The Friday Appy Hour: Savings

If you own an Apple Device, this post is for you. I do indeed love my IBabies(not as much as the human baby, but still, a lot). And I love to A. Shop and B. Save money...so the following apps make my life just a bit easier in that regard.

#1 Cardstar. This app takes the numbers on your loyalty card(CVS, Office Depot, library, whatever) and converts it to barcode form. The days of forgetting your card or carrying around 50 cards stuffed in your wallet are over...this is the 21st century, people. You simply whip out your phone,they scan the barcode,& you are on your merry way. Its also not dependent on Internet or wifi so you could probably even put it on an I-touch. I love this app.

#2 Retail Me Not. Before you buy anything,check for store coupons in this app. Again,no need to remember real paper coupons & so nice & tidy.(extensive,too)

#3 Shopkick. Gives you "points" for walking into various stores, (Target, Best Buy,Old Navy,etc)& more points for scanning various products & for buying products/gas. (can link to credit/debit card)Points can be redeemed for gift cards,etc.If you're going there anyway, this is worth your while.

#4 Receipts. Snap a pic, save for future account spending record.

#5 Coupons/The Coupons App. Another place to get e-coupons for on-the-go.

#6 Slick Deals. (#1 deal site in the entire universe) Gives you a reference to what you are looking for,when you are out and about.

These are some of the apps that I use..it's a pretty small,basic list.(searching:Coupons in the Apple Store will give you many more) Living Social & Groupon will also give you some good deals occasionally.(I draw the line at hydro colon therapy..no way,no how) My phone gives me so much more then the ability to make calls/play music/post to FB/tweet/picture load to Instagram/bid on Ebay,etc...) it's literally a life manager. (iPhone: Life as CGM:Diabetes Management) Probably other smart phones have a similar money-saving apps..but I enjoy the huge the huge selection that Apple has.

Next week I'll share with you some of my favorite diabetes apps.

 

Posted with Blogsy

Day 6: Diabetes Art (#Dblog Week)

This year Diabetes Art moves up from the Wildcard choices as we all channel our creativity with art in the broadest sense. Do some “traditional” art like drawing, painting, collage or any other craft you enjoy. Or look to the literary arts and perhaps write a d-poem or share and discuss a favorite quote. Groove to some musical arts by sharing a song that inspires you diabetes-wise, reworking some song lyrics with a d-twist, or even writing your own song. Don’t forget dramatic arts too, perhaps you can create a diabetes reality show or play. These are just a starting point today – there are no right or wrong ways to get creative!



Poetry is my preferred method of expressing my D-feelings...so here you go.


If tomorrow never comes
If today is all we have
Diabetes
Deployment
Disasters-man made and natural
All terrible D's

There's a 365
During a qualifying exam
A 110
On a sunny, summer-ish day
A 44
Scarfing down smarties in a Target aisle while your toddler spills chocolate milk all over the floor
Don't stop believing
Eighty ok "in-range, or acceptable" numbers
And 520 that aren't.

It's not about the numbers
Seeking to define us
Seeking to control us
Seeking to destroy us
Showing us who is boss
Not playing well with life.
(grow the heck up, diabetes)

Inverting the equation
We are never defined
By a piece of inaccurate technology.
Up and down
Round and round
Consistently unconsistent
Expect the unexpected.

Maybe tomorrow will be better
Maybe tomorrow will be the same
Maybe tomorrow will be worse
But
The joys of this moment
The sip of this diet coke
The sand beneath my (still present) toes
The laughter of my toddler
Eyes that can see and read and experience the beauty of the written word
Is what I know in this moment
In fact, the best things of life
Diabetes cannot take from me
tonight, tomorrow, not ever.

Day 5: The Other Medical Condition

Just like in the movie, today we’re doing a swap. If you could switch chronic diseases, which one would you choose to deal with instead of diabetes? And while we’re considering other chronic conditions, do you think your participation in the DOC has affected how you treat friends and acquaintances with other medical conditions? (Thanks to Jane of Jane K. Dickinson, RN, PhD, CDE and Bob of T Minus Two for this topic suggestion.)


I was going to write an entirely different post then the one I'm writing today. But this morning, I checked my facebook,checking on a friend that I haven't talked to in some time...and the condolences were there, scrolling down her facebook page.

She died one year ago today. I am deeply saddened.
I could delve into the myriad of other chronic diseases, discuss the bad and the not-so-rough ones. I'm not going to do that. I'm going to talk about that disease, that the world needs to know about, and may that have ultimately claimed her life.

Her name was Tess, and we met on an online message board for people with Bartter's Syndrome.Bartter's Syndrome, as you may or may not know, is an inherited kidney condition in which the ion (potassium, magnesium) reabsorbing parts of the kidney do not function correctly and dump out these particles back into the urine. This is a problem, because your body needs to maintain a constant level of these to function correctly, and if blood levels of them drop too low you can have seizures, heart rhythm disturbances, and possibly a heart attack. (as well as all over twitches and muscle weakness)Depending on just how screwed up those parts of the kidneys are, you may need massive IV infusions of magnesium or potassium. (if you cannot take in enough orally) Also, because magnesium and potassium strongly affect sodium and calcium, levels of those may be impacted as well. In rare instances, it may lead to kidney failure. Tess had had Bartter's Syndrome from birth,and was on pretty significant IV doses of various electrolytes. I'd been diagnosed at the age of 23, and had had a fairly stable time of it up until a hospitalization for an intesseception (in 2008), and then required massive doses of IV magnesium(in the beginning, 2-3x a week. I had no life.) She was a wealth of knowledge about the disease, and sent me several hundred vials of magnesium/saline solution, helped me figure out how to use an insulin pump to administer it, helped me find a competent nephrologist.(so I could stop having to get it IV) And then something strange happened, she was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. (as an adult, in her late 20's) She'd had to deal with her chronic disease all her life...she knew what Bartter's Syndrome was like. I'd had diabetes for 11 years, I knew what that was like. Bartter's Syndrome is extremely rare, something like 1/million people. Type 1 diabetes= not so rare, but still, rare. (if you were going to get diabetes, you'd be more likely to get type 2)
Which made us probably the only two people on earth to have both. And she lived just a state away. I regret never getting to meet her, I'll always regret that. She was so kind and helpful and med-savvy. (I found out from her obituary that she'd been in RN school, before having to drop out.) She asked me questions about the insulin pump about diabetes and insulin pumps and eventually got an insulin pump.

