash. (researcher could get in trouble for that) I was in a study once, didn't get in but they still payed me $50 cash after it was over. It did take several hours + was pretty hard to do.
(as in, breathing the antidote to albuterol, stimulating an asthma attack while doing peak respiratory monitoring) I failed that study, my asthma isn't bad enough.(fortuantly) But anyway, the D research study person wants to start giving out checks when the study patients come in- apperently some people aren't getting the checks(in the mail). Sounds like a good idea to me, I wouldn't have to wait 2 months on a check.

Finally down to 109(5:30 pm), I have a sudden craving for Starbucks (cold) coffee, a Moonpie, and an eggroll. The eggroll was left over from lunch, the Starbucks and Moonpie I get from the hospital cafeteria. Thank goodness not everything in that cafateria is healthfood.

Time to go to bed now-morning comes early.

Almost Heaven

I could get used to weather like this.



True, it ain't the beach- but there's something totally refreshing about a summertime mountain breeze.
Last week(like much of the rest of the East Coast) we were experiencing 110 humidic temps, when it cooled down to the 90's later in the week we all thought it the most glorious thing in the world.
This week's average has been mid 80's-and on Sat-Sun its gonna chill down to mid 70's.
And in the mountains- it's typically 20 degrees colder then that.
Time to break out that parka.
All together now-
(let it snow, let it snow, let it snow..)

Almost Heavennn
West Virginia
Blue Ridge Mountains
Aren't in West Virginia
Life is older then
West Virginian cows
Younger then those mountains
Which aren't there anyhow.

Almost Heaven
My town, Virginia
Blue Ridge Mountains
Shenendoah River
If that song's true, then it seems to me
The rivers up in Heaven are filled with mercury.

Country Roads
Country Ham
Pass the grits
Thank you maam'
Country Cookin'
Hey good lookin'
Take me home, country roads..

(No, I didn't write this, so I can't be held responsible for whatever mental damage it inflicts upon its readers)

Wave of the Future

The year is 2040.

You're in need of an elective hip/knee/whatever replacement..

So your employer gives you a six week leave, (insurance) pays your plane ticket + incurred medical costs when you're in the great country of...

India.

Because its now cheaper to PAY ALL THAT rather then have it done at the private facility next door.
National Health Care is now in place, + you've got the option of waiting a year on this procedure, or going someplace else. Malpractice premiums keep going up- so does the cost of health care.

I was listening to the radio the other day when this topic came up. Scared me so bad I just about dropped my Norand(electronic scanning device-pretty much the cost of a pump and 6x the size of one) on the concrete floor.( Yes, I've done this before) I do NOT want to go to India for any medical procedure, that would be a disaster. Quite aside from the question of followup, (they just release you + you go back to the US-no way to really get back in contact with them for emergency situations) medical care over there is not predictable. (no way to track reputation of doc/hospital?) Some folks might like it though. (hey, its a vacation!) Surgery is most definatly expensive, and if I had no other options I'd be forced to do that- not willingly,though!

I don't understand it all(I don't think anybody does). I've got mixed feelings on the subject of
national health care(with no offense to my UK readers), yes, we'd get the medications we'd need free-but everything is at a price. More taxes- less incentive from the healthcare people to work hard. Back in Feb, before I had my AVM surgery my neuro-opth was casually commenting on this topic. It doesn't matter how many hours he worked, he does it because he's a slave to his job(awesome doctor) he doesn't care about the money-but geez, one would think MORE time should equate to a greater salary. Maybe that wasn't right- maybe people in the NHS don't get payed a flat rate salary but the thought is kind of disturbing. When I work overtime, I want that overtime pay-+ doubly so, when I get to be a nurse and start making even bigger bucks!
Not to mention waiting x number of months for non-emergent things that National Health Care deems not necessary/can wait.

But its coming, so we'd better get used to the idea.

And stock up on diabetes supplies. (that's if your insurance company is generous on rx's. Mine isn't, but they do shell out on expensive surgeries!)

