Gone with a G

"It's not about me."

Except it was,darn it. My nephrologist had announced his retiring intentions via mail,and there was no going back..only forward.

"I want to find someone who is good for you,& your set of rather unique issues."

And so,we talked. (At my last appt.)We talked about my magnesium issue,the diabetes,the Vit. D (where he dropped a rather potent analogy comparing my taking a few Vit. D pills to sipping a drop of water for dehydration),the upcoming gastro appt,the possibility of Celiac(doubts it),this,that,the other. He is leaving the practice to take care of personal issues and won't be back (he's also getting older.) And we talked about a replacement doc(I could stay with the practice..the other neph will see me,or can wait till the practice hires several other docs.) I think Ill do that,not that there's much choice, but he encouraged me to keep on this path till I got answers.
I'm really sad about his leaving,and I feel like he was sad too but you can't help some things.(at the end of the appt,we hugged,and that was the end of it. I don't have answers but he still tried to put me on a path toward some and I'll always remember him.)

In other news, I won't be going to FFL this year. That's another extremely painful happening but thanks to my summer course and lack of funds from unexpected bills we can't afford it this year. Hopefully next year.


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The Celiac Connection

Last Saturday, a T1 friend and I drove to TCOYD in DC.



I've been under the impression that one either had celiac(or not) for quite some time now. Since I've tested negative several times for antibodies, I've assumed I don't have any problems. But at Friends For Life last year, they were doing HLA genotyping(along with antibody testing) which I participated in. Last month, that test came back positive which means I have the genetic susceptibility for the disease.(as does my offspring) I had J tested(amid the eye rolling of the pediatrician),and he is currently antibody negative.(to get the genetic test done I'm pretty sure you have to go to FFL because insurance wouldn't cover it) I really wish I knew if he were HLA positive because if you aren't,you cannot get celiac and if you are,well you can be on the alert for signs and symptoms of the disease. Celiac,as you know,sometimes has zero symptoms(indeed,I've never had issues with gluten). In the midst of my current issues with magnesium absorption, I've also had issues with low vitamin D..and as always,I have autoimmune Hashimoto's. Anyway,at a session on autoimmune diseases, the doc was mentioning the very strong thyroid/T1/low Vit.D/celiac connection and suddenly the light just kicked on...nay,it flooded over me in its clarity. (There have been papers written on how people with hypothyroidism should avoid a gluten diet to avoid the onslaught of that disease) That was me she was talking about. I don't have results yet from the colonoscopy biopsy,I go back to the GI in a couple of weeks. In her opinion,people with that positive genotype should probably have antibody testing every few years to make sure they detect the disease.
They can also do a test to determine gluten insensitivity.(different from full blown celiac) It's left me very confused(which comes first,the chicken or the egg?)as to what precisely could be going on. Would going on a gf diet possibly improve mag absorption and stave off celiac,or what?(I'm sure as heck not going on one without a very good reason) A lot of people think they don't need to worry about celiac at all..that's just not true. Like type 1,it can happen at any age and with few or no symptoms.
On the magnesium front, my levels have improved but seem to have hit a plateau and aren't continuing to go up. I will be trying to gradually decrease the amount of time in between IV's,and supplementing with oral mag. It's going better at least.
(And on a side note..TCOYD was awesome.They had a T1 track and a T2 track/exhibit hall and it was like a mini FFL conference!)


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The YoYo Effect

Up. Down. Up. Down.




Such is the flow of life with type 1 diabetes,and it can be wearing at times. Especially as the days turn to months,the months turn to seasons,the seasons turn to years,the years turn to decades.

"Are we there yet?"

We are a long way from being "there", a long way from anything resembling a cure. Slamming the door on hope is a hard thing to do,but I think we can at least hope that things will get better in our lifetimes.(in terms of diabetes treatments) And maybe,a cure. But having another condition for which most of the world has never heard about let alone have any interest in,the concept of having that ever cured is very much the hopeless one.(I'd far rather have the 'betes cured anyway,but still,the research is driven by the masses who have it.)

