And so today, I met with my course advisor...& got the deep, hard, questions rolling.
In a couple of weeks, my OB course will end...and the Medical/Surgical one is slated to begin. Now I know I'm going to sound like a total wuss, but I have my doubts as to whether or not I can hack it. A thousand questions are flooding my mind (is this going to put me in premature labor, could I have really stellar diabetes control & do better by the baby if I just didn't take this,this course is so difficult that NON-pregnant people frequently fail 1-2x, what if I manage to do well but still have some medical complication and have to drop out 3/4 of the way through(I don't want to take a course I'm just going to have to repeat anyway)...questions to which there are no answers,questions that float out there in the stratosphere.
Medical/Surgical is a demanding course, a full time course. (OB is a piece of cake, by comparison)And I'm going to be living fulltime in the doctor's office anyway, as the
third trimester brings with it increased monitoring/tests in the pregnancy. (just because things are going well now, does no mean that will be the case 10 weeks from now)
So, I have several options. I can drop out in several weeks(miss the 2nd class of the semester), start up again in March.(and be one semester behind) I can drop out in several weeks,take next semester off, and be 2 semesters behind. Or,heck,I could take the next two years off & still be eligable for readmission to the program. I don't want to do that,& I don't for see having to do that, but there are no answers out there...for either my advisor, or for me.
And LifeChange 101 is coming our way,& there's a part of me that needs time to get ready for that.(call it my "nesting" instinct)
I want to create the nursery, & get everything in order (and that includes my mountains of junk,let's hope this kid does not inherit my messiness traits) and 2-3 weeks at the end of the semester doesn't seem adequate. (especially not when you have grown so big that you don't want to move) This is what I want,& this is a decision that may never come my way again.(whereas, with nursing school, yes I could do this at age 42) This is the decision that is "best for me" as my advisor would so eloquantly put it, although no one can tell you what to do, the answer in this regard is becoming clearer.
Its admitting that I can't do everything which is a tad hard. People do this, people have emergencies/babies/circumstances routinely that they have to take time off...& get back into the program,graduate,become nurses.(it isn't some bad thing when you can't) I just really wanted to have completed the semester before I did that, it feels like a thorn in my flesh if I can't, like a task unfinished.
Time will tell, I guess. (whether or not I'm nuts enough to take on Med/Surg.)
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
The $1,200 Baby Care Class
I don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies! - Gone With The Wind
The third trimester looms,& one thing I know...I still don't know much about birthing no babies. Or that much about caring for one. But I do know,that this nursing rotation has cut down by 80% the actual amount of classes we'll need to take.( Dad101 & BabyCare 101) as I've learned about what labor will be like,what preterm labor will be like,all the drugs that they might give,breast feeding vs.formula, a preemie is going to be different then a 38 weeker,all the maneuvers & monitoring tests that they do,under what indications they ship you off for a
C-Section,how diabetes doesn't just put the infant at a risk for hypoglycemia/being too large but also a risk for placental abruption/bleeding to death right there, etc.Some of it I wish I didn't know. Will it be the sort of pain that makes me want to throw up/die (kind of like the intusseption) or will it be more pressure then pain? It is nice to have a wealth of knowledge at my fingertips,because the OB doesn't have the time to educate you about all this stuff. Most of this stuff is geared toward the Mom(of course), but there seems to be a never-ending amount of childcare classes being offered at the local hospital. (I picked the two that might have relevance to either/both my husband & I) I just need the nitty-gritty hands on stuff,since I already know what labor/etc.will be like.(& my husband needs hands/on too,labor can be summarized with the words "long & painful."
Yes,this $1200 baby care class is well worth it. I feel a little more ready for what is coming our way.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
The third trimester looms,& one thing I know...I still don't know much about birthing no babies. Or that much about caring for one. But I do know,that this nursing rotation has cut down by 80% the actual amount of classes we'll need to take.( Dad101 & BabyCare 101) as I've learned about what labor will be like,what preterm labor will be like,all the drugs that they might give,breast feeding vs.formula, a preemie is going to be different then a 38 weeker,all the maneuvers & monitoring tests that they do,under what indications they ship you off for a
C-Section,how diabetes doesn't just put the infant at a risk for hypoglycemia/being too large but also a risk for placental abruption/bleeding to death right there, etc.Some of it I wish I didn't know. Will it be the sort of pain that makes me want to throw up/die (kind of like the intusseption) or will it be more pressure then pain? It is nice to have a wealth of knowledge at my fingertips,because the OB doesn't have the time to educate you about all this stuff. Most of this stuff is geared toward the Mom(of course), but there seems to be a never-ending amount of childcare classes being offered at the local hospital. (I picked the two that might have relevance to either/both my husband & I) I just need the nitty-gritty hands on stuff,since I already know what labor/etc.will be like.(& my husband needs hands/on too,labor can be summarized with the words "long & painful."
Yes,this $1200 baby care class is well worth it. I feel a little more ready for what is coming our way.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Saturday, September 17, 2011
30 for 30: My Invisible Illness
(aka 30 things for the 30 year old!)
1. The illness I live with is: Type 1 Diabetes
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: Dec. 10, 1998.
3. But I had symptoms since: May 1998...I recall getting personally acquanted with every single water fountain/restroom on all 3 floors of the high school. (it was the summer of driver’s Ed)
4.The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Snacks, Eating, and not being my own person anymore.
5. Most people assume: That I’ve got it together by now, & my blood sugars never go over 120 or below 70. (“Do you have it pretty well regulated, dear?”) Yeah, right. (I’d like some of whatever you’ve been smoking) Every day is a constant battle.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: That they exist. (period)
7.My favorite medical TV show is: The Duggars/Greys Anatomy/Private Practice/What Not to Wear/etc....I don’t think I’ve got an absolute favorite, per say.
8.A gadget I couldn’t live without is: You probably think I’d say my insulin pump, or my Dexcom...but I could probably live without those. My iphone is the love of my life, though.
9. The hardest part about nights are: Sleeping on my side...but that’s not diabetes related, that’s pregnancy related. I was a back sleeper for 29 years and suddenly, I had to go cold turkey. (no easy thing) No one ever told me about that little thing known as “Supine Hypotension.”
10.Each day I take (X) pills & 0 vitamins: Well, it depends. I take at least 1 pill, and I’m supposed to take a prenatal(very lax on that one though) & there are the random aches & pains & allergies that I’ll occasionally have to pop some more pills, but yes, one a daily basis, just one. I’m trying to keep the pill brigade to a bare minimum right now. I do pump insulin 24/7, though.
11.Regarding alternative treatments I: if it works for you,& it hasn’t been shown to be toxic/damaging/etc. I think “alternative” treatments may have additional benefits. But you can’t “replace” insulin altogether, & you need to keep your HCP in the loop. I have taken supplements/herbals in the past, but I don’t pretend to speak for the DOC at large.
12.If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I’m going to go with the invisible illness. If I don’t want to share it, I don’t have to share it.
13.Regarding working and career: I dunno what I want to do exactly...I’m leaning towards something in either pediatrics or research. I’m still very much the naive, impressionable nursing student. I don’t think being a CDE is in my future, I’m not the teaching sort. At this point, I’m just crossing things off my list (of RN jobs I don’t think I could ever do).
14.People would be surprised to know: That “Yes, I can eat that!!!”
15.The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:
That the “Golden Years” probably won’t be so golden, unless there’s a major breakthrough/cure. I fear the impending complications.
16.Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:
Every day, I wake up & discover something else that I can do that I never thought possible with diabetes. Fear Factor. Job(s). School. Pregnancy. The list grows as my life goes by, & sometimes I look back & think “I did what?” (in my wild and crazy youth) Diabetes certainly throws monkey wrenches into the above, but it doesn’t have to “stop” any of it.
17. The commercials about my illness: are interesting, I feel a sort of “bond” with some of them in question...but the meter ones make me feel like smashing something.
18.Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Drinking an extra-large, sugary Slurpee on a hot summer day. I’m sure its entirely possible, but I’ve never been brave enough to try to figure out the bolusing sequence on that one.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: I wanted to enter the military, & well that was obviously out.
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Cross-stitch. I enjoy stabbing things (that aren’t body parts) with needles. (a sort of diabetes voodoo)
21.If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: I’d eat a zillion carbs, & wash it down with a couple of Daquiri’s & veg out in front of the tv for the rest of the day. (of course, “normal” in this case means no D, & the absence of pregnancy)
22. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: “Have you had it since you were a baby?” (I know its called juvenile D, but why don’t you just ask me WHEN I got it?)
23.But I love it when people: just listen, and don’t judge!!!
24.My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: You can do this!
25.When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: It’s going to be ok, you can do this.
26.Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: that most of the time, I deal with it fine. You get used to it.
27.The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Brought me soup/liquids & made sure I was doing ok. (& called the doctor for me)
28.I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: It’s going around the DOC!
29. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Hopeful for humanity. Invisible or not, we all need to be more understanding of others.
30.My illness has taught me: To be prepared for most “disaster” scenarios. Diabetes doesn’t have as much power over you, if you’ve got the antidote to the whatever it throws at you. I try to stay one step ahead of the ballgame, so when that disaster comes, its not "as bad."
1. The illness I live with is: Type 1 Diabetes
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: Dec. 10, 1998.
3. But I had symptoms since: May 1998...I recall getting personally acquanted with every single water fountain/restroom on all 3 floors of the high school. (it was the summer of driver’s Ed)
4.The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: Snacks, Eating, and not being my own person anymore.
5. Most people assume: That I’ve got it together by now, & my blood sugars never go over 120 or below 70. (“Do you have it pretty well regulated, dear?”) Yeah, right. (I’d like some of whatever you’ve been smoking) Every day is a constant battle.
6. The hardest part about mornings are: That they exist. (period)
7.My favorite medical TV show is: The Duggars/Greys Anatomy/Private Practice/What Not to Wear/etc....I don’t think I’ve got an absolute favorite, per say.
8.A gadget I couldn’t live without is: You probably think I’d say my insulin pump, or my Dexcom...but I could probably live without those. My iphone is the love of my life, though.
9. The hardest part about nights are: Sleeping on my side...but that’s not diabetes related, that’s pregnancy related. I was a back sleeper for 29 years and suddenly, I had to go cold turkey. (no easy thing) No one ever told me about that little thing known as “Supine Hypotension.”
10.Each day I take (X) pills & 0 vitamins: Well, it depends. I take at least 1 pill, and I’m supposed to take a prenatal(very lax on that one though) & there are the random aches & pains & allergies that I’ll occasionally have to pop some more pills, but yes, one a daily basis, just one. I’m trying to keep the pill brigade to a bare minimum right now. I do pump insulin 24/7, though.
11.Regarding alternative treatments I: if it works for you,& it hasn’t been shown to be toxic/damaging/etc. I think “alternative” treatments may have additional benefits. But you can’t “replace” insulin altogether, & you need to keep your HCP in the loop. I have taken supplements/herbals in the past, but I don’t pretend to speak for the DOC at large.
12.If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: I’m going to go with the invisible illness. If I don’t want to share it, I don’t have to share it.
13.Regarding working and career: I dunno what I want to do exactly...I’m leaning towards something in either pediatrics or research. I’m still very much the naive, impressionable nursing student. I don’t think being a CDE is in my future, I’m not the teaching sort. At this point, I’m just crossing things off my list (of RN jobs I don’t think I could ever do).
14.People would be surprised to know: That “Yes, I can eat that!!!”
15.The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been:
That the “Golden Years” probably won’t be so golden, unless there’s a major breakthrough/cure. I fear the impending complications.
16.Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was:
Every day, I wake up & discover something else that I can do that I never thought possible with diabetes. Fear Factor. Job(s). School. Pregnancy. The list grows as my life goes by, & sometimes I look back & think “I did what?” (in my wild and crazy youth) Diabetes certainly throws monkey wrenches into the above, but it doesn’t have to “stop” any of it.
17. The commercials about my illness: are interesting, I feel a sort of “bond” with some of them in question...but the meter ones make me feel like smashing something.
18.Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: Drinking an extra-large, sugary Slurpee on a hot summer day. I’m sure its entirely possible, but I’ve never been brave enough to try to figure out the bolusing sequence on that one.
19. It was really hard to have to give up: I wanted to enter the military, & well that was obviously out.
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Cross-stitch. I enjoy stabbing things (that aren’t body parts) with needles. (a sort of diabetes voodoo)
21.If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: I’d eat a zillion carbs, & wash it down with a couple of Daquiri’s & veg out in front of the tv for the rest of the day. (of course, “normal” in this case means no D, & the absence of pregnancy)
22. Want to know a secret? One thing people say that gets under my skin is: “Have you had it since you were a baby?” (I know its called juvenile D, but why don’t you just ask me WHEN I got it?)
23.But I love it when people: just listen, and don’t judge!!!
24.My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: You can do this!