Second Chances

I'm once again sitting at my very favorite spot of the month- low.
This time, however, a bag of cotten candy, tube of glucose gel, juice box, french fries, chicken sandwich, diet coke(to wash it all down) and a new Rx for glucagon keep me company-no repeats of the former episode.
It's very odd how one can feel low/simultainiously run out of gas at the EXACT same spot..
"What's that, honey?" asks the distracted, overworked cashier.
"Twelve. Pump. Twelllllllllve," I reply, thinking how very un-honeyish (NOT sweet) I am feeling at the moment. C'mon Cotten Candy- work your magic. I'm getting annoyed at being called honey too(3rd straight time that day).
Flashback to that morning.
It's a typical Friday at the Endocrine Clinic-only the patient load is different. Instead of 99.9% of the patients being part of the customary Over 60,Type 2, and yes-I-check-my-blood-sugar-once a-month-Club, they are now joined by the Extatic, Expectant Mothers to be.(both types)
And then there's me- too young and too hopelessly single.
I grab the nearest People magazine + dissapeir into it, I don't want to be noticed.
"Heidi?" inquires the nurse.
I lower the magazine half a cubic inch to determine whether she's addressing me or not. Upon proof of the said fact, I toss the magazine aside + go off with the nurse.(kind of glad to get out of there, actually)
Vital signs look good.
Medical student comes in. I get the disturbing feeling that this kid is YOUNGER then me, especially if she was one of those smart types to graduate at 20. She looks too young.
Suddenly, I feel very old( rapidly approaching birthday is NOT helping) -there was a time I considered medical students old + looked up to them. (that was pre-20's) Now medical students are either my age, or younger then me + even residents don't look old. (Attendings still do, however!) I'm aware of how much I still don't know + how much less they don't know that they should know. (about everything, and especially diabetes!)
Customary round of questions. Not that bad a student, she's not acting like she knows everything + she is NOT pregnant. (Endocrine residents/students frequently are) I don't want to see another pregnant person today.
My endo comes in. "You know, you're the first patient I've ever had to have the exact same a1c FOUR times in a row. How do you do it?"
I grin (not at the a1c). "I've always done that, even in peds."
"We'll repeat it today, hopefully its gone down."
Discuss hypo episode.
Glucagon RX. "I'll write you for two/month's supply, but if you use 2 in one month I WANT TO KNOW ABOUT IT!!!!"
I promise. Well, I would tell her about it on just one...bad hypo episodes scare the stuffing out of me.
Ask Stupid Question of the Day.
Get Intelligent Answer to Stupid Question of the Day.
All questions being answered, I go off to the lab for my very favorite phlebotomist to skillfully extract a vial of glucose enriched blood. Guy can get blood out of ANYTHING painlessly.
If its under 8, I'll be a happy woman.
Swear to fax in readings faithfully. (weekly) For an a1c under 7, its going to take months. (and some excellent insulin tweaking skills)
Ready now to kick some diabetic gluteus maximus, I check my blood sugar, bolus an appropriate correction, and start to drive home.
45 minutes later, get low. Pull into gas station.
There goes my motivation.

Autographs

Is this worth it?


There are two types of sellers on Ebay- those who know they've got a hot deal(and put it on a low bid, it still takes off running + exceeds their wildest expectations) and those who start out with a discouraging high starting bid- and it goes nowhere.
I much prefer the former- if you don't sell something, you're just giving money (auction fees) away to Ebay.. That's probably 90% of their revenue. That auction, will probably be in the later category.

I collect autographs too(not just famous PWD's, pretty much anybody) but I don't think that's worth it. (out of my price range, anyway)

What's So Great About The First?

Since moving out (into the REAL WORLD) ,I've learned to harbor a passionate, unconditional, uncontrolled hatred for the first (of every month). That, of course, is RENT DAY- and one's landlord doesn't give a rip if you are A. broke B. out of town or C. sick and on death's doorstep...