There are times,like three nights ago,where I get tired of it.All of it. Site changes/pump change outs get pushed back/undone,and I just go to bed..not caring if I wake up 300+ at 2 am.(and I do) There is always something to be done with diabetes,always some device to charge(pump,meter,Dexcom,phone),always some blood sugar to check/correct,always some carbohydrate to be consumed at all hours of the day and night,always some phone call to make regarding the meds/supplies that keep me alive. It's all diabetes,all the time.

"Do not go quietly into that good night
Rage,rage,against the dying of the light."

-Dylan Thomas

It gets very wearing sometimes,but neither magnesium deficiency or diabetes is going to stop me from at least trying to stay strong,even though I suspect the only strong part of me may be my stubbornness. I don't feel strong,I feel tired all the time and mentally "ok" until it all just piles up and I just completely crash.
I don't want it to win,at least not for the next 40 years or so. I'm not the only person fighting daily battles against diabetes(and all those other annoying diseases)..and I realize how many others have died,so prematurely, from this disease. (We all seem to have this notion that "control"= no bad things will happen. Not true.) Ultimately, it boils down to genetics/lifestyle/and not getting hit by any one of the millions of idiotic drivers as to how long you can live with this disease.
(Sorry, my car got smashed up in the parking lot the other day..and I am having fun dealing with the police,insurance company,and the car repair shop.)

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The Magnesium Wars

When you get dxd with diabetes,food goes from being food to being a collection of carbohydrates,proteins,and fats.(the same, I imagine,with any GI related illness) When you have problems with maintaining electrolytes food turns into a collection of potassium,magnesium,etc.

The above photo shows four types of magnesium supplement..as with insulins,not all supplements are created equal. Magonate is the rapid-acting,chug it down and in 2-3 hours your acute symptoms with subside,stuff. Slow Mag is the gentler on the stomach stuff(kind of like UltraLente-longgggg curve of action) and Milk of Magnesia is just there to get things kick started in a gentle way. Mag Oxide can be helpful(it's sort of like Lantus..over the course of a day) but when it decides to ravage your gut,you'd better be near a restroom.(It's the most brutal) And,there's Mag Sulfate which is given IV over a few hours.

On Monday I had my colonoscopy..and in preparation, I went on a clear liquid diet (Sunday)and drank a bowel prep (Prepokick,which had a ton of magnesium in it). It all decided to kick in at 1-9 am,suffice to say I didn't get adequate sleep. Took J to the babysitter and hubby drove me to the hospital. Prep took about 1.5 hours,and then the endoscopy nurse wheeled me to the OR. My bg was 196.(the tech didn't bothered to check this,but I let the nurse know regardless) There was a brief "do you have anything to declare" by the anesthesiologist, and some "you'll do great..it will be a lovely little nap" by the nurse and I was out like a light.(following administration of propanalol) It took about 30 minutes. Woke up and they said my bg was 156. The gastro came in and said everything looked good initially,took some biopsies and step up the game on the gut motility administration.(milk of mag) He didn't think it was absorption issues,because everything looked pretty normal in there follow up with him and my nephrologist. So,the stool test(for pancreas insufficiency) is unnecessary. If my gut isn't absorbing a nutrient,it's possibly because it gets overwhelmed by it(one has to work up to the dose, I guess). In the meantime..back to the magnesium wars. I get levels done weekly,and an infusion every week. Unfortuently, even with stuffing all this mag in my body I am still getting numbness,tingling,muscle cramps. (And lab values to match) I am thinking I may have to go to U of MD(or somewhere) to get another perspective outside of the problem because my neph admits that he's stumped. It's just not looking good at all.

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Dblog Week: Saturday Snapshots

(I guessed 80. I was wrong.)



(Tandom Twins!!)



(a history of old pumps)



(Bad day.)



(I hope.)



When Mommy has diabetes.




Splenda crop circles.






Low treatment.




Sale at CVS.




Or waddle.





And don't forget it!!!