25.When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: It’s going to be ok, you can do this.
26.Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: that most of the time, I deal with it fine. You get used to it.
27.The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Brought me soup/liquids & made sure I was doing ok. (& called the doctor for me)
28.I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: It’s going around the DOC!
29. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: Hopeful for humanity. Invisible or not, we all need to be more understanding of others.
30.My illness has taught me: To be prepared for most “disaster” scenarios. Diabetes doesn’t have as much power over you, if you’ve got the antidote to the whatever it throws at you. I try to stay one step ahead of the ballgame, so when that disaster comes, its not "as bad."
Monday, September 12, 2011
The Techno-Dgeek
My devices have names. I don't feel like this is so unusual, the DOC is thronging with the "my pump-meter is named such & such" (I'm in good company). I have nick-named everything,from my car to my husband. (that's just who I am)
My first pump, a MiniMed 508,was named Code Blue.(it was always having one emergency or the other)
My Deltec Cozmo was Lambo,Jr. (named for an Australian acquaintance of mine)
My Animas was "The Green Hornet."(insulin stung going in)
And then along came the Omnipod, which was dropped into my lap(& after some time, I finally decided that yes,I'd keep). A year has passed,& I still have no clue what to name it. The two separate parts are referred to as "the pod" & "the PDM" & it really hasn't much more personality then that. I wish I could find a name for it,for all my other pumps have had actual names. Even the Dexcom name(s) came easily.("Dex" & "The Cockroach"(transmitter) I really would like the devices to meld into one system so I could just call it "Artie" (short for artificial pancreas),that won't be happening for quite awhile though. Such is life. I certainly would like to participate in future phases of the AP project,but again,that will likely be several more years down the road. It's exciting stuff & I believe in this project more then any other research out there.("curing" diabetes is a stretch,but giving individuals the power to live normal lives with mostly normal bgs isn't)
While the rest of life moves very quickly,the advances in the diabetes field move very,very slowly...& sometimes I wish I could just jump to the future & have it all NOW. I know that sounds selfish,but I've had more then enough years of diabetes & I need a break, I need some of the awesome burden to be lessened (for me & everyone else out there). Decades & decades & decades more with this disease just doesn't sound do-able.( I know others have done it,but there are days where the best I hope for is to finish the day alive)
Technology and diabetes care have become interwined, from the advent of blood glucose meters to the pump/CGM combo.(and for all it may drive you crazy,it's the future,it's (for most people) the best of diabetes care) (not everyone chooses one,for various financial & personal reasons).
But I & technology are joined at the hip...for better,or for worse.It makes my life a whole lot easier,a whole lot less "different" from the rest of humanity.My iPhone contains everything from diabetes management apps to recipes to Twitter/Facebook(essential for my coping mechanisms)...as well as it being the link to the pharmacy,doctors office,etc.(everything a PWD could ask for) And I realize I'm lucky,in a world where many people don't even have the means to buy insulin/test strips (lucky,yet "unlucky"....the great oxymoron of the 21st Century)..I don't dispute that. I do love my technology.(given the chance, I choose to utilize those opportunities)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
My first pump, a MiniMed 508,was named Code Blue.(it was always having one emergency or the other)
My Deltec Cozmo was Lambo,Jr. (named for an Australian acquaintance of mine)
My Animas was "The Green Hornet."(insulin stung going in)
And then along came the Omnipod, which was dropped into my lap(& after some time, I finally decided that yes,I'd keep). A year has passed,& I still have no clue what to name it. The two separate parts are referred to as "the pod" & "the PDM" & it really hasn't much more personality then that. I wish I could find a name for it,for all my other pumps have had actual names. Even the Dexcom name(s) came easily.("Dex" & "The Cockroach"(transmitter) I really would like the devices to meld into one system so I could just call it "Artie" (short for artificial pancreas),that won't be happening for quite awhile though. Such is life. I certainly would like to participate in future phases of the AP project,but again,that will likely be several more years down the road. It's exciting stuff & I believe in this project more then any other research out there.("curing" diabetes is a stretch,but giving individuals the power to live normal lives with mostly normal bgs isn't)
While the rest of life moves very quickly,the advances in the diabetes field move very,very slowly...& sometimes I wish I could just jump to the future & have it all NOW. I know that sounds selfish,but I've had more then enough years of diabetes & I need a break, I need some of the awesome burden to be lessened (for me & everyone else out there). Decades & decades & decades more with this disease just doesn't sound do-able.( I know others have done it,but there are days where the best I hope for is to finish the day alive)
Technology and diabetes care have become interwined, from the advent of blood glucose meters to the pump/CGM combo.(and for all it may drive you crazy,it's the future,it's (for most people) the best of diabetes care) (not everyone chooses one,for various financial & personal reasons).
But I & technology are joined at the hip...for better,or for worse.It makes my life a whole lot easier,a whole lot less "different" from the rest of humanity.My iPhone contains everything from diabetes management apps to recipes to Twitter/Facebook(essential for my coping mechanisms)...as well as it being the link to the pharmacy,doctors office,etc.(everything a PWD could ask for) And I realize I'm lucky,in a world where many people don't even have the means to buy insulin/test strips (lucky,yet "unlucky"....the great oxymoron of the 21st Century)..I don't dispute that. I do love my technology.(given the chance, I choose to utilize those opportunities)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Tuesday, September 06, 2011
Crabbed!
My first Maryland Crabcake, a culinary adventure worth...well,worth waiting for!
(and deserving of it's own blog post)
I think it was bacon encrusted,because wow,that thing was sooooo good! (I believe the "gotta have one" hype now)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
(and deserving of it's own blog post)
I think it was bacon encrusted,because wow,that thing was sooooo good! (I believe the "gotta have one" hype now)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Sunday, September 04, 2011
Up & Up
I keep hoping that in one regard, I won't be the "typical" type 1 going through pregnancy. I don't mind the weight gain, but taking a boatload of insulin is a bit scary.
The Placental Express has yet to hit with a bang,but my blood sugars are definatly creeping up. Especially overnight. (gone are the days of hanging out at 70-90 overnight) If I do nothing, they remain stable. (versus dropping multiple times per night, in the first trimester) If I treat a low, even 15 carbs will skyrocket me from 60 to 130 by the morning. Which, by this point, doesn't put me in a good mood. There was a time in my life where waking up to 130 on a persistent basis would have thrilled me to death. But now, it doesn't (I NEED under 100). It just makes me annoyed at diabetes, & the fact that it never plays by the rules. (you can't not treat a low) My total daily dose has increased by about 10 units, but some of that is just the fact that stellar control was not my thing pre-pregnancy. Most of this is in the way of basal increases...my ratios are still about the same. (although I just upped breakfast again,with a 1/8) As the day wears on, I get a whole lot more sensitive to insulin (ending at a 1:20 for supper)
So, what I don't quite understand is how much of the insulin increase is related to the placenta and how much of it is related to weight gain. (I'm aware that both just really go to town post 20 weeks) It's very much a YMMV process (as to both),but someone who gains 25 lbs versus 50 definatly has less of an insulin increase. Gaining too much (or too little) weight is not a good thing, you don't really need to "eat for two." (more like 1.1) That being said, I'm most definatly feeling pretty pudgy these days.
(I hope colder weather comes soon, because I've outgrown every single pair of non-sleepwear attired shorts that I own) I've gained about 12 lbs. I just wish I knew just how much of an insulin increase I'm due for, but there seems to be no real way to estimate that either. (other then 2-3x pre-pregnancy daily doses)
As I'm much hungrier, (for everything under the sun) avoiding junk food is impossible. Although I'm aware that such cravings are normal, and "some" is ok, I sometimes eat it 24/7 (especially during class days) and that's not good. I just can't seem to be satisfied on just "healthy" food.
I think that the days of daily basal changes are just around the corner,& that insulin resistance is here to stay.
The Placental Express has yet to hit with a bang,but my blood sugars are definatly creeping up. Especially overnight. (gone are the days of hanging out at 70-90 overnight) If I do nothing, they remain stable. (versus dropping multiple times per night, in the first trimester) If I treat a low, even 15 carbs will skyrocket me from 60 to 130 by the morning. Which, by this point, doesn't put me in a good mood. There was a time in my life where waking up to 130 on a persistent basis would have thrilled me to death. But now, it doesn't (I NEED under 100). It just makes me annoyed at diabetes, & the fact that it never plays by the rules. (you can't not treat a low) My total daily dose has increased by about 10 units, but some of that is just the fact that stellar control was not my thing pre-pregnancy. Most of this is in the way of basal increases...my ratios are still about the same. (although I just upped breakfast again,with a 1/8) As the day wears on, I get a whole lot more sensitive to insulin (ending at a 1:20 for supper)
So, what I don't quite understand is how much of the insulin increase is related to the placenta and how much of it is related to weight gain. (I'm aware that both just really go to town post 20 weeks) It's very much a YMMV process (as to both),but someone who gains 25 lbs versus 50 definatly has less of an insulin increase. Gaining too much (or too little) weight is not a good thing, you don't really need to "eat for two." (more like 1.1) That being said, I'm most definatly feeling pretty pudgy these days.
(I hope colder weather comes soon, because I've outgrown every single pair of non-sleepwear attired shorts that I own) I've gained about 12 lbs. I just wish I knew just how much of an insulin increase I'm due for, but there seems to be no real way to estimate that either. (other then 2-3x pre-pregnancy daily doses)
As I'm much hungrier, (for everything under the sun) avoiding junk food is impossible. Although I'm aware that such cravings are normal, and "some" is ok, I sometimes eat it 24/7 (especially during class days) and that's not good. I just can't seem to be satisfied on just "healthy" food.
I think that the days of daily basal changes are just around the corner,& that insulin resistance is here to stay.
Thursday, September 01, 2011
Diabetes Art Day: Body Art!!
It is a far,far,better thing that I do then I have ever done before.-A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens
You're worth the 3 AM check,the 12 AM check,& all the checks in between.
You're worth the 200+ kicks daily,mostly in the middle of OB class(a veritable Mexican Jumping Bean). As I learn about Leopold's Maneuvers and fetal monitoring strips,you don't want me to be too caught up in delivering other people's babies that I forget about my own.
You're worth the heartburn,nausea,caffeine/food deprivation,random joint aches,& back pain.
You're worth turning 30 for.(happy Birthday,& don't start falling apart twice as fast now,self)
You're worth the Endo gruel-downs.
You're even worth having diabetes for,although I don't suppose one has anything to do with the other. But diabetes defiantly influenced who I married,it influences so much.As much as I hate the circumstances,there is a silver lining to many a dark & dire cloud.I'm doing my best not to screw this up.
And we're halfway there.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Sugar,Spice and Snips,Snails
Today we went in for the 19th week screening ultrasound. Typically,I go alone...but this one is a milestone so this time,it was both me and my husband. I go to a maternal-fetal medicine high risk consult,typically every 3-4 weeks(for an ultrasound,at 8,10,and 14 weeks) and they've also done blood work screening for Trisomy 18/Downs Syndrome.(of which,it was all within normal limits so there's little chance the baby will be born with it. Not impossible,but I believe the more info I have,the better I'd be prepared to begin dealing with that possibility anyway. I need lots of information to keep me sane.)
So,after waiting about an hour,we were called back & the tech started the comprehensive ultrasound scan...looking at the heart,arms,legs,head,etc. (naming what she was looking at) As she was leaving the room,I asked what it was (she certainly wasn't volunteering that information) & in a voice as dry and uninterested as humanly possible said "It's a X" before making her escape. Seriously,we've waited 19 weeks for this moment and that's how you act? (I don't know if she was having an off day or harbored a personal prejudice against moms with diabetes,like they have no business being pregnant) Then the doctor came in,and he was much nicer with explaining everything. Took another look at the fetal heart & proclaimed everything to be right on track.(weightwise,about 8 oz and no abnormalities) And it's kind of nice that they're concerned that I have someone to help with the blood sugar rollarcoaster, as the regular GYN office really doesn't care(or ask)about diabetes stuff at all. But the high-risk group only does the monitoring,not the actual delivering of the babies.(its all very specialized) My Endo handles it,but they've offered the services of their diabetes educator should I ever need it.(emergency or otherwise)
After that,we saw the genetics counselor for an in-depth discussion regarding my medical conditions/chance of passing them on.(more specifically,about my Bartters Syndrome) Because most variants are autosomal recessive,that means that I won the genetics lottery and got it from both parents(while my five siblings got Nada). In the general population,the chance of being a carrier is 1/1,000 so the chance that the baby will have Bartters is 1/1000 but there is 100% chance that they'll be a carrier. That's if it's recessive linked,I could have the (extremely rare) dominant form and in that case,the child will have Bartters Syndrome. (if that were the case,it would be apparent at birth) Insurance,of course,doesn't cover gene testing and I don't see spending $6000 on it,it wouldn't change anything anyway.It would be nice to know at some point in the future though(if I could find a research facility that would test for free). My nephrologist says that since it doesn't change the treatment regimen,there's really no need (I guess the only thing one can do,is be alert & proactive with any changes,at birth).We talked about medical issues on both sides of the family tree,they drew more blood,and scheduled the next screening in 4 weeks.