Ok, so the last one is somewhat of stretch. I'm sure they'd take if off, if you made them the sole benificiary on your life insurance policy.

But this August 1 is somewhat special.















This is my maternal grandfather. And today, August 1, 2006- marks the 100th anniversary of his birth. This is photocopy of a pencil drawing my dad did. (from an old photograph) I'm not entirely sure I should be doing this, I might delete the picture later-but a blog is kind of meaningless about a picture.
I never had the priviledge of knowing him, he passed away 1 month before my parents got married.
All of my mom's siblings are getting together tonight, and hosting a Remembrance Party. And I think its kind of crucial that I attend, he (from my mom's accounts) was a very special person + I need to remember this.

And that's whats so special about the first.

A Shameless Plug for Walmart...

I've finally found a glucose gel that I REALLY like.















I buy alot of ReliOn (Walmart Diabetes) brand stuff anyway, its cheap(er) and just as good as the
popular brands.
-Ketostix(50 ct-$6.87, vs Bayer's $10)
-Sugar Free Tussin-$4.50, vs $6+ other places...
- glucose tabs-cherry,grape, green apple, orange, fruit punch, watermelon, raspberry,and their newest addition..English Toffee
-$7.50 BG poker(it works just as well as those $25 ones-and doesn't scar up your fingers, I was able to draw blood on every finger on the lowest setting. Looks cool too.)

The other great thing about this product is, it's got a carb gauge on the side, and you can see how many carbs you've consumed(5, 10, 15 gram increments)















When it comes to glucose gel products, I've been around the block. The only one I can consume(without gagging) is Paddock Laboratories Lemon Flavored Gel. (but they're expensive) Small honey packets also taste good-but its impossible to find any in the stores. (my source is KFC, when I go there)
Can't stand Insta-Glucose(cherry).
Can't stand Gluco-Burst(Artic Cherry).
Can't stand cake frosting in tubes.(I don't know why, I have no problem with it on cake!)

At the Rescue Squad, we used Insta Glucose. Severely-out-of-it PWD's were miracuously brought back to life with the stuff, and no one (on my observations) ever spat the stuff out. It never got the chance to expire. As a EMT Basic, that was pretty much the extent of my saving-the-PWD's experience. Towards the end of my membership, Basics got the medical-go-ahead from the EMS MD(director) to use glucagon, but I didn't get the chance to do that. (on someone else) Of course, I was the only Basic (even some Intermediate's didn't know how!) who already knew the glucagon protocals frontwords and backwords.
I'd like to go back to EMS, if things ever get less hectic.
Insta Glucose was an excellent motivator to check my bgs REALLY frequently, I did not want to have that stuff shoved down my throat. I had juice/glucose tablets with me at all times. I was considering putting in a request (with the paramedics I knew) to skip the oral glucose and go directly to the IV-D50, but that would have sounded kind of weird, so I never did. Generally, people sit/lie around dazed and confused until the ambulance arrives (half hour or so later), checks their bg, gives them oral glucose + they snap out of it. I either recognize the low- treat sucessfully/unsuccessfully. If successfully, within 30 minutes its generally up. If unsuccessfully, within 15 minutes I'm out cold.(fortuantly, its 99% of the time succesful) No sitting around for me. I don't know how some people can wander around for hours hypo, and not pass out...