People live with Bartter's Syndrome, successfully. People live and thrive and have careers and babies and travel the world with this disease. For me, its never really been the constant, daily, life-threatening threat (it has been once or twice, but not consistently)...and it may have actually saved my life when I was diagnosed with diabetes.(as metabolic alkalosis balances out metabolic acidosis). It allows me to eat as much salt as I want, and it doesn't interfere with day-to-day life. (all I have to do at this point, is to get an IV infusion once a month) I'd defiantly switch my diabetes for just this disease.But other people aren't so lucky with it. Some people have a rockier course with a disease, while some just sail on through.

RIP, friend.

Day 3: Accomplishments, Large and Small

We don’t always realize it, but each one of us had come a long way since diabetes first came into our life. It doesn’t matter if it’s been 5 weeks, 5 years or 50 years, you’ve done something outstanding diabetes-wise. So today let’s share the greatest accomplishment you've made in terms of dealing with your (or your loved one’s) diabetes. No accomplishment is too big or too small - think about self-acceptance, something you’ve mastered (pump / exercise / diet / etc.), making a tough care decision (finding a new endo or support group / choosing to use or not use a technology / etc.). (Thanks to Hillary of Rainie and Me for this topic suggestion.)


Pretty proud of this one.





And this one.



(giving whole blood to others a total of 35x over 7 years)


And even my cgm case matching (and formerly insulin pump case matching) ensemble throwing-together skillz have improved over the years.



It's still a work in progress though...there's so much that I want to accomplish (despite the diabetes). If there was a cure tomorrow you wouldn't hear me complaining that I couldn't take it along for the ride, though.

What have you accomplished, with diabetes?

Memories: The Day the World Went White

Today we’re going to share our most memorable diabetes day. You can take this anywhere.... your or your loved one's diagnosis, a bad low, a bad high, a big success, any day that you’d like to share. (Thanks to Jasmine of Silver-Lined for this topic suggestion.)


It was May 1999, (it always seems to be May when such things happen, but I digress) and I'd just been diagnosed with diabetes 5 months prior. I'd worn glasses for nearsightedness for much of my life, and coupled with the diabetes diagnoses my vision was on a rollarcoaster. After diagnoses, however, things improved, went back to normal. One month after diagnoses, I'd had an eye appointment with a pediatric opthamologist who told me that things were back to normal, in that regard. And my a1c improved from 23 to 14 to 9.

And then came May. There were no signs, no indication of what was about to happen. I'd had a little bit of blurry vision (that I chalked up to allergies) and went to sleep one night, blissfully unaware of what was about to happen.

Next morning, my vision was almost completely obscured, it was like trying to stare through a white sheet with little pinprick holes. Naturally, I freaked out...and we got a stat consultation at the pediatric ophthalmologist.

I remember sitting there, scared out of my ever living mind, thinking that this was the end, this was blindness & diabetes had already managed to ruin my life already. And I remember the pediatric ophthalmologist talking about me, not to me, to his roomful of residents as they all took a look-see at my eyes. I remember the words "we can try surgery, which may or may not work, because we're not entirely convinced that this is all that's going on," and how that made me feel. I remember the pediatric ophthalmologist saying he'd only seen this before once (in his entire career)...it was an acute, rapid growth of cataracts within a few days time, and most probably related to the extreme drop in my hemoglobin a1c. And then we went home, to wait for the surgery.

Blindness. I couldn't read my meter. I couldn't draw up my insulin. I couldn't read, watch tv, do so many things you take for granted. I could see (and feel) well enough not to run into the wall and give my self a concussion, but that was just about it. My family went on a camping trip (I had to go) and I was a moody,depressed, introverted, wreck. They went to a Star Wars movie and I couldn't go. And one morning, there was a severe low blood sugar (the number "12" was involved) that made me even more ticked off at it. I was almost completely dependent on others, for my disease management. And that didn't help my desire to foster independence and self-sufficiency with this disease.

Two weeks later, it was time for surgery. I'd never had surgery before. The room was white, and cold, and the orderly had to gently guide me with his arm to prevent me from tripping over the IV pole and falling flat on my face. I felt shame, embarrassed that I couldn't see the bed & that I was half naked & I couldn't see where to climb up on. I felt fear that I'd never see again. And I felt anger, that diabetes had done this to me.

When I woke up, there was a patch over one eye. The world was still white, and I still couldn't see anything. We went home and I had to spend much of that time laying flat to give my eye a chance to heal. The next day, the resident doctor took the patch off & the world literally smacked me in the face with it's clarity. I saw the doctor, I saw the floor, I saw every detail with amazing new wonder. And the tears rolled, unabashed, down my cheeks.(if it would have been proper to jump up and down and hug him, I would have) Two weeks later, they did the other eye and both eyes could see again.