And it's a boy!!!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
So,after waiting about an hour,we were called back & the tech started the comprehensive ultrasound scan...looking at the heart,arms,legs,head,etc. (naming what she was looking at) As she was leaving the room,I asked what it was (she certainly wasn't volunteering that information) & in a voice as dry and uninterested as humanly possible said "It's a X" before making her escape. Seriously,we've waited 19 weeks for this moment and that's how you act? (I don't know if she was having an off day or harbored a personal prejudice against moms with diabetes,like they have no business being pregnant) Then the doctor came in,and he was much nicer with explaining everything. Took another look at the fetal heart & proclaimed everything to be right on track.(weightwise,about 8 oz and no abnormalities) And it's kind of nice that they're concerned that I have someone to help with the blood sugar rollarcoaster, as the regular GYN office really doesn't care(or ask)about diabetes stuff at all. But the high-risk group only does the monitoring,not the actual delivering of the babies.(its all very specialized) My Endo handles it,but they've offered the services of their diabetes educator should I ever need it.(emergency or otherwise)
After that,we saw the genetics counselor for an in-depth discussion regarding my medical conditions/chance of passing them on.(more specifically,about my Bartters Syndrome) Because most variants are autosomal recessive,that means that I won the genetics lottery and got it from both parents(while my five siblings got Nada). In the general population,the chance of being a carrier is 1/1,000 so the chance that the baby will have Bartters is 1/1000 but there is 100% chance that they'll be a carrier. That's if it's recessive linked,I could have the (extremely rare) dominant form and in that case,the child will have Bartters Syndrome. (if that were the case,it would be apparent at birth) Insurance,of course,doesn't cover gene testing and I don't see spending $6000 on it,it wouldn't change anything anyway.It would be nice to know at some point in the future though(if I could find a research facility that would test for free). My nephrologist says that since it doesn't change the treatment regimen,there's really no need (I guess the only thing one can do,is be alert & proactive with any changes,at birth).We talked about medical issues on both sides of the family tree,they drew more blood,and scheduled the next screening in 4 weeks.
And it's a boy!!!
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, August 15, 2011
Taking the Plunge...
and switching to Wordpress. I've decided to not totally abandon this blog,but just use it for "nursing school" related posts. Although I don't think that anything that I've ever said violates HIPAA/patient confidentiality,(I've never put name, age,location,or particulars) it's just better not to have one's diabetes life mixed up with one's professional life on the internet. (especially if your name is very, very, Google-a-bil) Posting anything at all (about my experiences) may be considered too much info, in the eyes of some of the professors. This blog though, I can safely rant away (without too much worry).
Stay tuned.
Stay tuned.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Profiles (Week 17)
(warning...belly shot below. Consider yourself forewarned!)
Here,you can see my abdomen at 17 weeks,& yes,this is pretty much what it looked like 17 weeks ago.(mostly just blubber) It's hard to believe that I've packed on a good 11 lbs. (where on earth is it?oh,that's right,it shrinks other vital things in the lower abdomen to the size of a pea) I haven't been overweight in quite a while,but wow that 2nd trimester came in with a roar.(and the lbs as well,the scale is starting to groan everytime I step on it) It's a bizarre feeling,having your stomach measured with a tape measure.(as well)He/She
is already producing insulin from it's tiny itsy bitsy little pancreas(is it wrong to envy one's kid?because sometimes,I wish it could share,& I know that's bad because genetically I may have passed on my bad luck)& setting about to double in size in the 3 weeks.And speaking of weeks,in just 2 weeks we'll get to find out what it is. In the meantime,there are plenty of things to keep occupied(like school,which begins in less then 2 weeks) Gulp...
It is afternoon on December 31,2011. I am doing a POD change,when said water breaks & my husband immeadietly rushes me to the hospital,ahead of the New Year's Eve revelry.After 5 hours of labor,at precisely 10:46 pm,a healthy 7 lb,8 oz baby is born (with no complications)
And that's what will probably not happen (although as long as it's healthy,I don't care what they do to me)
I don't like hospitals. I don't like the way they smell,feel,or degrade a person of the basic rights of human dignity. Unless you're the one in the white coat, you'd really like to be anywhere else on the planet. But when it's your job to care for sick people,well, it's not that bad being in the hospital. Because mentally,you're not entrapped...you don't "have" to be there.You can leave at any time. But a patient can't do that.(unless they want to get sicker/die)
It's something that I have to start thinking about,that yes, I'll be headed back to that place at some point in the next 5 months.And the choices that have to be made...which hospital is it going to be at? There are no shortage of hospitals in this region,and my OBGYN contracts at two of them(the one nearest our house,however,is the one that has diabetes care straight out of 1955). And that's a problem,even if my Endo's office is right down the street.(this hospital doesn't give two beans if your blood sugar is 350,as long as you're still breathing & your pain is well managed) 2008 left a really bad taste in my mouth regarding that hospital.(they pretty much ignored my Endo's orders,because most of the time I was 300's & looped out on painkillers) The other option,is the hospital with all the major equipment to handle anything that might go wrong..NICU,& such. That's definitely the way I'd go if I needed a C-Section,but for now, I have no,no clue which one to pick.I need my diabetes care to be stellar,(more for the effects on the infant,then for me) & I don't know if I'll be in the position to handle that aspect myself. And I sure as heck cannot trust Local Hospital not to kill me(if they'd take over the diabetes care). Personally, I think keeping the pump on is the way to go but things can get pretty dicey afterwards & your insulin needs drop to practically zero while you hypo nonstop & therein lies most of the problem,if you're zoned out on painkillers you aren't going to be able to catch that low & a nurse who checks you 2-4x a day is sure not going to catch it. At the other hospital,they also employ nurses that teach at my college(& the perks of that are many...since you get to know them,when you're a patient you get waited on hand & foot). I kind of also think they might do better with the D-care over there since they are like Baby Hospital Central in the county.(level III NICU) I don't think my Endo has privileges there though,& that is a problem.(I'll need major help in the diabetes dept.) Those are uncharted waters...& I need all the help I can get.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Here,you can see my abdomen at 17 weeks,& yes,this is pretty much what it looked like 17 weeks ago.(mostly just blubber) It's hard to believe that I've packed on a good 11 lbs. (where on earth is it?oh,that's right,it shrinks other vital things in the lower abdomen to the size of a pea) I haven't been overweight in quite a while,but wow that 2nd trimester came in with a roar.(and the lbs as well,the scale is starting to groan everytime I step on it) It's a bizarre feeling,having your stomach measured with a tape measure.(as well)He/She
is already producing insulin from it's tiny itsy bitsy little pancreas(is it wrong to envy one's kid?because sometimes,I wish it could share,& I know that's bad because genetically I may have passed on my bad luck)& setting about to double in size in the 3 weeks.And speaking of weeks,in just 2 weeks we'll get to find out what it is. In the meantime,there are plenty of things to keep occupied(like school,which begins in less then 2 weeks) Gulp...
It is afternoon on December 31,2011. I am doing a POD change,when said water breaks & my husband immeadietly rushes me to the hospital,ahead of the New Year's Eve revelry.After 5 hours of labor,at precisely 10:46 pm,a healthy 7 lb,8 oz baby is born (with no complications)
And that's what will probably not happen (although as long as it's healthy,I don't care what they do to me)
I don't like hospitals. I don't like the way they smell,feel,or degrade a person of the basic rights of human dignity. Unless you're the one in the white coat, you'd really like to be anywhere else on the planet. But when it's your job to care for sick people,well, it's not that bad being in the hospital. Because mentally,you're not entrapped...you don't "have" to be there.You can leave at any time. But a patient can't do that.(unless they want to get sicker/die)
It's something that I have to start thinking about,that yes, I'll be headed back to that place at some point in the next 5 months.And the choices that have to be made...which hospital is it going to be at? There are no shortage of hospitals in this region,and my OBGYN contracts at two of them(the one nearest our house,however,is the one that has diabetes care straight out of 1955). And that's a problem,even if my Endo's office is right down the street.(this hospital doesn't give two beans if your blood sugar is 350,as long as you're still breathing & your pain is well managed) 2008 left a really bad taste in my mouth regarding that hospital.(they pretty much ignored my Endo's orders,because most of the time I was 300's & looped out on painkillers) The other option,is the hospital with all the major equipment to handle anything that might go wrong..NICU,& such. That's definitely the way I'd go if I needed a C-Section,but for now, I have no,no clue which one to pick.I need my diabetes care to be stellar,(more for the effects on the infant,then for me) & I don't know if I'll be in the position to handle that aspect myself. And I sure as heck cannot trust Local Hospital not to kill me(if they'd take over the diabetes care). Personally, I think keeping the pump on is the way to go but things can get pretty dicey afterwards & your insulin needs drop to practically zero while you hypo nonstop & therein lies most of the problem,if you're zoned out on painkillers you aren't going to be able to catch that low & a nurse who checks you 2-4x a day is sure not going to catch it. At the other hospital,they also employ nurses that teach at my college(& the perks of that are many...since you get to know them,when you're a patient you get waited on hand & foot). I kind of also think they might do better with the D-care over there since they are like Baby Hospital Central in the county.(level III NICU) I don't think my Endo has privileges there though,& that is a problem.(I'll need major help in the diabetes dept.) Those are uncharted waters...& I need all the help I can get.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thursday, August 04, 2011
Code 4 on the Colorado
It was a typical June day in the lazy little town of Williams, Arizona...& at the unearthly hour of 5 am,there were very few of its inhabitants up yet. Except us,because we were going to go white-water rafting on the mighty Colorado River (ok,white water rafting is a stretch...more like smooth water drifting) and had to meet the tour bus by 6:15 AM. (right outside the Grand Canyon park entrance) As it takes an hour to get there,we had to leave by 5. Met the bus, treated a 69,drove into the Park, picked up more people..and took off for the town of Page, AZ. (some 2.5 hours away) Scrub pine soon gave way to desert & rock formations and it stayed that way. Drove onto the Navaho reservation (huge, spanning several states)
and you could tell it was hot outside.(up by the Park entrance, it was in the 50's & everyone still had their coats on from that). On the reservation, they go by Daylight Savings Time so that put the actual timing of the trip back an hour. (the rest of Arizona does not go by that) They also put on a mandatory "Canyon" movie (which after 2.5 hours got extremily dull, I reckon I know more about every single person who has ever rafted the Colorado then I ever wanted to) but we finally arrived at the agency headquarters, where we got off, stretched legs, perused the gift shop,and sprayed liberal applications of SPF50 from head to toe. It was just 9 AM and 85 degrees. An hour later, another group of river goer's joined us, we all signed release forms, and this Marine-looking type gave us a briefing on what to expect. Boarded buses, took off for the "secured area" which is at the bottom of a dam. To get there, we passed through a two mile tunnel in utter pitch
blackness. (claustrophobic, much? You would be by mile 1.5, our bus seemed to be moving at about 20 mph) came out at the bottom, donned hard hats, (because we were at the bottom of a dam/bridge) and all trotted off towards the river,(provided)lunch boxes in hand.
At the river, we tossed all the hats in a bin & boarded boats. It became very obvious that when they said that it would be hot, they did indeed mean, hot. A blast of 105 degree heat greeted us the instant we stepped off the bus. I wasn't thinking it would be quite that hot... but I was grateful for one thing,that I hadn't brought any back-up vials of insulin with me. (I'm not sure even the Frio would have done any good in that heat) Of course,if my pod would have gone bad I would have been up the Colorado without a paddle(figuratively), and a 4 hour drive to the nearest pharmacy.(not really a good thing,but I was lucky,nothing happened)
There were 17 of us on that boat. Our tour guide was a young Navajo Native American named Ritchie. I was most immeadietly concerned with my blood sugar...it was already trending low & in the insane heat, there's no telling what it would do.But there was lots of sugar on board(both in the form of the lunch boxes,glucose tablets,and the "net" of MinuteMaid Lemonades being drug in the water so I felt safe, in that regard.Checked my blood sugar every hour (during the 4 hour trip),& it held pretty steady. My meter, however, went completely off the deep end & started issuing random Error Codes like crazy.
I had no clue what an error 3, or error 4, meant...it was initially pretty freaky & I envisioned my Omnipod/meter dying right there,it's electronics fried by the Arizona sun.But I could still test(didn't give any sort of "device outside temperature range" messages, and those blood sugars correlated well with what my Dexcom was telling me so I just trusted that whatever was going on,it wasn't screwing with the trusty-ness of those readings. It continued to self generate Error Messages (about 20, over the course of an hour and a half) & then stopped. I bolused once(for lunch),& the function of that also seemed to be working just fine, so I stopped worrying about it.