I'm glad I found it, I've had some pretty amazing low blood sugars recently. By "amazing", I'm referring to the fact that I can chug down over 100 carbs before my blood sugars break 100. Its kind of odd, I'll have a 200's blood sugar-bolus a unit(just for the heck of it) and proceed to drop 150-200 points. (NOT like me at all, my usual correction ratio is 1/40) It's a nasty spiral when you go high, take a corrective bolus, drop like all get out(low again) and eat even more, its exausting.
I worked today, spent it hanging out in the 200-400 range. Took 3 corrective boluses, none of them worked till after work(when I proceeded to drop like a rock in 1.5 hrs). Thing is, my meter didn't show me severely low, I just feel the need to eat like all get out.
So I drank 80 carbs of Sunny D, ate an ice cream sandwich(32 carbs) and fell into bed(pump off), slept 4 hours. In retrospect, I should have left the pump on, I woke up at 292 again.
Yesterday evening, I was 56-ate glucose gel, an entire Big Mac-medium fries combo (w/added ketchup), only went up to 200. I think something is wrong w/my test strips, they did spend a brief time in the rather Death Valley'ish temps of the confines of my car. I think I'm reading higher then I actually am. I'm not feeling my highs- just lows, and when it reads 80 or lower, I feel it. So I'm thinking its probably 20- 30 points off. 60 or lower, it really doesn't feel like a mild low blood sugar, it feels like a moderate.
I've got test strips coming(mail order), but it'll be a few days(sometime next week, hopefully).
I'm viewing my blood sugar ranges as just approximate(s) right now, its too darn risky to go "by the book". If I aim for my usual (dream!) range of 90-140, in reality, I'm aiming for hypo (or gonna get there pretty quickly) bgs.

Which makes this recent mail freebie pretty sweet.















It's a instant (up to) $25 Rebate on the new NovoNordisk Glucagen Hypokit.
Scans like a credit card, after insurance kicks in.
Which essentially makes my prescription free, if I get it as a one month supply.
All I have to do is convince my endo I need 3 kits in one month (probably not
as difficult as it sounds, due to my recent track record) at my appointment next Friday.

The Notebook

In the beginning, it was just that. Just a plain o'le journal (green cover) chronicalling the day-to-day struggles of a newly diagnosed type 1.
A1c's. Lows. Highs. Conflicts with parents, with doctors, with self esteem (on dates), with growing up. It was a time of great change, of tremendous upheaval.
The Notebook changed too. Stopped being a journal, switched to more inspiring stories, clipped cartoons, other various assundries.
Reality Check became a big part of it.
(LL Lambo-truly a great MAN + my inspiration...)

But it still retained its peculiar (unimaginative)psychodelic nominer.

One day, the last page of The Notebook was filled. It was time to start a new one.

Enter Notebook #2.















This one was much more organized.A section for everything, and everything
in a section.
-Top Tens
- Inspiring articles
- Research News
-Funky Medical
cartoons
-Poems
-Miscellanious

The selection process is long
and tough. Only the best stuff (and believe me, there's plenty of stuff out there to weed from)
makes it into The Notebook. Generally, its printed out half a year before I get the time to cut + tape it in there..

The Notebook chronicles d-care through the years. From fads that didn't go anywhere(the Glucowatch) to stuff that took off running. (The Evolution of Diet Crap- er, Coke- into a gazillion flavors, gazillion $ per year market.) Its kind of interesting to remember how things were back then.(pumps were not so much in vogue)
One day, I'll cut and tape my final entry into The Notebook. (#20, or thereabouts..)
It will be news of The Cure..(and yeah, I still believe in that)

Till then, the Notebook(s) are a vital part of my D-life. A legacy for future generations- stuff that absolutely cannot be forgotten. (Those who do not remember the past, are condemned to repeat it-and all of that) Blogging is great-but that serves an entirely differant emotional (dealing w/D)need. I need both.

Lifestyles of the Not-so-Famous(or Rich!)

Add Patch Adams to the list of movies some PWD's shouldn't watch.

Now "Patch" aka Hunter Adams- is this incredibly funny guy who decides to go into medicine (after a stint (as a patient) in the psychiatric ward). Bear in mind, it was all based off a true story.
2 years later, he enters the Medical College of Virginia (now Virginia Commonwealth University).
As a first year medical student, he isn't permitted patient contact( and has to find a way around that). So when he and a friend mistakenly end up at a meat packers convention, + they see the white jackets- they get the brilliant idea of trying to sneak into hospital rounds wearing those jackets.
And it works, as long as they kept their arms crossed(to avoid showing the packer's logo!)