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Dblog Week: Diabetes Life-Hacks

Dblog Week: Diabetes Life-Hacks

Share the (non-medical) tips and tricks that help you in the day-to-day management of diabetes. Tell us everything from clothing modifications, serving size/carb counting tricks to the tried and true Dexcom-in-a-glass trick or the “secret” to turning on a Medtronic pump’s backlight when not on the home-screen (scroll to the bottom of this post). Please remember to give non-medical advice only! (Thank you Rachel of Probably Rachel and Kelley of Below Seven for this topic suggestion.)

Life Hack #1

I'm amazed by the number of people who have never heard of Tegaderm/Opsite/IV3000...and then complain that they had to stop pumping because their sets/CGM sensors fell off. In my mind,that's not an excuse...THIS IS WHAT MEDICAL TAPE WAS MADE FOR. If you have an allergy to those products,this does not apply to you. (And this isn't meant to be medical advice) But really,there's a big,big internet full of D-forums with people who have had every sort of pump issue known to man and your pump trainer/CDE needs to be recommending these products in the first place. Do not say that pumping isn't for you because your set fell/got ripped off. There are ways to prevent that.

I personally use Opsite under my sets and over my CGM sensor. When I was podding, I'd use it over my pod.(guess what..I never had a pod rip out) The stuff is pretty awesome,in my book.

Life Hack #2


Let's play a game called "has this ever happened to you?" You are walking along,with your CGM or pump set displayed proudly on your upper arm when suddenly,someone asks you what that ugly tumor is on your arm. (It's happened(And then you get to explain your 'betes devices. And then it happens again,and again,and all day. Because people have no filters on their mouths,anymore. You may have just wished to be like everyone else that day,part of the crowd,but these devices catapult you to diabetes advocate #1...all day. Maybe this is agreeable,maybe not.




And then one day you put something like this

over it,and the awkward questions stop. Instead of geeky,you look super hip. And that,my friends,is a diabetes win.

Life Hack #3




I label when I open all my meds.(or kid's meds) I'm sensitive to the effects of meds,so I usually have to pitch the vial/etc.before it all gets skunky.I've also opened new vials before the original gets used,so it's pretty important that I know how long it's been open.(I keep them at room temp) Nothing is worse then wondering how old a vial is. I go through test strips much more quickly,so I don't bother with labeling them. I also put a piece of tape on my CGM site so I know when it was started,since I run my sensors as long as possible.(do not do this) 

Life Hack #4



Be prepared. I keep a diabetes case upstairs,and a diabetes case downstairs...in central locations that I know where they are. Inside are syringes,insulin,set change supplies,strips,emergency fast acting glucose,money. Said cases are brightly colored (and large)so I never have to worry about not finding it,and everything goes back in the case when I'm done. Hubby knows where the glucagon is(not in the fridge). And if there's an emergency I know what supplies I can quickly throw together to take.(with an emergency charger for all my diabetes/other devices) I hate not being able to find things.

Looking forward to reading others tips!

Dblog Week: Pollyanna Moments

Yesterday we opened up about how diabetes can bring us down. Today let’s share what gets us through a hard day. Or more specifically, a hard diabetes day. Is there something positive you tell yourself? Are there mantras that you fall back on to get you through? Is there something specific you do when your mood needs a boost? Maybe we've done that and we can help others do it too? (Thanks to Meri of Our Diabetic Life for suggesting this topic.)


If you look for the good in something,you surely will find it.
-Abraham Lincoln

There is still good in you,Father. I can feel it.
- Luke Skywalker

Rough days-I've had a lot of them lately. (Spoiler Alert: I am not Pollyanna)And diabetes,bless it,is along for the ride. But on those days which are particularly bg-sucky, there is no magic saying that will make it all ok,that will make me feel physically and mentally ok.