We made two stops during the boatride...to stretch legs,etc. The French Europeans on board took those oppurtunities to strip off as much clothing as humanly possible & go swimming/skinny dipping in the river.(why they bothered wearing anything is beyond me,since you could see more then you ever wanted/needed to) Fortuantly, they made a bit more of an effort to cover up
on the rest of the journey.
The river was as ice cold as the sun was hot...compliments of the mountain run-off.
After three seconds,you couldn't feel your feet anymore.(45-50 degrees) It certainly helped prevent heatstroke. (those are my frozen toes,FTR)
We had a cooler of water on board,& were encouraged to keep up the H20 intake (as well as wear protective gear,sunscreen) & that got everyone through the 4 hour trip. There was no shade on the Colorado though. (other then when we stopped a couple of times. More then once doubted the wisdom of taking such a trip (despite the guide's reassurances that this "was the best time of year to go"-he may be used to the heat,I was not) but things did work out & it was pretty much fun.
The sun was so hot that I didn't take that many pictures...much less videos (I couldn't see the screen, (hence the upside-downness of any videos,& I am currently tearing my hair out as how to insert those videos...may take a day or two,check back)
It takes between 10-14 days to fully "raft" the Colorado...& its all regulated by private industry, so you just can't go out there and do it on your own. The discoverer/conquoror of the Colorado (one John Wesley Powell) did it in a rowboat, and he only had one arm (they had to tie him to the boat during the really bad rapids...if the boat went down, he would have too. As with the Grand Canyon, alot of people have died (on this great national wonder) & it commands an awesome power.
(Obligatory stop at a reservation store on the way back,& the resulting "Oohhh I really need/want this!" gush (that is,until one viewed the five digit price tag. Probably not as comfortable as a Baby Bjorn,either)
Boarded the bus again,drove the 3 hours back to the car/hotel...and then my blood sugars crashed hard for the next 13 hours.(effects of the heat, perhaps,I certainly didn't do anything that might be considered "physical exercise"-much of that day was spent sitting) The SPF 50 was more then effective in preventing the dreaded "day after" sunburn,although since I reserved my left hand to be SPF free(in order to not mess up blood sugar results) that hand/arm did burn some. The next 24 hours were spent recooperating from the day/hypo night from heck. Despite not being white water rafting,it was still pretty grueling. (I am most definetly not the "diabetic adventurer" type..once in a while is ok,but being away from civilization for an extended period of time is nerve wracking stuff,and the blood sugars were every bit as crazy as I thought they'd be,although mostly after(not during) the trip.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
and you could tell it was hot outside.(up by the Park entrance, it was in the 50's & everyone still had their coats on from that). On the reservation, they go by Daylight Savings Time so that put the actual timing of the trip back an hour. (the rest of Arizona does not go by that) They also put on a mandatory "Canyon" movie (which after 2.5 hours got extremily dull, I reckon I know more about every single person who has ever rafted the Colorado then I ever wanted to) but we finally arrived at the agency headquarters, where we got off, stretched legs, perused the gift shop,and sprayed liberal applications of SPF50 from head to toe. It was just 9 AM and 85 degrees. An hour later, another group of river goer's joined us, we all signed release forms, and this Marine-looking type gave us a briefing on what to expect. Boarded buses, took off for the "secured area" which is at the bottom of a dam. To get there, we passed through a two mile tunnel in utter pitch
blackness. (claustrophobic, much? You would be by mile 1.5, our bus seemed to be moving at about 20 mph) came out at the bottom, donned hard hats, (because we were at the bottom of a dam/bridge) and all trotted off towards the river,(provided)lunch boxes in hand.
At the river, we tossed all the hats in a bin & boarded boats. It became very obvious that when they said that it would be hot, they did indeed mean, hot. A blast of 105 degree heat greeted us the instant we stepped off the bus. I wasn't thinking it would be quite that hot... but I was grateful for one thing,that I hadn't brought any back-up vials of insulin with me. (I'm not sure even the Frio would have done any good in that heat) Of course,if my pod would have gone bad I would have been up the Colorado without a paddle(figuratively), and a 4 hour drive to the nearest pharmacy.(not really a good thing,but I was lucky,nothing happened)
There were 17 of us on that boat. Our tour guide was a young Navajo Native American named Ritchie. I was most immeadietly concerned with my blood sugar...it was already trending low & in the insane heat, there's no telling what it would do.But there was lots of sugar on board(both in the form of the lunch boxes,glucose tablets,and the "net" of MinuteMaid Lemonades being drug in the water so I felt safe, in that regard.Checked my blood sugar every hour (during the 4 hour trip),& it held pretty steady. My meter, however, went completely off the deep end & started issuing random Error Codes like crazy.
I had no clue what an error 3, or error 4, meant...it was initially pretty freaky & I envisioned my Omnipod/meter dying right there,it's electronics fried by the Arizona sun.But I could still test(didn't give any sort of "device outside temperature range" messages, and those blood sugars correlated well with what my Dexcom was telling me so I just trusted that whatever was going on,it wasn't screwing with the trusty-ness of those readings. It continued to self generate Error Messages (about 20, over the course of an hour and a half) & then stopped. I bolused once(for lunch),& the function of that also seemed to be working just fine, so I stopped worrying about it.
We made two stops during the boatride...to stretch legs,etc. The French Europeans on board took those oppurtunities to strip off as much clothing as humanly possible & go swimming/skinny dipping in the river.(why they bothered wearing anything is beyond me,since you could see more then you ever wanted/needed to) Fortuantly, they made a bit more of an effort to cover up
on the rest of the journey.
The river was as ice cold as the sun was hot...compliments of the mountain run-off.
After three seconds,you couldn't feel your feet anymore.(45-50 degrees) It certainly helped prevent heatstroke. (those are my frozen toes,FTR)
We had a cooler of water on board,& were encouraged to keep up the H20 intake (as well as wear protective gear,sunscreen) & that got everyone through the 4 hour trip. There was no shade on the Colorado though. (other then when we stopped a couple of times. More then once doubted the wisdom of taking such a trip (despite the guide's reassurances that this "was the best time of year to go"-he may be used to the heat,I was not) but things did work out & it was pretty much fun.
The sun was so hot that I didn't take that many pictures...much less videos (I couldn't see the screen, (hence the upside-downness of any videos,& I am currently tearing my hair out as how to insert those videos...may take a day or two,check back)
It takes between 10-14 days to fully "raft" the Colorado...& its all regulated by private industry, so you just can't go out there and do it on your own. The discoverer/conquoror of the Colorado (one John Wesley Powell) did it in a rowboat, and he only had one arm (they had to tie him to the boat during the really bad rapids...if the boat went down, he would have too. As with the Grand Canyon, alot of people have died (on this great national wonder) & it commands an awesome power.
(Obligatory stop at a reservation store on the way back,& the resulting "Oohhh I really need/want this!" gush (that is,until one viewed the five digit price tag. Probably not as comfortable as a Baby Bjorn,either)
Boarded the bus again,drove the 3 hours back to the car/hotel...and then my blood sugars crashed hard for the next 13 hours.(effects of the heat, perhaps,I certainly didn't do anything that might be considered "physical exercise"-much of that day was spent sitting) The SPF 50 was more then effective in preventing the dreaded "day after" sunburn,although since I reserved my left hand to be SPF free(in order to not mess up blood sugar results) that hand/arm did burn some. The next 24 hours were spent recooperating from the day/hypo night from heck. Despite not being white water rafting,it was still pretty grueling. (I am most definetly not the "diabetic adventurer" type..once in a while is ok,but being away from civilization for an extended period of time is nerve wracking stuff,and the blood sugars were every bit as crazy as I thought they'd be,although mostly after(not during) the trip.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Monday, August 01, 2011
25 Commands (of a pregnancy with D)
(I'm not trying to turn this blog into a Mommy blog..but let's face it,kids do have a way of taking over the vast majority of your life. Plus, it's summer, & is not much else to blog about so it is what it is.)
Upon being diagnosed (with most any chronic disorder), comes THE LIST of rules/regulations for that disorder. Meds you can take, meds you can't take, what you can eat/drink/etc. blahblahblah. It's a whole new lifestyle, & "breaking in" does not come easy when you've done it a certain way all your life. Diabetes is a rather extreme example of that (I think it took years for me to "accept it" ) ,& I know that most of my blog readers are familiar with what that entails. On the day that diabetes "becomes yours(till death do you part)" it's an automatic stressor that can lead to a host of other stressors.
And then comes something else, say pregnancy,& an extra layer of stress gets added to the pile. More rules, more regulations, more doctor visits,more everything. I can't say that I'm used to it yet,I'm not sure that I ever will be. (I like my bad habits too much) And that list, the list of "diabetes rules" gets picked up & spun into infinitum (only this time,your opinion doesn't mean jack squat) like the 613 Commandments of the Old Testament/Torah beating you over the head until you're senseless. (I couldn't come up with 613, but here are a few "laws" of pregnancy)
#1 You will go from drinking Diet Coke non-stop to 1-2 a week. (or drink Caffeine-less)
#2 You shall pretty much forget about Starbucks for the next 9 months. (even the decaf has SOME caffeine)
#3 You shall email your endo twice a week with complete blood sugars/FOOD logs. (yeah, fun)
#4 You shall only take Tylenol when the headache/etc. gets so bad that you want to jump off a cliff...all other pain killers are verboten. Be prepared to see the line on your Dexcom go HIGH for the next 6 hours. (and screwy for the rest of the day)
#5 Your deli-meat, blue cheese chomping days are similarly, over.
#6 You shall stand by and watch every other adult sip beer, wine, margaritas, etc. (and not that I drink much,but there's nothing like watching someone else do something to make you wish you could do it yourself)
#7 You shall not eat Danish pastries every morning for breakfast. (even if you have figured out the bolusing sequence, just right)
#8 You shall not stare at random strangers in the doctor's office & wonder if you're the only person who still doesn't look pregnant. (at 16 weeks) The only thing thus far is 7 more lbs.
#9 You shall come to accept that between blood sugar checks and bathroom calls, you will never again sleep longer then a 3 hour stretch.
#10 You shall read Six Until Me (daily) until your eyeballs bleed.
#11 You shall not Google anything on the internet.
#12 You shall take a nap(as often as possible).
#13 You will discover that it is completely possible to have an overnight flatline Dexcom graph (in the 70's) without going low.
Not that it's easy, but it is "easier."
#14 You will go through test strips like a chain smoker goes through cigerettes.
#15 You will discover that chicken (and fish) are not your friends....steer clear of consumption.
#16 You will become a big fan of glacier-cold ice water. (for chasing away those nausea pangs)
#17 You will trim your list of "essential drugs" down to three. Everything else just complicates matters.
#18 You will enjoy the last fleeting moments of regular insulin requirements, for every soon everything will start going up & you'll be blowing through 3.5 bottles a month easy-peasy.
#19 You shall exercise (daily). (seriously, just get out there and do it...even if it is 97 degrees in the shade) It will soon be the start of the 2nd semester, and you'll be lugging more then just books this go-around.
#20 You shall spend many, many hours on the phone with your insurance company, trying to convince them that 6 strips a day just does NOT cut mustard during pregnancy.
#21 You shall change your infusion set (or Pod) faithfully, every 3 days, and under no circumstance put it off (like at 3 AM) just because you'd rather do something stupid, like sleep. (Pods completely expire every 80 hours,& you've got to change it, or go without a basal rate)
#22 You shall avoid diabetes related conversations with certain friends, because it does no good to freak them out too. This is our burden, & one that would probably send normal parents into complete meltdown. Heck, it even sends me into meltdown (on occasion) but I've got a great support system. I guess its normal to worry,& it's normal for that to be compounded by 100 (fueled by every disaster story I've ever heard). Normal people assume everything will be fine,PWD (or at least me) hope everything will be fine but assume the worst until told otherwise.
#23 You will learn to pre-bolus....for everything.
#24 You will realize, that if you didn't have diabetes, there's little chance you'd go the traditional OB route where you never seem the same practitioner in office & get stuck with the backup on the day that you actually do deliver. Discontinuous, much?
#25 You'll discover that any old movie will do....it doesn't have to be particuraly emotional, for you to become emotional.
Upon being diagnosed (with most any chronic disorder), comes THE LIST of rules/regulations for that disorder. Meds you can take, meds you can't take, what you can eat/drink/etc. blahblahblah. It's a whole new lifestyle, & "breaking in" does not come easy when you've done it a certain way all your life. Diabetes is a rather extreme example of that (I think it took years for me to "accept it" ) ,& I know that most of my blog readers are familiar with what that entails. On the day that diabetes "becomes yours(till death do you part)" it's an automatic stressor that can lead to a host of other stressors.