Diabetes took something from me, but it gave me back something much more precious. I don't take my sight for granted anymore...I cherish every day I have with it. I am grateful that medical technology is able to fix that particular complication. And I pray that that is the only serious complication that I will ever have, from this disease. It taught me that even though you can't always prevent this stuff from occurring, you still need to take diabetes management seriously. (odds are much higher that it will happen, if you don't try)

Day 2: We, the Undersigned

Recently various petitions have been circulating the Diabetes Online Community, so today let’s pretend to write our own. Tell us who you would write the petition to – a person, an organization, even an object (animate or inanimate) - get creative!! What are you trying to change and what have you experienced that makes you want this change? (Thanks to Briley of inDpendence for this topic suggestion.)

We, the fathers/mothers/sisters/brothers/wives/husbands/aunts/uncles/grandparents/grandchildren/caregivers/friends of the Diabetes Online Community, are writing to you, yes, YOU.(oh clueless, blissfully ignorant, person)Our lives are challenging, and ever revolving around this disease. As such, there are a few things that we feel that need to be changed...and changed NOW.

#1 Let's stop the diabetes discrimination at school, and in the workplace. Let's allow students with diabetes to be able to care for their diabetes needs, without fear of reprisal. Let's fire the jerk instructors of the world that don't want to make those accommodations. Let's make our workplaces and schools SAFE places, where we can all feel good about going to.

#2 Someone needs to conduct a massive re-education of the masses. All diabetes educational materials written prior to 1993 should be burned,and everyone should attend a mandatory diabetes educational seminar. (travelling CDE's?) As well as RIGHT information being taught in schools and universities. Newspapers and other media that publish diabetes inaccuracies should be heavily fined for such offenses.Maybe some day people will understand this disease better, and the ignorant jokes about diabetes will stop.

#3 People with diabetes need access to good physicians, CDE's, proper meds(etc.),and a host of other resources to properly manage their disease. I don't have any answers to how this can take place, but I do know that there are many, many people out there who will never be able to afford good care or maybe ANY care and that breaks my heart. People with diabetes deserve the best care possible.

#4 People with diabetes should be rewarded for trying to take care of themselves. Listen up, insurance companies. I think you should pay for gym memberships, spa days (mental health IS important), and my diet coke RX.(ok, so that last one isn't that important) Incentive is a powerful motivator, and you need to encourage those feelings of wanting to do better. You could save so much money in the long run if you'd cover these things before they esculate to the point of gangrene and amputations and sepsis and million dollar stays in the ICU. PAY FOR THEM. Education. Mental Health. Diabetes supplies. This is not college level math, this is so basic that even I (who is very, very, bad at math) can see it.

Signed,
The Diabetes Online (& offline) Community

To Endo, With Love

Often our health care team only sees us for about 15 minutes several times a year, and they might not have a sense of what our lives are really like. Today, let’s pretend our medical team is reading our blogs. What do you wish they could see about your and/or your loved one's daily life with diabetes? On the other hand, what do you hope they don't see? (Thanks to Melissa Lee of Sweetly Voiced for this topic suggestion.)

Dear Endo,

I wish you'd say "Good Job." I know my a1c isn't 5.9 (nor will it ever be) and I'm not a lean, mean, marathon-running machine, (I wish that I were) but I get up every morning and try to do my best with this diabetes crap. It isn't always easy, its rarely easy. I wish you knew how encouraging it would be to hear those words coming from your mouth. That hasn't happened yet, not when I delivered a beautiful healthy baby boy,(a "Congrats!" but no "Great job, he's perfect!") and certainly not when I got the best a1c of my entire diabetes existence and you told me I was a bad mother & harming my baby with that a1c and I went home and cried for two solid hours until the DOC pulled me out of the depths of my 7 month pregnant depression. Everyone has bad days, and I've forgiven you for those words. (I cannot, however, forget them. They are seared onto my soul for eternity.) I used to fantasize about getting that under 7 a1c and getting to hear those words from a health care provider, but now I have come to realize that its probably not that big a deal to you and won't ever come to pass. I know I will feel good about any and all a1cs around that number, but it would be nice to feel that my health care provider could also be my cheerleader. I still respect you and your solid clinical skills, I get great care from your office and you (with the exception of pregnancy) don't hound me about my blood sugars. Thank you for that.

But mostly, I just wish you'd acknowledge the effort that I put into this..you have no idea just how uplifted and amazing that would make me feel. Diabetes is a life long journey, and "thus shines a good deed in a weary world." You've got the power to make this journey a little less burdensome.

Signed,

Your Patient

Over a Kansas Rainbow

I love Kansas, I really do. And there's a kind of tenacious toughness to the Midwesterners that's really quite admirable.

But...

I don't love being in the middle of nowhere with no cell service,no phone service,& the nearest "help" one mile away. Heck,even the walkie talkies don't work. At night, the wolves howl their symphonies & you really try not to worry about what the heck you'd do if a wild animal burst into the cabin(stab them with the glucagon needle?) or if the tornado siren went off. To say nothing of having a diabetes emergency(nearest hospital: 25 miles away) or an emergency of some other kind. I was not cut out to be Pioneer Girl.

But....