I watched this right after my Silhoette adventure, and immeadietly regretted it.

"We've got a 30(or thereabouts) yo Juvenile Diabetic w/ gangronous diabetic ulcers," the attending physician
drones on. "Plan?"

"Stabilize the blood sugar, treat with antibiotics, amputation if needed," pipes up one of the entourage.

"Any osteomylitis?" asks another student.

Flash over to patient, lying up in bed, legs akimbo. (Right?I think) leg is this blackish red thing that looks kind of like someone's discarded art project.
She's scared-it's written all over her face.
And I can sure indentify with THAT.

"Does anyone know the patient's name?" Patch pipes up from the back. All eyes turn to him.
"Uh, lets see.." + someone has to check the chart.

Movie never showed what happened to the gal, but as the year was 1971(truly, truly The Dark Age of Diabetes Care) you can guess. Loses leg, maybe gets another infection + dies.

And then there's the guy with pancreotic cancer (that PWD's are at a greater risk of getting, btw) that Patch connects with before he dies.

By the end of the movie, of course, you're crying bucketloads of tears over the fate of Patch's girlfriend + wondering how things could possibly get any worse.
Patch (finally) gets his degree-and it ends with a somewhat happier twist. (with the dream for the Gesundheit Institute).

I just wish there'd have been happier outcomes for the pancreotically challenged patients.

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Desperate people do desperate things.















No, I don't drive around w/ posterboard taped to the back of my car, it would probably fall off. It is, however, displayed promenantly for all the world to see. (I live on a pretty busy road) Tried to get some stuff sold off on the radio(weekly "phone yard sale") but the buyer changed his mind. I'M MOVING, PEOPLE- I WANT THIS STUFF OUT OF MY LIFE! (w/some cash on the side)

That's why its called a "Convenience" Store

Happy Birthday, Elliott.

You da man, you're an all- around great singer, son, diabetes advocate, and person. You're also too honest for your own good...

Thought about you today as I drove down the interstate, having clocked in a 95 BG. Suspended for an hour. Reached destination, pumped gas. Realized that I would have to go inside and get something to eat also, I was low + didn't have any tabs (or otherwise) on me. Got a drink. Stood in line, low getting worse. Being the exceptionally honest individual that I am, I couldn't drink it till I payed for it.

The wait feels like forever. I slur out a number + immeadiently wonder if that really was my pump #? But it must be, he is doing it right.Autopilot takes over, I hand the guy my credit card, squiggle a John Hancock across the receipt, grab the juice, drain the juice, and head for the door.

The next thing I know, a paramedic is standing over me, asking if I'm ok. Which I am, now that my blood sugar is a comfortable 202. (juice + glucagon finally kicked in) They want to take me in, but I refuse. Didn't bump my head hard, no concussion, no reason to go in.
I sit up, retrieve my cellphone from the purse. Call a friend to come pick me up, I don't think I should drive home. (actually, the paramedic wouldn't let me) Paramedic sticks around till my friend shows up, + I sign the refusal form, go home.

Thought about you again when I read the above article. Can someone please inform every new PWD that is OK to drink/eat something before you pay for it? No one really wants to have to call 911, after you've passed out.

I really shouldn't be so honest-(shoulda drunk the juice while in line), its more trouble then its worth. Sure I'm not the only OC'r this has happened too.

Surfing the Web

I got lost on the internet today.

