The One that Wasn't

In retrospect, I knew it would probably happen. School stress, D-stress, pregnancy stress, concurrent Endo appt. (when did that ever turn out well?)

Regardless of that fact, my a1c rang in at 6.5...a marked 0.4 improvement. (not that I expected my Endo to go all gaga over over it, because true to form, she didn't). But what happened next put the icing on the cake.

"Well, you knew what you were getting yourself into (suck it up)." (really lady? that's all you've got to say,& thank you very much,not that I regret said choice,but it's the first time in my life that I've been 27 weeks,hugely insulin resistant,25 excess lbs,and I don't really think anyone "knows" what they're getting into). And then she went on to tell me such additional goodies as how every day in this 9 month stretch mattered,you can never redo it,if you screw up the kid its permanant, blahblahblah at which point I completely lost it.

I burst into tears, which I don't think I've ever done in a doctor's office before. (not even being diagnosed with diabetes did that) There's only so much blame a person can take,and you can pretty much 1/2 that when you're pregnant. (and thank you very much, I have enough blame to last me every single day of my life, it doesn't need to be coming from you.) After that, she toned it down a little bit (remarking drily that my blood glucose, in office, was 296 (OF COURSE IT IS,YOU'VE JUST PUT IT THERE but no additional comments (and at that point, I would have walked out the door and not come back,I was that upset). Why is it that doctors feel the need to tell you what you already know? I'm not here because I've got this crap figured out, I'm here because I NEED HELP & SUPPORT. Which clearly I wasn't getting from her.

So yeah,that appt. was not the greatest. She did try to be slightly more sensitive after that,but the remarks she made left a permanant scar on my already tender psyche. I don't know if I can forgive her, much less go back to her, after that.

I then went forth, spent several hours getting it out of my system, complained on Twitter, took a nap, called a friend, and feel much better now.
Thank goodness for the D-Community,because no one else truly gets it.

Back in the Game

"Finger, please."

Swab, poke. First one for the meter, second one for the DCA 2000 Analyzer sitting atop the counter.

"376."

"I am not 376, I just ate lunch and tested 15 min.ago(an hour post lunch) and I'm 250. That's why,I'm on a post meal high. Your machine is screwy."

"Well, ok. You can tell the doctor that."

Shuffle, shuffle through the venerable hallowed Joslin halls. So famous, so much history with that place. And today, it seems to be very empty, not many patients lurkin' round.

Later...

Endo comes in.

"We meet at last! it's been a long time since she(ex-endo) said you were coming."

"Yeah...part moving, part lazyness, part difficulty getting a slot on your calender."

Picks up phone. "Hello, I'd like X's a1c, please."

I start hyperventilating. This is not cool, being accosted by your a1c first thing, I've never had a finger stick a1c before. This is too sudden, this doesn't have that comfortable little 2 week "bump" while you wait for the mail. I'm not ready for this.

If its higher,I think I'm going to demand a venous draw.

"8.5"

Exhallllle. Well, its down.

"A slight improvement there, your last one was 8.7. But you know you can't get pregnant till your under 7."

No worries there, if I had an a1c of 7, such permission would not tempt me. I need at least 10 years to mentally prepare for the very concept of such a life altering event. Suffice to say, I think I will be hearing this till 2040 anyway.It's ok though, she's just doing her job.

We rehash my bgs..Joslin has some awesome logs. You can record everything there.
It just takes forever. I get the needed prescriptions at the end.

So small steps..and an a1c drop of 0.2 really feels like announcing that you've just lost 2 lbs(my husband stared at me blankly when I announced that, wasn't impressed) but it upped my spirits so I don't care what the rest of the world thinks. I'm gonna get there. And if its 0.1 at a time that's still progress.

I Do, I Do, I Do

In this fair city of 1 million plus, it seems to be impossible to get an endocrinology appointment ANYWHERE.(that is, until April) I just about died when the receptionist told me that, down where I used to live endocrinology was not the hot field- you could get in practically anytime + you never had to wait more then a week. Heck, if it were really an emergency they'd always manage to squeeze you in. I don't need an appt. urgently, but like any good little pwd I figured between 3-4 months was best. I would kinda like to know what my new and improved(big woot for Dexcom!) a1c is, and on the incessant nagging of my new pcp I bit the bullet to schedule it. I really just don't have any luck with convincing primary care doctors that I'm not the worst D to walk the earth. My new one is good enough, just (over) zealous to make me into something I'm not. (super bg control,etc.) Also...need 10 zillion rx's written and a new appeal to the new insurance company to cover sensors. Which is gonna take awhile(if ever) to get them covered, but since the authorization codes just came out there's more hope then there was. I know my old endo could be counted on (in a pinch), but she's 300 miles away + probably more then ready to get me out of her hair.

I miss cows.
I miss corn.
I miss not having to lock your doors at night.
I miss DMV"s that aren't as complicated as Grand Central Station.
I miss minor traffic jams(once every month, vs. twice a day)
I miss cashiers who actually give a rap.
I miss cashiers who actually speak English.
I miss mountains.
I miss live receptionists, not answering machines.
I miss cheap grocery stores.
I miss my favorite radio shows.
I miss grits, cornbread, and all foods Southern.
I miss arguing with my coworkers over elections
I miss nights on the 'squad
I miss my superly unorganized refridgerator
I miss hot dog eating contests
I miss snow that actually requires shoveling out
I miss horses + buggies
I miss farmer's markets
I miss parking spots(vs having to park 2 blocks away), half empty parking lots

I like the city..to a point. The shopper in me has a blast, but the sheer mass of individuals flooding said stores makes it impossible to get much of anything accomplished. I could hit a slew of stores + get all my shopping accomplished quickly- now I have to spend all day driving around.