It is rustically beautiful. Flowing streams, an elaborately decked-out "Lodge", nice views, and a hot tub on the premises...plus a relative(hubby's) who is really just as nice and accommodating as can be. I will just have to woman up & bear the 5 days of no Internet, or well,anything. Hubby's relatives really want to see the J-baby.(I would love to do a Kansas meetup but that all depends on whether Hubby wants to,he isn't overly thrilled about D-meetups)

I will (likely) survive. I can do this. And maybe we will all end up having an excellent time.(toddler tempers pending)

Posted with Blogsy

15 Months

This is my angelic child. He is (now)15.5 months old, bright, funny, cheerful. He loves reading books & splashing in the bathtub. He has a short fuse & his yet primary way of communication(for anything) is yelling at the top of his lungs. And for the most part, he's healthy.(seasonal allergies notwithstanding)

But... He isn't walking yet. He'll pull himself around all over everything in Creation, but has no interest in taking independent steps. (when forced to do so, he does the stop,drop, and laugh at Mommy) Otherwise, if he wants to get something that can't be gotten via holding on, he will crawl.(he can crawl faster then I can walk) And when you go to the Pediatrician's, & they frown & start asking you all these other questions about his development & start planting seeds of doubt as to whether something is seriously wrong...At this age, every normal child is at least walking. She took a look at his hips,his gait, & said it looked normal but if he doesn't begin to walk soon, they will want to get an X-ray & perhaps see a pediatric neurologist although in every other developmental area, he is normal so she doubted that it was some weird neurological deadly disease that could be causing this.(I will not Google. I will NOT Google.)

"Kids just develop differently."

Which I know, but it's not exactly turning the worry off in my brain. You can't just ignore something, hope it's nothing,& find out later that it was a HUGE something.

Enter referrel to Infant & Toddlers Program.(some sort of state funded program for developmental assessment/treatment of developmental issues) Called them, gave them some basic info & the case worker set up an assessment for Tuesday. I'm hoping they can shed some light on whether this is a medical problem or a psychological one, & what can be done to fix it.(or where to go from here,because I'm at a loss)

 

Posted with Blogsy

Choosing This, Not That

This:

Not:

 

This:

 

(mostly not...) That:

This:

Not:

(the child is a perpetual ray of sunshine,so my collection of "angry baby" photos is very slim. This one is probably from a year ago.)

This:

Not:

This:

Not: (the W...)

This:

Not:

This:

Not:

This:

Not:

And always, always,more of this!!!!

 

Posted with Blogsy

Pledge(d)

Long, long ago, when I was a young un' in 4-H...every meeting would begin with the solemn pledge. Which I will probably remember till my dying day, given that I recited it hundreds, if not a thousand, times over those 7 years. It went:

I pledge:

My head to clearer thinking

My heart to greater loyalty

My hands to larger service

My health to better living, for my club, my community, my country, and my world.

Nursing kinda has a pledge like that as well. It's called the Florence Nightengale pledge, as it's kinda like a Hippocratic oath for nurses. You don't get to say it unless you are a graduate/or actual RN. Florence Nightengale,as you probably know, was the founder of modern nursing & the whole shebang...she was quite the remarkable person. In first semester, we learned all about Florence & the history of nursing & all the legal stuff.(aka:how to not get sued)

"First, do no harm."

"Honesty. Veracity. Benevolence. Nonmalifecence." (learn to spell...)

"What would Florence do?" was the theme of that particular course. I grew to rather disliking Florence, for her intrusion into 21st century nursing. Florence,however,is still important. (quirky teachers non-withstanding)

I solemnly pledge myself before God and in the presence of this assembly, to pass my life in purity and to practice my profession faithfully. I will abstain from whatever is deleterious and mischievous, and will not take or knowingly administer any harmful drug. I will do all in my power to maintain and elevate the standard of my profession, and will hold in confidence all personal matters committed to my keeping and all family affairs coming to my knowledge in the practice of my calling. With loyalty will I endeavor to aid the physician in his work, and devote myself to the welfare of those committed to my care.

I'm pretty sure Florence wouldn't have put up with the legal mumbo-jumbo that passes as being a good nurse today. She was a person who took matters into her own hands,to get the best care for her patients. But it's 2013, & you've got to toe the line if you want to retain a nursing lisence. I went & talked to a prof today(who is really awesome,& probably the straightest shooter in the whole program) & she told me that yep,nurses can't legally make that assessment that a patient is "ok"..it has to be done by a doctor. So if I'm that patient with a low blood sugar in clinical,even if I treat it & appear ok,if I make a mistake & kill a patient or pass out in the hallway legally it's their mess too. And there is the fact that some clinical profs actually do care about you & want you to feel better. But mostly,it's all legal. So,I guess I've got no recourse but to run 200+ if I really want to avoid lows. The instant I A.tell someone I need to treat or B.appear/am low C.eat glucose tabs & someone sees I'm low it's game over in clinical. I hardly think this is preparing me for the real world, I'm acquainted with managing D on the job without killing myself or another party. At least,it was the opinion of the prof that I'd be better off temporarily high & I am tending to agree with her. Classroom is slightly different, it's ok to be low & treat there since there are 20 other students (as long as you don't pass out). Lab is like clinical..low=nono. She cleared up the confusion I had on that matter.(as well as a few others. It's nice when someone tells you exactly why faculty does what they do,even if that reason is completely asinine.) Plus she fed me diet beverages and cookies, & that's always a huge morale booster in my book. It's nice to have someone(in real life) rooting for you.(besides all the people that live in your computer,which I do appreciate ALL of you.Thank you.)