Time,fluids, and perhaps a nap help. And of course..insulin. Usually rough days involve hyperglycemia and my brain is too tired to get frustrated...if it involves hypoglycemia I can and do cry. Once upon a time, in my first year of diabetes, I frightened many small children by bursting into tears for absolutely no good reason on the daycare playground. (My blood sugar was in the mid 40's.) I was led inside to recuperate(and drink juice) from my haywire emotions..and then I was ok. (Except for the embarrassment.)I think that everything just builds up until I explode, and that's hardly a good way to release stress. But I try to find joy in something,anything,each and every day. Living in America, with 21st century medicine at my fingertips(!) and having a wonderful spouse/son and an adequate existence you'd think that this would be easy. The human brain,however,creates (or zeroes in on) the things that could be better.
And that's just the nature of things. But focusing on just one good thing can help you feel marginally better...in that moment,whether it's an in-range blood sugar,a butter compartment full of insulin, or the crispy tang-ness of a Diet Coke when you are dying of thirst from a high blood sugar.

Because life,should be about hope.(and joy)




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#Dblog Week: The Mental Stuff

In nursing school, I cared for a patient with a leg ulcer. This person did not have diabetes,but they did have impaired circulation to their feet,as a result of cardiac conditions. And the resulting cascade of unfortunate events(leg gashed on trailer hitch) left a wound to the bone,& a subsequent infection of the worst possible kind.(when I looked at that leg ulcer, it was like staring into a "maybe me" future.
The amazing thing to me,is that he felt no pain. This was a wound easily the size of my hand,and redness all around. Inside,there was yellow pus and black eschar(dead tissue) which stuck to the bandage. I had no idea how on earth I was supposed to get that all out of there,but my instructor said that that wasn't the point.(patient has to go to the OR for a wound "vacuum" incision) My job was to rinse it with saline,pack a ton of wound cream in it,and put a bandage on it. And,with her assistance, I did so. (All with no pain on his part) It was a very real and graphic representation of what diabetes can do to a person,and really what nursing is all about.(at one point I thought I was going to vomit from the smell,the nurse just looked at me and said "yep,it takes getting used to." (I did it though,and it was even something that I enjoyed. It was real nursing care.)


(This is my banged shin. I don't have leg neuropathy,so it's delightfully painful. This won't stop me from worrying about infection,though.)
I hate that diabetes steals so many legs,eyes,and kidneys. I hate the smell of a wound ulcer.I hate seeing blue candles. I hate the pain that diabetes causes. I hate that I see myself in an uncertain future. So,so many things I hate..and as much as this is meant to be releasing we could be here all day. Most of all,

I hate that there is no cure.
(The End.)

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Dblog Week Day 2:Dance of the HyperFairy

(This year, Diabetes Blog Week and TuDiabetes are teaming up to bring out the poet in you! Write a poem, rhyme, ballad, haiku, or any other form of poetry about diabetes. After you’ve posted it on your blog, share it on the No Sugar Added® Poetry page on TuDiabetes, and read what others have shared there as well!)

Numbers dance
twirl
jump
smash
crash
plunge
rocket
A beautiful symphony of life,through the lens of a dysfunctional CGM.

It is my normal.
To be otherwise
is something so foreign
(Yet so exotically appealing)
as to wonder
"What else would I be doing
with my life?"

Site changes
post-brushing teeth lows
doctor appointments
$$$$ medical supplies
constant analyzing
random 400's
not sleeping through the night
It's been my life,for so long.

I don't remember how it really "felt"
to have a flatline blood sugar 24 hours a day. (Although I'd certainly not object to a return to that.)

But there is a method to the madness
Purpose to the willy-nilly
Meaning to the insanity.

Dance on,you crazy beautiful life.
My CGM is a performance of rawest form.

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Dblog Day 1: Changing the World

Let’s kick off Diabetes Blog Week by talking about the diabetes causes and issues that really get us fired up. Are you passionate about 504 plans and school safety? Do diabetes misconceptions irk you? Do you fight for CGM coverage for Medicare patients, SDP funding, or test strip accuracy? Do you work hard at creating diabetes connections and bringing support? Whether or not you “formally” advocate for any cause, share the issues that are important to you. (Thanks go out to Kim of Texting my Pancreas for inspiring this topic.)


Diabetes is the leading cause of nothing..so they say.