I was reading Kerri's latest post, which of course led to Exist Magazine, Patient Consumer Parade, + lastly, Chronic Babe. Darned if that didn't lead to a host of other cool sites (and a bunch of fellow D-bloggers I never knew existed.) In the interest of the moment(ok, hour)
I:
- wondered what would happen if I popped this question to my doc (not that I have an immediate proposals, but it never hurts to be prepared for these things.
- wished like heck I was basking in the Florida sunshine... It didn't work out to go this year, I'm trying NOT to reflect on it too much. (wahhhhhhh) Last year's was really awesome.
- won this baby.. (its too bad it takes 6+ weeks to get here! I need it now, I'm in the process of moving) If you're thinking about winning one of those Chrysler Crossfire Roadsters, forget it. There are people who have been saving points from day 1(and are up in the 7,000 range by now). People who buy boxes of candy direct from the retailer,(for the discount) use the codes, and chuck the chocolate. It is very much a business venture(from their line of thinking). Spend $5,000- get a $15,000+ car.
- checked out ipods on Ebay. (My own ipod has hit the dust, + I need a new one) Served me faithfully for almost 2 years. The price is much better this time around- back then,I thought I was getting a great deal at $175 (for a mini), now its more like $80. I still like mini's, unless someone gives me a vidio ipod I'll get another mini.
- checked out rentals/roommates, found a couple of potential-bil-i-ties that could be investigated.
Sometimes its fun to just go wherever your clickin' mouse takes you. (as long as you don't pick up any nasty viruses)

Summertime Survival Tips

Of course, its hot outside. Even hotter inside...
My brother and SIL tried to help. Came and put in an ac unit last night, in the bedroom. Last night was such a wonderful experience, it actually got COLD in there.
Not that the rest of the house has that problem. Closed all the windows, so the ac coldness wouldn't escape, but the coldness doesn't spread to the rest of the house.
I think my insulin has freakin' spoiled in my pump, its so hot.
(Blood Sugars of the day-337,236,186,418,218, 503.)
Chucked the bottle of insulin, doing a full change.

Kind of odd, because I'm more likely to go low in hot weather. The insulin has got to be bad.
Between the heat and the blood sugar, (fluidwise) I've polished off 5 cans of diet coke, several gallons of ice water, a glass of milk +8 ice pops today.(the last two didn't improve the bg situation but I just wanted something with calories) I feel like I'm about to be diagnosed with diabetes all over again! (hmm, maybe this time it will be type 2.. I'd be a double diabetic!)

To Suck, or not to Suck

Suck is the perfect diabetic adjective. (but I digress, you already knew that.)
















Are you a finger sucker? Or do you always use a tissue?
(Depends on the environment (with me) at home/work, I'll suck it, if in a restaurunt/restroom/public place I won't) I think it would be very
difficult(ie, almost impossible) to get a finger infection from such a practice.
(I'd be more worried about blood borne diseases)
Interestingly, blood tastes the same, with high-normal-or low bgs. You mainly
just taste the salt.

Tales of a Pack Rat

Piles of junk everywhere. I never use this stuff- where did it come from? Pitching it would be so quick and easy.

Ok, so its 9 pm and I just don’t feel like dealing with the contents of multiple boxes piled up helter-skelter on the side porch.

12 VHS copies of films I now own on DVD. A back massager. 10 gazillion candles. No fewer then FIVE drug rep pedometers(compliments of various diabetes events).

I make tough, hard decisions. VHS videos-into the trash can. Candles and back massager? Donated to the Salvation Army, or another thrift store. Drug rep pedometers? (I’ll pick the nicest one-get rid of the rest)
I tried to have a yard sale. ( It was a failure, didn’t have it on the right weekend) I’ve tried to imagine ways to make this junk more palatable to the average bargain-seeker. But I’ve come to the conclusion, even if I put it out with a big FREE sign, it wouldn’t disappear.

6 months after moving in(to my very first dig), its time to move again. The lease is up. (And believe me, I’m ready to go-landlady and I haven’t been getting along too great) Not to mention the fact I could get a decent apartment for half of what I currently shell out. All I have to do?
-Find someplace else and move(lock, stock, and barrel) by August 1
Not an impossible proposition. I have next week off,(vacation) I hope to have a decision made (and be mostly packed) by week’s end.