And then comes something else, say pregnancy,& an extra layer of stress gets added to the pile. More rules, more regulations, more doctor visits,more everything. I can't say that I'm used to it yet,I'm not sure that I ever will be. (I like my bad habits too much) And that list, the list of "diabetes rules" gets picked up & spun into infinitum (only this time,your opinion doesn't mean jack squat) like the 613 Commandments of the Old Testament/Torah beating you over the head until you're senseless. (I couldn't come up with 613, but here are a few "laws" of pregnancy)
#1 You will go from drinking Diet Coke non-stop to 1-2 a week. (or drink Caffeine-less)
#2 You shall pretty much forget about Starbucks for the next 9 months. (even the decaf has SOME caffeine)
#3 You shall email your endo twice a week with complete blood sugars/FOOD logs. (yeah, fun)
#4 You shall only take Tylenol when the headache/etc. gets so bad that you want to jump off a cliff...all other pain killers are verboten. Be prepared to see the line on your Dexcom go HIGH for the next 6 hours. (and screwy for the rest of the day)
#5 Your deli-meat, blue cheese chomping days are similarly, over.
#6 You shall stand by and watch every other adult sip beer, wine, margaritas, etc. (and not that I drink much,but there's nothing like watching someone else do something to make you wish you could do it yourself)
#7 You shall not eat Danish pastries every morning for breakfast. (even if you have figured out the bolusing sequence, just right)
#8 You shall not stare at random strangers in the doctor's office & wonder if you're the only person who still doesn't look pregnant. (at 16 weeks) The only thing thus far is 7 more lbs.
#9 You shall come to accept that between blood sugar checks and bathroom calls, you will never again sleep longer then a 3 hour stretch.
#10 You shall read Six Until Me (daily) until your eyeballs bleed.
#11 You shall not Google anything on the internet.
#12 You shall take a nap(as often as possible).
#13 You will discover that it is completely possible to have an overnight flatline Dexcom graph (in the 70's) without going low.
Not that it's easy, but it is "easier."
#14 You will go through test strips like a chain smoker goes through cigerettes.
#15 You will discover that chicken (and fish) are not your friends....steer clear of consumption.
#16 You will become a big fan of glacier-cold ice water. (for chasing away those nausea pangs)
#17 You will trim your list of "essential drugs" down to three. Everything else just complicates matters.
#18 You will enjoy the last fleeting moments of regular insulin requirements, for every soon everything will start going up & you'll be blowing through 3.5 bottles a month easy-peasy.
#19 You shall exercise (daily). (seriously, just get out there and do it...even if it is 97 degrees in the shade) It will soon be the start of the 2nd semester, and you'll be lugging more then just books this go-around.
#20 You shall spend many, many hours on the phone with your insurance company, trying to convince them that 6 strips a day just does NOT cut mustard during pregnancy.
#21 You shall change your infusion set (or Pod) faithfully, every 3 days, and under no circumstance put it off (like at 3 AM) just because you'd rather do something stupid, like sleep. (Pods completely expire every 80 hours,& you've got to change it, or go without a basal rate)
#22 You shall avoid diabetes related conversations with certain friends, because it does no good to freak them out too. This is our burden, & one that would probably send normal parents into complete meltdown. Heck, it even sends me into meltdown (on occasion) but I've got a great support system. I guess its normal to worry,& it's normal for that to be compounded by 100 (fueled by every disaster story I've ever heard). Normal people assume everything will be fine,PWD (or at least me) hope everything will be fine but assume the worst until told otherwise.
#23 You will learn to pre-bolus....for everything.
#24 You will realize, that if you didn't have diabetes, there's little chance you'd go the traditional OB route where you never seem the same practitioner in office & get stuck with the backup on the day that you actually do deliver. Discontinuous, much?
#25 You'll discover that any old movie will do....it doesn't have to be particuraly emotional, for you to become emotional.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
A Study in Endocrimology
Little known fact: Endo's are "human beings" too.
Lesser known fact: They have lives outside their medical offices.
Littlest known fact of all: They have friends. Friends to whom "blood sugars" do not come up on a regular basis. Friends with whom they go bowling with,eat cupcakes without asking the said carb count of,and generally have a pretty normal,diabetes-less existence.
When I think of an Endo, it would be hard to imagine being friends with one. (however much of a wonderful person they are) The instant I step into one's office, an aura of guilt surrounds me (I could be the best PWD on earth and I think that would still be the case) & does not let up until I'm well on my way home.(and every once in awhile, a "lightning bolt" accusation just serves to really charge up the atmosphere)
Perhaps its just me. I have to say, that yesterday's appointment went better then most..& also,much more through. Blood Pressure normal,blood sugar about 100 points lower then what it usually is(it is ALWAYS after some meal,so it's always elevated),weight gain 7 (total)lbs...a1c pending. My Endo started out by complimenting me on my much improved control,and I mean really complimenting me.(I really don't recall if that's ever happened before)I am used to negativity right off the bat so I really don't know how to take that switch in tactics.Reviewed the past 5 days of blood sugar logs pretty throughly. I go in every month (rotating between her,and the CDE)for a comprehensive review (so it's only been 2.5 months since I last saw her).
Before I married/moved to this area, all of my diabetes/eye care was done at a University down South..and my former Endocrinologist,after I told her I was moving,recommended my current Endo (my Endo was a resident physician down there,a million years ago).Well,they are still friends and hang out occasionally & though I'm sure my ex-Endo doesn't recall me in the least my Endo is aware of the fact that I used to live down there/have her as an Endo/etc. (I guess the answer to the question "Who do Endo's hang out with?" would be, other endos)That area will always have a place in my heart..& that hospital,where I began my life with diabetes,went through 3 eye surgeries,test drove an artificial pancreas,began insulin pumping,was diagnosed with Bartters Syndrome,learned of life/death/and the value of every minute(be it good or bad),and just generally grew up through is a part of my history,& a part that I kind of share with my Endo.(that makes her less of a white coat,in my opinion)
We discussed how insulin requirements would change...apparently every T1 at least doubles their total insulin requirements(and most triple, or even quadruple). That is not something I am looking forward to,but apparently it's a gradual rise(and given the frequency of tweaks,you won't even be aware of most of it) It is hard to imagine blowing through that much insulin every month,like it was water.
By the end of the appointment,I'd almost managed to forget about my a1c results..my endo left the room to get them.
"6.9."
I was happy/estactic with that(given that I worked my tail off to get there)so the remainder of that conversation was largely tuned out by me. I've never been below 7,and how people can just pop out 5.0's like it's nothing is a mystery to me. I know that she'd like to see it lower,but pregnancy does not suddenly turn diabetes care into a piece of cake.(it's still unpredictable diabetes) I'm going to savor this number,& keep plodding on.(toward better)
Lesser known fact: They have lives outside their medical offices.
Littlest known fact of all: They have friends. Friends to whom "blood sugars" do not come up on a regular basis. Friends with whom they go bowling with,eat cupcakes without asking the said carb count of,and generally have a pretty normal,diabetes-less existence.
When I think of an Endo, it would be hard to imagine being friends with one. (however much of a wonderful person they are) The instant I step into one's office, an aura of guilt surrounds me (I could be the best PWD on earth and I think that would still be the case) & does not let up until I'm well on my way home.(and every once in awhile, a "lightning bolt" accusation just serves to really charge up the atmosphere)
Perhaps its just me. I have to say, that yesterday's appointment went better then most..& also,much more through. Blood Pressure normal,blood sugar about 100 points lower then what it usually is(it is ALWAYS after some meal,so it's always elevated),weight gain 7 (total)lbs...a1c pending. My Endo started out by complimenting me on my much improved control,and I mean really complimenting me.(I really don't recall if that's ever happened before)I am used to negativity right off the bat so I really don't know how to take that switch in tactics.Reviewed the past 5 days of blood sugar logs pretty throughly. I go in every month (rotating between her,and the CDE)for a comprehensive review (so it's only been 2.5 months since I last saw her).
Before I married/moved to this area, all of my diabetes/eye care was done at a University down South..and my former Endocrinologist,after I told her I was moving,recommended my current Endo (my Endo was a resident physician down there,a million years ago).Well,they are still friends and hang out occasionally & though I'm sure my ex-Endo doesn't recall me in the least my Endo is aware of the fact that I used to live down there/have her as an Endo/etc. (I guess the answer to the question "Who do Endo's hang out with?" would be, other endos)That area will always have a place in my heart..& that hospital,where I began my life with diabetes,went through 3 eye surgeries,test drove an artificial pancreas,began insulin pumping,was diagnosed with Bartters Syndrome,learned of life/death/and the value of every minute(be it good or bad),and just generally grew up through is a part of my history,& a part that I kind of share with my Endo.(that makes her less of a white coat,in my opinion)
We discussed how insulin requirements would change...apparently every T1 at least doubles their total insulin requirements(and most triple, or even quadruple). That is not something I am looking forward to,but apparently it's a gradual rise(and given the frequency of tweaks,you won't even be aware of most of it) It is hard to imagine blowing through that much insulin every month,like it was water.
By the end of the appointment,I'd almost managed to forget about my a1c results..my endo left the room to get them.
"6.9."
I was happy/estactic with that(given that I worked my tail off to get there)so the remainder of that conversation was largely tuned out by me. I've never been below 7,and how people can just pop out 5.0's like it's nothing is a mystery to me. I know that she'd like to see it lower,but pregnancy does not suddenly turn diabetes care into a piece of cake.(it's still unpredictable diabetes) I'm going to savor this number,& keep plodding on.(toward better)
Monday, July 25, 2011
Friends for Life:Green Armbanded Moments
Life is about the moments...the good & the bad.And that's what we're doing right here...we're making moments,we're making memories,to be treasured. (a loose paraphrase,it's been 3 weeks & I don't recall it verbatim) -Tom Karlya,FFL banquet, Orlando 2011
(the color bands of the conference...green was diabetes,orange was not diabetic,and yellow was celiac disease)
Going into this conference, I knew that it would be a bit different. The clock will never go back(to one's carefree,stay-up-to-the-wee hours,childless days) & I wanted to tie up all the loose ends that I never felt I have,in prior years. (I've had my fun,it was time to make this one a bit different) The first step to that,was getting on "Staff"
as a childcare assistant. It's also a job that comes with a few great perks,most notably free conference registration,free banquet tickets,and a free hotel room, which means the only thing Staff pays for is the plane ticket there/from.(& I dunno,maybe the speakers even get that payed for) Definably the best babysitting gig I've ever done. (yes,you lose your mind after 2 days but there are still good moments,& lots of time to unwind from the kid stress.) In the interest of disclosure, I will say that no one there knows(or cares) that I blog...these thoughts are my own & I would say them regardless.
The first "real" day of the conference always starts on a Thursday,but Wednesday is the day of focus groups,the day when the diabetes companies pick our our minds.(as to what we want to see in technology)
The first session of the day was an adult "Meet & Greet" hosted by Kerri & Scott..(group photo below)
I was then supposed to go to the childcare planning meeting,but no one was in said room,(and the leader wasn't responding to email/voicemail) so I said to heck with it & just went to another focus group. I didn't know what else to do (even the hotel "event boards" showed it to be in that room, & I wasn't just going to wait around at a room where nothing was happening.When I got out of that,my voicemail inbox was swarming with frantic calls ("Where ARE you?!?!") and the actual room was as far away from the room they told me.(as humanly possible) As they didn't bother to call until 30 minutes after the "meeting time" (nor did they bother to pick up their phone & tell me the correct place) I don't really think I was at fault there. I went there,intro'd myself to the CDE, and got instructions. I made it a point never to be late again (even if it was their fault).(CWD needs better communication to their staff)
After that,I stopped by the free Retinal Screening...which is offered every year by Dr.Ben Szirth(& team-a group from New Jersey).There was a bit of a wait,but I'm ok with that. I go every year (they don't put drops in,but they do check inter-ocular pressures & take photographs) Last year, it showed that my L lens was beginning to cloud up...and this year,my R lens is following suit. They always recommend follow up with an opthamologist, & given that you're supposed to see one in the first trimester of pregnancy anyway(didn't happen,but it is on the schedule) I don't feel that it's anything that's snowballing out of control,but when it does become necessary for lasaring I hope it doesn't affect any aspect of vision)
Grabbed some lunch (from the food court),wolfed it down, & for
the 1:30 session, I dashed over to LeeAnn's diabetes art workshop. Didn't know anybody (else) there,but the two teens I sat across from were certainly entertaining.(if nothing else) This is my "self-portrait ".
I guess all of the other adult T1's were having fun in the Infamous focus group...I was so rattled by whacked-out schedules by that point that I didn't have any clue what was going on. After that, I attended another focus group...(I don't remember what company sponsored it...)
