Sunday, August 16, 2015

Wondering "if"

 My head knows it's impossible..but on days like today and yesterday,my heart whispers "what if? What if you weren't type 1? What if pills were a possibility? What if everything you ever thought you knew about diabetes control is just another option?"

I ate 200 carbs yesterday. 150 today. My sensitivity is through the roof.(Mostly that is because I was doing a grueling flea market prep,actual 7 hrs at flea market,& then carting the remainder home.) Hot weather,& exercise have serous effects on my bg. 14 units as a TDD is hardly a cure,but it is 10 fewer units then I'd normally need for such a day. It's not the first time I've needed much less insulin,I have these times when it's actually under 10 units. I think that if I tried something like Invokana,I'd be even more sensitive to insulin.(I'd consider that as a good thing..the more sensitive you are,the less you need,& the less you have to worry about extreme hypoglycemia.) As someone who had one such unpleasant event last month,and who barely avoided the ER I am a fan of the less IOB,the better. 6 units on board when you are as sensitive as I am is not a good scenario.(Never "double correct" for a 340. It was scary,as I couldn't eat enough to stop the drop.) I really want to discuss starting Invokana with my Endo.(Along with glucagon scenario plans. Mini Dosing in adults doesn't do enough. )

Bottom line is,I want my D to become more easily's not that I consider insulin to be evil. It isn't.(you need what you need) Low carb does that but I love my carbs,and would have no energy on such a diet. Yeah,I do eat low carb some meals but I balance it out with the others.
Bottom line is..your diabetes may vary. And you need to find the best option for you.

Wednesday, August 05, 2015

One Thousand Tomorrows

I use to think
That 1,000 tomorrows would make up
For 52 bad yesterday's.

Ah,hope springs young,& eternal
Years pass
A thousand tomorrows will soon be today
And turn into yesterdays.

Normal numbers don't save me
From the darkness of the place I'm in.
I don't see the light.
I don't see the hope.
I don't see the promise of tomorrow.
There is only today,& living the pain.
(And the further spiral of the numbers.)
Yesterday probably even wasn't that bad,because yesterday I was at least breathing.
And my yesterdays with diabetes now match those without.(16.5 + 16.5)

This also I know
That a bad today
Keeps you from feeling the promise of tomorrow
And that it doesn't have to be permanent thing.

(But like diabetes,depression just kind of sneaks up on you,smacks you on the head,and delivers a boatload of other difficulties to keep you in that place. And I'm tired,& probably my thyroid levels are completely whacko and I'm fully aware I need to go to my pcp and get back on something. I know. I'll get sorted out.)

One step at a time.
One today at a time.
Turning into tomorrows.