Dear Beanie Baby

It wasn't a day like any other day...for starters, it was Friday, May 13...the last day of the semester/nursing convocation party. Great day to get a little life-changing news. Got up,dragged myself to the lab for a blood draw,& then went home to prepare for the convocation. Bittersweet moment,for I was feeling the emotions of having survived the 1st semester along with the hundreds of other students there. After the ceremony,there was a light reception,& I drove home...stopping at a store for something & my phone beeped with a voicemail. I decided that whatever it said,I needed to be sitting down for the news.

"Hi,this is your doctors office-Congrats! Blahblahblah."

It was true. It was real. It was at that moment,when visions of my latest blood sugar ran like a horror sequence through the soundtrack of my mind,that I knew I needed to pick up the phone & tell the one person in the Universe who needed to know right then & there.

My Endo. And she picked up right away,gave me my next step of marching orders,and congratulated me. But having been down this path before, I waited the weekend before telling my husband(after the repeat blood test showed continued rising levels).

And every day since then, I've awoken every morning expecting the worst. It's a hard burden,those critical weeks of the first Trimester...when every blood sugar,every random stabbing pain,everything you put in your mouth influences another life. (have I been a bit psycho? why yes, I have)

But today, I am 13 weeks...feeling not as miserably sick,& ultrasound shows Beanie Baby to be right on track.(3 inches long,& growing by leaps & bounds)



I think it may be doable after all.
(not quite as nervous now...although it's still not very "real" yet,still no tummy budge)
I can't say that the concept has even become real yet,I guess it's good that it takes 10 months to have one.(but yes, we're really excited, & it's incredibly hard to not tell anyone until 8 weeks later!) It was worse at FFL, I had the uncontrollable desire to blab it to everyone I came in contact with & I couldn't, because I needed today's confirmation that everything was still on track.

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