It was lengthy,but not unreasonably so...and for 35 Disney Dollars you find yourself agreeable to even 1.5 hours of invasive,"Circle of Love", type questioning. It was geared toward kids (with D) & their parents,but guess what,there were adult pumpers there(and an adult pumper with their pumper child) so there was certainly a good representation from most parts of the D-Sphere about how pumps & meters should interact. That was the closest I got to an actual "therapeutic" session...for I couldn't go to any on Thurs-Friday. That done, I went back to the room for an hour's nap before the Exhibit Hall opened at 6. The Exhibit Hall,upon the official "Grand Opening", is immeadietly flooded by 2,500+ eager souls intent on grabbing as much diabetes swag as humanly possible(like an invading army). And while this is going on, the hotel staff sets up a buffet dinner right outside.(so the plunderers can refuel & get right back to plundering) But being starving(& low),I headed straight for the DRI's "Popcorn Machine"& the free samples they were giving out, I couldn't wait for the buffet. Had some dinner,went back to the Exhibit Hall,lugged stuff back to the room,& had a mini-meltdown (in the Florida humidity)when my room key ceased to work anymore.(I sure wasn't going to lug it all back to the convention center)My roommate came through however,(after multiple,panicky calls) & after dumping everything off we went back to the convention center for beverages & to get a new room key.(& I stopped off at Blogger Central,where everyone was sitting by the lake & tweeting(DSMA chat) merrily away. It was like geek central,though on occasion,someone actually did say something out loud. It was also REALLY cool though my phone service seemed to be at least five minutes behind everyone else's,as evidenced by snippets of conversation that I'd finally "get" later on.
(the live,streaming Twitter board in the exhibit hall)
Morning came way too fast...&it was up & at 'em for a quick bite to eat before a day spent babysitting.
My "Mickey Breakfast."
I was at the appointed room by 8:30,although there was some confusion as to which room I really needed to be in.(the "under 2's" were staffed by a professional childcare service,which I found to be pretty odd) Eventually,I was stuck with the 3's & 4's and as the room filled up with crying,screaming children, I tried to find a far corner & make it look like I was doing something essential so I would not actually have to tear a little darling away (& comfort that little darling). A couple kids quickly found the bubbles,& most of my morning consisted of making sure they didn't spill soap all over the carpet/room/universe. Which means,that my hands were also covered in bubble soap & I didn't check my blood sugar all morning,& by the time lunch rolled around (we got 1.5 hours for lunch,the parents would pick up their kids) & I'd washed my hands a "LOW" greeted me,flipping me completely out. I went into the 5 yo room(right next door) & panickly announced that I was low & could I have something? The Diabetes Educators in that room(who hadn't gone to lunch yet)assisted me in the consumption of a vast amount of Carbohydrates(and checking again,to make sure I'd come up). I'm aware that adults with diabetes (much less staff) are supposed to be role models for the kids & not get into these circumstances in the first place,but it happens to everyone...those lows that catch you totally off guard.DE's rock.(and what is the point of a diabetes conference,if not "making new friends"...you'd better believe that they remembered my face for the rest of the conference) Had lunch,got over being shaky,perused the Exhibit hall briefly,went back to the kiddo's for the afternoon. One little boy marched right up, told me he had an insulin pump,& asked if I did too. (the answer to that was yes,but I doubt that he'd know what a Pod was since most of the kids used traditional pumps)It was completely adorable & stole my heart(having diabetes at only 4 must be really hard on the parents-the kid doesn't even grasp what it is yet) but then I discovered that there was not one,but TWO little boys,(TWINS) both with diabetes,both with pumps. Both were very cute,but they were also typical brothers...intent on slugging,hitting,pushing,& completely annihilating the other. It was a relief when "nap time" came around & they sacked out completely. It was even more of a relief when 5 pm rolled around & I could check out for good,it had been a really long day. (reinforcing in my mind that I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TWINS)
(also that day,Jackson,the CGM'ng dog with diabetes visited..a few of the kids were interested,the rest were not)
Went back to the room, got ready for the banquet, & tried to find some adult bloggers to hang out with. I then bumped into the Roche medical director(who actually remembered me from the previous year...which is odd,because generally,people can't wait to forget me) & in the course of that conversation, lost track of everyone else & spent the next ten minutes looking over the huge banquet hall for some. I finally found some.(Lee Ann,Scott Strange,Karen & Pete, Jess & husband,and I think Jacque?)
Crystal Bowersox performed...(& she's even better in person then she was on American Idol!) it was incredible listening to her,she really can sing.And I will forever think that she should have won it.(she was by far,the better singer,but tween girls(& their mass texts) will forever decide in favor of the young male performer. She answered questions for the kids...about diabetes,& performing on American Idol.
Every year,there is a slideshow of the previous year's conferences....& every year, I get all choked up thinking of the incredible people who come/give of themselves to help kids with diabetes be all they can be. But in the middle of my getting choked up,the infamous diet coke earring picture flashed across the screen & I was more mortified then anything else.(ayeeee!how did that end up there? Never mind, I know how ( Thanks,Scott) it was just somewhat shocking,to say the least. I mean,I'm an adult with D & a solo picture of me has never graced the FFL screen.But I survived the mortification.)
I then rocked out on the CWD dance floor (near Lorraine & family & Michelle & family....)
(Michelle Golliday & I)
The next day, was much like the previous...but by 10 AM I was completely worn out & functioning on autopilot. It wasn't quite as hectic,although I made at least 15 bathroom trips for the kids & 7 of those were for 1 kid who didn't have diabetes.( I was beginning to think that he really did) The main CDE took about half the kids to play in "Sports Central" while the rest stayed in the room. I helped with crafts,games,etc. By 4 pm,everyone was pretty ready for the parents to just come already though. Joe S.came in & all the kids had a free for all jumping on him.(does he still have a back,I wonder?)
By 5, I was beyond worn out & in dire need of a nap(31 kids/12 with diabetes...for two days,inside too small room) which I did, for two solid hours. Didn't want to miss the Adults With Diabetes dinner,so I managed to show up(just an hour late) at 8. The ID checker at the door asked if I was 21,asked again,& had no problem with not seeing an ID. I figured that was because there was an open bar,but didn't bother to check the bracelet he slipped on my wrist. I didn't plan on drinking( no matter how alluring those Blueberry Mojito's looked),later I'd find out that with the armband,you could get 1 free drink.(not quite unlimited alcohol) I guess I should have given it to someone else who could drink,but I didn't know.
Sam Talbot is a former Top Chef contestant.(with type 1 diabetes) And in the same way that Chystal Bowersox can really sing,Sam can really,really cook.(he was giving demos of how to prepare the food on that evening's menu) Problem was,it was a bit too spicy for my pregnant taste buds so the greater portion of that meal was the desserts(mini cheesecake,brownie,fruit tart) and water. Tandom(the event sponsor) had a raffle giveaway(Snuggies,a camera,a couple gift cards to high-end shoe stores in New York) & Sam signed autographs/posed while the adults with type 1(spouses,etc) randomly mingled/shot the breeze. There was one person there(an OB nurse with T1) who went to college where I grew up,works in the state I live in,& could tell you more about the nursing program at my school then I could myself...it's a small,small world. (& a most bizarre one,I was afraid she'd have some sort of sixth sense about me & ask if I was pregnant)
After that, I figured I'd head over for dessert/scientific discussions with the faculty.(more for the discussions,not the food) I'd gotten about a hundred feet,when one of the CDE's saw me & waved me over to join the group of all nurses unwinding from their hectic week with the help of lots of red wine.Certainly they needed it,but I was getting tired again(& there was no caffeine or alcohol on board to help with that) & about an hour later,excused myself...only to run into the blogger group on the outside patio. Stayed till midnight there & then went back to crash.
And that was the week,in a nutshell. Sat. my roommate & I moved to another Disney hotel.(so were not around for the last "farewell" breakfast) FFL will always be exhausting,but it will always be worth it...you meet new friends,reconnect with the old, & feel that diabetes does not suck quite so badly. There's also no "type" discrimination at FFL...although the vast majority of folks have type 1,if you've got diabetes,you're wearing that same green armband as the T2 next to you. I think it's nice not to fight...1 week out of the year.In a sense,I feel like I've "grown up" with CWD (not really,but I have known some of those folks on the chat rooms since I was 18 & as green with diabetes as they come). After 5 conferences, I finally got to "give back" although I think that probably should have taken the form of another age range. I enjoy talking with the parents of the kids with diabetes too...it gives me insight as to what life is like for them.
Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
(the color bands of the conference...green was diabetes,orange was not diabetic,and yellow was celiac disease)
Going into this conference, I knew that it would be a bit different. The clock will never go back(to one's carefree,stay-up-to-the-wee hours,childless days) & I wanted to tie up all the loose ends that I never felt I have,in prior years. (I've had my fun,it was time to make this one a bit different) The first step to that,was getting on "Staff"
as a childcare assistant. It's also a job that comes with a few great perks,most notably free conference registration,free banquet tickets,and a free hotel room, which means the only thing Staff pays for is the plane ticket there/from.(& I dunno,maybe the speakers even get that payed for) Definably the best babysitting gig I've ever done. (yes,you lose your mind after 2 days but there are still good moments,& lots of time to unwind from the kid stress.) In the interest of disclosure, I will say that no one there knows(or cares) that I blog...these thoughts are my own & I would say them regardless.
The first "real" day of the conference always starts on a Thursday,but Wednesday is the day of focus groups,the day when the diabetes companies pick our our minds.(as to what we want to see in technology)
The first session of the day was an adult "Meet & Greet" hosted by Kerri & Scott..(group photo below)
I was then supposed to go to the childcare planning meeting,but no one was in said room,(and the leader wasn't responding to email/voicemail) so I said to heck with it & just went to another focus group. I didn't know what else to do (even the hotel "event boards" showed it to be in that room, & I wasn't just going to wait around at a room where nothing was happening.When I got out of that,my voicemail inbox was swarming with frantic calls ("Where ARE you?!?!") and the actual room was as far away from the room they told me.(as humanly possible) As they didn't bother to call until 30 minutes after the "meeting time" (nor did they bother to pick up their phone & tell me the correct place) I don't really think I was at fault there. I went there,intro'd myself to the CDE, and got instructions. I made it a point never to be late again (even if it was their fault).(CWD needs better communication to their staff)
After that,I stopped by the free Retinal Screening...which is offered every year by Dr.Ben Szirth(& team-a group from New Jersey).There was a bit of a wait,but I'm ok with that. I go every year (they don't put drops in,but they do check inter-ocular pressures & take photographs) Last year, it showed that my L lens was beginning to cloud up...and this year,my R lens is following suit. They always recommend follow up with an opthamologist, & given that you're supposed to see one in the first trimester of pregnancy anyway(didn't happen,but it is on the schedule) I don't feel that it's anything that's snowballing out of control,but when it does become necessary for lasaring I hope it doesn't affect any aspect of vision)
Grabbed some lunch (from the food court),wolfed it down, & for
the 1:30 session, I dashed over to LeeAnn's diabetes art workshop. Didn't know anybody (else) there,but the two teens I sat across from were certainly entertaining.(if nothing else) This is my "self-portrait ".
I guess all of the other adult T1's were having fun in the Infamous focus group...I was so rattled by whacked-out schedules by that point that I didn't have any clue what was going on. After that, I attended another focus group...(I don't remember what company sponsored it...)
It was lengthy,but not unreasonably so...and for 35 Disney Dollars you find yourself agreeable to even 1.5 hours of invasive,"Circle of Love", type questioning. It was geared toward kids (with D) & their parents,but guess what,there were adult pumpers there(and an adult pumper with their pumper child) so there was certainly a good representation from most parts of the D-Sphere about how pumps & meters should interact. That was the closest I got to an actual "therapeutic" session...for I couldn't go to any on Thurs-Friday. That done, I went back to the room for an hour's nap before the Exhibit Hall opened at 6. The Exhibit Hall,upon the official "Grand Opening", is immeadietly flooded by 2,500+ eager souls intent on grabbing as much diabetes swag as humanly possible(like an invading army). And while this is going on, the hotel staff sets up a buffet dinner right outside.(so the plunderers can refuel & get right back to plundering) But being starving(& low),I headed straight for the DRI's "Popcorn Machine"& the free samples they were giving out, I couldn't wait for the buffet. Had some dinner,went back to the Exhibit Hall,lugged stuff back to the room,& had a mini-meltdown (in the Florida humidity)when my room key ceased to work anymore.(I sure wasn't going to lug it all back to the convention center)My roommate came through however,(after multiple,panicky calls) & after dumping everything off we went back to the convention center for beverages & to get a new room key.(& I stopped off at Blogger Central,where everyone was sitting by the lake & tweeting(DSMA chat) merrily away. It was like geek central,though on occasion,someone actually did say something out loud. It was also REALLY cool though my phone service seemed to be at least five minutes behind everyone else's,as evidenced by snippets of conversation that I'd finally "get" later on.