 

Posted with Blogsy

For Want of a CGM

For want of a nail the shoe was lost. (CGM/blood sugar)
For want of a shoe the horse was lost. (blood sugar/class)
For want of a horse the rider was lost. (class/student)
For want of a rider the message was lost. (student/paperwork)
For want of a message the battle was lost. (paperwork/course)
For want of a battle the kingdom was lost. (course/nursing school program)
And all for the want of a horseshoe nail. (CGM)

This is my Dexcom CGM. It is my security blanket, my ray of sunshine in the dark night of diabetes, my cool kids toy, my partner,till death (or cure) do us part. It's sole job in life is to keep me safe.

(of course,it's not a cure so it can't always do that. But it can help. Because right now, I sure as heck don't feel safe. I feel like a certain low/certain legal crappola waiting to happen. And that scares me, because lows can't always be prevented...least of all in a 12 hour shift (crazyness)in the ICU or something.

But the thing about any piece of technology, it has it's limits. And certainly, if you're going to leave your CGM behind one day because you've got a ton to do before you're even at school by 8 am, well,the CGM isn't going to help you there. You should probably put it in your backpack/what have you so you DON'T FORGET IT. And then,later on,when you are wondering "Am I or aren't I?" your CGM will tell you. And knowledge is power...knowledge will help give you the confidence that you so desperately need,that diabetes doesn't have to mean a dropping blood sugar, a freaked out clinical instructor,a trip to the ER,a ton of paperwork,a dropped course.

I'm realizing,once again, that as a student with diabetes, I need this if I ever hope to succeed. It lessens the playing field between myself and the rest of the non-pancreotically impaired class. (who don't have to think about D,on top of everything else)I'm not sure that nursing school will ever be an opportunity to be a gung-ho,let's educate all the staff/students/patients experience that I thought it might be but that's ok, you do what you can. 50 years from now, I hope this is such a NON-issue for a student with D...(assuming D isn't cured by then). Being on the front lines of all this drama wasn't something I'd have ever wanted to get involved in.( I am not a very good pioneer. I prefer for that road to already be paved for me.)

Moral of Story: Don't leave home without your D-Stuff.

(p.s. The Blogsy app ROCKS. New favorite!)

 

Posted with Blogsy

Where the River Runs Deep

Yesterday,I dropped out of nursing school.

It's been one steamroller of a ride,& it's only the third week out of eight. And I guess I should explain that nothing,nothing went right in those days...starting with The Low in Lab & culminating in the Peak De Triumphe anxiety attack on Tuesday over paperwork,for which I gained a Plan For Success in Professional Behavior as well as a Plan For Success in the paperwork that I'd done wrong. I hyperventilated & ended up on the floor,thinking I would fail clinical because I was getting a plan for success (for paperwork)& it took an hour to get me up off the floor. (I got extremely dizzy & thought I was going to black out) Not a really awesome moment in my life,& I can say that's never happened before either. (Blood Sugar:365 by the end of that) That gained me a meeting with the head prof & my clinical instructor as they delivered the Plans For Success & discussed my unacceptable behavior. Before that meeting, (in the time between Tues.afternoon and Wed.afternoon), I'd decided that it was probably best if I dropped out, because there was no absolute way the further deluge of paperwork that missing Wed.clinical plus the 5 (mini)papers & 30 min.presentation due Thurs. morning I could get that all done. And my toddler was sick with an ear infection,the babysitter didn't want him back until he was acting more normal(didn't have a fever,but I digress)& that was more time spent not being able to get work done running to doctors offices & pharmacies. I need like 48 hours in a day. I'd had it with the entire mess of profs & I could see that at this rate, failure was imminent & as I still had the opportunity to drop with a Withdrawal Passing grade(thanks to a decent grade on the first exam), I took it.
So Friday, I finished matters up with withdrawal..you have to do an Exit Interview,discussing what you plan to do different the next time around & factors that led to your demise. I received a not-so-nice little copy of Med Surg I's Plan For Successes (3)and areas of Clinical Probation(3)...that was not a great course for me...& this courses Plans For Successes(2). I guess the only good thing about that is that I know exactly where I stand now & what I have to work on to avoid at all costs. I asked the head prof if I'd get a Plan For Success if I broke one of the rules while I had a low blood sugar, & she said it depended on how low I was. I said low blood sugars at any hypo level could affect behavior & she said that it all depended on the circumstances then. She then went on to talk about the low I had in lab, & whether I was being honest with my doc if I were to have frequent lows,and blah blah blah. (As to my ability to function in clinical) Grand. I'm getting the impression that if I so much as tell anyone I'm having a low, I'll be A.kicked out of clinical and B.suspended from the program. In their eyes,there is no such thing as a mild low. This is discrimination, no doubt about it,but whether its ever going to be an issue is unknown. In this course, I would say heck yes,it would be..but I know profs to which a mild low would not be a huge deal. A major anything has to be reported,& I guess I'm lucky not to have gotten a Plan For Success for my low blood sugar.(& that feels all wrong to say..seriously?like that was all my fault...) My head prof was definitely suggesting that it could happen. I'm now all kinds of confused and angry that that could even be an issue,in today's world of supposed "disability and accommodations." And I still have that matter of being switched to another clinical site,& new prof, because of the D.(did that ever hurt) I reregistered to retake the course in the fall. (Fresh,clean slate..& all of that.Almost.)

Then I went to drop my class at the registration,& was pleasantly surprised that there was no bill remaining. I wish I could have gotten a refund,but at this point,it's considered a Withdrawal,not a Drop. I know that I may be coming back to much the same issues in the fall, & I know that right now, I need a Lawyer, a Therapist, and some other resources as well to help get this mess sorted out for me.