Oh,wait. That's not quite right..well-controlled diabetes is the leading cause of nothing.(we won't get into the semantics of "well-controlled"and genetics and all that jazz. That's a topic for another day.) But "control?" I think we can all agree it takes certain things to make that happen..medications,syringe/pump supplies, accurate AND adequate amounts of test strips,a supportive medical team, regular exercise, education & support. All these pieces to the puzzle. I think we can also agree that too few people have these..and too few insurance companies realize all that is involved in what makes up "control." If I could advocate, and if I ever won the lottery..I'd set up a foundation to help people get their meds/test strips/diabetes supplies. And I'd try to get on some famous person like Ellen's show to try and raise awareness of what this disease is,and the importance of treating it. Famous people have an incredibly platform to raise awareness. Meanwhile, the type 2 epidemic marches on. And there's not much we can really do about that until we cure both types of diabetes. We have to, before the costs from this disease bankrupt this country.(and others) And in the meantime,we all deserve treatment to keep our diabetes as well-controlled as possible. That's not to say that the average Joe Blow can't (& indeed,should) advocate but most people have jobs and responsibilities preventing them from doing so. It's just hard to see people A.not having the means to get supplies in the first place and B.being denied the treatment needed. Sometimes I think this diabetes battle can only be "controlled" enough to live a long,healthy life..if you are lucky enough to live in the top .0000000001%,first world,excellent health care,adequate funds to at least cover the out of pocket,all the advantages.Diabetes in the trenches is a whole other story. I would try to help people as I've been helped,to give them a chance to live a healthy life. I've never had to choose between food and test strips..and no one should have to.

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The First Mothers Day

Mothers Day, 2011.

As I stared into the church rafters that day, I wondered if I,indeed,would be joining those ranks soon. It was a melancholy sort of feeling..and an intense one,to boot. But it was far too early for even a blood test. I could hear the words of my Endocrinologist echoing in my brain..and she was of the opinion that this was it..time to batten down the blood sugar hatches. She would prove to be right.


Five days later, my world shifted on its axis ("hello,yes,you are pregnant")and every "am I or aren't I" symptom hit with a bang. (At 28 days) My little blastocyst lost no time in announcing his likes/dislikes to the world. (Most bizarre symptom:everything tasted metallic from weeks 6-9)At 7 weeks,an infected groin lymph node necessitated taking antibiotics for several weeks.(oh how glad I was that it wasn't appendicitis or a miscarriage) First trimester weirdness soon smoothed out to stability for the rest of the pregnancy.



Mothers Day,2014. I'm so glad to be his Mommy!! and that he's healthy!!


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The Early Bird & The EI Therapy

In the 80's(and prior), the popular opinion of the day was that if you didn't worry about your kid's development,they'd eventually catch up with the others and turn out normal. (I'm still not sure this worked on me.)Not speaking till the age of 4? Your little Einstein is just thinking deep thoughts...just relax, Momma. 30 years later, we've progressed to Early Intervention Programs and nipping those problems right out of the womb,so kid turns out As Normal As Possible.
My child is almost 2.5 now..and he's been in EI for about 9 months. He isn't on par with the other kids his age,he speaks mostly in one word requests(while most kids are up to two) and he's a tad cognitively delayed. In the opinion of EI, it's because he's very,very opinionated on doing things his way and tuning the rest of the universe out.(which is typical toddler behavior, but they(toddlers) need to be engaged with their environment to learn and develop). So the trick is getting him interested in activities that help him learn. He has a very short attention span, (for anything other then the TV or iPad) and it makes it very challenging. The 80's policies would not work on him at all.(he needs intervention) My mom tells me not to worry,that he'll turn out just fine some kids just take longer to get it..and I know all that, but I can't just let it go,it's my job to see that he gets the best. He doesn't have autism,but it seems like he's in his own little world and he rarely comes into mine. (He engages with the environment and with people) I think the main reason it feels this way is the lack of communication,or just basic one-word,pull on clothing type gestures. I can see that he has made progress in the program,but I can't help but wish it were a little faster.(it's uncharted territory) The Behavioral Therapist is in the same boat..learning along with me. He can be in this program until the age of 3,then the school district takes over.(another can of worms..this child cannot sit in a preschool/follow direction,no way.) And I don't think putting a high-strung 3 yo in a classroom situation is the right thing to do.(too early) but he needs intervention,and perhaps the state is the only one who can provide those one on one services. I grew up in a world of freedom,a world where you could run off all that energy in the backyard..and do the schoolwork a little later.(I was homeschooled with my siblings) But it feels different when you just have one child,they have all your attention & you want to see that they get the best.(I don't know what educational pathway that will take yet..I just don't know if I could do an adequate job homeschooling a special needs child.)