The foot is back to normal, after getting it checked out by the NP. Warm foot soaks. Multiple (daily) triple antibiotic applications, followed by sterile dressing bandages.
No diabetes, you can’t have my leg- so shove off!
Score one for the over vigilant, OCD type 1.

The NP was less then gracious during the appointment. Something I should mention, this is the NP that diagnosed me + later ended up at the same doc’s office I currently go to. (Talk about bad luck following you around) Perhaps I should feel some sense of overwhelming cowed submission to this person, but I don’t. She is your 80-120, let’s talk about complications at every single appointment type of practitioner. Of course, I try to be polite. (But what can a person REALLY do about these sorts) I appreciate her excellent diagnostic skills, but not her sense of doom and gloom. I generally try to see someone (anyone) else at the office, but she was the only one available this week.

By the end of the appointment, I was an emotional wreck. Wished I could have about half a dozen (strong)drinks, to get out of the depressive mood NP’d put me in.( But I can’t drink, it interacts with a medication I take) So I went home and bawled instead. (That helped too)I’m glad I’ve never had an endo like that. NP has absolutely no idea what managing type 1 is all about.

Blood sugars have been going through a recent spat of a la extroidenare Dawn Phenomenon. Bed time blood sugars: 100-170. By 6 AM, I’m 350-400.
6 units of basal ought to be enough to handle my bgs overnight. My highest basal is during this time anyway-0.5 to 0.7 u/hr. Looks like I’ll have to raise it to 0.7 across the board. I very rarely have middle-of-the-night lows, my liver more then adequately handles the situation. Sometimes I wish it didn't work quite so hard...
By 8 AM, I've got the high down and am swinging in the opposite direction. Temp basal set. Eat snack. Go low. Eat more snacks. Go low again. Eat another snack. Normal at lunch. Spend afternoon high. Crash couch, immeadietly upon getting home from work.
I really gotta fix those basals.

Axims and A1c's

First off, I haven't been to the doc. But I will go. (Monday) This foot thing is somewhat of a puzzle, it doesn't look like anything-I've had paper cuts that looked worse then this. But it hurts(a lot), and its somewhat difficult to ignore pain. So I'm going. (if nothing happens over the course of the weekend that expediates the process)

The next phase of the clinical trial:


This is the Dell Axim(that's been my constant companion for the past 3 months). This is my month to use their(Lifescan's) handy-dandy computer program. (vs the research center's)

The gray bar is for Warnings-which I haven't seen any yet. If you're running very high, or lots of lows, that bar will tell you what you already know. (as in, you might be high or you may be low! so check frequently)
The pink bar is my personal info(study ID #, number of blood sugar entrys)
The light blue bar is my weekly hemoglobin a1c. It automatically updates every Monday. And yes, that's a 9 you see. (shoot me now, if you must)

The BG screen: (bottom blue bar is to backspace w/o doing any entries)

















The purple is the variability index:
















Interpretation- My blood sugars bounce. A LOT. 50-400, throw in a HI, and your vb is totally screwed.
Although, since I started the program,I've had my lowest ever variation(as of last Monday). All the others were uploaded to the computer, from my meter. I am motivated, I am on fire, and the novelty has not yet worn off. I'll be using this program till mid August. Its funny how seeing the numbers on the screen motivates me in a way that paper logs haven't(in quite a while). I want to do better, I want to see a lower variability, and I want that a1c to read 5.0.( hey, I can dream)
Tomarrow morning, I have to go back on Lantus-I've run totally out of pump supplies(and the paperwork got lost at the endo's office). The endo's been on vacation, busy, etc. (I dropped this off 3 weeks ago) Her secretary told me to refax it Monday morning, and she'd take care of it(including endo's signature)ASAP AND the endo called me this evening, but its inevitable, I'll be on Lantus (at least the weekend). If I can manage to bum a few sets/resevoirs off the CDE, (Monday) I can go back to pumping.
I love my pump, its so hard to do this. (screw endos)