In Ex Evictus, Maeror

Dear Clinical Student,

I'll be short & blunt.. I don't want you in my group. And when the reason for this finally becomes known, I won't be anywhere near you. You'll be in a meeting with the nursing Dept. head and the head of the Med Surg II course when you find out,& the vitriol will suck the breath out of you,but I don't care.
Why don't I want you?

I heard about your low. I don't want to have anything to do with your "unstable medical condition", in fact, I refuse to. The clinical site refuses to to, which means your going somewhere else. Your head instructor and head of the nursing dept. may tell you whatever they want, they can tell you that this site really isn't best for your needs to carry stuff in,they can tell you that it's better this way. I don't care. And when they've finished telling you this,& you walk out in a daze to go & cry in your clinical advisors office..that might be the end of it. I really don't care, I don't HAVE diabetes & I just don't want to deal with you & any low drama. I also don't have any desire to talk to you to really see if this will be an issue. So go,go & do your thing.

Sincerely,

Your Ex-Prof

One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest

It's been one of those weeks...where the diabetes hasn't played nicely with life. It's the first week of Med Surg II(aka Mental Health) & it's been somewhat of a perfect storm.

Monday morning saw 5 inches of fresh snow so some things were delayed to later in the week. There was Orientation (Monday), a simulation (real patient aka paramedic instructor) Tuesday, a math exam & neurobiology lecture on Wednesday, & a Therapeutic Communication & a Central Line Care labs on Thursday. TC went fine but about 20 minutes into the other lab my stomach started rolling & I started to get extremely dizzy & I thought I was going low but I didn't want to start off a chain reaction of "where are you going questions" so I sat there,hoping it would go away. (Because you know,lows just spontaneously disappear when you will them away)Heart racing & jitteriness soon joined the list & I started sweating profusely but I still couldn't move. The instructor stopped speaking, looked at me and asked if I was ok & that was all I needed to burst out crying,have an excuse to get out of there,head to the restroom,swig juice & check my bg.(I hadn't brought my (replacement) Dex with me that day) It was 22 & I felt very much like staying on the floor,however long it took. After probably 30 minutes my instructor (& several other students)came looking for me. Low symptoms were in full force,with a low of this nature I always shake like I'm freezing to death & cry(for absolutely no good reason). So, this instructor's first impression of me was that of a hysterically crying,shaky,confused PWD.(yes,she will be my clinical instructor in the hospital in several weeks) She assured me that it was all ok & made me eat chocolate kisses( I have zero problem doing that) until my bg read 203. The rest of my body took some time to get over the adrenalin surge from heck,& my blood pressure skyrocket to 140/90,pulse 120 as the stress shot it up. Eventually (with the assistance of blankets,fluids,& time) the shakes went away,the BP went down & the bg went up to 260 & we went back to the lab where she finished the lecture for the other students & I finished recovering & went home to take a nap. I really don't remember anything from that lecture, & I didn't try.(post low) I think she was freaked out & now considers me "brittle". I've never had a low of this nature hit in class(or clinical) before, I should have been wearing my Dexcom & had something in my pocket to discreetly treat & it all wouldn't have happened.

Friday morning, I awoke to an email from the head instructor informing me that because of my low in lab, I needed to be seen by a physician and have a form filled out that my D was stable enough to go to clinical. This needed to be done before I go to clinical(in other words,today). Classes began at 9, & I managed to acquire an appt for 3 pm with my primary care office (I still had to miss the last class of the day). So that's all done & the form is ready for Monday. I am a little annoyed that I can't even have a low blood sugar (probably even mild,this wasn't,but still) this is MASSIVE overreaction on their parts.

So that's been my life this week. I also had to get my newly found but non-functional Dex replaced & I have yet to actually send it back,though I got the replacement.(I wasn't wearing the Dex when I had the low, I'd forgotten to bring the reciever) Mental Health rotations will be very challenging, I'm not allowed to bring anything in except the basics(hence why I had to get permission for my D-crap,yep,bringing syringes (etc) into a Rehab facility is a real situation. No coffee,tea,Diet Coke allowed.(for staff or residents) We (my group)are there 3x a week, it's going to be really,really rough days without my caffeine.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Lost

Last night at a D-meetup,I lost my beloved Dexcom.

I tweeted about it, & while the DOC still has its angels,it also has its "other" individuals. News Flash: not every PWD is your best friend forever. Someone said that they wish they had a Dexcom to lose in a bar..not the therapeutic response of the day. Whatever that means.(insinuating that I'm a rich,spoiled PWD?) I'm over their response, I'm moving on.(you don't know me OR my situation)I don't have $1300 to drop on a new one. I hope someone turns it in, I've called the restaurant & I went back & searched the parking lot..nothing. Hopefully they will turn it in when they realize its a medical device. (At this point, I hold out hope) This is the first time that I've actually lost a valuable piece of medical equipment(or had it stolen), for real.(& I'm 99% furious at myself and 1% furious at the person who took it)

A JDRF Summit

Several Saturdays ago,I left the toddler with my hubby for the day & drove to Bethesda for the JDRF Summit. I was kind of nervous,as Daddy DayCare tends to be alot more lenient then Mommy DayCare(basically,he doesn't freak out over every time the kid has something happen to him) so I only called home 5 times just to make sure everyone was still alive back there. They were all fine.(me,not so much) Despite that,I did have a pretty good time at the Summit...there were a few D vendors & I got to play with the new Omnipod PDM.