(My handsome boy in his Easter suit.)

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The Endo & the Gastro

I saw both today. The Gastro spent time berating on my lack of good control (I don't really care,he doesn't know anything about type 1) and said the plan of action is to run a stool study(yay,poop collecting!) and a colonoscopy to make sure things look to be normal /not inflamed down there.(slated for middle of May) This is not a test that I ever envisioned myself having before the age of 50,but if it clears up the mystery of the magnesium problems I'll do it. The stool study will measure my pancreas enzymes.(or lack thereof)

A few hours after that, I hopped on over to my Endos office. She is going off on surgical leave and won't be back till Sep.so that's kind of sad.Last time she was off on maternity leave was 4-5 years ago...it's been awhile. The back up Endo I just didn't connect with. Anyway,we discussed all that was going on with my health...and my thyroid/Vit.D issues. I want to switch to the Armour brand of thyroid pills but she wanted to get another thyroid level (and ensure that you can't take it during pregnancy..no worries there) before she switches me.(I am really bad about taking pills, and I don't take it every single day like I'm supposed to.) Reviewed my abysmal CGM graphs.(new goal: AVOID (daily) 300's IF YOU CAN) and I kinda sorta got the "you need to be more aggressive about bolusing..you have a CGM and it will tell you if you are going low" talk. And I know that, but I hate lows,and one low is one too many. I've become that person for whom 80 is the end of the Universe and suck city for the next hour. It's hard to make yourself embrace the crappy hypo feelings all over again..and yet that is "control." But I am back on this band wagon and I am going to try to do better.A1c I have to get done at the lab..it's not covered by insurance at the office. I really feel like my Endo covered all the basics though..got a lot going on my life and she addressed all my concerns. It was a good appointment. As far as my magnesium,it's been steady w/weekly infusions.(it even went up last week!!) So far,they have found veins to infuse..and I am grateful for that.(hoping that I can increase the amount of time between infusions to help my veins heal for the next go-around and that a port won't be necessary.)


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Down

The phone rang,right on cue with my toddler's "waaaaaa"ing for some more juice.

Deep breath. Check number. Pick up.

"hello?"

"Hi Heidi this is Dr. Nephrologist. Your mag is still low at 1.1 and there's something not right going on..how much mag are you getting?"

"4 grams a week."

"I'm concerned you may have a malabsorption problem..you need to see your primary and a gastroenterologist,are you cramping?"

"All the time."

"And I think you will need a port,because your veins are probably giving up by now."

"Yes,"(fighting back the urge to bawl)..

"The pancreas is responsible for an endocrine function and an exocrine function and I think there may be something going on there..you need a full gastro work up. Are you having diarrhea?"

"Sporadically..once every few days."

"I think the malobsorption may be the cause of your electrolyte problems..also try soaking in Epsom salts,your kidneys can handle it. It will dry the skin out though."

"I know you don't want a port but I think you'll need one,this needs to be figured out. We will continue to check mag levels and talk again later."

Scared.