(the live,streaming Twitter board in the exhibit hall)
Morning came way too fast...&it was up & at 'em for a quick bite to eat before a day spent babysitting.
My "Mickey Breakfast."
I was at the appointed room by 8:30,although there was some confusion as to which room I really needed to be in.(the "under 2's" were staffed by a professional childcare service,which I found to be pretty odd) Eventually,I was stuck with the 3's & 4's and as the room filled up with crying,screaming children, I tried to find a far corner & make it look like I was doing something essential so I would not actually have to tear a little darling away (& comfort that little darling). A couple kids quickly found the bubbles,& most of my morning consisted of making sure they didn't spill soap all over the carpet/room/universe. Which means,that my hands were also covered in bubble soap & I didn't check my blood sugar all morning,& by the time lunch rolled around (we got 1.5 hours for lunch,the parents would pick up their kids) & I'd washed my hands a "LOW" greeted me,flipping me completely out. I went into the 5 yo room(right next door) & panickly announced that I was low & could I have something? The Diabetes Educators in that room(who hadn't gone to lunch yet)assisted me in the consumption of a vast amount of Carbohydrates(and checking again,to make sure I'd come up). I'm aware that adults with diabetes (much less staff) are supposed to be role models for the kids & not get into these circumstances in the first place,but it happens to everyone...those lows that catch you totally off guard.DE's rock.(and what is the point of a diabetes conference,if not "making new friends"...you'd better believe that they remembered my face for the rest of the conference) Had lunch,got over being shaky,perused the Exhibit hall briefly,went back to the kiddo's for the afternoon. One little boy marched right up, told me he had an insulin pump,& asked if I did too. (the answer to that was yes,but I doubt that he'd know what a Pod was since most of the kids used traditional pumps)It was completely adorable & stole my heart(having diabetes at only 4 must be really hard on the parents-the kid doesn't even grasp what it is yet) but then I discovered that there was not one,but TWO little boys,(TWINS) both with diabetes,both with pumps. Both were very cute,but they were also typical brothers...intent on slugging,hitting,pushing,& completely annihilating the other. It was a relief when "nap time" came around & they sacked out completely. It was even more of a relief when 5 pm rolled around & I could check out for good,it had been a really long day. (reinforcing in my mind that I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TWINS)
(also that day,Jackson,the CGM'ng dog with diabetes visited..a few of the kids were interested,the rest were not)
Went back to the room, got ready for the banquet, & tried to find some adult bloggers to hang out with. I then bumped into the Roche medical director(who actually remembered me from the previous year...which is odd,because generally,people can't wait to forget me) & in the course of that conversation, lost track of everyone else & spent the next ten minutes looking over the huge banquet hall for some. I finally found some.(Lee Ann,Scott Strange,Karen & Pete, Jess & husband,and I think Jacque?)
Crystal Bowersox performed...(& she's even better in person then she was on American Idol!) it was incredible listening to her,she really can sing.And I will forever think that she should have won it.(she was by far,the better singer,but tween girls(& their mass texts) will forever decide in favor of the young male performer. She answered questions for the kids...about diabetes,& performing on American Idol.
Every year,there is a slideshow of the previous year's conferences....& every year, I get all choked up thinking of the incredible people who come/give of themselves to help kids with diabetes be all they can be. But in the middle of my getting choked up,the infamous diet coke earring picture flashed across the screen & I was more mortified then anything else.(ayeeee!how did that end up there? Never mind, I know how ( Thanks,Scott) it was just somewhat shocking,to say the least. I mean,I'm an adult with D & a solo picture of me has never graced the FFL screen.But I survived the mortification.)
I then rocked out on the CWD dance floor (near Lorraine & family & Michelle & family....)
(Michelle Golliday & I)
The next day, was much like the previous...but by 10 AM I was completely worn out & functioning on autopilot. It wasn't quite as hectic,although I made at least 15 bathroom trips for the kids & 7 of those were for 1 kid who didn't have diabetes.( I was beginning to think that he really did) The main CDE took about half the kids to play in "Sports Central" while the rest stayed in the room. I helped with crafts,games,etc. By 4 pm,everyone was pretty ready for the parents to just come already though. Joe S.came in & all the kids had a free for all jumping on him.(does he still have a back,I wonder?)
By 5, I was beyond worn out & in dire need of a nap(31 kids/12 with diabetes...for two days,inside too small room) which I did, for two solid hours. Didn't want to miss the Adults With Diabetes dinner,so I managed to show up(just an hour late) at 8. The ID checker at the door asked if I was 21,asked again,& had no problem with not seeing an ID. I figured that was because there was an open bar,but didn't bother to check the bracelet he slipped on my wrist. I didn't plan on drinking( no matter how alluring those Blueberry Mojito's looked),later I'd find out that with the armband,you could get 1 free drink.(not quite unlimited alcohol) I guess I should have given it to someone else who could drink,but I didn't know.
Sam Talbot is a former Top Chef contestant.(with type 1 diabetes) And in the same way that Chystal Bowersox can really sing,Sam can really,really cook.(he was giving demos of how to prepare the food on that evening's menu) Problem was,it was a bit too spicy for my pregnant taste buds so the greater portion of that meal was the desserts(mini cheesecake,brownie,fruit tart) and water. Tandom(the event sponsor) had a raffle giveaway(Snuggies,a camera,a couple gift cards to high-end shoe stores in New York) & Sam signed autographs/posed while the adults with type 1(spouses,etc) randomly mingled/shot the breeze. There was one person there(an OB nurse with T1) who went to college where I grew up,works in the state I live in,& could tell you more about the nursing program at my school then I could myself...it's a small,small world. (& a most bizarre one,I was afraid she'd have some sort of sixth sense about me & ask if I was pregnant)
After that, I figured I'd head over for dessert/scientific discussions with the faculty.(more for the discussions,not the food) I'd gotten about a hundred feet,when one of the CDE's saw me & waved me over to join the group of all nurses unwinding from their hectic week with the help of lots of red wine.Certainly they needed it,but I was getting tired again(& there was no caffeine or alcohol on board to help with that) & about an hour later,excused myself...only to run into the blogger group on the outside patio. Stayed till midnight there & then went back to crash.
And that was the week,in a nutshell. Sat. my roommate & I moved to another Disney hotel.(so were not around for the last "farewell" breakfast) FFL will always be exhausting,but it will always be worth it...you meet new friends,reconnect with the old, & feel that diabetes does not suck quite so badly. There's also no "type" discrimination at FFL...although the vast majority of folks have type 1,if you've got diabetes,you're wearing that same green armband as the T2 next to you. I think it's nice not to fight...1 week out of the year.In a sense,I feel like I've "grown up" with CWD (not really,but I have known some of those folks on the chat rooms since I was 18 & as green with diabetes as they come). After 5 conferences, I finally got to "give back" although I think that probably should have taken the form of another age range. I enjoy talking with the parents of the kids with diabetes too...it gives me insight as to what life is like for them.
Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Thursday, July 21, 2011
100 Days
On the 99th day of pregnancy,my body gave to me
A raging,snotty,stay-in-bed flu .
Yesterday's Babyscope:
Jul 20, 2011
Staying Healthy
As if you didn't have enough pregnancy symptoms to contend with, you're also more susceptible to colds, flu, and other bugs when you're expecting. That's because nature wisely suppresses your immune system during pregnancy to keep your fetus (a foreigner to your body) from being rejected. The key to staying healthy during pregnancy is to engage in some germ warfare. More than ever, the best defense is a strong offense. Wash your hands often (and carry liquid sanitizer for times when a sink's not handy), don't share drinks or food or toothbrushes, and avoid sick people like the plague. If you think you've caught something, check with your practitioner ASAP, who will treat what you've got with your special needs in mind.
Wow,seriously? Talk about great timing.(telling me after I've already caught the thing,how about 3 weeks ago?)I wash my hands a billion times a day as it is.(so much for that,I suspect someone gave it to me at the airport) The wording of that is also quite interesting ("foreigner to body?" whatever happened to it being the most natural thing in the world?)
100 degrees outside.
100 degrees inside.(me)
100 days of pregnancy.
100 (what my blood sugar should be,& is so NOT,& not from lack of trying,fever raises my basal insulin requirements)
As for symptom relief,the only thing you're really allowed to take is Tylenol.(Sudafed in some cases,but I'm not one of those cases) My "special needs" mainly consist of keeping the blood sugars in line,(emailing Endo 2x/week)& keeping hydrated. Can't use my CGM,because Tylenol messes up the readings so I just have to check a zillion times a day. And is that helping,not really, I need my CGM to alert me before(not after) the fact.
I'm pretty sure that if Michelle Duggar had diabetes...there is no way she'd go through pregnancy 19 times. It's possible,but that doesn't mean that there's anything easy about it.(the real question is,it possible for me to do it.I'm 50/50 on that one.)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
A raging,snotty,stay-in-bed flu .
Yesterday's Babyscope:
Jul 20, 2011
Staying Healthy
As if you didn't have enough pregnancy symptoms to contend with, you're also more susceptible to colds, flu, and other bugs when you're expecting. That's because nature wisely suppresses your immune system during pregnancy to keep your fetus (a foreigner to your body) from being rejected. The key to staying healthy during pregnancy is to engage in some germ warfare. More than ever, the best defense is a strong offense. Wash your hands often (and carry liquid sanitizer for times when a sink's not handy), don't share drinks or food or toothbrushes, and avoid sick people like the plague. If you think you've caught something, check with your practitioner ASAP, who will treat what you've got with your special needs in mind.
Wow,seriously? Talk about great timing.(telling me after I've already caught the thing,how about 3 weeks ago?)I wash my hands a billion times a day as it is.(so much for that,I suspect someone gave it to me at the airport) The wording of that is also quite interesting ("foreigner to body?" whatever happened to it being the most natural thing in the world?)
100 degrees outside.
100 degrees inside.(me)
100 days of pregnancy.
100 (what my blood sugar should be,& is so NOT,& not from lack of trying,fever raises my basal insulin requirements)
As for symptom relief,the only thing you're really allowed to take is Tylenol.(Sudafed in some cases,but I'm not one of those cases) My "special needs" mainly consist of keeping the blood sugars in line,(emailing Endo 2x/week)& keeping hydrated. Can't use my CGM,because Tylenol messes up the readings so I just have to check a zillion times a day. And is that helping,not really, I need my CGM to alert me before(not after) the fact.
I'm pretty sure that if Michelle Duggar had diabetes...there is no way she'd go through pregnancy 19 times. It's possible,but that doesn't mean that there's anything easy about it.(the real question is,it possible for me to do it.I'm 50/50 on that one.)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Monday, July 18, 2011
The Ugly Meter(that could)
Once upon a time, in the land of Meterville(aka Heidi's Closet) there lived a young Freestyle meter.
As meters go, he wasn't very "fancy" or revered,& the young meter felt that he had little to offer the world. He wasn't an Omnipod, One Touch, or Reveal...and couldn't directly beam readings into the pump of choice. He had no fancy backlight.( for the popcorn chewing, diet-coke swagging,testing-in-the-dark patron with diabetes) Yes he was small,& cute,but in the cutthroat world of diabetes technology where does that ever get you? In despair,the young meter wished to be run over by the nearest 2,000+ lb vehicle but as a case of last resort,decided to pay a visit to the oldest (and wisest) resident of Meterville.
Grandfather Accuchek...the very first meter of them all. Grandfather Accuchek possessed more knowledge then any of the other meters,for it was he that had trained that young PWD oh-so-many years ago. The young meter loved to listen to Grandfather's stories(of diabetes care back in the '90's) for it made him feel shiny,young,& special...not just another generic meter.
"What can I do for you today,oh young one?"
"Oh Grandfather, I need a special function,for all of the other meters are so much better then I. I don't have a backlight,manage pump info, or are waterproof. If I had a superpower,like being able to instantly analyze the carb content of any given food that would give me some credence,but I'm just another dumb,useless meter!"
The old meter looked at the younger one & sighed. "You have much to learn,young Meterwan. Listen to your owner, for the day may come that YOU are the meter of the hour."
"Yeah,right. I'm just trash!" moped the young meter. And he went away angry,that the older meter would not help him.
One day,there was quite the commotion in the land of Meterville. A big diabetes Exposition was going on,& all the brightest & best meters were selected to attend,to represent just how far technology had really come. The young meter watched the other meters leave,& cried bitter tears that he wasn't going to.
But then came that night....that terrible,terrible night. At 1 am,young meter was awoken by sweaty,shaky hands grabbing,jabbing,trying to insert a test strip into him by the light of the hallway haze.
49.
Young meter wanted to scream out "Eat Sugar!" but seconds later was knocked onto the floor in the PWD's mad rush to do just that.
56.
Picked up again,he could feel the hypoglycemic heartbeat madly vibrate to his own inner core. The minutes,& hours passed...and the heartbeat slowed, the sweat cooled,and shaking fingers slowly uncurled as the body fell into a sleep of exhaustion.
That day,the young meter learned that it's not so much the fancy features of a device...it's the ability to do the job.(that ultimately matters) In a pinch,you need a meter that delivers.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
As meters go, he wasn't very "fancy" or revered,& the young meter felt that he had little to offer the world. He wasn't an Omnipod, One Touch, or Reveal...and couldn't directly beam readings into the pump of choice. He had no fancy backlight.( for the popcorn chewing, diet-coke swagging,testing-in-the-dark patron with diabetes) Yes he was small,& cute,but in the cutthroat world of diabetes technology where does that ever get you? In despair,the young meter wished to be run over by the nearest 2,000+ lb vehicle but as a case of last resort,decided to pay a visit to the oldest (and wisest) resident of Meterville.
Grandfather Accuchek...the very first meter of them all. Grandfather Accuchek possessed more knowledge then any of the other meters,for it was he that had trained that young PWD oh-so-many years ago. The young meter loved to listen to Grandfather's stories(of diabetes care back in the '90's) for it made him feel shiny,young,& special...not just another generic meter.
"What can I do for you today,oh young one?"
"Oh Grandfather, I need a special function,for all of the other meters are so much better then I. I don't have a backlight,manage pump info, or are waterproof. If I had a superpower,like being able to instantly analyze the carb content of any given food that would give me some credence,but I'm just another dumb,useless meter!"
The old meter looked at the younger one & sighed. "You have much to learn,young Meterwan. Listen to your owner, for the day may come that YOU are the meter of the hour."
"Yeah,right. I'm just trash!" moped the young meter. And he went away angry,that the older meter would not help him.
One day,there was quite the commotion in the land of Meterville. A big diabetes Exposition was going on,& all the brightest & best meters were selected to attend,to represent just how far technology had really come. The young meter watched the other meters leave,& cried bitter tears that he wasn't going to.
But then came that night....that terrible,terrible night. At 1 am,young meter was awoken by sweaty,shaky hands grabbing,jabbing,trying to insert a test strip into him by the light of the hallway haze.
49.
Young meter wanted to scream out "Eat Sugar!" but seconds later was knocked onto the floor in the PWD's mad rush to do just that.
56.
Picked up again,he could feel the hypoglycemic heartbeat madly vibrate to his own inner core. The minutes,& hours passed...and the heartbeat slowed, the sweat cooled,and shaking fingers slowly uncurled as the body fell into a sleep of exhaustion.
That day,the young meter learned that it's not so much the fancy features of a device...it's the ability to do the job.(that ultimately matters) In a pinch,you need a meter that delivers.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Dear Beanie Baby
It wasn't a day like any other day...for starters, it was Friday, May 13...the last day of the semester/nursing convocation party. Great day to get a little life-changing news. Got up,dragged myself to the lab for a blood draw,& then went home to prepare for the convocation. Bittersweet moment,for I was feeling the emotions of having survived the 1st semester along with the hundreds of other students there. After the ceremony,there was a light reception,& I drove home...stopping at a store for something & my phone beeped with a voicemail. I decided that whatever it said,I needed to be sitting down for the news.
"Hi,this is your doctors office-Congrats! Blahblahblah."
It was true. It was real. It was at that moment,when visions of my latest blood sugar ran like a horror sequence through the soundtrack of my mind,that I knew I needed to pick up the phone & tell the one person in the Universe who needed to know right then & there.
My Endo. And she picked up right away,gave me my next step of marching orders,and congratulated me. But having been down this path before, I waited the weekend before telling my husband(after the repeat blood test showed continued rising levels).
And every day since then, I've awoken every morning expecting the worst. It's a hard burden,those critical weeks of the first Trimester...when every blood sugar,every random stabbing pain,everything you put in your mouth influences another life. (have I been a bit psycho? why yes, I have)
But today, I am 13 weeks...feeling not as miserably sick,& ultrasound shows Beanie Baby to be right on track.(3 inches long,& growing by leaps & bounds)
I think it may be doable after all.
(not quite as nervous now...although it's still not very "real" yet,still no tummy budge)
I can't say that the concept has even become real yet,I guess it's good that it takes 10 months to have one.(but yes, we're really excited, & it's incredibly hard to not tell anyone until 8 weeks later!) It was worse at FFL, I had the uncontrollable desire to blab it to everyone I came in contact with & I couldn't, because I needed today's confirmation that everything was still on track.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
"Hi,this is your doctors office-Congrats! Blahblahblah."
It was true. It was real. It was at that moment,when visions of my latest blood sugar ran like a horror sequence through the soundtrack of my mind,that I knew I needed to pick up the phone & tell the one person in the Universe who needed to know right then & there.
My Endo. And she picked up right away,gave me my next step of marching orders,and congratulated me. But having been down this path before, I waited the weekend before telling my husband(after the repeat blood test showed continued rising levels).
And every day since then, I've awoken every morning expecting the worst. It's a hard burden,those critical weeks of the first Trimester...when every blood sugar,every random stabbing pain,everything you put in your mouth influences another life. (have I been a bit psycho? why yes, I have)
But today, I am 13 weeks...feeling not as miserably sick,& ultrasound shows Beanie Baby to be right on track.(3 inches long,& growing by leaps & bounds)
I think it may be doable after all.
(not quite as nervous now...although it's still not very "real" yet,still no tummy budge)
I can't say that the concept has even become real yet,I guess it's good that it takes 10 months to have one.(but yes, we're really excited, & it's incredibly hard to not tell anyone until 8 weeks later!) It was worse at FFL, I had the uncontrollable desire to blab it to everyone I came in contact with & I couldn't, because I needed today's confirmation that everything was still on track.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Monday, July 04, 2011
Oh, Baby....
His name is Mac,& I suppose this means that I have gone totally Apple-holic.(hook,line,& sinker) Bought it off my dad over the weekend.(aka,my b-day/Christmas gift rolled into one...my old PC is pretty ancient/buggy/slow)
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Phases
I have type 1 diabetes, & my islet cells don't work worth two beans.Or do they?
If you were to measure my c-peptide,it would be non-existent, at 0.0 mmol. I know this,because with diabetes research studies,they are always measuring c-peptides...and as mine goes,it is always non-existent.(some long-term type 1's still do retain a slight production) Researchers theorize that producing insulin may have protective powers against the crazy high-low destructive variability(that is type 1, in a nutshell) So much for any protection for me (should that be true)
But there are times,not related to exercise,illness,temperature,or the phase of the moon...when I could swear that my pancreas is doing something.And when it begins,the lows just go on and on and on(seemingly unending).
Last night was such a night. 95 at supper(a zillion carbs of spaghetti), 65 by the end of supper. Bolused half(because of the low),and waited for the pasta factor to just hit en masse. 45 minutes after supper...70.Ate some candy. 30 minutes after that...72. Ate 16 grams glucose tabs. 30 minutes after that...55.And so on,till about 10 pm,when,sick of eating,I cut off my basal rate for an hour,& threw the big guns(chocolate milk) at it.11 pm-76.Cut off my rate for another hour,had another cup of chocolate milk & prayed that it would work because the next step would have been experimenting with mini-glucagon dosing to try to avoid going to the ER. I was scared that it wouldn't work,but 3 hours later I awoke to a lovely 296 which I bolused half of what I normally would(1.5 units) effectively knocking it down to 106 this morning. I think I probably ate around 300 carbs last night,it was absolutely insane.Rarely does my mind go to the "what if this doesn't work?" scenario,& it makes me realize that I have absolutely no plan(aka "panic-free") way of handling something like this(mainly because it very rarely happens) I have had days where I'd have 7-8 lows a day,because of whatever wackiness was going on,but it was a controlled chaos,& I could keep on top of it. There was nothing controlled about last night...never in my life has a bolus of 2.5 units(plus 1.5 basal) done that. People think that insulin production is a wonderful thing, a dream that they'd give anything to see again but I am not so sure,in the context of T1 diabetes it is just a major pain in the butt. You'd have to figure out just how much less insulin you need(and no answers are forthcoming from said pancreas as to how much it's producing). The world of diabetes is not cut and dried(as to what can/will happen),& more then anything, I just want stability. I'd rather take a relatively consistent amount of insulin & have great control then little insulin & be crashing every five seconds.(of course, I'd much rather just not have D in the first place but that's not one of the options)
I hate diabetes.
-Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
If you were to measure my c-peptide,it would be non-existent, at 0.0 mmol. I know this,because with diabetes research studies,they are always measuring c-peptides...and as mine goes,it is always non-existent.(some long-term type 1's still do retain a slight production) Researchers theorize that producing insulin may have protective powers against the crazy high-low destructive variability(that is type 1, in a nutshell) So much for any protection for me (should that be true)
But there are times,not related to exercise,illness,temperature,or the phase of the moon...when I could swear that my pancreas is doing something.And when it begins,the lows just go on and on and on(seemingly unending).
Last night was such a night. 95 at supper(a zillion carbs of spaghetti), 65 by the end of supper. Bolused half(because of the low),and waited for the pasta factor to just hit en masse. 45 minutes after supper...70.Ate some candy. 30 minutes after that...72. Ate 16 grams glucose tabs. 30 minutes after that...55.And so on,till about 10 pm,when,sick of eating,I cut off my basal rate for an hour,& threw the big guns(chocolate milk) at it.11 pm-76.Cut off my rate for another hour,had another cup of chocolate milk & prayed that it would work because the next step would have been experimenting with mini-glucagon dosing to try to avoid going to the ER. I was scared that it wouldn't work,but 3 hours later I awoke to a lovely 296 which I bolused half of what I normally would(1.5 units) effectively knocking it down to 106 this morning. I think I probably ate around 300 carbs last night,it was absolutely insane.Rarely does my mind go to the "what if this doesn't work?" scenario,& it makes me realize that I have absolutely no plan(aka "panic-free") way of handling something like this(mainly because it very rarely happens) I have had days where I'd have 7-8 lows a day,because of whatever wackiness was going on,but it was a controlled chaos,& I could keep on top of it. There was nothing controlled about last night...never in my life has a bolus of 2.5 units(plus 1.5 basal) done that. People think that insulin production is a wonderful thing, a dream that they'd give anything to see again but I am not so sure,in the context of T1 diabetes it is just a major pain in the butt. You'd have to figure out just how much less insulin you need(and no answers are forthcoming from said pancreas as to how much it's producing). The world of diabetes is not cut and dried(as to what can/will happen),& more then anything, I just want stability. I'd rather take a relatively consistent amount of insulin & have great control then little insulin & be crashing every five seconds.(of course, I'd much rather just not have D in the first place but that's not one of the options)
I hate diabetes.
-Posted using BlogPress from my iPad
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Winning The Battle, Losing The War
Prioritizing. It's something that I'm none too good at, and by now, the list of things that I've been meaning to blog about is so long that I'll never in a million years catch up so why even try?
And plus, I've been having serious disenchantment with my blog platform. After 5+ years, it just seems so incredibly basic and blah(which was good in the beginning,but now it's overly simplistic). I know next to nothing about developing a website,but there has to be better platforms out there. Change needs to come. As emotionally attached as I am to "The D-Log Cabin", even that may have to go. There are posts in here that I'm sure are none-to-complimentary(too many names) toward certain parties,and I have to think that one day,some online stalker playing "Connect-the-Blogs" could play havoc with that. I try not to put too much private info on my blog but I'm not sure I've been terribly successful in that.
Most of my energy,emotional & physical, seems to be consumed by the diabetes these days...and it seems like I don't have enough energy to blog. It's not that it's hard(to dash off a 20 minute post), it's just that,given the choice, I'd rather collapse into bed. I hope that changes,but that's the reality for right now...winning the D-Battle, seriously losing/behind on every other part of my crazy/ busy life.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
And plus, I've been having serious disenchantment with my blog platform. After 5+ years, it just seems so incredibly basic and blah(which was good in the beginning,but now it's overly simplistic). I know next to nothing about developing a website,but there has to be better platforms out there. Change needs to come. As emotionally attached as I am to "The D-Log Cabin", even that may have to go. There are posts in here that I'm sure are none-to-complimentary(too many names) toward certain parties,and I have to think that one day,some online stalker playing "Connect-the-Blogs" could play havoc with that. I try not to put too much private info on my blog but I'm not sure I've been terribly successful in that.
Most of my energy,emotional & physical, seems to be consumed by the diabetes these days...and it seems like I don't have enough energy to blog. It's not that it's hard(to dash off a 20 minute post), it's just that,given the choice, I'd rather collapse into bed. I hope that changes,but that's the reality for right now...winning the D-Battle, seriously losing/behind on every other part of my crazy/ busy life.
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