The PDMs are basically the same size..the difference,of course,lies in the home screen of the newer one(personalised with name that you have to confirm every time you turn it on) & the (meal)IOB addition. Still no basal IOB,which I think is stupid.(I need that,I'm sensitive to insulin) And the much smaller pods. (which they gave me a sample of, but somehow I lost)They said that existing customers will start getting new PDMs within 3 weeks. I refused to order new pods until they come out, so I'm now on my backup Animas Ping.(My copay for them (the pods) is pretty high,& I don't want to get stuck with a bunch of old pods) Oh well.(tubed pumps are ok short term)

They had various speakers...first the Artificial Pancreas team from the University of Virginia & some biochemist PHD from Duke. (I was much more interested in the former) Nicole Johnson,former Miss America,was the moderator. It was very interesting,by the end of the year the AP should be ready for "home" studies. (They've done it in an outpatient setting already)They've got a system called DIA that integrates CGM data & sends it to a smartphone,which can give you color coded signals(red,yellow,& green-much like traffic lights)as to how likely your bg is going to go either high or low.(&the time frame) At this phase,the "smart" part of the AP can take over & correct but I'm guessing its heavily monitored (like every 5 minutes monitored).
There are three components of the AP & they are doing pretty good with the meals part,but the exercise part still has to have more testing done.
Had lunch,that was a pretty nice spread of salads,sandwiches,& 3 kinds of brownie/cookies. I went over & said hi to the AP study endocrinologist.(we go wayyyy back..I think to 2003. Haven't seen her since 2007 though)
After lunch,it was more DRI-type lectures.(immune system tricking,drugs in development) & that was pretty interesting. There was a panel discussion at the very end,& I went back to my car to charge up my phone a bit. Came back, & most everyone had left by then but the UVA study coordinator said they'd probably be ready in May,for the next phase of the study.(I personally am chomping at the bit to try THE LATEST STUFF so I just about had a happy heart attack at this news. I haven't gotten to do anything at this level of coolness since 2007) But you hate to seem annoying with emails,so I don't.(not like they can speed things up)
Then another PWD,(that I met at another D event)her friend,& I went to the bar.
I rarely drink,the reason for this has less to do with diabetes & more to do with the fact that substances have an exaggerated effect in my body. 1 Tylenol or iboprofen generally will handle aches and pains just fine..even insulin I'm pretty sensitive to.Thus,1 drink (feels like three)will generally snow me under quite well.(yep,that's my limit) Plus, I was driving,so I ordered a very expensive Diet Pepsi instead.It is,however,nice to sit at a bar & have real adult conversations & have that power to order a drink,should I want to. And getting to talk to another T1's for a couple hours is pretty awesome,any day of the week. By 6:45, I figured I should be heading home & I missed my baby like c.r.a.z.y. & wondered how things were really going,at home. Bg was (still nutso high) 223, so I skipped dinner,skipped going to pick up cupcakes.(original plan..since I have a gift card & the place is 3 miles away) I didn't want to get lost in the dark trying to find the place.
By the time I got home,ate something,kissed my "MaMAAAA"ing baby,put him to bed & collapsed into bed,my blood sugar decided to go in the opposite direction & had to be treated with 45 carbs before it decided to go on the up and up. Then I slept for 11 hours straight.

All in all,a fun,totally exhausting day.


- (not)Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone,the stupid thing won't let me publish & I can't post pictures from my phone. Big headache.

Victories

********

I have a love-hate relationship with this particular series of posters in my Endo's office. (as in, I love to hate them) I realize that the purpose of it is to empower you to do better, but when I look at it, I see an unattainable goal (unless I'm A. pregnant or B. dead)


Anyhoo....as much as I have really,really come to dislike the Verio meter, and as much as I came into this appointment expecting double-digits a1cs & a thyroid level off the charts due to said "noncomplience" issues & my own slew of stress highs relating to nursing school, my a1c actually came back 0.5 lower then it was the last time & my thyroid results are now normal. Oddly though, we didn't spent any time at all talking about my a1c. (perhaps she's given up trying to ever get me back to under 7) I told her about the whacky spells I get that I think are related to the generic form of the thyroid med(happening every couple days..I get shaky, weak,dizzy, heart races, and feel really horrible) and these happen at any and every time of day, regardless of blood sugar & she said she could switch me to the brand name Synthroid (to see if that fixes it). I can't very well stop taking it (well, for any length of time...oddly enough,if I don't take the pill that day it does not happen). And I hate the Verio meter because it seems like the highs are way off base(if I correct 1.5 units for a 322 with no IOB I will still be scraping the 60's 2 hours later, which is just stupid and unexplainable. I don't think I'm really that high.) True, the Verio reads high, and I guess I can thank it for dropping my a1c 0.5 but I want a meter I can trust, a meter that will give me readings that are consistent with the way I feel. So, once I use up my 3 month supply of Verio strips I am going back to the Freestyle. I'm currently using my old green Ping pump, as the new Omnipod system/pods have STILL NOT SHIPPED. Being back on a tubed pump is a little weird, but I haven't had a single set issue & its actually nice to not be using up so much real estate.(as one does with the Omnipod) Kidney tests came back ok, all is status quo with the magnesium levels. (I'm glad of that, as the big 15 anniversary approaches, one starts to worry more about whether kidney complications are going to be rearing their ugly head) I had a mild low seizure in February(mild, because I didn't have to go to the hospital..I became cognizant fairly quickly) & she said they'd prefer to know about that if it ever happened again. Haven't had a seizure in years,so the next day was pretty exhausting. All in all, it was a good appointment.