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Stuck

Unless things really improve with my mag levels in the next 2 weeks, I'm going to have to get a port.(in my upper arm or chest) All my arm/hand veins are completely shot. Ports scare the bejabbers out of me,& I refuse to have one done. But magnesium has to get in somehow. I'm trying to supplement with fast-acting magnesium liquid,& I 'm going to talk to my doc about Epsom Salt soaks(that is a very iffy method of upping levels though and my doc said he once knew someone who did it so much she put herself in a high magnesium coma that led to death). My mag levels are being drawn weekly.(and they are staying stable-low end with weekly infusions) I have to do something drastic,and it has to be hardcore or my levels will not go up and I'll have no choice but to get a port. Ports scare me because of the risk of blood clots/you have to take Coumadin/and your entire life revolves around the darn thing not getting infected and it can never come out,not at the rate I'm going and I'm afraid I'll need it forever. I'm fairly certain I'd need an anti-anxiety medication just for everyday functioning on the thing,not that I don't need one now but at least there's not something sticking out of my chest. I am willing to take magnesium,lots of magnesium,even if it makes me sick as a dog,to stabilize things. I just wish that they would stabilize because these veins need a break.I'm trying to take things a day at a time, tracking my levels and to be grateful for each day but it's not really working when my veins are responding by giving up the ghost..I got stuck 4 times today for an IV. Things really need to get better,soon.

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The 31 Days of Blood Sugar Control

(28,29,30...as the case may be.Warning:the below post is about women stuff!!)

If you don't have diabetes, or much of a relationship with a PWD..you are probably laboring under the assumption that blood sugar control is easy. You are either "in" or "out." (Think Top Chef) This is an assumption that has permeated every inch of society, to the point where even educating those willing to learn TAKES YEARS for them to get.(Namely,that blood sugars are a living,fluid thing...not at all static and stuck on "104")

- you go low in the grocery store,a kind soul hands you a sugary drink..and assumes you are fragile,etc.

-you eat a brownie,spend the afternoon shoveling snow, drop to 42 and your relative just cannot understand why (or they get the idea that because you ate a bad food, THAT is why you had the low).

Head smack. I'm sure you get the idea. I have been thinking though,that for a women with t1 diabetes, control is a River in Egypt.(much like the Nile) Why is this, you may ask? Well,much of it has to do with that monthly inconvenience (or lack thereof) which means in addition to the meds/exercise/other illness/food/no sleep/etc. normal ness of life,you get to deal with some pretty potent hormones which (in a normal cycle) drop to "normal" on Day 1, go flat-lining along merrily to the middle of the month and then skyrocket for the later part of the month (as do the insulin needs.) That's how it is for many women,anyway. (Others will drop their bgs.)If you get pregnant,that progesterone kicks in like a son of a gun and you can expect to see more high blood sugars along with your Endocrinologist going a bit/lot psycho.(later,the drop comes) I think that's why I will never not have highs (and lows)..you can live a lifetime with diabetes and not figure it out. (I have a very non-predictable life.)It's not entirely bad though, estrogen protects against heart attacks and the like.(however much diabetes is messing with that) Life is pretty tough for a woman with diabetes(DON'T YOU DARE GET PREGNANT OR I WILL KILL YOU MYSELF) along with the daily highs and lows. Options exist to smooth out those hormones, but that comes with the potential side effects of strokes/heart attacks and the like but in the eyes of the Endo,still better then pregnancy. It almost makes a person want to have a voluntary hysterectomy. And I guess it is better to have those options not to get pregnant, but one has to wonder what 30 years of diabetes plus pill taking is going to wrack on the circulatory system. But for a women with T1, still easier then going through multiple pregnancies.
One's body is just not ones own..

and then you are violently thrown to the Diabetes Police,masquerading as Health Care Providers, the supposed experts...who have no clue what you are talking about/doing..you've just got to realize that you are not a textbook,they do not have Crystal Balls and the future is an open book. But yes, it gets scary, because you think they are talking about you. Long story short,blood sugar control is rarely "easy"...you are thinking 1,000 things to stabilize one deficient hormone.

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The Permanence of Performance

They don't know
that the pain I feel
Is not from IV tracks
Up and down my arms
A disease unleashed
Monsters knocking down my body
Making me fear the future
I only hope that I can die from diabetes in 30 years
And not from plummeting magnesium levels.
"What does this do
And this?!?"
Uncharted waters
Not easily measured
I trust my doctor
But I don't trust my body.
There is no roadmap
No blueprint
It is not diabetes,and Your Disease May Vary.
Will it get better
Will it stabilize
Can I go to sleep without worrying
Can my toddler know his mommy for a good long while
Will my husband still have a wife
Can I function
Will it eat up all the money
Will my veins hold up
Will I be living at the hospital
When can things be normal?
"You look so normal!"
(This is politeness
because)
I have two chronic diseases
There will never be normal.
Juggling must be automatic
It's what you do
There is no choice.
But I just want one problem,
Not 1,000,001.
My friend died from her disease
When she'd barely begun to live.
There wasn't another person on this earth who had both T1 and Bartters.
And there maybe will never be.
Alone with an unpredictable disease
Searching for some answers.


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And the Winner is..

Alexis Nicole! Congrats and I'll contact you through FB!

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Diabetic Dabs & More! Giveaway

I'm very excited to be holding The D-Log Cabin's very first diabetes giveaway..fueled in part by Elizabeth Sacco of Diabetic Dabs who offered a sample of their product to myself,and a blog reader. She's a mom to 4,and D-mom to one.(her son was dx'd in 2011 )






It comes in 4 packs of 50 sheets each. Each sheet is highly absorbent,and can be ripped off and discarded although I use them for as many blood blots as I can. Easily fits inside my meter case although it would be a bit bulky for your standard ugly black case. Each box is available on her website for $9.49 plus s&h. After reviewing this product, I feel like I'd have wanted to buy this anyway..it's not just like blotting your finger on some old paper napkin floating around. It's soft,blood wicks up quickly,and it's portable and convenient. And today, you'll get a chance to win a box....








Along with two boxes of Level Life Bars: (a good low carb snack)








A cupcake picture frame & $5 Radio Shack gift card:








A GoPicnic Meal:






And a blue organizer bag to put D-stuff in(or whatever...I just love organizer stuff).







To enter, just leave a comment. Winner will be drawn Sunday night.( 3/23) (also,it must be apparent that you in the D world..either yourself or a loved one has diabetes)




(The whole shebang of goodies)

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March Madness (part 2)

Day 13:

Slowly but surely, I think I'm getting better from this flu crud.(Yes, it was Influenza A..major good diagnosing skillz, Dr. Hyphenated Last Name of the Cardiology persuasion)
The fevers and sweats of last week have subsided, the cough is nearly gone and it's just the exhaustion that's left now. Rubber legs,that's me. I suppose it's all very normal but I don't recall having ever been this wiped out from the flu before. I had a follow up with my primary today(the office, as my real primary is off on maternity leave for the 2nd time in 22 months!) & they took some more blood to check my electrolyte levels. Tomorrow, I follow up with cardiology(repeat echocardiogram). In the meantime, I rescheduled my Endo appt to April..that was just not happening anytime soon. It's really done quite the number on my bgs, although I'm grateful that my meter average has come down to the lower 200's from the upper 300's, this stuff is brutal. My a1c was in the 8's. And I know that that number should be just a number but I know that I can do better,should do better, heck I've got all the tools of 21st century medicine and this is what I produce? I think a big part of that is A. My fear of lows and B. My lack of accountability so I am going to look at ways to address both of those issues. Regarding my fear of lows, I am going to choose a ranging (to target) that is far,far away from the danger zone..yet moving towards a better place. And I'm making an agreement with some T1 friends to chart my bgs(etc.) more. I'm going to use the MySugr app,it's really pretty awesome (I just have to wrestle the phone away from the toddler..) It just seems like when I get sick, upping my basal rates has zero effect, my basals are so low anyway.(doubling a 0.2 or an 0.3 is not going to do anything to lower that glucose-dumping liver of yours) I feel that I should do something,because that's the first thing everyone says to do when you are sick but I think my primary problem comes with meals..how much of a modified I:C ratio I should do. It's wild. I am really not sure why I bothered getting a flu shot this year..the flu still found me. I'm glad that it's the only respiratory thing I've had this winter,and even gladder that neither my hubby or child got it.(apparently it's just me with the screwed up immune system)



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