I passed Pediatrics-final grade "B". (thank you to everyone who believed in me) Coming into the final exam, I had a 74.2 average (you need a 75 to pass the course) I went over that final exam 6 times to make sure that I'd gotten everything I could get right, right. It was more then a little bit stressful for the next 24 hours, because I really,really,really did not want to fail nursing school. (those 24 hours were basically one big panic attack) But I got an 84, so I passed. (its weird how much empthasis is placed on the tests...you can get a 76 overall average and still get a B for the course) Each question is like gold, each question has the potential to either fail you or keep you in the course. (or the program, as the case may be) 4 questions kept me in the program. And it's so, so nice to have a "Spring Break" week before the insanity of Med Surg II(aka Psychiatry) begins.



The baby is walking. Well, kind of. He (death)grabs onto my shirt or pants and I drag him all over the house, until he gets tired and plops back down on the floor. He certainly could walk by himself if he wanted to, & he'll walk pushing the walker we have for him, but I think he's still scared of going solo, and that's why he won't do it. (yet) It's a little bit concerning, as kids are supposed to be walking solo by at least 15 months (which he'll be next month), but I think he will get there by a couple of weeks. He's going through a "I hate ALL vegetables" phrase & screams bloody murder anytime you attempt to feed him any.(seriously, kid, you cannot live on fruit...much as you might like to) It's difficult to know how to discipline a 14 mo (if they get hungry enough,yeah they might eat it except he just won't,he spits it out & he doesn't understand why he can't have what he wants). I'm hoping he gets out of this phase REALLY QUICKLY. And then you try to find healthy ways of disguising veggies but he's smart enough to know they don't look anything like fruit, and he refuses to eat it. Sigh.


Yay, Spring! I'm so ready to get over this doom/gloom/rainy cold miserable weather.(we've had very little snow...perhaps because we're so near the Bay, it's not quite cold enough to turn to snow)

That "C" Word

The Cure is Coming.





Yes, yes, boys and girls...this according to the Diabetes Research Institute. Your days of blood tests & swag carb counts and wonky levels are numbered, according to one in-the-know blogger.


When I heard the "possible" news, I was briefly intrueged. Not because I knew it was a "cure" per say, but because I wanted to hear if their idea made any more sense then all the other ideas out there. Because, in 15 years, I've heard alot of "this is it, this is the CURE!!" hype & yes, I've actually believed that it could lead to the cure. Islet Cells. Some sort of Pancreas Wonder Pills. The Glucowatch. (& others) All promising ideas that fizzled out within a few years. I have always believed that there would be an eventual cure, even though I was fortuanate enough NOT to be fed the "5 Year Plan" at my diagnosis. The intern was a straight shooter, told me I'd have it forever, and I assumed that I would, that it could never be cured. And then I got out of the hospital, out into a world where EVERYONE was trying to cure my incurable diabetes.


It's still here. I'm still here. (despite wild take-out swings on both of us) And I've made my peace with diabetes, I don't need a cure. (not that I don't want one, I just don't need one to be happy in life) I realize that I write all this from the point of view of a person who can afford the meds/etc.needed to have a healthy life, who never had to choose between affording test strips or paying the electricity bill. I'm an adult with type 1 diabetes,and I've had a pretty good life. If diabetes affected my child, or another loved one,I would not be nearly as blase about curing it.

I'd want a cure, yesterday. And therein lies the reason to my non-reaction to this news. I cannot imagine what it must be like to live with someone with this disease, to have your partner or your child have it, to worry about them every day. There are nights that (while I'm complaining about my blood sugars) my husband tells me "Please don't die on me" & I get to see a perspective from the other side. I'm certainly doing my best not to die for a good, good long while..but as a general rule, I don't do much worrying about complications. (apparently I'm still stuck in an adolescent invincibility complex)

And this latest idea, for reasons mentioned elsewhere in the D-blogosphere, certainly sounds nothing like a "cure." It sounds like a really good idea that may or may not pan out. (Get back to me in 20 or so years) Yeah,the same ole, same ole. But what I take issue with is with a blogger, who certainly knows the effect THIS news would likely have on a community that feels so passionately about a cure,went ahead and did anyway...got everyone's hopes up only to be shattered the next day. He certainly feels passionately that this will be the next cure,but that's no excuse for toying with the emotions of hundreds (perhaps thousands of people). And that is what feels so, so wrong. I respect the DRI and the work that they are doing, but they won't be getting anymore of my monetary donations.

In the Trenches

You are a very young teenager,newly dx'd with type 1 diabetes...freshman year of high school. You're at that age where you act like it doesn't matter,it's no big deal & yeah talking about it?not gonna happen.(Not that anyone has any idea of how to go about this) Your mother passed away from T1 diabetes,soon after giving birth. The family dynamics is a complete cataclysmic shroud of mystery. Time heals many wounds,but there are some it does not. Perhaps your family is involved emotionally with your care,perhaps not but the practitioner treating your D is definitely not,because insulin changes are minuscule & insufficient for an adolescent.

This is school nursing,in the trenches. So many things that you can't do a thing about...so many unfair things in this world.(as it is for many things but some situations really get to you.) Virtually every school has type 1 students,& the school nurse has to work with whatever plan has been set in place,even if that plan really isn't working.

*this blog post is HIPAA complient-name,age, & sex of individual not being stated*


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone